Author: Yellow kiwi PM
AU. Nagato's life is better, but with stress from school, and a painful past, he's become emotionally unstable. When he and his friend Konan start to worry about Yahiko's social life, secrets start to come out between the three friends. YahNaga yaoiRated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Romance - Nagato & Yahiko - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,761 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 07-18-09 - Published: 06-26-09 - id: 5169280
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Chapter 3: Returning for the night
I brush my teeth. The hallway has long been deserted. All lights are out, but I continue to brush; cleansing my mouth. I rub the rough bristle across my tongue, while tears flow silently down my cheek. I spit, gargle and then brush my tongue with a fresh dab of toothpaste.
"Nagato?" I flinch at the voice, and rub at my face. I had forgotten to close the bathroom door. I don't turn around to look at my friend, but simply continue to brush my tongue raw.
"Why aren't you in bed?" Yahiko steps closer, I can see him through the mirror. I rinse my toothbrush and put it away.
"I…I..I was asked to do something…" I explain vaguely.
"Nagato, did she hurt you again?" Yahiko reaches out for me, but I step away.
"No!" I snap at him, in a poor attempt to seem strong. I didn't want Yahiko's comfort, I just didn't want to be touched at that time. However Yahiko gets a hold of me and I struggle with him. He pulls up my sleeve searching for bruises. When he finds none on my arm he lifts my shirt.
"Stop!" I tell him, and he freezes instantly. We look at one another, and with a pitiful frown Yahiko lets my shirt drop.
"Nagato, why are you protecting her?"
"What would you do?" I sounded a little bitter.
"I'd protect you." He whispers out.
"How? She'd just punish you or—"
"I protected Konan didn't I?" I look away from him. Remembering how one of our foster brothers had taken Konan under the slide for a 'game'…which evolved touching her. Yahiko heard her cry out for him, and quickly took care of the problem, while Konan came running to me for comfort. Yahiko fought the boy. Of course the both of them got into trouble for fighting with our foster father…and were severely beaten. Yahiko didn't seem to mind, and even though he was limping when he came back to us he asked how Konan was doing, not at all concerned about his own health.
"That was different…he wasn't older and bigger then you."
"I'll figure out a way, you just have to tell me what she's been doing to you. Has she been hitting you?" No she stopped hitting me a long time ago. I didn't want to tell Yahiko, the disgusting taste in my mouth resurfaced and I felt like brushing my teeth again.
"Nagato, just tell me. I'll be with you the whole time, then when she tries to hurt you I'll take the blow instead, ok?" I look into my friend's pure blue eyes. Those eyes…they've seen so much but they haven't become selfish. They've seen so much pain…and now only want to prevent others from feeling that same pain.
"Yahiko," I hiccup, he hugs me. And I hold on tightly to him in return. I shake my head against his shoulder. He wont' be able to help me, he could never take my place, and I didn't want him to get hurt either. We were to young to worry about this…to young to have seen our parents die in front of us…and to young to be in this horrible foster home.
"Hey Nagato?" I feel a slight shake on my shoulder, and a odd smell enters my nose. I open my eyes, and look up to see orange spikes. My eyes focus on my friend's face, which has a smirk on its lips. "You waiting up for me?"
I sit up on the couch rubbing my eyes. "Konan was too..." I say blankly looking around for the girl. She must have gone to sleep after Yahiko hadn't shown up. "What time is it?" I question.
"It's three in the morning, you need to go to bed." He states.
"Where have you been? The date didn't last that long did it?"
My roommate shakes his head. "No, I went out on my own afterward."
"Did you not enjoy yourself with her?"
Yahiko plops on the couch next to me. He leans back and tilts his head to look at the ceiling. "She's not my type." He says bluntly.
"She's nice, and I'm happy that you and Konan set me up with her. It was a nice enough evening, but nothing I would label romantic."
"Where did you go afterward then?' I question him.
He seems to hesitate. "A bar." He looks at me. "I didn't drink or anything, just people watching, you know?" He shrugs. I nod, though not quite understanding, but glad to hear he hadn't indulged in alcohol. After all he's too young for that.
He hauls himself up off the couch, and walks towards our room. "Well do you plan on sleeping on the couch all night?" He teases. I quietly get up and turn off the lights in the living room before heading to my bed.
I feel a soft hand on my shoulder, and it gently shakes me. I roll over from my side to look up at who's trying to get my attention. I see Konan's somewhat annoyed face.
"What are you doing still sleeping?" she questions me seriously, in a low whisper. I look at her confused, and then turn to look at the clock sitting on the nightstand between mine and Yahiko's bed.
"We're going to be late!" I say abruptly.
"Hence the reason I asked why you were still sleeping." Konan says with a sigh. "Hurry and get dressed." I nod to her quickly and get out of my bed, as she heads out the door.
I change in the bathroom quickly, and run my toothbrush over my teeth, not caring to brush my hair; I simply pat it down.
Konan waits for me at the door, and I jog up to her. She takes my hand and pulls me down the hall, and out of our apartment complex. She lets go of me letting me walk, rather then stumble along after her fast pace, once we make it to the sidewalk.
"So you stayed up until Yahiko came home?" Konan says knowingly. I nod to confirm her suspicion. "What did he think of Anko?"
"He said she was nice, but isn't his type," I tell her, with an apologetic smile.
"Well I guess I'll have to asks her in order to get any great detail." Konan though out loud.
"Yahiko said he went to a bar afterward. Maybe you're interest in his romantic life sparked something." I say hoping to make Konan feel like she helped our friend; even if it wasn't the way she planed it.
"Maybe" she says emotionlessly, and we walk on in silence the rest of the way to school.
Konan starts to quicken her pace as we get closer to our school building. The bell that announces the beginning of class hasn't rung yet, or so I assume since a big crowed of students were still socializing in the courtyard.
"I'm going to see if I can find Anko. You'll be fine on your own right?"
"Of course," I tell her with a smile. My face relaxes once she's out of sight and I emotionlessly make my way into the building to change my shoes.
I slide open the door and enter the classroom. "I'm surprise to see that you're late." I stiffen as Madara's voice drifts to my ears. I turn around, my eyes fixed to the floor and simply make my way to my desk.
"What was the hold up?" he asks me with a smirk on his face. I don't answer him. "Oh so we're playing that game today. What happened to the defensiveness you had yesterday?"
I don't respond, and let my hair fall into my face, trying to hide away from the world. "You know, Nagato, if you were to hook up with me, I could find plenty of work for you. Don't tell me you wouldn't like to make a little extra cash on the side."
"Not interested," I mutter out finally.
"You really don't know a good thing when it's staring you in the face. You'd have my protection, make extra cash, and you wouldn't be giving me that much in return. Shit the jobs I'd have you do would help me out." He smirks again tilting my head up, forcing me to look at him.
"I don't want to be part of your gang." I tell him
"Gang?" He says with mock insult. "Is a couple of guys hanging out and doing favors for people, really a gang?" He chuckles evilly, and lets go of my chin. "You should really think about it, Nagato." He finishes just as Konan walks in, and leaves to take a seat in his own desk. My friend gives him a glare and comes over to me.
"Yeah, I can handle myself, you don'' need to be worrying about me twenty four seven." I say with a hint of amusement in my voice. Konan nods slowing, as if pondering my response. Am I really that useless…that weak...that she wouldn't believe I could take care of my self for just a couple of minutes? I don't let the dark though sink in, and simply let out a sigh, and rest my head in my hand.
"I'm sorry I didn't have time to make a lunch for us Konan," I tell the blue haired girl. We're sitting together in our empty classroom, as the others go outside to eat, or maybe meeting up with friends in a different classroom.
"That's fine. I invited Anko to eat with us if that's ok."
"Sure, what did she have to say about Yahiko?"
"She said there was no spark, but she had fun," Konan shrugs. "Besides she's already chasing after another guy." Konan rolls her eyes. "Girls." She mutters out.
"You're one of them." I laugh.
"I'm not like that though." She says emotionlessly, looking into my eyes. I nod as the silent message is heard. Both Konan and I don't have love lives…I think we still haven't fully let go of what happened to us in the foster home. I don't mind, I'm happy with her and Yahiko. We're a family, and right now that's all I need. I don't' want to be in a relationship, it would only be another thing to make me stress out and worry.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Konan's hand touches me, I look up to see she's still searching my eyes. "Nagato, have you ever thought—"
"Konan!" We both turn around to see a girl at the classroom door; it was Anko. She comes over to use, while Konan briefly holds on to an irritated expression before letting a smile grace her lips. She pulls her hand away from mine, as if she had never opened her mouth. I don't bother to ask her about it. After all she's busy talking to her friend, and if it's really important she'll mention it again.
I watch as the two girls speak, occasionally trying to politely draw me into their conversion, but I suddenly didn't feel like talking. Instead I gazed out of the window. I can't help but think about Madara. Granted he's always bothered me, or pushed me around a little, however, I think he's getting more persistent. He's trying to be more civil as if that would fool me into letting my guard down. It doesn't matter what he says, he's a leader of a gang; and I don't want to get into trouble. At the same time…refusing him may get me into trouble as well. I shake my head, chasing away my fears; I need to stand up for myself. I can't let Madara get into my head, and break me down. I really don't want to be weak anymore. I don't' need his protection…I don't want anyone's protection.
I twist my armband over my still healing skin, the slight sting of pain calming me a little.
"Nagato?" I look up at Konan abruptly, her voice was like a splash of cold water. "Are you all right?"
"Hmm? Of course," I smile at her, holding on tighter to my wrist. "Why wouldn't I be?'
"You just…You're eye looked a little watery is all. I guess I'm just reading to much into things." She says in a monotone voice, still look at me. I smile and slowly turn my head. Does it look like I'm about to cry? Why am I letting this all get to me? Why do I let him control me like this. I can't break down, and then just agree to whatever he wants…what he's asking for now is much bigger then homework.
I shutter, with disgust. I know he has more then one motive to recruit me, he isn't shy about hiding it. I touch my lower lip before biting it hard, feeling angry with myself.
No matter what…no matter who…I could never really stop anyone from kissing me...from using me. I didn't have the strength, and I still don't. I'm a victim… but I'm also guilty for letting it happen. Call it childish innocence…but after the first time she touched me…I should have know the second time that I should have ran or done something. Instead I just did everything she told me to…like a good boy.
"Nagato!" My memories, bitterness and sorrow are shattered. I look up to find Konan staring into my eyes, her hand holding on tightly to my shoulders. She gives me a sympathetic smile, Anko watches us from behind.
"I knew you looked like you were about to cry," she says plain, wiping roughly at my cheek.
"I'm sorry, I guess I just let my mind wonder a little to far." I explain, with a fragile smile. She nods, and sits back down. Watching me, while Anko slowly asked me how I felt. When I didn't answer she turn to Konan, who only puts up a dismissive hand.
I don't want to feel bitter, or weak. I've always tried to think of the good that people do. Yahiko has always done that. He's always kept faith that if you are kind to other that same kindness may return to you. Maybe that one act of kindness brightens someone's day just a little bit, and it starts a chain. Sometime I wonder if Yahiko can really believe that after everything he's seen. When I think back to our childhood together, he use to be even more optimistic, but he became a little bit more violent with age. He would force respect and kindness, and in the end he always protected Konan, and me even if it meant he was hurt in the process. He was determined, and never let anyone or anything keep him down
"If there is going to be pain in our lives, I want to be able to control as much of it as possible, and keep us away from the avoidable sorrow."
He said that to us when he left, dropping out of school running away and leaving us behind, only to come back and rescue us yet again from pain. However, pains not that easy to defeat, and I still feel it, and I feel weak because I let that feeling over power me. I want to be happy, because things are better now. I don't think it would be right to feel miserable after everything Yahiko has done for me, and never once has he complained. I hold on to my wrist again, and look down at the band covering my flesh. I want to be happy, but I just can't get rid of the pain for long. It always comes back, and I always seek that bloody relief… always. No matter how much shame I feel towards myself, a razor is the only comfort I know. The only stability and constant in my life, the one thing I can control.
The bell rings to announce that lunch is over. Anko get up to leave shooting me a look of indifference, before saying goodbye. Konan is looking at me as well, but I ignore her.
It was quiet on the walk home. The rest of the day I focused on my studies, and stay within my mind. Konan didn't try to coax me out of my shell and simply left me be.
I push open the door to our apartment, to see Yahiko's leg hanging over the back of the couch, and the TV on. He's watching anime, and I smile a little.
"Is that Sailor Moon?" Konan asks teasingly.
"No, it's Wedding Peach." Yahiko corrects. Konan rolls her eyes before heading off into her room. I sit down on the armrest of the sofa, seeing as Yahiko is taking up the whole couch. "There's nothing else on ok. No sport, no crime things, and I'm not watching soap operas." He explains to me defensively. I don't respond and simply watch the cartoon.
"Long day at school?"
I turn my head slowly to look at my orange haired friend. "Huh…? Oh, I guess." I shrug nonchalantly.
"You know I'm here to listen if something's on your mind."
"I'm fine," I say a little harshly, and wince at the sound of my own voice.
Yahiko brushes the tone of smoothly with a teasing smirk. "Ok, but I don't' want to catch you crying later." I feel a little comfort in his teasing, but I am unable to put a smile on my face for him. Instead I just sit silently continuing to watch TV for a minute or two, before deciding to change out of my school clothes.
I just don't know why I'm thinking so much today…
Thank you to those who took the time to review. That made me happy, thanks. I hope everyone is enjoying or finding this interesting. If so, please review, if you don't mind.