|Space Pirate Confederation
Author: Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs PM
The story's always more interesting when it's about the villains. Throughout the series, Ridley sorely wishes this were not true. See what the pirates do behind the scenes on Zebes, Tallon IV, Aether, SR388 and the like; it all makes him hate life more.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Samus A. & Ridley - Chapters: 29 - Words: 63,013 - Reviews: 121 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 09-30-12 - Published: 06-21-09 - id: 5156394
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
My GOD, school x_x
Well, ending Other M now. We're getting into the final game, which fortunately I did quite enjoy...
Two Mother Brain cameos today!
Published September 30, 2012
The End of Ridley... Again
Jikarvl closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He had made his decision, and it was time to stick to it. "I'll tell him." Swerving his chair to the command panel, the technician input Ridley's frequency.
"Uh, this is Private Roerwell."
"Oh, sorry, wrong frequency."
"No problem... Wai-"
Jikarvl ended the call, double checking what he typed in before trying again.
"Hi, Private Roerwell here."
"Shit, sorry, I must have messed up again. Bye."
"Wait, this is-"
-Inside the Bottle Ship-
With a powerful shoulder-check, High Commander Ridley tore his way through the fragile armoured wall. He was greeted by his petrified clone, drained of all life force where it stood.
Chykka hovered through behind him, moving closer to the husk. He ran his feelers along the surface, particles breaking away as it inspected. Pulling away, the bug hummed and shook his head.
"It appears your job has been done, comrade!" Victum nodded at the situation approvingly, sauntering through the dragon's hole. "This is what happens when the Space Pirate Confederation is bastardized! Be warned, enemies!"
"Be glad, your problem has been taken care of!"
"This is no longer about my 'problem'," Ridley snapped, his glare shifting from the lifeless shell to the ignorant General. "This is a clear sign of a Metroid's life drain. People will come, and they'll think that the Great High Commander Ridley was done in by lousy Metroids!" His claws sunk into the solid floor, the intense screech of crumpling metal having no effect on the dragon's anger. "Even if we destroy the evidence, my pride can't let me get past the fact that something literally of my own flesh and blood went out so pathetically! It's not how this is supposed to be!"
"What do you propose, sir?"
"Leave that for now." Ridley pulled Chykka off of his clone. "We'll deal with it on the way out. For now, we have Metroids to kill..."
-Five minutes later-
"The Metroids have been killed." Victum pointed his scythe at the smoking and shattered remains of the Metroid Queen and many babies.
Ridley's face was stuck in a sneering scowl, one of his eyes developing a twitch. A spark shot from his head. "Dammit Samus... New goal: kill Samus Aran."
"I'm sorry my captain, but, you told me to call you a suicidal idiot and slap you if you made that call today. If you could lean over, I'd be happy to carry out your commands."
The dragon just sighed. "No, that's all right." He pushed his foot against the Queen's broken head, more dried gore spilling out. "Radio the other team and have them rendezvous back at the ship with whatever they've located. Hopefully this day hasn't been a total loss... Let's head back."
"Oh captain my captain!" Victum carried the orders across, starting to walk back alongside his trudging leader. "And what of Kraid?"
"Damn, I have to deal with him eventually, don't I? Give me your radio."
"Isn't it fun being trees?" Kraid asked the pirates with his trademark smile.
The pirate clones, having been forced into a human pyramid, could only hiss confusedly to each other.
"Kraid, do you read me?"
"Ignore the caller ID, this is Ridley. What is your location?"
Kraid shoved a finger in his ear, twisting it around as he thought. "Uhhhhhh... I went left... then up... then through that hall... So Sector 1, Ecochamber Delta I thinksie..."
"Understood. Are the pirates still alive?"
"Yup yup! I've only been playing Tree and Bananaranger and Packaging like you asked. Those all righty, besty?"
"Yes, Kraid, those are that FUCKING WHORE!"
"I don't think we played that one."
"Where am I? Where did I go?!"
"Ridleh? You're right there! Did you fall down again? I told you to not fall your face into the wall so much..."
"No, the clone, it's gone! Where did... NO! They can't have me again, I must stop this!"
"Don't worry, I can protect you! I'll do my best!" Kraid pumped one of his tiny fists into the air.
Ridley swore loudly and repeatedly. "They will not bastardize me again... Kraid... Sit tight."
When Ridley arrived up at his best friend's position, he sent the lizard back to the ship immediately and grabbed one clone. The rest were shot out an airlock when Kraid wasn't looking. Ridley at last returned, throwing the clone in the brig, and stomped his way to the command deck.
"There you are!" Jikarvl switched off his channel with Roerwell, swiveling his seat around. "I've been trying to get through to you for hours, but I must have forgotten your channel."
"Details, details. What do I need to know?" The dragon fell into his seat, groaning. It had been a long day.
"MALAKHA CALISTA..." Mother Brain commented from the comm radio.
Jikarvl swallowed nervously, shifting in place. "You see... erm... I'll come out and say it. We detected Kraid-identical lifeforms. Fourteen of them."
A sensation of emptiness crept through Ridley's blood. "Fourteen?" he asked softly.
Ridley felt nothing. His mind vacated at the thought of fourteen Kraids, all roaming around that hellhole of a GF station. He could have run into one. He could have run into two. At once. "Undock the ship." His words came out as a whisper.
The order was carried out without delay.
"Calculate how much energy we will need to reach the nearest fueling outpost. Put all remaining power into the cannons."
-One cathartic act later-
The journey home felt longer than the trip to the Bottle Ship. Ridley kept in constant communication with Mother Brain, having the AI put all available agents on locating the stolen clone. He was informed that it could take a while for information to circulate, but that didn't stop anything.
Kraid tended to Chykka as soon as he could. "Your pretty fur is all split ended... I can fix this!" Apparently he could, as when everyone else next saw the bug it was good as new. "You're so smooth, Phillip. HIGH FIVE!"
The bug looked at its rapidly flapping wings and no arms.
General Victum killed time by teaching the clone they captured improper English. It was still a work in progress, but at least it could understand "no", "yes", and "you can't bite that". Obedience was a different story.
Jikarvl spent his time writing down the frequencies of everyone on board, reading it, destroying the paper, and rewriting from memory alone. He became quite good.
After a time of this, their voyage ended. The ship touched down on the Homeworld, the crew disembarking. "I'm going to get a drink," Ridley said as he descended the ramp. "Kraid, you cannot come. I'm sure your pet needs more grooming."
"Of course he does! Let's go to that nice fancy acid salon and get you all cleaned up!"
Shaking his head, Ridley decided that he might as well stop in and see Mother Brain while he was still sober. Maybe say hi to Crocomire and clean his eye sockets. "What a hobby I have, cleaning the skulls of my dead friends... I miss Phantoon... When he did it, it didn't look so sad."
He descended into the lower layers of the array of tunnels, delving into the darkest depths for the room where Mother Brain was stationed. "MECKLO," the AI greeted as he ducked under the doorframe, entering.
"Hello. You tried to contact us earlier but that patch of radiation cut you off. Any updates?"
"ZAEL, GALVE RENDALLIN."
"I see. I'm sure something will come up eventually." He took a seat, groaning. "This is becoming a mess. Why did we have to put the idea of cloning into their heads? Better yet, why did they take ideas from an organization whose last civil war was over a fantasy football league?"
"OINWATTSA UNDELLUGGOLLO PWAUNDALAW."
Ridley chuckled lightly. "Yeah, it was pretty funny... But still. The thought of being considered a role model makes the rest of the universe look mighty ready for some purging."
"KWOINDALA RIDLEY," Mother Brain perkily suggested.
The idea was met with a more energetic laugh. "Yes, one space dragon against all the idiots of the cosmos. Knowing my luck, they'd somehow get Samus in on their side and I'd have to deal with her. If only she weren't around..."
Having finished up with her mission on SR388, Samus set the ship on cruise control and kicked back, floating alongside the larger ship she had escorted down on the surface. It was a dull mission, but those guys were willing to pay a lot.
Out of nowhere, a spasm hit her whole body. Samus jerked back, another wave of muscle contractions hitting and causing her foot to nudge the ship's controls. Ever so faintly, it drifted in the direction of a large asteroid as the pilot dealt with her own problems...
"But that would make life boring. As much as I hate to admit, she gives me something to do." Ridley rose to his feet slowly, rolling his shoulders. "I'll see you later, I have a date with a glass."
Ridley waved his hand back at the terminal as he left. "I know, I know." The door slid shut.
The halls felt empty. Crocomire had been prone to wandering them, and even the thought that he couldn't bump into Draygon and taunt the guy made walking just... boring. All he was left with was a gigantic idiot, an intelligent but unintelligible bug, an energetic idiot, a smart but often busy technician, and Mother Brain. The last one was great but wouldn't last all day every day.
"Unless I copied the data onto another computer and had two of them... No, they'd just argue and fuck up the systems."
That could end up being amusing though. Maybe on a rainy day.
"Except it's always rainy..."
A boring day.
"Everyone interesting is dead... This is pointless to think about."