|Forgive Me Father for I have Sinned
Author: Tyley1 PM
There are a few sure things, time ends, luck runs out and the world will break your heart. What will happen as they try to cross the lines of the Irish and Italian Mafia? Bella and Edward - WARNING MA MATURE THEMES AND LEMONSRated: Fiction M - English - Drama/Romance - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,106 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 11-29-09 - Published: 06-24-09 - id: 5164729
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
~ FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED~
DISCLAIMER: I still don't own twilight (sigh) but you probably knew that already…
Ok so this is the new story that I am working on, I hope that you will read and review and let me know your thoughts. I am excited about the possibilities!
Please Note that this story will deal with adult and mature themes that may not be suitable for all readers. Please do not read if you are not old enough. It is being rated M for a reason.
I let out a breath that I hadn't realized that I was holding as I entered St. Vincent's, noticing that for once the pews were empty. The tall stained glass windows spilled in colors of yellows and reds and blues, painting the heavy wooden pews in their sun-drenched colors.
I dipped my finger into the holy water, wondering briefly if the water would boil when I touched it, luckily, it didn't, and I was allowed to make the sign of the holy cross.
I didn't want to chance meeting up with incoming visitors so I kept to the back of the church, until I reached the far right wall, and followed the aisle down to the confessional, my eyes had been trained on my feet all morning, but were now directed at an old brass door knob.
How could I pray for forgiveness when I could not repent?
I let out a harsh breath, knowing that I had no right to be here. But he, or they, if other one was really up there, deserved to know the truth. I may not regret or repent for what I had done, but I would not hide it from them.
I reached for the antiqued knob, pulling the door open and slipping inside the comforting darkness.
I sat for a moment while I waited, regulating my breathing as I heard him enter his side of the booth. I could almost feel the scratching of the privacy screen as if it were grating my skin as the covered window slid open.
I sucked in a deep breath, a final steeling of myself before I began. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…" I said, again making the sign of the holy cross, and bowing my head. "It has been 2 weeks since my last confession."
"And, how did you decide to deal with your thoughts after our last confession?" he asked in his usually warm and concerned but friendly voice. That voice was a piece of my heaven. One I would never reach now, but it enveloped me and covered me. Almost shielding me from what I had done and what I had become.
"I'm not sure I should be saying in god's house." I whispered shakily, losing whatever courage I had held just moments ago.
No one wants to go to hell.
"Anything can be said in God's presence Bella."
I sucked in a harsh breath, "Do you have to use my name? What if someone hears you?" I spat out harsher than I hoped for.
"Is there something for you to repent, something we discussed last time?" he asked cautiously, fear entering his tone.
I didn't answer at first. I wasn't sure how to.
Should I repent?
"It's done." I whispered barley loud enough for him to hear, as I grasped my hands together on my lap to stop them from shaking so harshly.
There was a commotion as the confessional door in front of me was ripped open allowing the amber light of the stained windows to blind me from the quick transition from darkness. My arm was grabbed tightly and I was pulled up and out of my seat.
I gasped at the force of him pulling me, my eyes quickly scanning the rest of the room to make sure no one had seen. Luckily, we were still alone, but I was now being pulled forcefully down the aisle and out the door leading to the rectory.
"What are you doing?" I spat at him as I tried unsuccessfully to make him stop, my dragging feet not even slowing him down. He just kept going pulling me behind him, until we were in the rectory apartment, then his office. He dropped my arm once we were inside with the door closed behind us. He went to a closet and pulled out a large navy blue duffel bag, and then to his desk, where he grabbed a key. His actions were hasty and forceful, darting from one area of the room to the next gathering items while I watched bewildered.
"You have to leave," he said as he stuffed papers into a side pocket of the bag and handed me a small dark blue folder. "I had a feeling that it would come to this…. I'm sorry, but I think I always knew." his words confused me but his quick movements seemed organized and methodical, even as his mumbling seemed unfocused and incoherent. "Should have told her… Should never let this happen… why didn't I see it all earlier, step in?" He continued to rant to himself under his breath almost as if he had forgotten that I was in the room with him.
I stood still watching him with confused eyes, and unsure ears, what was he talking about?
He stopped dead in his tracks, remembering it seemed that I was right there with him. He looked up at me with his dark puppy dog eyes. "Bells, you've gotta go, I can't let you take the fall for this. I should have stopped it. Done what I could a long time ago. I was supposed to make this better, and I failed… I'm sorry." His shoulders slumped, and he picked up the bag handing it too me. "Clothes, money, plane tickets…" he said to me as he placed the bag on my shoulder. " There is an address in the bag, go there and stay. A passport in case of extreme emergency, and IDs. I couldn't come up with credit cards." He said as he tapped the blue folder in my hand. "Do what you can to change your appearance. Better safe, than sorry."
"Jake…" I said overwhelmed, I didn't know what to say.
"I love you Bells." He said as he looked into my eyes, gripping both of my shoulders tightly, before he turned my body around pointing me towards the door. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "you've gotta go. Be safe." He kissed the top of my head from behind me before pushing me out in to the hallway and pointing me towards the back door, as he turned and hurried back towards the church.
I watched as one of my only true friends disappeared around the corner, knowing well, that it may be the last time I ever saw him. One of the pieces of my heart, which had already seemly imploded on itself, turned to ash then as he disappeared from sight.
It was for the best though. He needed to be safe; I needed to live with the guilt of what I had done. I didn't deserve him or Rose, or … I shook my head, not allowing myself to even think the name.
No not after everything I had done. I deserved no friendship or loyalty. No love.
Murderers don't deserve forgiveness.
AN: ok so this is just a prologue, but I wanted to start putting it up to light a fire under a certain place if you know what I mean!
Let me know what you think! Reviews are appreciated, and Forces of Nature will continue – no worries there…
He all, so I realized there were some errors in my first three chapters, and I don't have a beta so I totally missed them. I am fixing them now. Not too much different in the first three chapters but a little correction and clarification here and there.
***If you're a beta and would be interested in lighting a fire under me as well as helping me make this reader worthy shoot me a message!***