The Radiant Garden Files Volume 3

The First Victims

“Your eyebrow is crooked...” Leon grinned.

“GO AWAY!” Cloud yelled hurling his sword at him. Leon ran off.

Yuna was in a lab, making a potion.

“BOO!” Leon cried. In fright, Yuna mixed too much and caused an explosion in the lab.

“Hey! How’s the air up there, Rockhe-“ Leon called to Riku. Using a new power, Riku hurled a rock at him.

“OOF!” Leon grunted. “Stop doing that, asshat!” he groaned.

“You deserve it.” Riku replied.

“Hello, person who smells people...” Leon called.

“Hello, Leon...” Aerith replied. “What the-?” she gasped.

“Beware the Winds of Despair!” he cackled.

“Hey!” Cloud called.

“Oh, good God, you’re vile!” Aerith yelled, holding her nose.

“Hey, it’s the Moon Lady!” Leon grinned at Paine.

“Look what I found from the Christmas party.” he announced holding a photo. She turned away in embarrassment.

“Now that’s what I call a Full Moon!” he chuckled.

“Hey, Cloud. Share some sake with me?” Sora began.

“Get lost.” he replied.

Using fire magic, Sora set it alight. “Bye now!” he called.

Leon snorted with laughter at Cloud’s expression.

The Remaining

Leon, Tifa and Sora were drunk.

“And then I...” Leon began. Tifa slumped on the bar. After a moment’s silence, Leon and Sora grinned as Leon held some scissors.

“Wanna play some cards? I’ll throw in a free pair of knickers if you win...” Kairi asked.

Leon thought and smiled. “You’re on!” he replied.

10 minutes later, Leon was in his underwear. “You suck so damn much, Kairi...” he growled.

“MUNNY!” she exclaimed happily.

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!” yelled Cloud.

“But I can help you!” Rikku cried tackling him to the ground. “I can make you beautiful again!” she added.

Leon quickly walked away in alarm.

Storm’s Talent

“Hey Cloud! Look what I found you!” Leon grinned. He was holding a monster by a leash.

“Nice...”Cloud smiled.

“He has wind powers just like you, too.” he added.

Suddenly they heard a loud noise, which sounded a lot like someone was passing wind.

“If this is your idea of a sick joke...” Cloud snarled, holding his nose.

“I swear, I didn’t mean that kind of wind!” Leon protested, doing the same.

The monster looked relieved.

Tifa’s Sitar

Tifa was practising on a new sitar she’d found. Yuna was writing on some paper. Leon suddenly unzipped his trousers. “Put that thing away!” Yuna cried, slapping him. Tifa turned with a puzzled look.

“What!? I needed to compare something!” he protested.

“I don’t want to know.” she replied.

“Sure you do, cause Tifa’s new sitar...LOOKS LIKE A BIG BLUE COCK!” he screeched.

“You know, now that you mention it...” Tifa began.

“Well, it is based off the Nobodies’ symbol.” Yuna added, holding up a diagram.

They looked at it. Tifa giggled, Leon snickered and Yuna chuckled.

Ampallang

Kairi looked at something. “Ampallang!” she exclaimed.

“What?” Paine asked as she and Riku walked to her.

“Ampallang.” she repeated, holding a picture of the Nobodies’ symbol.

“I think she’s going crazy.” Riku whispered.

“I think you’re right, Rik.” Paine whispered back.

“Ampallang.” Kairi announced, pointing towards the computer screen.

Riku and Paine looked at the picture on the screen and were horrified.

Rumours in the Air!

“So...” Cloud began. “Remember when you put that hank-I mean Yuffie’s panties on your head?”he asked Leon, who was reading a paper.

“Yeah.” Leon replied.

“And you called us bitches?” he continued.

“Mmmhmm” he replied. “Yeah. You know, you’d so be my bitch if I was gay.” Cloud smiled.

Leon put down the paper. “What?” he asked.

“You heard me...bitch.” Cloud grinned.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me, Blondie! I could totally put you over this table and have my way with you, right now!” Leon yelled.

“Oh really?” Cloud asked.

“Damn right!” Leon nodded.

“Bullshit!” he replied. “You’re such a weakling, Twiggy! You wouldn’t have a chance!” Cloud yelled, tackling Leon.

“Oh yeah?! Well you’re so damn slow, Spiky, I’d be behind you before you even realised what was going on!” Leon cried.

Roxas walked in.

“Slow?! Why you little-“ Cloud began. He’d pinned him to the ground.

“Uh...we have company...” Leon began.

Roxas blinked. “OH MY GOD, IT’S TRUE!!” he exclaimed.

“Wait, it’s not what it looks like!” Leon protested. Roxas ran off screaming.

“Wait, what’s true?” Cloud asked, dusting himself off.

“I don’t kn...“ Leon began. T

heir mouths hung in horror when it sunk in.