Dedicated to my Freshman comp teacher – Mr. Davis. For showing me the amazing thylacine… maybe I’ll let him read this one day XD

Title: The Thylacine

Summary: Voldemort decides he needs to discipline his snake.

Disclaimer: ‘Funzies’ is a Scrubs word and not from my brilliant mind and neither is the force. And also, any upset fan girls led on by my summary are at their own fault. X3

A/N: This is completely unrelated, but I unintentionally gave Nagini a lot of qualities after the time skip of being, well… Voldemort’s other snake. Damn adjectives… they do the dirty work!! Anyways, the entire purpose of this story was sort of in honor of my freshman English teacher. He was quite awesome and showed us these thylacines. If you want to know what they are, try Google.

-¡Begin!-

“Nagini’s spoiled. She’s an only child,” Voldemort growled. “So, she needs a sister or brother, or something…” The man tapped his bald head and moved down the aisles of the pet store. A bunny? No, no, Nagini would eat him…

A small boy was looking up at him. Voldemort gave a quick glare (for funzies) He ran off. A cat was too small and so was a dog…

He sighed.

Perhaps the zoo would have a more suitable pet…?

A candle stand brushed against his robe; with a slight gesture, he extinguished it and wondered what the hell kind of pet shop kept candles?

Something smacked him in the head. He turned with a growl deep in his throat to threaten the cause to meet the tail of a thylacine right in his nonexistent nose. The yellow-brown creature seemed to smirk at him. It resembled some kind of hyena thing – with thirteen evil stripes down its back.

For a moment, he stood stunned as his red eyes met the golden eyes of the creature. Then, slowly, a grin formed as he announced , “You are my pet!” to the entire pet store.

The thylacine gave the slightest of smiles. “And you are mine,” she hissed. Voldemort smirked at the usage of parseltongue – though he wasn’t quite sure why the thylacine could produce the sound… Not only that, but the sarcasm was something he always enjoyed.

“Uh, sir, this is a wild animal…” the pet shop owner warned. “Is your home fit for this kind of species?”

Already, Voldemort had the leash in his hands, and was holding a $500 dollar bill out. “Yes, of course – but I’d be more concerned why this large thing was able to move about with candles burning…”

“Makes the place smell nice?” the pet shop owner tried, hurriedly grabbing the money. “But we’ll still need to check things out for this guy’s new home.”

Voldemort sighed heavily, then waved his hand in the dramatic fashion of using the force. “You don’t need to check it. It’s already perfect. You’re convinced.”

“Nice doing business with ‘ye!” the man said cheerfully, taking the money and scurrying off. Voldemort smiled at the creature at his side and apparated home. Oh yes, Jedi Camp was worth it.

--

The creature moved left, and then right… and then gave a soft laugh, before wandering off. Voldemort smiled proudly at the find, then called forth his snake. Nagini glanced sleepily at her master, and then became fully awake at the maniacal grin that he was giving. This was, of course, bad, so Nagini instantly became more alert.

“What have you done now?” she hissed, trying to mask her worry.

“Oh, nothing,” Voldemort giggled, and then cleared his throat to sound more… nonchalant. “I just thought that I wanted another pet and purchased one this morning.”

There was a not-so-subtle crash. “I see…” she replied. “And you did this… Why?”

“I was thinking that I needed another pet… a less selfish one.”

And another crash.

“Right…” Nagini laughed. “Well, good luck.”

--

“My sweet thylacine,” Voldemort cooed, giving the creature a bloody carcass for her meal. Without so much as a thank you, the animal tore into the meat. Nagini quietly chewed her own dinner, looking upon this scene in pure disgust.

For the entire rest of the week, her Master continued to rain affection on the brute, and the thylacine continued to cause destruction throughout the entire mansion. They had lost several priceless vase, lamps, paintings, and numerous windows. No matter how many times it was scolded, it could be seen reigning more chaos a few moments later. Nagini took up residence in the ceiling, but even there, she had trouble sleeping. After three restless nights, Nagini couldn’t take it anymore. She decided to own up to her fault.

Slithering into the master study room, she hissed, “I’m sorry for eating your special dark chocolates. I’ve learned my lesson and I’ll never do it again.” This statement was finished with her obediently curling around his feet.

Voldemort lowered his reading glasses and looked beyond relieved. “Well, thank Merlin, because I couldn’t stand that thing! We can finally get rid of it.”

Nagini nodded and sighed happily. The nightmare would be over soon. The quiet would be replaced!

--Epilogue--

In retrospect, the thylacine had been his third worst of ideas. (You wouldn’t dare ask what the other two were). Nagini had learned her life lesson to never eat the master’s chocolates and the Dark Lord, in turn, realized that Nagini was truly the best pet – even if she did try to eat his sweets.

Voldemort lay back and sighed in content, and began to stroke his pet snake. He was feeling quite satisfied having set another plan into action and this one couldn’t backfire.

Nagini perked up and asked with a snake-like smile, “You think the Potter brat will enjoy his gift?”

The man smiled down at her with equal snake-ness. “Oh, he’ll love it.”

-And that’s all…?-

Lesson: Thylacine will not make good pets

(I’m probably lying)