Summary: After the TriWizard Tournament, the news that Voldemort is back travels all over the world. Dumbledore sends Filch on a mission in Las Vegas to recruit Americans for the Order. Fudge sends Umbridge to Vegas to tell the American Minister of Magic that nothing is going on. They meet up and forget about their missions, or do they? Songfic, sort of. Umbridge/Filch.

Disclaimer: Characters by JK Rowling. Song by Katy Perry. Plot by me, myself and I.

Umbridge and Filch Waking Up in Vegas

Argus Filch was standing in Dumbledore's office.

"Mr. Filch, I'm sure you're well aware that Voldemort is back after last year." said Dumbledore.

"Yes." said Filch. "and I'm also aware that you're a nutter." he added under his breath.

Dumbledore didn't seem to hear that last part. "The news has traveled all the way to America because some of the students have friends that they keep in touch with there." he said.

Filch didn't say anything, but Mrs. Norris perked up to listen.

"What I need you to do is go to Vegas and recruit Americans for the Order." said Dumbledore.

"But how will I know which people to recruit?" asked Filch.

"They all stay at the Wynn Hotel." said Dumbledore. "Don't worry, it's pet-friendly." he added acknowledging Mrs. Norris.

"Alright I'll go." said Filch.

"Do you have a problem with going the Muggle way?" asked Dumbledore.

"No." said Filch.

Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic, Dolores Umbridge was sitting in a chair beside Fudge's desk taking notes as he talked.

"Tell the newspapers to write that Voldemort is not back and there's nothing to worry about." said Fudge.

"Voldemort's not back, nothing to worry about." said Umbridge as she wrote.

"We need to trash Dumbledore's reputation so that no one believes him, alert the record keepers, tell them to find anything they can that will trun the Wizarding World against him." said Fudge.

"Record keepers find reputation trashing Dumbledore things." said Umbridge as she wrote.

"Dolores." said Fudge.

"Yes." said Umbridge looking up.

"You're my most loyal employee." said Fudge.

Dolores blushed. "Thank you Minister." she said.

"Would you be willing to go somewhere for me?" asked Fudge.

"Of course Minister, where would you like me to go?" asked Umbridge.

"Las Vegas, I need you to tell the American Minister of Magic that the news of Voldemort's return is just a rumor and there's nothing to worry about." said Fudge.

"I will." said Umbridge.

"You may have difficulty finding him which is why I have arranged for you to stay at the Wynn Hotel, it's where all the witches and wizards stay, you've been there before." said Fudge.

"Okay." said Umbridge.

"And one more thing, you'll have to do everything the Muggle way so as not to draw attention to yourslef." said Fudge.

Umbridge nodded, though her smile faltered a little.

The next day Umbridge was getting ready to get on the plane to Vegas. "Are you ready?" asked Fudge.

"Yeah." said Umbridge.

"You seem nervous." said Fudge.

"How do those things stay up in the air?" asked Umbridge.

"No one knows, but I think you'll be safe." said Fudge. He patted her on the back and she picked up her luggage to get on the plane, turning to wave goodbye to him before she left. She sat in her seat on the plane, thank goodness it was the window seat. She hoped that the seat next to her would remain empty.

Filch walked up the aisle checking his ticket and looking for his seat. He stopped at the seat next to Umbridge. "Oh, there it is." he said and sat next to Umbridge as Umbridge rolled her eyes. "What's a nice girl like you doing on a plane going to Vegas?" he asked, trying to be friendly wth her. He thought she was beautiful and she smelled really good.

"I'm on a mission." said Umbridge coldly.

"Me too." said Filch.

"I think that both of our missions are two different things, mine isn't to get lucky, I'm on government business." said Umbridge.

"I'm not going to Vegas to get lucky either, I'm going to recruit people." said Filch, he was starting to lose patience with her coldness.

"The army?" asked Umbridge, dropping her coldness.

"You could say that." said Filch.

"Oh, where are you staying?" asked Umbridge.

"Wynn." said Filch.

"You're a wizard?" asked Umbridge.

"I don't know what you're taking about." said Filch.

"I'm a witch." said Umbridge dropping her voice so that only Filch could hear.

"Oh." said Filch. "My name is Argus Filch." he said extending his hand.

"I'm Dolores Umbridge." said Umbridge shaking his hand. "So where do you work?" she asked after letting go of his hand.

"Hogwarts." said Filch.

"Teacher?" asked Umbridge.

"Caretaker." said Filch.

"Oh, I'm Senior Undersecretary to the Minister." said Umbridge.

"Sounds pretty important." said Filch.

"It's very important." said Umbridge.

"So what do you have to do?" asked Filch.

"I'm suppose to meet up with the American Minister of Magic." said Umbridge.

"Oh, is this your first time going to Vegas?" asked Filch.

"This is my first time on business, but I've been there on holiday twice, I always make reservations for the penthouse suite, but it was taken this time so I had to take room 202." said Umbridge.

"Really? I have reservations for room 203." said Filch.

"Wow, what are the odds!" exclamed Umbridge, she was starting to like Filch.

"I know." said Filch.

So they talked about work untill the plane landed. When they got up to get off the plane, Umbridge accidently spilled her carry-on bag in the aisle. There wasn't much in there, but Filch helped her pick it all up anyway. He picked up a big bag of candy. "You're hypoglycemic?" he asked her.

"Yeah." said Umbridge.

"Me too." said Filch.

"Wow, we have a lot in common don't we." said Umbridge.

"So how are you getting to the hotel?" asked Filch as they finished cleaning up.

"I'm going to flag down a taxi." said Umbridge as she lifted her carry-on.

"Let me carry that for you." said Filch, taking her carry-on. "Why don't you let me drive you there, I had my pick-up truck shipped out last night, it should be here by now." he said.

"If it's alright with you." said Umbridge.

"It's not a problem, we're both going to the same place." said Filch.

"Well alright." said Umbridge, smiling.

They walked off the plane together.