Author: Drusilla Dax ()

Rating and notes: 15. This is the sequel of The Italian Mother Affair. This story will explore my version of the Kuryakin family, and then there will be a longer story to bring the boys together in bed - after saving the world, of course.

Pairing: Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo

Summary: Illya said that he'd answer questions. Napoleon starts asking questions, but will he like the answers?

Disclaimer: I'm just playing with other people's toys. May I be forgiven in my next incarnation! Flamers and thieves will be adopted by my blood relatives (if you don't believe it's a threat... too bad for you!).

Editor: Mikee. The remaining mistakes are all mine, and I apologize for those.

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The Secret Protector Affair

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Napoleon Solo closed his apartment door. He was looking pointedly at his partner, Illya Kuryakin.

Napoleon's mother had just left to go back to her hotel, after welcoming Illya into her family. It was extraordinary, but not impossible according to the traditions that ruled the life of Audrey Solo and the other women in her matriarchal line.

Illya sat on his friend's sofa and looked at Napoleon. "What are the odds that your maternal grandmother will wish to meet me soon?" he asked.

Napoleon whined and walked to his sofa, where he sat down close to Illya.

"So?" Illya insisted.

"I don't know," Napoleon admitted. "A few weeks ago, I didn't know that there could be anything romantic between us, and until yesterday, I didn't even know that my family, on Mother's side, would be open to the idea."

Illya leaned back and rested his head against the back cushion and closed his eyes. "I'll have to tell your matriarch that I enjoy the welcome, but that I won't tolerate any interference," he said.

Napoleon looked at his friend.

"Napoleon, I can hear your brain cells whirl in your skull. What do you want to know?" Illya asked.

"I don't know where to start," Napoleon admitted.

"With the beginning," Illya said.

When Napoleon didn't say anything, Illya opened his eyes and sat up. "I won't bite," he said softly.

"How does it work? As a couple?" Napoleon asked in a whisper.

"There are several ways. There's the idiotic cliché that apes the standard relationship and tries to have one in the couple assuming the role of the woman. Somehow, I don't see you doing too well in the kitchen all day, waiting for me to come home," Illya declared.

Napoleon glared and growled, "Thank you."

"This is not what I want, Napoleon," Illya said seriously. "However, now that you've realized the possibility between us, you'll start noticing couples of men, who do try to reproduce what 'normal' couples do. If I wanted a woman, I'd choose one."

"That makes sense," Napoleon said softly.

"We'll have to find our marks as a couple, but we're both men, both U.N.C.L.E agents, and I simply refuse to turn into a pitiful stereotype," Illya said.

Napoleon nodded a few times. "Have you done this before?" he asked. "I mean, been in a relationship."

"No and yes," Illya said.

"Odd answer, dear friend," Napoleon said with a chuckle.

"I've had a few lovers, men and women. My longest period of coexistence was with a woman, but my longest sexual relationship was with a man. I just knew that neither was the one. She was the sweetest lady, but eventually I missed the sex, and I couldn't take her to bed; she was a close friend, not a lover," Illya explained.

"And what about Nicolai?" Napoleon inquired softly.

Illya wasn't surprised that Napoleon remembered the name he'd mentioned.

"My first lover, my first love, and my first heart ache," Illya said. "We've been together a few years, but never more than a few months, or weeks, at a time."

"Will you tell me more?" Napoleon asked.

"When you're ready to start dating, I'll tell you everything about him," Illya answered.

"Why not now?" his friend wondered.

"Don't you trust me?" Illya asked.

Napoleon looked slightly offended and said, "As my partner, I trust you with my life, and now I'm ready to trust you with my heart. I fail to understand why you don't want to tell me more about a past lover."

Illya sighed.

A chill ran down Napoleon's back. "Do you still love him?" he inquired with a small voice. He looked at Illya and added, "No, you wouldn't have kissed me if you still loved him. Does he have some sort of hold on you?"

Now Napoleon was in protective mode, which made Illya smile.

"Don't worry, mon ange, I no longer love him, but we're still in touch," Illya said.

"I thought your last contact with anyone in the USSR was when we helped them after Lockridge tried to destroy all the grain harvests," Napoleon said.

"Correct. He defected when I was still in the Navy," Illya said.

"Do you see him often?" Napoleon asked.

"No, but Napoleon, I want you to keep in mind that when I'm in a relationship, I'm entirely committed to that relationship. When we're together, you'll be my only love and lover; I am a faithful man, Napoleon. I must admit that I know how you react as a lover only from what you've allowed me to see of your courting techniques and what the girls say behind your back at work; however, if you're the jealous, untrusting type, I'll go back home right now, and we'll pretend that this was just an odd dream," Illya said.

"I'm not jealous, stupido! I'm lost and insecure," Napoleon admitted painfully. "When I lost my wife..." his voice trailed off.

Illya took Napoleon's hand in his.

"Illya... I wanted to die to be with her again. I wanted to kill everybody to make the pain go away. I ignored my family for months," Napoleon said. He looked at Illya and said, "Who am I kidding? I ignored them for almost two years."

Illya wrapped his free arm around his friend.

"I'm scared to death, Illya," Napoleon went on. "What if you're captured and in danger? How am I going to react when we're together?"

"Mon coeur... I trust you - I wouldn't be working with you otherwise. You're one of our top agents, and when the moment comes, you'll react as an U.N.C.L.E agent because that's what honor demands. Whatever the consequences for our relationship, if we want to be able to live with ourselves after debriefing, we must make our work come first," Illya declared with passion.

Napoleon was forced to nod in agreement.

Illya smiled and held Napoleon tighter. "That being said, being together is going to have a few advantages," he added.

"Such as?" Napoleon inquired.

"Well, I'm sure we'll take to protecting each other like those warriors in the Antiquity," Illya said.

Napoleon was suddenly happy that his mother's father, the admiral, had told him about those. Then Napoleon had an epiphany.

"Napoleon?" Illya inquired with a warm smile.

"When I was a kid, my grandfather - Mother's father - introduced me to a few members of his staff. There were two captains who were working for him... Now that I think of it, I'm convinced they were together," Napoleon said. He looked at Illya and added, "I'm sure grandfather knew, but he only praised their teamwork."

Illya smiled and nodded.

"Illya?" Napoleon said.

"Yes?"

"Why did you say that your father would have shot you if he'd known about... us?" Napoleon asked.

Illya blushed.

"Angioletto?" Napoleon said softly.

"By the time I was born, our family was struggling to make ends meet and keep up appearances, but before the Revolution, we were nobles. My grandparents decided to blend in, half because they thought that the new regime was good, half to survive," Illya said.

"What would have been your title?" Napoleon asked, his voice carrying his curiosity.

"My grandfather was a count. He was only titular, though; the land he'd had, he'd had to buy. He even changed our name to make sure that his children wouldn't be persecuted," Illya explained.

"How?" Napoleon asked.

"According to what my grandmother told me, her husband and his cousins' name was too linked to the Imperial court. After the Revolution, they changed our family name, and the family moved to another region to make sure that no one would use an old salutation used for noble families when they met either of my grandparents," Illya explained.

"Was your father born then?" Napoleon asked.

"Yes, but he was young. Grandmother gave him a good education, and she passed it on to me, too," Illya said.

"Was your father an only child?" Napoleon asked.

"Yes," Illya answered with a sigh. "Grandfather died in a stupid accident not long after the family had settled near Kiev. I'm an only child because of the war; my father was sent to the front, and he was shot within a month."

"I'm sorry, Illya," Napoleon said softly.

Illya squeezed Napoleon's hand briefly and said, "Well, I have Tavia now."

"And you've got Gloria," Napoleon added.

"Ah, but she'll be my sister-in-law," Illya mock-protested.

"Insufferable brat!" Napoleon said affectionately.

Illya gave him a small smile and became serious again. "Well, to go back to my father, Babushka had taught him that he was a count, and that he was never to forget that. If I'd remained an only child and he'd survived, I don't think he would have been happy to see his only heir with another man," he explained.

Napoleon hummed and looked pensive.

"Are you afraid that your father's reaction might not be as good as your mother's?" Illya inquired.

This time, it was Napoleon's turn to blush. "You'll understand very fast that the best kept secret in the Solo family, on the male side, is that we obey the de'Baldi ladies. That's because of my great-grandfather, who once tried to be a macho man with his wife... Mamma mia! That was last century, and we still talk about it," he explained.

"Then, why did you just blush?" Illya asked.

"Mother's line is secure with Gloria and the girls, but Father might be sad to see the Solo line end with me," Napoleon said.

"It doesn't have to end with you," Illya said.

Napoleon turned a bit to have a better look at his - apparently demented - partner.

"What do you suggest? We defect to THRUSH, and we ask them to direct us to a mad scientist who could help with our little same gender problem?" Napoleon joked.

Illya laughed softly and said, "Or there's adoption once we're both stuck behind desks at Headquarters."

Napoleon's eyes lit up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree illuminations.

Illya chuckled and added, "And you know the beauty of that?"

Napoleon shook his head.

"If we adopt around the same time, we'll have even more reasons to spend most of our time together," Illya said. "Our kids could grow up like siblings."

Napoleon blinked. "Oh, I don't know," he murmured.

"What?" Illya protested. "It's a great idea."

"Look at my niece, Clara," Napoleon said.

"The little genius with the mistletoe," Illya said fondly, interrupting his friends.

Napoleon nodded and went on, "She told Mamma that I'd used the mistletoe. If we adopt children, and we raise them together, they'll be bound to let the cat out of the bag about us."

"Did you tell Clara not to tell?" Illya asked.

Napoleon blinked again, and admitted, "No."

"There shall always be a risk, Napoleon, but if we choose our children well, and if they love us, it'll be in their interest to share our secret with no one. Letting the cat out would mean the ruin of our family," Illya explained.

Napoleon had to admit that Illya's approach was logical.

Illya started to grin. "Now, wait a minute, Mr. Solo. If it were possible, you'd use THRUSH technology to have a child with me?" he teased his friend.

"It's impossible!" Napoleon protested.

"We never know with THRUSH," Illya said.

Napoleon shuddered, and Illya hugged him.

Something occurred to Illya, and he asked, "Napoleon, is it important to you to have a child of your blood?"

Napoleon shook his head and said, "It's you I want."

Illya couldn't help himself and cooed. "Well, there are ways to have both," he pointed out.

Napoleon looked utterly lost.

"I'm not going to give you all the details, but there are ways to have a child of your blood, even if you're with me," Illya said.

Napoleon's eyebrows knitted. He frowned and said, "If I'm with you, I'm with you. If I decide that another Solo is a good idea, then I'll rescue an orphan."

"All right, but we can discuss the option if you change your mind," Illya said.

Napoleon nodded.

"Is there something else you'd like to know?" Illya asked.

"What about your grandmother? What would she have thought about us?" Napoleon inquired.

Illya's eyes turned misty instantly.

"I'm sorry! You don't have to tell me," Napoleon said.

"No, it's all right, Napoleon. My grandmother was a great woman. In fact, it would have been hilarious if she could have met Aunt Audrey; I think they would have been good friends. Babushka always did what was best for me - however hard it was for her and Mama," Illya explained. "I think she'd have welcomed you the way your mother welcomed me."

"But your mother was clueless as to your preferences," Napoleon said, just to make sure.

"Mama ended up alone to fend for herself and for me when she was very young. She'd loved my father with all her heart, and I think she just couldn't imagine that love can exist between two people of the same gender," Illya explained.

Napoleon nodded; he wasn't sure his own father would believe it if he were to tell him in plain, simple words that he was falling in love with his male partner. Hell! Napoleon himself had a hard time grasping the concept.

"What was it they did to protect you that was hard?" Napoleon asked.

"Kiev and everything around was dead and destroyed then. That winter was so cold, and there was nothing to eat. Babushka had contacts among the gypsies; before she even met grandfather, she'd saved a young gypsy girl. Both were princesses to their own people, and they became friends for life. Babushka sent word to her friend that we were dying, and they came to help us," Illya said.

"Your grandmother was a princess?" Napoleon asked, blinking several times.

Illya blushed again. "Why, yes? Where did you think I get my good looks, excellent education and perfect manners?" he joked to cover his embarrassment.

"Do you have a picture of your relatives?" Napoleon asked with eagerness.

"I have nothing from my past. I had to leave everything behind to be allowed to go to the Sorbonne, and then to Cambridge. When U.N.C.L.E contacted the Soviet government, I was given to the organization to settle a debt; my only consolation is that it was a big debt," Illya said.

"I'm so sorry," Napoleon said. He was the one squeezing Illya's hand this time.

"I am an U.N.C.L.E agent, Napoleon. I like to work to help protect our world - all our world," Illya declared seriously.

"Illya Kuryakin, citizen of the world," Napoleon said.

Illya nodded and said, "There are places that I like more than others, but we're all on the same planet."

"That's why you agreed to join U.N.C.L.E," Napoleon said.

"Among other things," Illya admitted.

Napoleon looked at his friend and said, "You have a lab, gadgets and explosives to play with."

Illya grinned and nodded. "And I like our team," he added.

"It's important to like the people with whom you work," Napoleon agreed. "They're going to stick me behind a desk two years before they do the same to you," he pointed out.

"Perhaps we could negotiate something," Illya declared. "I heard something about us... as a team."

"What?" Napoleon inquired.

"We've got the highest results ever. If we keep getting such a good score, we might be able to convince Mr. Waverly to retire us to Headquarters at the same time," Illya said.

"We're the best together," Napoleon said. "We'll have to become so extraordinary that we'll end up being U.N.C.L.E legends, and then Uncle Alex won't be able to resist us."

Illya snorted at the mention of 'Uncle Alex', but it was an excellent plan. If they were the very best, they could almost do as they pleased; their teamwork would have to become even better.

Illya and Napoleon shared drinks, and Illya helped his friend tidy his kitchen - it looked like a battlefield after Audrey's dinner.

After a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek, Illya left his friend for the night. Illya knew that Napoleon needed a bit more time to integrate everything that his mother had told him, and indeed most of Napoleon's night was short. Napoleon Solo had to rearrange, recreate his world and re-think who he wanted to be and to become.

Just a few days later, Fate would help Napoleon see everything much clearly - thanks to THRUSH.

Their latest target needed protection. The man owned factories that were producing a new variety of chemicals, and THRUSH wanted to capture him to seize the factories, chemicals and formulas - and to force him to work for them.

Mr. Waverly had an agent escort the man to Headquarters, and then he called Illya and Napoleon. Illya was Waverly's agent, thanks to the recommendation of that man, Nicolai Orloff, and Mr. Waverly thought that Illya would wish to protect his former protector.

Napoleon didn't know who was with their boss; all he saw was a very elegant man in his forties, a man with taste and manners, and a man who kissed his Illya on the lips to greet him. Napoleon knew that it was a tradition for both men; he wasn't jealous, but he suddenly envied that liberty to cover affection with an old Slavic custom.

"You should have told me that you'd have Illya protect me, Mr. Waverly!" Orloff said joyfully. "I wouldn't have growled so much at your poor Mr. Lunger," he added.

"You should know better than growl at U.N.C.L.E agents, Nikita!" Illya scowled his old friend and lover.

"You know me, Illya; always ready to fight," Orloff said with a wink.

Mr. Waverly introduced Napoleon, and Orloff picked up the vibes between the two partners.

One of the female agents called Mr. Waverly to inform him that they'd found information about THRUSH's plan concerning Orloff.

"Gentlemen, here's the file on the topic. Read it. I'll be back in a moment," Waverly said as he gave Illya a dossier and left in a hurry.

Illya took his glasses from his breast-pocket and started reading the file. He walked to the center table and sat.

Orloff took one step towards Napoleon and opened his mouth to say something.

"I don't share, Niki," Illya declared with a quiet voice.

"Noted," Orloff said, as if the situation were perfectly normal.

Napoleon ignored Orloff's unveiled attempt at seduction and sat down next to Illya. "Verdict?" Napoleon asked.

"Nicolai is on the verge of creating something that our THRUSH friends will want to have," Illya said.

"I won't let them!" Orloff declared with passion. "I haven't been working this hard for people like THRUSH to barge in and take what's mine."

"Then I take it you'll cooperate with us," Napoleon intervened.

"Of course," Orloff said.

Napoleon looked at Illya, who smirked and said, "Never trust him, Napoleon. He's more stubborn than two dozen Mexican donkeys, and he'll try to dismantle THRUSH all alone if we don't keep an eye on him."

Napoleon looked Orloff up and down and told Illya, "That's the feeling I had."

"Thank you, Mr. Solo," Orloff said with a growl.

"Quiet, Nikita," Illya hissed. "If you don't let us do our work, I'll arrange to have agents keep you away from your lab. If you work with us, I'll convince Mr. Waverly that we can protect you in your factory... and you'll have to agree to not go home until we say you can."

Orloff blinked.

Napoleon tried to not smirk too openly; his Illya knew how to push Orloff's buttons.

"I own a few apartments in your building," Orloff said. "Would that be convenient?"

"It would. Napoleon lives upstairs, so we could protect you. If I remember correctly from the time you let me choose my apartment, you own the one just above mine, too; it'll be perfect to keep an eye on you," Illya said. "And I don't want you to tell anyone where you'll be staying."

"And you won't keep me away from my lab?" Orloff asked.

"I promise," Illya said.

Orloff knew that he'd have to do as Illya said. He sighed and nodded.

"I'm going to take you to my lab. There's something I want you to show me," Illya declared.

Orloff nodded obediently.

"I'll wait for Mr. Waverly, and we'll join you," Napoleon said.

"Perfect," Illya whispered.

He smiled at Napoleon as he got up, and he whispered in his ear, "See, it's easy."

Napoleon nodded; it was very easy to be an agent first.

It took them a few hours to get everything organized.

Mr. Waverly had lunch with Orloff at Headquarters. Illya was still working on something in his lab, and Napoleon came in with a tray with lunch for them both.

"I hope you'll spare five minutes for lunch," Napoleon said.

Illya nodded and pointed a finger towards his desk. Napoleon put the tray down there, and they sat face to face.

"So, he's your landlord," Napoleon stated neutrally.

Illya knew that there was no animosity or jealousy in Napoleon's question.

"Napoleon, do you really think I could afford to live on 5th Avenue?" Illya asked.

"Well, I thought you might have invented something and that you had some secret money," he admitted.

"No, I just have a secret protector," Illya said.

"Well, that's a beginning. Without Aunt Amy, I'd probably have to live upstairs Del Floria's," Napoleon said good-naturedly.

Illya smiled at his partner.

"Will Orloff be difficult to protect? Is he going to endanger himself?" Napoleon asked.

"He can be a pain in the neck, but I know him very well, and..." Illya's voice trailed off.

"And?" Napoleon asked with a grin.

"And he doesn't know that I've already bugged the apartment he's going to occupy. You can stay with me if you want," Illya suggested.

Napoleon smiled and nodded.

In the evening, Illya and Napoleon relaxed when Orloff started snoring. They knew that THRUSH had lost track of them, and they'd have a quiet night.

Illya spotted something odd in Napoleon's eyes.

"Napoleon?" Illya asked softly, teasingly, but lovingly.

"Do I need to invest in mistletoe, or may I have a kiss?" he asked.

Napoleon really wanted a kiss. It had nothing to do with the man who was quietly sleeping, and snoring, upstairs.

Illya was on his sofa, next to Napoleon. In a flash, he had his boyfriend in his arms, and he was plundering Napoleon's mouth with even more feelings than the first time.

Napoleon's eyes were twinkling mischievously when he said, "Um... We'll need to run some tests to see in which apartment our kisses are the best."

"Excellent plan!" Illya said with a huge smile. "When Nicolai is out of danger, I'll tell you all about him."

Napoleon's smile was the most beautiful thing Illya had ever seen.

They held each other as THRUSH's next target quietly snored upstairs.

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Finis