SUMMARY: Jasper and Edward had been friends since they were 10 years old. Now they're seniors in High School and gay Jasper has a crush on his straight best friend. Can the end of this story be anything but tragic?

Regarding Reccomendations:

If you are here as a result of someone's recommendation, please read and take the warnings below seriously. This is not a typical fanfic.

If you are tempted to recommend this story to someone, please finish reading the whole thing before you do so, just to make sure it's really what you thought it was. If you still want to recommend the story after you've finished it, I thank you very much!

WARNING: If you're looking for a story with a guaranteed HEA, this is not it.

This story is intended for an adult audience! If you're under 18, please stop reading now!

This story is dark and at times will be very painful. It's a story about a relationship between two men. While the story involves love, it's not necessarily a romance. It deals with some serious adult subject matter, potentially very disturbing violence, and sexual situations including male slash and threesomes, which may not always (or ever) be romantic. The characters are rude, they use crude and offensive language, and are anything but politically correct. The things they say and do are reflective of their fictional character views, not the views of the author. It's just a story, and while it's meant to be thought-provoking, it's not meant to offend anyone. If you are offended, stop reading. There are plenty of other fan fics out there that will better suit your needs.

The story will be entirely in Jasper's point of view. This is an alternative, all human universe, using Twilight characters that are acting completely out of character. Again, if this is not your thing, don't read.

DISCLAIMER: All the characters from Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer - I just give them an alternative lifestyle.

Chapter 1: Best Friends

My weekday mornings were usually pretty efficient. Wake up, get up, head to my adjoining bathroom, drain bladder, get in the shower, jerk off, wash, brush teeth, dress, eat breakfast, and wait outside for Edward to pick me up for school. Same fuckin' start to every weekday, like clockwork. I didn't mind the routine. I could do it all brain dead with my eyes closed, and the extra half an hour of functioning like a zombie was actually welcome. It was just another half hour I didn't have to remember how fuckin' miserable I was in this God-forsaken little piece of shit town where, if anyone ever actually found out the truth about me, I'd become either the social pariah or the circus freak. Nothing – not even being best friends with Edward Cullen – could make up for having to live in my very own personal corner of hell that was Forks, Washington. In fact, since the beginning of my junior year, when I finally had the balls to acknowledge to myself who I really was, being Edward's friend was torture as much as a reward. So anything I could do to shorten the time I would have to be consciously aware that I was actually living in Forks, was a welcome phenomenon.

Today, though, was a teacher's institute day, which meant my routine was disrupted. First of all, I got to sleep in. Two fuckin' extra hours of unconsciousness – it was like a gift from the gods. Second, I actually had choices on how to apply the hand brake. Most mornings the action was purely automatic and necessary. I'd discovered early on in high school that unless I made sure I was spent first thing, there was a near 100% chance of getting an uncontrollable boner at the most inopportune time. A session of turning Japanese first thing seemed like an easy ounce of prevention. But on days like today, when we had no school, I had options. I could skip the manual labor altogether (yeah, that was an option – not a bloody likely one, but still an option), proceed as efficiently as usual or, and this was clearly the most preferable of the three, savor a leisurely session in the comfort of my own bed. Needless to say, I made no move to get up.

I glanced over at the clock. Nine thirty meant that both my mom and step-father were already at work and my little sister was at day-care. I was home alone so I could make as much fuckin' noise as I wanted and I could really take my time. Knowing I was safe, I didn't even bother locking my bedroom door as I lifted my hips to slip off my boxers. I threw back the covers but kept the boxers nearby to help with the clean-up. I grabbed my hard cock firmly and started stroking it, slowly at first, just enjoying the feeling of skin on skin and the tightness of my fist.

Eventually my hand movements sped up. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to visualize the person I really wanted stroking and sucking my cock – Edward. Yeah, I fuckin' wanted Edward Cullen, my straighter than straight, pussy chasing best friend. It's not that I didn't find other guys good looking, because I certainly did, and it's not like I didn't stare at the guys in the teen magazines that all the stupid girls in our school drooled over, but only Edward featured prominently in all my fantasies. It didn't matter that he was completely unattainable on any level.

I was pretty sure I wasn't the only guy in Forks regularly chipping his morning wood and, on more than one occasion, his afternoon and evening wood too. I was relatively confident, though, that I was the only one doing it while picturing Edward at First Beach, wearing only his crooked smile and wet swim trunks, which clung suggestively to his body, and gave me a good idea of what the girls of Forks high school had been enjoying. No one who looked at him could deny that Edward, with his well-defined muscles and tall physique, was Adonis personified.

My hand was like a piston now, pumping furiously over my cock as I imagined Edward's hand sliding down one side of the narrowing V created by his hip bones and underneath the waistband of his trunks to stroke himself, the other hand pulling down the trunks revealing an amazingly large and gorgeous cock in a glorious state of arousal. I imagined his eyes hooding over with desire as he moved to me, letting our cocks brush as he caught my mouth in a searing, hard, passionate kiss.

The images in my head were working all too well and I knew I was going to come soon. I reached for my boxers with my left hand and threw them over my cock to catch the brunt of the imminent explosion. Never breaking my rhythm, I continued pumping, envisioning Edward's hips and cock grinding into mine. And then everything exploded and my cock erupted like a fuckin' Mount Vesuvius of jizz, the force of the orgasm so powerful my upper body actually lifted off the bed with each wave of cum.

When it was finally over I lay back, panting, eyes closed, right hand still leisurely stroking my rapidly softening cock as my body slowly came off the orgasmic high. I felt completely relaxed and briefly thought about getting out of bed, but knowing I had no plans made it easier to push those thoughts to the back of my head. I was feeling pretty fuckin' great right now, and the last thing I waned to do was to let reality set in.

"Well someone's having a good fucking morning," the silky voice startled and panicked me. I immediately clamped my left hand over the boxers, making sure I was still covered up before opening my eyes and turning my head to speak to the person standing in my bedroom doorway.

"What the fuck, Edward? Since when do you just let yourself into my house without an invitation?" Somehow I managed to make my voice sound accusatory despite my absolute mortification over what was happening.

"Since I've been pounding on your front door for nearly 15 minutes with no response when I damn well knew you were home and someone was nice enough to leave the patio door unlocked."

"Ever hear of a phone?" I slid myself towards the headboard so I could sit up, still keeping the boxers firmly in place, my hand wet and sticky with the cock snot that had seeped through the fabric. I could feel a blush spreading on my cheeks, hating this girlish quality that I had absolutely no control over.

Edward shrugged and smirked, but remained silent.

"How long were you standing there?" I asked. I tried to make it seem like I didn't care about the answer, but inside I was praying to whatever entity protected us queers that he had arrived just as I was coming, so that at least my goods would have been covered up.

"Don't worry, Mr. Self-Conscious, I didn't get to peek behind the curtain. It's an interesting use you have for those boxers, by the way. A sock might be more appropriate. They're meant to absorb, you know."

"Fuck off," I said, debating how the hell I was going to get out of this with any of my pride. There was only one thing to do, and I prayed again that it would work. "And get the fuck out of my room!"

"Tsk, tsk," he sneered. "That's not very hospitable of you, Jasper. Why so shy? It's not like you've got anything I haven't seen a million times in the locker room."

"Edward!" I growled in warning. I was getting pissed. The whole situation was fuckin' ridiculous. As often as I imagined him seeing me naked, I sure as hell wasn't gonna let it happen now, not like this. "Get the fuck out of my room," I repeated, my voice lower and slower, heavy with an unspoken threat, "and close the fuckin' door behind you."

I saw the resignation as soon as it hit his eyes, and I felt the same surge of energy I always did when I successfully pushed back against one of his demands. Edward never backed off anyone, except me. Even with me, he didn't do it often. But, on occasion, he would realize that he had pushed me beyond the point of my endurance and he would retreat a bit. There was never an apology, never even an acknowledgement of a yield, but it was enough. It was moments like this that made me feel special and made all the other shit he put me through bearable. It was why, despite everything, I remained his best friend.

He moved back into the hallway with a sullen expression and pulled the door closed behind him. I leaped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, not trusting him to stay out of the room long enough for me to take the time to walk. I closed the bathroom door and clicked the lock, then leaned back against the door and let out a heavy sigh of relief. I dropped the boxers into the laundry hamper and walked over to the toilet, draining my now aching bladder as I examined myself in the mirror.

I was relatively good looking, though not ruggedly handsome, like Edward. Even I had to admit that my face was just a bit too feminine for that, my lips a bit too wide and full. Then again, I figured for someone with my preferences, having good blow job lips was not exactly a downside. And it's not like the girls at Forks high were repelled. I frowned as I thought how many had tried, both successfully and unsuccessfully, to kiss me. Wide lips aside, the rest of my face worked well. I had a pretty strong jaw and clear, bright-blue eyes. I overheard a couple of girls describe them once as "piercing" and the description actually seemed to fit. My nose was okay. Not perfectly straight and strong like Edwards, but nothing repellant. Overall, based on the reaction of others and what the mirror told me daily, no guy would want to chew his fuckin' arm off after waking up with me laying over it.

The rest of my body wasn't bad either. My build wasn't as athletic as Edward's, but all those workouts he had forced on me over the years had paid off and I had somehow transformed from scrawny and lanky to tall, lean and lightly ripped. My muscles added little bulk, but they were defined well enough to catch the eyes of more than one girl and to hopefully impress a boyfriend, once I was lucky enough to find one. I sighed. In just a few months I would be starting at University of Washington and maybe then, finally away from Edward and all this small town bullshit, I could come out and find a guy to star in my fantasies who actually wanted to be there.

My self assessment complete, I shook off the stray droplets of piss and walked into the shower, flinching at the first blast of cold water. When the temperature warmed, I started enjoying myself, taking the time to leisurely wash my hair, working in a bit of a scalp massage, before lathering up the rest of my body. As I washed, I couldn't help but think of Edward, and I noticed that despite the morning's activities, my cock was already starting to rebound. I smirked as I began to stroke myself again, thinking that Edward walking in on my spankin' the monkey was going to be a great jumping off point for many a future fantasy. My imagination took off and I saw him slowly unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it into the corner of the room, then unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, a glimpse of wiry bronze curls letting me know he had gone commando. Fantasy Edward slipped off his shoes then slid his jeans to the floor and stepped out of them gracefully on the way to joining me in bed. He climbed in over me and grabbed the boxers, tossing them aside as his lips descended to my chest, his tongue flicking against my hard nipple as his hand replaced mine on my cock. Fuck, I was lucky to have such a vivid imagination! The speed of my hand increased and I was just about to proceed to the final stage when I was interrupted by pounding on the door.

"Did you die in there, Jas? In case you forgot, I'm still fucking out here, waiting."

Shit! Thank God I thought to lock the door!

I started moving my hand as fast as I could, speeding through my second orgasm of the day until it became as utilitarian as my daily morning jerk. Oh well, I should have known better. Patience was not exactly Edward's virtue.

I rinsed off quickly after I finished and toweled off, grabbing a second dry towel to wrap around my waist. I put on deodorant and applied some product to my blond, wavy hair. I wore it long enough that it needed something to add a bit more body, but not so long that my conservative family had to be embarrassed. One last check in the mirror and, finally ready, I unlocked and opened the bathroom door to walk to my closet.

"It's about fucking time, Jasper!" Edwards was clearly frustrated. "Jesus Christ, I've known girls who took less time in the bathroom. Bella . . ."

"Piss off, Edward. I don't wanna hear it. Nobody said you had to wait."

What the fuck did he have to bring her into this for? He was batting a 1000 this morning, managing to hit a topic that never failed to rile me up – comparing me to that fuckin' cunt of a girlfriend of his, Bella Swan. If there was one person on the planet I could cheerfully dispose of with no regrets whatsoever, it would be her. It wasn't just that she had managed to capture his attention longer than any other girl, or that she got to suck him off and had him servicing her every fuckin' sexual need, or even that he'd always willingly break any plans he had with me in order to spend time with her. No. It was the fact that from the moment she and Edward started dating, she had been hostile to me and treated me like a piece of shit.

"Listen up, you little fuck," she said the first time we were alone, "you may have fooled everyone else, even Edward, with your little best friend act, but I've seen the way you watch him and I've got your number. And let me tell you right now, Edward's my boyfriend and there is no way some little faggot bitch like you is going to interfere with that. So you just stay out of my fucking way and keep your eyes and hands off Edward. 'Cause if I ever catch you even thinking about him the wrong way, I swear I'll grab my daddy's shotgun and turn you into a eunuch."

Her physical threats didn't scare me a bit. They were almost laughable. Especially since Edward had absolutely no interest in me whatsoever and she seemed to have bewitched him completely, not the least because for the first 9 months of their relationship she had locked up her pussy tight and kept him waiting with some cock and bull story about needing to wait until she was 18 to pop her cherry. Edward, who'd never had to wait more than a few hours to be granted full access between any girl's legs, was both frustrated and fascinated, and he couldn't walk away without breaking his streak. So what the fuck was she so worried about me for?

Of course, just because her physical threats were pointless, didn't mean that, armed with knowledge as she was, she couldn't make my life in Forks even more miserable than it already was without lifting a finger, much less her daddy's shotgun. And the absolutely last thing I fuckin' needed in my life was to be outed before I was ready by fuckin' Bella Swan. Despite her apparent concern, I knew Edward was a complete homophobe, and if he knew I was gay he would drop kick me and our friendship so fast my head would spin. And I couldn't take that kind of rejection from him. Not here and now. Maybe not ever. My fantasy of coming out and finding a partner never involved telling Edward. In fact, a part of me hoped that we would completely lose touch after graduation, so he'd never have to know about that part of my life. I would rather never speak to him again and keep the memory of our friendship intact than to face his outright rejection.

The thought brought me up short. As far as I knew, Edward was supposed to spend his day with Bella. So what the fuck was he doing in my room? Jesus Christ, I really didn't want Bella up my ass about trying to take away her boyfriend. The crazy bitch might just decide to make good on her threats.

"So what are you doing here, Edward?" I asked warily. "I thought you and Bella were gonna be occupied today?" I picked out my clothes and started walking back to the bathroom.

"She's got some fucking English project to work on and I didn't feel like spending my day off sitting in her room watching her type. So I told her you and I were going to Port Angeles. I'll see her tonight."

I paused. I really didn't feel like going to Port Angeles. I'd been looking forward to lazing around the house all day. But I didn't say anything. I had already won my quota of victories for the week, if not the month. If Edward wanted to go to Port Angeles, that's where we'd go.

"Yeah, all right" I said, though we both knew that the pretense of choice on my part was just for show. I started walking back to the bathroom.

"You gonna take another hour in there making yourself pretty, Jas?" I heard Edward call out. I slammed the bathroom door and hastily put on my boxers, jeans and v-neck T-shirt. The shirt, loose enough to be respectable but fitted enough to show off my defined shape, was one of my favorites, and I mentally berated myself for the choice, knowing that subconsciously I had dressed this way for Edward.

Stupid ass! He'll never be into you that way unless you decide to cut off your dick and buy yourself a pussy, and probably not even then.

I went back out into the room. Edward was looking at me carefully.

"You know," he said, "it just occurred to me that I've seen just about every guy our age in Forks naked at one time or another, except you. How the fuck is that possible? How have we never been in the same gym class?"

If I had more guts I would have called him out on it. I would have reached for the button of my jeans, undone it slowly, pulled down the zipper, slid my hand inside my boxers to stroke myself, and said something clever like 'Gee, Edward, I didn't know you were that eager to see my cock. It's right here waiting for you, big boy. Come and get it!' But I was gutless, so instead I merely shrugged.

"Just worked out that way, I guess."

Worked out that way? What a fuckin' joke! It worked out that way because I'd carefully arranged it, semester after semester. The one advantage of being Edward's right hand man is that I could tell people that Edward wanted shit a certain way and no one questioned it, they just did as they were told. Most of the time this weapon was too precious to use and abuse, but I sure as fuck used it to make sure Edward and I were always scheduled to take gym at different times. I so couldn't afford to get a raging hard on after seeing or accidentally touching a naked Edward.

The whole thing was easier to arrange than I would have thought. I always made sure I picked up Edward's schedule for him and then, if I saw we had gym together, I'd go back to the counselor and tell him that Edward wanted a change. I said the word and his class schedule was changed. Easy as 1,2,3.

"Well, whatever," Edward said, clearly already bored with the subject. "Let's get the fuck outa here before the whole day is over."

I grabbed my wallet and stuck it in my back pocket, then followed Edward downstairs. I made a quick stop in the kitchen to grab some cereal bars and a bottle of orange juice for the road. I knew Edward hated when anyone ate in his precious Volvo, but he wouldn't do anything to stop me so as not to delay us leaving. I got in on the passenger side and barely had time to buckle my seatbelt before Edward took off like a bat out of hell. He always drove like a fuckin' maniac.

Edward turned on the stereo and turned up the volume. I guess he didn't feel like talking while he drove today. I ate my cereal bars and drank my juice before sinking back into the seat. I glanced over at him, his fuckin' perfect profile making my heart accelerate. I should have been used to it by now, but he always had this effect on me. I looked away and zoned out, letting my thoughts about him take over.

I met Edward when we were both 10 years old, and he instantly decided that we would be best friends. At the time I couldn't have realized how much that decision would impact my life. All I knew was that this boy, who seemed to have everyone in town wrapped around his finger, took an interest in me and allowed me to join his group. I was awestruck and grateful to be chosen

Ours was a strange friendship. No one could have predicted it before it happened and for years everyone expected it to fall apart. We were as different as night and day, had only the most superficial things in common, and absolutely no one, including me, could ever figure out why Edward choose to make me his side kick, his wing-man, his second in command. Of course I idolized him from the start, but so did all the others. He never explained his choice and I never pressed for an explanation, worrying that thinking about it too much might cause him to change his mind. The one thing I knew with certainty was that I could never let that happen. Even in those earliest days, at the ripe age of 10, I needed to be close to Edward the same way I needed air to breathe.

We met shortly after my arrival in Forks. I grew up in the Houston suburbs. My parents split up when I was seven. It wasn't dramatic or exciting – they were simply two people who made a mistake thinking they could build a life together. After a few years they acknowledged the futility of trying and simply drifted apart. My father, a successful novelist, moved to New York City, to an apartment near Central Park. From then on I saw him on occasional weekends, for a week at Christmas and every summer vacation. My mother and I stayed in our Houston home. She took a year to regroup and make sure I adjusted to the divorce, and then started dating. Following several relationships that were too long to be casual and too short to be anything else, she met Jerry. They dated for six months before getting married. I didn't mind. Jerry was nothing like my father, whom I worshipped with all the ardor a young boy can muster, but he was never unkind to me and, on occasion, he was even loving. He certainly loved my mother and treated her very well, which I could recognize even at that age. So Jerry and I co-existed in my mother's affections, and life moved on.

Jerry was a school administrator, and a year after he married my mom he took a position as the Superintendent of Schools in Forks. I hated the thought of moving. I was never a particularly social child, but in Houston I had a small group of close friends and I was relatively happy. I didn't look forward to moving to a place known for constant rain, mist and cloud cover, where I wouldn't know anyone. I knew Forks was even smaller than the suburb we lived in, making my pool of potential friends considerably smaller as well. However, since I had absolutely no say it the mater, I resigned myself to my fate, obediently packed up my belongings, and allowed myself to be transplanted into our new home.

We moved in late August, a few days before the start of the school year. Jerry settled into his new job and mom settled us into our house. She tried to get me to look for neighborhood friends, but I figured it wasn't worth the effort. I could meet everyone at once when school actually started. In the meantime, I set up my room and played video games, my favorite past time.

Our new house was close enough to Forks elementary that I could walk to school by myself. I was happy about that, having hated the morning drop off and afternoon pick up routine in Houston. I couldn't have known that walking to school would put me right in the path of the town's only two bullies – Sam and Paul. The very first day they stopped me and demanded that I hand over my lunch money. They were older and bigger than me, and I knew the smart thing to do would have been to give in to their demands, but for some crazy reason I did not want to start at this new school with a reputation as a pushover, so I refused. Paul had shoved me hard and I fell onto my back, with my backpack only slightly cushioning my fall. Sam was getting ready to kick me when he stopped abruptly, looking at someone behind me.

I turned to see a boy walking towards us. He had well defined features, green eyes and messy bronze hair. Though he was with a group of other boys, he was clearly the leader. He was tall for his age, but not nearly as big as Sam or Paul, so I was surprised he walked with absolutely no fear to stand between me and the two bullies. He narrowed his eyes and looked me over carefully, as if memorizing every detail. Our eyes locked and I stared back at him, not sure what to do or say. I felt extremely uncomfortable, as if I were taking some sort of a silent test. I swallowed hard and I felt my heartbeat accelerating even more than when I thought I was going to get beaten to a fuckin' pulp by the two bullies. For whatever reason, this non-verbal confrontation seemed even more dangerous.

Finally, after what seemed like a few tense minutes, but could have been just a few seconds, he seemed satisfied. His face returned to the bored, impassive look he wore when he walked up earlier.

"Who are you?" he asked as he offered me his hand to help me stand.

"Jasper Whitlock," I answered.

"You're new here? The Superintendent's kid?"

I nodded. "Step-kid," I clarified. The different last names would be a dead giveaway anyway.

"Do you play football?"

I shook my head. "I don't play sports." I was astounded that the whole conversation was going on as though we were the only two people on the sidewalk. He seemed completely oblivious to the presence of the two older boys or his entourage.

"Good student?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay."

"What do you like to do?"

I scrunched my face in confusion, not knowing why I was playing this game of 20 questions with a complete stranger. But even then, from the very first moment, I was unable to refuse him anything, so I listed some of my favorite video games and comic book series.

"I like those too," he said, "and I like you. Come on, we're gonna be best friends. I'm Edward Cullen," he added, almost as an afterthought. Then he turned to look at the two boys who had accosted me.

"I suggest you girls run along, and I might just ignore the fact that you tried to mess with my best friend."

I saw the boys exchange a confused look and hesitate in their response.

"Unless of course you'd like me to really think about it," I was in awe at how menacing he sounded at such a young age within two boys who were obviously bigger and older.

They didn't stop to think this time. They just walked away as fast as they could.

"Thanks," I said after they were out of hearing range. "I owe you one."

"Don't mention it," Edward said, slinging an arm around my shoulders, "that's what best friends do for each other. Now come on, you don't wanna be late on your first day."

I was grateful for the rescue, but I also felt extremely self conscious walking to school with Edward's arm around my shoulder like we had known each other forever. I glanced at the other boys in the group, most of whom looked either confused or resentful or both, and I really wondered what I had gotten myself into. Edward seemed like a force of nature. Crowds of students gathered on the sidewalk in front of the school parted and stood aside as our group approached. I saw people watching us, whispering. I hated being the center of attention.

Edward and I walked into the school together. The rest of his group stayed behind, almost as if receiving some silent signal. Edward dropped his arm and indicated for me to follow him to the administration office. Once we got there he turned on a bright smile.

"Good morning, Mrs. Heffler," he said, "How was your summer."

The secretary looked at him through her black rimmed glasses. She immediately smiled.

"Hello Edward. I had a great summer, how about you?"

He shrugged. "It was all right, I guess. I'm glad to be back in school. I just met my new best friend. This is Jasper Whitlock."

Mrs. Heffler's attention shifted to me for a moment. She was clearly as surprised by my sudden friendship with Edward as the students. She looked down at her desk.

"Ah yes, Mr. Whitlock. We've been expecting you. We met your father at the staff meeting yesterday, of course."

"Step-father," I muttered, "and my name is Jasper."

"All right, then, Jasper," she was clearly a bit flustered, "your step-father told us a lot about you. He's very proud of you, you know."

I looked up at her with surprise. Jerry proud of me? What would he have to be proud of?

"Um, right," I said. Brilliant fuckin' response.

"So, Mrs. Heffler, seeing as how Jasper is my best friend now, I wondered if we could be in the same classes and if our lockers could be next to each other."

I looked at Edward in shock. Did he really think the school was going to re-arrange my class schedule and locker location just because he decided to make me his best friend after knowing me for less than a minute? I could clearly tell that was exactly what he thought. Even more astounding was the fact that instead of laughing him out of the office, Mrs. Heffler said, "Of course, Edward. Let me see what I can do."

This was starting to feel really eerie, like I stepped into a Stephen King movie. This kind of stuff just didn't happen in real life. Except, apparently, in Forks.

Edward ended up having his way. Not only were we in the same class with our lockers right next to each other, we also sat next to each other and somehow ended up in all the same groups every time a grouping was called for. Basically, from that day on, Edward and I were nearly inseparable.

I hadn't fully realized it the first day, but being Edward's best friend had its advantages. While I may have completely lost control of my own life, I gained a whole lot of control over others. Somehow, in a way that I could never comprehend, Edward had everyone in Forks either charmed or terrified, and regardless of which group they fell into, they all did whatever Edward wanted. And since I spoke for Edward, by extension they all did what I wanted as well.

As for Edward and me, we were each other's confidants and we had each other's backs. We shared some interests and, to the extent we had interests the other didn't, Edward still found ways for us share them in non-traditional ways, like when he convinced the football coach to create a position of team statistician for me, so I had reason to go to the practices and games, or when he suggested to the principal that scholastic bowl meets should be held in front of an audience, so that he and the rest of our group could watch me compete.

We were together almost all the time. After school he would come over to my house or I would go over to his to do homework, play games or watch TV. We'd hang out together on the weekends, sometimes with the rest of the group and sometimes just the two of us. Edward was always the leader, but on occasion he'd let me choose our activities. He'd humor me sometimes if there was a movie or TV show I wanted to see that he wasn't interested in, or if I wanted to go to a particular joint to eat. I realized later that this too was a form of control. Giving up just a little bit to make the other person feel like they weren't totally whipped. And he'd played me right. I was thrilled every time I got to make a choice, and pretty thrilled with the choices he made the rest of the time.

The only time Edward and I were ever apart was when I was with my father in New York. Even then, we were in contact almost daily through e-mail and occasional phone calls. Each fall I would come back and ask Edward about his summer, even though I already knew every minute detail, and he'd make some crack about how Forks was so boring he was actually looking forward to school starting. Then he'd ask about my summer, even though he already knew every detail of that as well, and I'd describe again all the things I did in New York City. It was the only time he ever looked at me with envy.

Things changed for us a little in high school. We had different academic interests and abilities, so we could no longer take all the same classes. As football got more intense I stayed away from practices and joined a few clubs that met at the same time. I still went to all the games, of course, but Edward and I were no longer joined at the hip. Then he started dating, and his weekends got filled up with going out with this or that girl. We still spent a lot of time together, but now there were these "other" people attached to him who interfered with our easy dynamic. No girl seemed to last longer than a few weeks, so I learned not to like them or even try to get to know them. There was no point in wasting time or getting attached, because everyone knew the girls would not be permanent fixtures. Everyone but the girls, apparently, since each of them thought she would be the one to break Edward's pattern.

The worst part was when the bitches came to me after he dumped them, asking for advice, trying to find a way back into his heart or, at the very least, his pants. A few of them actually wanted to date me, figuring I was close enough. I didn't have any of that shit. At first, I told myself that I wasn't interested in Edward's sloppy seconds. Then I figured out that I was gay, which explained everything. There was only one person I was really attracted to – Edward.

So even though I was always jealous as all hell of the girls he was dating, I was grateful to them too, especially once I figured out I was queer. I knew every moment I actually spent alone with Edward put me that much closer to exposure, and one thing I knew for certain was that coming out in Forks, where the openly gay and lesbian populations was exactly zero, was simply not an option, especially if I wanted to keep seeing Edward.

Things changed again when he started dating Bella mid way though our junior year. Besides being a raging bitch, she monopolized his time completely, seemingly taking pleasure in being able to interfere with our friendship. It bothered the shit out of me how easily he went along with all her whims, but her threats worked to keep my trap shut, so I just stewed about it in private. I didn't know what the fuck he saw in her. She was pretty, but certainly not the prettiest in school. Smart, but not the smartest. And she was the fuckin' police chief's daughter, which made her dangerous. But I guess keeping that pussy of hers under lock and key did the trick in the beginning. And she must have been good at whatever she did afterwards too, because even after she gave Edward everything he'd been waiting for in September of our Senior year, he'd stayed with her. I just bristled and leaped at whatever scraps of time he had left over for me, knowing at least that it was still more than he had for anyone else. Yes, I knew I was a fuckin' spineless pussy. I knew I should have gotten over him and moved on. But that magnetic pull he had on me never eased, and I knew that the only thing worse than having bits and pieces of his time was not having any of his time at all. I only hoped that this would all change when we finally went our separate ways for college, and distance would finally break that irresistible pull.

"Jas, Jas, what the fuck is wrong with you?" I was startled by Edward's voice and the sound of his fingers snapping centimeters away from my face. I turned to look at him.

"What?" I asked anxiously, wondering what I had missed while lost in thought.

"I asked what you wanted to do," Edward explained. "Do you want to eat first or go hit the batting cages, or maybe go bowling or to a movie?"

I was shocked. He was actually giving me a choice? Shit. I wasn't prepared for that. Still, I saw he expected an answer, and fast.

"Whatever you want, Edward," I said. "I don't fuckin' care."

He scrutinized me carefully. He knew well enough that he rarely gave me a chance to choose our activities and that I usually jumped at a chance to have a say in what we did. Fuck! I should have been prepared for this. That'll teach me to daydream when I was with him. It's not like I didn't have plenty of fuckin' time to do it when he wasn't around. Now he'd be suspicious.

"Let's eat first," I added before he could say anything. Eating would give me time to think. He relaxed and opened the car door. I looked around and saw that he had parked the car in front of our favorite Port Angeles diner. I guess even without knowing what I was doing, I had chosen correctly. I breathed a sigh of relief and got out of the car as well.