I didn't know whether it was because I had rescued her from her ship that day we first met or whether it was because she actually managed to talk to me without wanting throw up on me what had first made me realise my feelings for her ran deeper than friendship.
Rowan Redfield, the latest adtion to the crew of the JMC Mining Ship Red Dwarf, granted she's the only female on the entire ship but she seem be one of the lads at heart.
As disgusting as it is I am rather impressed that she can out burp Lister, at least it wiped that stupid gitty grin off his stupid chirpy gerbil face!
Maybe it was the fact that I was the only one she felt she could talk to when the guilt of her friends death began to weigh her down.
Although I can't understand why she felt able to talk to me about it, I'm no good at helping people deal with their problems, I just seem to make things worse.

Still I think I managed to gain her trust, she even came to try and help me fix the leaking pipe in the engine room, not once did she flinch at our close proximity in that claustrophobic place.
What surprised me more though was when I finally managed to pluck up the courage to ask her to have dinner with me, I was expecting her to laugh in my face and tell me to get a life!
She didn't though, she actually looked genuinely interested in my offer. Maybe there's hope for me yet...
Oh who am I kidding, she probably just feels sorry for me. Sure she likes me as a friend, but that's more than likely all she sees me as and who can blame her?
She's way out of my league, she's beautiful and talented and I'm just a selfish coward, that's all I'll ever be. I could never make her happy.
Then again she's never looked at me that way before last night, those beautiful blue eyes so full of affection, her head on my shoulder as I did my best to comfort her. She never once flinched away or tried to punch me like so many others probably would. Then when she kissed my cheek I couldn't believe it, she had actually shown me the slightest sign of affection.

Argh who am I kidding, she doesn't have feelings for me, why would she? I'm nothing to her.