|MindControl, Out of Control
Author: 4C486C592D5322B1B54EF199425D42 PM
This story is about Psychosis, its based on the story of someone who believed they were in a 'truman show' like reality, it progresses this individuals need to gain his identity back, and how hard it must have become to be 'normal' againRated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Words: 32,222 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 06-29-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5177881
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
My early years were a blessing, although I grew up in a 3rd world country, I was a happy child. I knew no different. I didn't know that there were other countries that had so many cars. I didn't know that people would rather ride a bike around the corner when you could easily walk. I didn't know that color television even existed. I knew no different, it was my reality.
I had a great mother; she would do everything for me. Everything was served to me on a silver platter, even through out my teens. I'm currently 25 and I still don't know how to cook, my wife does it for me. I rarely do my washing. It's very difficult for me to be independent. Although it was great as a child, it has ultimately affected me now. No independence.
The earliest memory I have is when I was around 1 1/2 to 2 years of age. I remember sitting on a table, with towels around me, my grandmother was in the kitchen, and my mother went over to help her sort something out. I started to push on the table; basically I was pushing myself backwards. I got to the edge of the table, and I fell off. I remember a brief fall, and instantly crying when I hit the floor. My mother and grandmother rushed to pick me up, I remember getting picked up and looking at the floor, the bottom draw was open on the chest of draws behind the table, I must have hit my head on it.
The next I was actually told, it wasn't something I remember. My cousin came to visit; she was 2 years older than me. I had this toy rifle, I was a brat apparently. I would always push my elder cousin over when she just stood up. One time she got really annoyed and grabbed the rifle and whacked me in the eye with it. Apparently I had a shiner for a while. It stopped me being nasty though I was told.
I remember my next door neighbor was one of my best friends. We would make go-carts together, and go ride our bikes together. One time he asked if I had any chewing gum left, I said I didn't, so I got what was in my mouth and offered it to him. He walked away. I remember his birthday; my mum got him a present so I could give to him when I went there. We all sat around a table, and he was opening his presents. I was quite young and wondered why no one gave me presents yet. I waited and waited. When it was all over, I was very disappointed. I walked home and an elderly girl told me that during birthdays the person who's birthday it is the only person who would get presents. I smiled; I realized my birthday was coming up. I had a huge party, all the neighborly kids came to celebrate, and we had streamers and balloons and a pinata. I had a lot of fun.
Then I had another friend who lived across the road. His house was quite big, I remember it quite well, and to me it was a rich house. Our house was quite small, and was made out of mud as most houses were back then. He had a swimming pool. One time he would have walking stilts, I remember them to be so huge. I ran home and asked my mother's boyfriend if he could make me some. He gave me a present one day, it was stilts. They were about 20cm off the floor. I was disappointed; they were nothing like what my friend had. He said it didn't matter because I was too small to use the big ones, as I grew he would move the foot rests up the pole so I could use them. This made me happy.
I remember also that my mate across the road had a huge swing. I would sit in it and swing as high as I could and then jump off when at the highest moment. It would catapult me through the air and I'd land in a pile of leaves. I remember how much fun it was.
Then I started becoming interested in rabbits. Our neighbors had a rabbit problem; I asked my mums' boyfriend if he could make a rabbit trap. He did but we never caught one. I remember one time he did though when I was inside. Another kid in our street, who wasn't so well off, would teach me how to make simple loops in wires to make rabbit traps. We became friends for a little while, until he got me into trouble. There were only 1 or 2 cars in the street at the time. 1 was a taxi driver, and he owned a taxi. My mate said we should go over his house and see the taxi. He grabbed a pebble and threw it over the fence and it hit the taxi. He kept telling me to do it but I told him no. He said if I didn't he'd hit me. So I did, and threw 1 pebble, A few seconds later a few women came out the front door and started yelling and screaming. The kid said "RUN". So we did, but we found a small bush about 20 meters down the road and we hid behind it. The women found us and picked us up by the ear. One of them said to me "hey, you're that nice kid that lives down the road, what are you doing hanging out with the likes of him". The other kid seemed to be getting a bit of a rough time by the other woman. The one who had hold of me let go of me, and I ran home crying. I stormed into the house, jumped on the bed and started crying. I was so scared they would come by the house and tell my mother and her boyfriend. So instead of them telling them, I did instead. They looked at me and smiled, I don't know why they didn't punish me, I never found out. But that's all I remember about that day.
Not long after I got a bike for my birthday. I remembered seeing a cartoon on TV about a kid who got a bike on Christmas and started riding it inside the house. I wanted to do the same. My mothers' boyfriend said no, and to take it outside. I was riding in circles and kept falling off.
I got good at it though, I would take jumps and do perfect landings. I fell off occasionally.
One time I was on the street and the earth was shaking. I had no idea what an earthquake was back then, but I was really worried about what was going on. All I remembered were two things. That it was probably a flying saucer and it was landing in my backyard. But then I thought it probably wasn't it, and was most likely Father Christmas dropping off all the presents in my backyard that it made the earth move. Although I don't recall why I thought about UFO's or aliens at such a young age, I do recall thinking about it. I tried to ride home, got to the gate and my mum was at the back being held back by her boyfriend. She was screaming for me to get to them. I started to ride the bike down the side of the house, everything was shaking quite badly, all I remember was hearing the wall that divided our next door neighbor and ours breaking behind me. I got to the end and my mothers' boyfriend let her go, she grabbed me and started having a go him! He kept explaining to her that if he let her go, we both may have died if the walls collapsed on us. I remember her giving him a slap across the face. We spend most of the night outside; we had soup to keep us warm. It was too dangerous to go inside, all the wall cabinets were on the floor, and things were everywhere. I don't remember anything after that.
One time I was at my mates across the roads house and I was on the right hand side of the street, which is where you drive in our country. There was an S bend. There was a tree right on the corner, meaning I couldn't see further down the S bends. I heard my friends screaming 'GET OFF THE ROAD'. I didn't know what was going on. I looked up and there was a Taxi coming my way. It cut the corners on the S bend. He was on MY side of the road. I tried to jump off but I couldn't, all I can remember is that my shoe lace was caught on the peddle. I tried to lift the bike onto the side of the street. It was too late, the taxi hit me, and I was catapulted onto the bonnet and what seemed to feel like up the windscreen. I rolled back down and all I remember next were people standing around me yelling in my native tongue whether I was alright. I couldn't move though, something was wrong. I blanked out and I came to when my mates' sister was kissing me on the forehead. I blanked out again, and then I remember my mother and auntie standing at my feet crying. The taxi was the same taxi I threw pebbles at. Payback. He offered to take us to the hospital, but when I was picked up I screamed in pain. There was blood all over my leg. It snapped when it hit the curve, I could see bone sticking out. My leg crossed over my body and hit the square shaped curve. In Australia, the curves are usually sloped.
I remember being in hospital, such a long wait. I remember being on the bed and nurses asking me to straighten out my leg. I was pleading them not to do it because it hurt so much. They got so annoyed that they yanked my leg to straighten it out. I screamed in pain. I then remember getting an X-Ray. The doctor was horrible. He kept saying it was my fault for playing on the street. He kept telling me to keep still, but my leg was hurting so much that I couldn't keep still. He had another doctor come in to hold me still. They were so cruel.
Because by now it was late at night, they couldn't do anything about my fracture. I was taken to a private doctor who was a family friend. I don't recall but my bone was snapped back into place, and a cast was put on. All I remember next was being in bed, and couldn't play anymore. However I was visited by so many people. People I didn't even know, they'd bring me small toys, and flowers, I remember a really cute girl bring me a toy trumpet. Then one day my brothers' ex-teacher asked his classroom if they could bring one toy they didn't want anymore, even if it was broken. I received a HUGE parcel from him, it had so many toys! Then I remember
my fathers' side of the family come visit me. I remember one time my auntie visiting in the middle of the night. She would cuddle up to me all the time. I was only 5 at the time.
When I had to walk, I had to be very careful; I remember making the break worse twice for doing the same thing wrong. I was trying to walk down 3 steps from the hallway to the sunken lounge. I was wondering, which leg do I put on the bottom step. So I kept my leg with the cast on the top level and tried to put my working leg on the step below. Wrong! I fell and made my leg worse again. I was told that I had to do it the other way because I couldn't bend the broken leg, meaning I couldn't step down a level. If I did it the other way, the working leg could bend at the knees and the broken leg would be the one that stood on the level below. A few weeks later, I needed to go down to that lounge again. Did I remember what I was told? NO! Again I fell and made my leg worse. I remembered from that point onwards though.
When my cast came off, I would go and play again, I asked my mum where my bike was. She told me that it was broken from the crash and it had to be put in the tip. So I started to play on these trolleys, they had huge wheels made out of metal. We'd all sit on it and another one would push. It was my turn to go on it. I fell off going around the corner and my leg went under the metal wheel. It crushed my leg, the same one that was broken before. I screamed in pain. We had a visitor who was one of my brothers' friends over. He came out and picked me up and took me inside. All I remember was him going to the local shop and coming back with a calipo. That was my favorite ice-cream from that point onwards.
Another day I remembered hearing the ice-cream man come by. He had a freezer on a tricycle. I yelled at mum to get the ice-cream scoop. She told me that he already had one and that he'd use his.
I remember every now and then we'd have people come to the door, and mum would shut the door, and go to the kitchen and go back, she'd hand them over a piece of bread. I asked her what she was doing. She told me that some people weren't as fortunate as we were, and that we should help out if we could. I looked out the window, and this man had a trolley, with another couple of people around, he would break off the piece of bread and share it. I don't recall what I was thinking back then, but I do remember what I saw, it seemed so sad to witness things like this.
My father divorced my mother when I was 6. He had already left for Australia when I was a lot younger, my brothers soon followed. My mother would look after me by herself, although she did end up having a partner for a short period of time.
She came up to me one day and said "you know what son, we're going to Australia to be with your brothers, and also so you can see your daddy". I was thrilled. I couldn't wait to see kangaroos bouncing all over the street. I couldn't wait to have a koala as a pet. I couldn't wait to throw a boomerang and have it land in my hand. I even asked mum "mummy, do we eat snails there?" She laughed and said "No son, that's in France".
The last memory I have of my home country, was having visitors saying their farewell. There was one group of people who I did not know, they seemed very sophisticated, they were all wearing black suits and black dresses, and they were all
wearing sunglasses. All I remember was them saying "You will do great in Australia, you will do us proud". For some reason they said something later on, but I didn't recognize the language. I recall it now. It was English!
When I arrived in Perth, Western Australia, I couldn't speak English. I had to repeat year 1. I didn't realize this until much later though. I would walk up to my teacher and give her a kiss on the cheek before entering class. She thought it was quite strange. I thought it was quite strange that she would react so weirdly. It was custom in my home country that you give the teacher a kiss on the cheek as you go into class. Then I realized I was different. I would sacrifice my own well being to be part of a group. I would play 'heads down thumbs up' and when I picked a kid, when it was his turn to try guess who it was; I would gesture to him saying it was me so that he could get a turn. I was shocked when he complained to the teacher that I told him it was me. I was told off for not playing the game properly. Trying to do well, I suffered.
I remember going out to an outing. I forgot to bring cordial. Because I couldn't speak English properly, I was saying in my native tongue "can I please have a drink" to a teacher. The teacher understood my hand gestures and asked another child if I could have a drink from theirs. One did. I then asked the child and teacher if I could drink the rest of it. Of course it was in my native tongue, and hand gestures of drinking. The teacher and kid would nod in approval. I later found out they only meant a little bit. I drank the whole lot. I was told off for being selfish. No one understood me. No one believed that I was asking whether to drink the whole lot. No other kids talked to me from that day onwards. Sorry meant nothing apparently, even if it was genuine.
I then changed schools, went to a new school much further away. I became best friends with 3 kids. 2 girls and 1 boy. One girl would let me plat her hair; the other would hold my hand. The boy would be the only one that talked to me and we'd play on the monkey bars. During one class exercise we were learning about trust. My English still wasn't great, I still had problems when I became really nervous, I'd say the wrong thing, I'd even say it in my native tongue instead of English. An exercise on trust. Brilliant, I thought it was perfect timing for others to learn to trust me. The point of the game was to partner up with a friend, you'd tie a blindfold on them, and then you would direct them around an obstacle course. It was my turn with my mate. He put the blind fold on me, and started saying 'left, right, stop, go'. I understood, although he'd had to say it twice sometimes before I did because I was trying to understand what he was saying. Then it was my turn to blindfold him. It was going well, and then I realized he was headed for the football post. I started to panic; I couldn't say any command to stop him from not walking in to it. I yelled 'STOP' in my native tongue. He didn't and hit it head first. He started crying and I ran up to him to tell him I was sorry and that I tried to stop him. Many other kids saw it and the teacher didn't hear me yell in my native tongue. I was told off for doing it on purpose; the kids hated me and never trusted me. The teachers thought I was a bully. Again, I felt persecuted because they didn't understand the situation. During this time period, many photos were taken for the local newspaper; I was always used for some poses. I have them till this day, I recently looked at it. I could see a hurt child trying to get accepted. I still feel the same way.
I left that school, and went to another closer to the city. This was the worst I'd ever experience in tormenting. I started to go to Sunday school though; I became friends with someone who recognized me from the year 1 class a few years before. We
became best friends. We understood each other, he wasn't native to this country either, and had troubles being accepted. I recently saw him, he said to my mother 'he's still the same' and smiled, and then went home. Back in school before he enrolled, I was asked if I would mind if someone could use my pencils. I said "yes I mind". The thing was, I didn't know that I was supposed to say "I don't mind". It was strange. A negative word "don't" in a sentence would mean to be positive. The teacher said "Oh so you mind do you?". And I said "yes I do". I was waiting for the kid to come get my pencils, but the teacher then asked someone else "Do you mind if he can use your pencils" and the kid responded "No I don't mind". I go "What?". Two words, no and don't in one sentence meant yes! English is a crazy language. . The teacher then looked at me like I was evil. I just didn't understand, I meant "YES, he CAN use my pencils". Everyone in the class including the teacher thought I was selfish. I could do nothing right.
Then I remember trying to explain the concept of Father Christmas to someone, he was getting upset, I didn't know what was going on. He told me Father Christmas was made up. I said "I know it is". Then he walked to the teacher because he told her I was trying to make everyone believe Father Christmas was real. She dragged me outside and started explaining that Father Christmas wasn't real and was a story based on St Nicolas. I started crying. I was cursing in my native tongue "THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL HIM, THAT I UNDERSTOOD". Again, a misunderstanding.
Another time I said to another mate "I love you". Because in my native tongue if you say it a certain way, it meant you thought highly of him, yet the translation from my native tongue to English was 'love', although I could have used the term Mike' in English. Either way everyone cracked up laughing and started calling me a "Gaylord". I asked the teacher what "gay" meant. She said in some cases it meant to be "happy". I was wondering why I was teased about this. I started walking around the school telling everyone I was a "Gaylord". Many would laugh at me. Only a little afterwards did I realize that it could mean being attracted to the same sex. This was pathetic.
Then things started to get better, I was in a line outside entering music class, we all had recorders. One kid started to play it all the time outside another class. Then the class teacher stormed outside and started having a go at everyone because it was disturbing his class. He demanded who it was. No one owned up, he then said if no one owns up everyone would spend lunch time in class. I was thinking, c'mon own up. He wouldn't. So I stood to the side and said it was me. He dragged me to the side and started having a go at me. This is when I discovered I could vtune out' when being yelled at. I would stare blankly at the person, I could hear what he was saying, but it went in one ear out the other. I returned to the line, the music teacher said to me "it wasn't you was it". I said no it wasn't. She thought highly of me from that point onwards. The kids though, couldn't care less. I just saved their necks, but it didn't make one inch of difference.
The music teacher then became our math teacher, I was the first one to work out some hard mathematical questions. It was more based on shapes. Then I was asked to demonstrate my way of thinking to a group of 3 teachers. They would give me the question. I didn't get the answer right, but they were astounded at how I would try work it out. If I recall, the question was based on algebra, yet it was using things like "apples" and "oranges". They were considering in upgrading me to the year above for math. It didn't happen though.
I then became involved in Scouts, I went up the ranks quite quickly. We all went on a camp, there was one boy who was in a wheelchair, I don't recall what he had, whether it was MS or something different. He would have a guardian with him at all times, usually he would get his mouth wiped because when he talked he would dribble saliva. Although I wasn't friends with him, I was happy he would get involved in such activities such as the scouts. During the camp, we all had to go on a flying fox. I noticed there was a bit of oil on the cable, and it was dripping a bit. The first go was this kid who was in the wheelchair. He was put on a seat, and from what I remembered, I told another scout that it may be dangerous with the oil from the cable dripping onto people underneath, or at least we would get stains on our uniforms if we didn't move away. He looked at me and then ran off to get the scout, leader. The leader said to me, why on earth would you say that?. I go "Say what". To say that he would dribble all over everyone when he was up there. I go "WHAT?". Of for crying out loud. I explained to him what I said, but no one believed me, they all thought I was trying to cover up my mistake. Memories of misunderstanding kept re-surfacing. On the way home from the camp, one kid started having a go at me because of what I "apparently" said about the kid in the wheelchair. I knew what I said, so I got so pissed off I punched him one right in the eye socket. He started crying like a baby. Everyone turned around and started yelling at me accusing me of punching him when it was unprovoked. I left the scouts.
I remember receiving the student of the year award, twice actually. I even got on the student council because of my speech, which was different to others, yet I recited everything, and didn't read from my notes.
Even when this happened, my mother even had to discuss with my teachers of every year asking why I get picked on at school. They were always told that I wasn't the problem. It was everyone else. They were all selfish, and brutal, and hurtful kids. I was always the victim. I remember receiving the most compassionate award for BMX racing. I remembered when someone fell off their bike, and I was behind, I would jump off my bike and help him up, then we'd go around the track together. Although it was a race, I couldn't care less. Never won a race, but I got a Frisbee for doing this all the time.
I then changed primary school and started again. I received 'civilian of the year' award because I was helping people. I even stood up to the school bully, he lost, yet everyone felt sympathy for him because he had a broken ankle when he started a fight with me. He hurt himself when he tried to move. The students hated me, the teachers and adults thought differently.
I then remembered a quiz night. We all went and there was a line to the front counter. I asked a girl if I could stand in front of her to be with some of my friends. She said it was fine. When we got to the counter to pay the $2 for participating, we got a ticket with a number on it. It was for a competition to get $20 for a commonwealth bank account. At the end of the night, the number was drawn out. It was my ticket. I was ecstatic, I got myself $20! It was the last year there, when I left the school, I was told by a friend who was there, about how I accepted the $20 prize for the ticket. I said yes I remembered that night. She said, do you remember what happened before everyone got their ticket? I said "Yeah, we all lined up and...." And then I froze. I took the spot of someone else in the line. If I didn't ask to stand in front, she would have got the $20. I felt ashamed for not even thinking about it at the night, otherwise I would have asked the person if it was OK for me to have it.
But then even further later, if I said "do you mind if I have it" she would most always say "yes". I should have just given it to her without question. Life is full of lessons, some people learn it the hard way.
What a crazy country.
Later, I got interested in drawing. I received awards for drawing the best clown. Many years later still, I received a top 30 award out of 1800 people for best creative design for Telstra phone cards.
I had a few good friends, great friends actually. However they were all female! I couldn't talk to guys as I could talk to girls, I would make jokes, and they would laugh. I was like Mel Gibson in the movie 'what women want'. I thought I was actually making them laugh, but I later found out that in their minds, they were thinking 'what a jerk'. Only one of those girls stayed friends with me. However this didn't stop my ego. I got accepted into an art school. In the first class of the year, I was asked my personal story. Ego minded, I said that I got accepted because of an art scholarship and that I was special. Little did I realize that when I went to the first art class. Nearly everyone that was in that first class was there. I felt like a complete idiot. I got teased even in years 11 and 12, even by the younger grades! You can't be friends with everyone I was told. I tried so hard to fit in, but it never worked. I became an outcast, and hang out with the outcast group. I decided I didn't care about friends anymore, and decided to concentrate on school work. Excelled in English and Arts. Didn't excel in English because of spelling, it was due to my creative writing skills. I was totally right brained. I had an imagination that would fill volumes of interesting stories. I recall writing a story about DNA and how it is used to catch criminals. Although based on facts, the whole story was about trying to use it against the police to sway them. Take someone else's DNA, and plant it there. Wear gloves, take a finger print of which you want blamed and replicate it on a table, not direct contact because it can be seen as planted evidence. Not too little contact, because they can't identify. This was coming out of my own mind. I never watched such shows at that age. Only did I realize recently that similar themes are now being used on CSI and Law and Order, was I born ahead of my time. I could write these shows, well maybe, don't want to let my ego take over again do I!
I then began to appreciate life. Appreciate beauty in everything, nature, people, everything. I understood the meanings behind many artists as I was taught during theory in art class. I than started my own thoughts on how it relates to real life. Began asking questions what is real life? Reality is only our perception of experiences. The brain is a machine and it has to interpret outside influences. Electrical signals. I realized that reality is not what it actually is, only to the person experience it is it real. Coincidently a couple of years later, the movie 'The Matrix' was released. I couldn't believe it, again my initial thoughts were transpired in this movie. I couldn't stand watching it, yet I felt compelled to watch them.
I then studied media, I would get high marks because of my analysis of movies. I would see the things most people wouldn't. Even more so than what the teacher would tell us to look for. I then used it for my own personal pleasure. I then moved from my right brain to my left brain and became analytical. I would see similar themes over and over, with movies that would not have anything to do with another, yet there was a connection. Although I do not recall at the time what they were, I remember having that actual thought. Because it was entertainment, I thought nothing of it. I was able to analyze and be creative, I could choose to go into left brain mode or right brain mode. When I was at work, I would be in left brain mode "analysis" used for the type of work I was in. When I was at home, and wanted to do something, I would draw and color in.
It then progressed into doing more English type classes, now based on real life. We were given the book "The Anna Wood story". It was about ecstasy use, and how it killed her. I remembered using drugs when I was a lot younger, more so for a taste of altered 'reality'. They were trips and marijuana. I knew what trips were like, and I knew what marijuana was like. Yet I felt so hurt that people would use ecstasy. I wrote a HUGE assignment on the negatives of ecstasy use. I was even asked to record it on film, so I read it out. The English teacher was 'concerned' about my preoccupation with drugs. She told me that most people who delve into anything, whether good or bad, even for research, end up getting sucked into the subject. I scoffed, don't worry, It won't happen to me!
Then I got sick of still being tormented, it changed to teachers liking me, to being classified to being a "teachers pet", even by them. The other students thought I loved myself, I had my ex-girlfriends boyfriend who didn't go to our school wanting to start a fight with me on school grounds. I missed my bus. I started getting really angry at everything. I couldn't give a rats if I was the "good" boy, or trying to be everyone's friend. So I started to purposely do things to be the bad boy. I would use software to get the password for the schools internet connection. I remember using this account for a whole year. Free internet. I started to abuse the trust given to me. Who cared anyway, everyone thought I was a schmuck, so I started being one.
Final school dinner, they would give awards to humiliate people, or congratulate them.
I was used often in the humiliation category. One came up and the teacher read it out "He loves himself so much, he got a nipple ring". I was angry. Why would this mean I loved myself. Then another one came up "He was heard saying once; I can get any girlfriend a want". Again, this pissed me off. I remember saying it but it was taken out of context. For example, the ones who I would ask out on a date would be the ones that would be emotionally uplifting to me, these girls would usually be the ones I dated, and yes, it was what "I wanted", and apparently, I was who "they" wanted too. I got sick of people taking words literally without understanding the intention. I then got sick of people taking the possible intention to what I was literally meaning. I got so angry, and remembering everything in my past, which I didn't want to be in the school photo. I never returned.
The English teacher though, contacted me a few years later. She was no longer working for the school, but for long distance education, She asked me if I wanted to be used in videos to discuss my anti-drug stance. I agreed. My old video of reading the assignment was in it, then how I felt about it now. My position was still the same.
After a few years, when I was working, I was reading a magazine article during lunch break. My boss would walk past and ask what I was reading. I said "I'm reading an awesome article on car crashes". He looked at me, "What is so awesome about car crashes, people get hurt you know". I was confused, that's not what I meant, but he walked off. The article was about ambulance officers having to deal with such issues every day in life, and it was talking about how they were there to save lives, the article was about SAVING LIVES. That's what I was referring to. Again,
misunderstanding. One time he told me his sister had got her handbag stolen out of her car, and that during lunch if we minded going to the beach car park and see if we could find anything. We went the 'long way' for some reason, my boss was directing me where to go. We were coming by a street, and then he pointed, one of my best friends' lives down that street. When we passed, he said 'Oh, why are there police cars in his driveway'. I just remarked 'What a coincidence that we would drive at the very moment that police cars where there at your friends house'. Went to the car park, and he told me to look at the first bin, and he'd look in the second bin. I found some really disgusting articles in that bin, I went to him, and there was nothing unusual other than your average day rubbish in his. I pulled him over and showed him the bin I was looking in, and then we both left. He told me to go a different route home. I said no, that we will go back the same way we came. I looked at the street, and the police cars were gone. When worked finished, I went back to the car park to check out the stuff we found. I thought something was quite strange about that days events. I just wanted to make sure what I suspected wasn't right. I went to look in the first bin I was at, and yep, I was right, the 'disgusting' articles had been removed. The rest of the rubbish was there. What was going on! It had only been a few hours, and if the rubbish collector would have come, all the rubbish would be gone. Two possibilities. Either someone who had a weird mind would steal those articles, or the stuff was planted there for me to see, and then later removed for no one else to see. I thought it was weird that I was told to take the "long" route to the car park and passing my bosses supposed friends house, there were police cars in his drive way, when we drove back, they weren't there. Coincidental? Hrmm something was not right.
My boss was talking to me about possible drug use a few days later. I told him not to do it, it was a stupid idea, and that I knew the consequences of it. I don't know what he did, but I started thinking about how awesome my life was going, had a great job, was in my own place, things were finally sorting itself out. I began to go into left brain, ego thinking. "Nothing" can hurt me! I then chose to start taking speed, got involved in dancing, and went nightclubbing. It then furthered into ecstasy use. Although I TOTALLY forgot that I was anti-ecstasy, I tried it, and loved it. Had some weird experiences though, I would look at my hand and thought it was quite strange that I had protruding things coming out of my palm, they were 'fingers'. I was analysing the most basic of lifes' details. I then went for a walk, and stood on a ledge, and looked down, no fear came over me. My mind was just wandering in thought when I closed my eyes. I opened my eyes and looked down again and I freaked. Why on earth would I stand so close to the edge. If I took an extra step I would have plummeted. The drop was at least 5 meters and was close to huge drainage pipes. I walked away, I decided not to use ecstasy anymore.
One night leaving a nightclub, a friend of mine and I went to get some food at the food court. I turned around and I looked back, and there was a mobile phone right in front of me. I looked at it and picked it up and said to my mate. Hey did you see this before? And he goes "nope". "Why don't we take it and sell it" he said. Ok I said. I took the phone back to my place, but decided to return it to its owner. I went through the whole list of names on the phone, the only one that stuck out was 'MUM' because it was in capital letters, unlike the other names. There was no 'dad' mentioned. Also it was the only number that was stored in the phone memory and not the SIM card. So even if I swapped SIM cards, the phone would still retain that number. So I decided to call that number to speak to this persons' mother. I rang the number, someone picked up and says "Hello, Ministry of Justice". I got a shock! I hung up the phone immediately. What just happened? I thought that this persons'
mother must work at the Ministry of Justice. So I called back, explained the situation and no one there had a son or daughter that had lost their mobile phone. So I decided to look at the names on the SIM card. I decided to check the phone number before I rang the person, as the phone only showed the persons' name not the phone number. So I did a detailed view. And skimmed through. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Every phone name in on that SIM card had the SAME phone number, except the 'MUM' one. What is going on! So I just chose the first name, and rang it. A guy answers the phone. He says 'Hello'. I said 'Hi are you Peter' and he goes 'Yes it is'. I freaked. I made that name up! There was no 'Peter' in the SIM Card. The name I chose was Aaron. So something really strange was going on. I decided to talk to him anyway and said 'Hi well, your name was on a phone I found near a Nightclub, I just wanted to return it to its owner'. There was silence and he said "Ok, well I only know one mate that has lost his phone, could be his. Here is his home number". So I got the number off him. I rang the bloke and he said "Hi, Im so glad you found my phone, do you mind dropping it off at my place?". I said "Sure no worries". I went over his house, quite strange, there was a parked minivan a few doors down, it was on the road. There was no car in the driveway, however there was a car on the road in front of the house, the car had no number plates. I knocked on the door, and he opened the door. Asked me to come in. Looked like your average clubber, nothing suspicious about it. I handed him the phone and he pulled out his wallet and gave me some money as a reward. I then mentioned to him about the "MUM" coincidence to see what he would say. He didn't say anything, just looked at nodded. Strange. Then I noticed a computer in the corner. He said, hey do you know anything about computers, I really need a hand with mine, its playing up, I think someone's hacked into it. I thought this was rather weird. Coincidently, my work was with computers, and I worked as a software/hardware technician to fix problems with computers. I knew something was definitely fishy. I said to him "Look, I have to go now, but you have my mobile number, call me another day so I can have a look at it". On the way home, I knew something was wrong. I prayed to whoever is the true God to protect me, to stop any possible harm coming my way because I KNEW something was up. I got out of the car to go inside my home, and my mobile phone dropped out of my pocket. It smashed. The numbers were stored on the phone, also, if this bloke tried to call me to get his computer fixed, he wouldn't be able to reach me! Wow, seems like God does answer prayers!
I mentioned this incident to my friends at the time, they laughed when I mentioned the 'Ministry of Justice' scenario. I asked why they laughed, they didn't tell me why.
I started to use marijuana more frequently, I would go by a friend of a friends house after a night out in the town, we'd all be smoking. They stuck on some comedies, everyone cracked up laughing, I did too at times, other times I didn't get the point of the jokes. Then I asked the owner of the place "What's his real name", and he looks at me angrily and basically raises his voice "What; MY real name?" and I looked at him realizing what I said, but it wasn't him who I was referring to. It was the character on the comedy show. After about 2 seconds, I gained composure and pointed to the TV, with a nervous tone, and said "no, him, the guy on the TV", and the owner said "oh, yeh, his name is...". Anyway, I was upset and wondered why he reacted that way, it was quite strange, unless the name he used wasn't his real name! Interesting. Then not long after that, another person rocks up to the house, lets himself in, and puts his bag on the table, turns around and sees me, and he freezes. Its' one of the nightclubs bartenders, the club we all go to. I thought, what in the worlds name would he be doing here. He then gestured to the owner of the house and they went into another room to talk privately. I decided not to stay much longer so when the marijuana's effect wore off, I left.
I then recalled on the way home, this bartender at the nightclub always comes up and starts small chat with a good friend of mine. Although no one else talked to the bartender that was in our group.
We all went to a friends place one morning after a night in the town. There was a new person that not many people knew, we all had got ecstacy and crushed it, and snorted it. The person not many people knew had a video camera, she asked if she could record everyone for a documentary she was making. A friend who we all knew, didn't actually take any drugs that morning, he sat by the side looking at everyone. I looked at him and he looked at me, and he smiled, winked and said to me "evidence". I freaked, but I had already taken the drugs. This was insane. A few days later I heard that the owner of the place took the video tape from the camera. A few days later still there were two elderly people who went looking for the video tapes. Coincidently, it wound up in my friends hands, the one that winked at me and said 'evidence'. He had them, he said he would get rid of them, I don't know what to believe anymore.
Then this girl appeared out of nowhere a few weeks later. She was around 19 or so, I showed interest in her, she didn't want anything to do with me. A few weeks later, she re-appeared. She was now a girlfriend of one of my friends. She told everyone that she was from New Zealand, and that she came over a month or two ago to start a new life in Australia. At times we would chat, we became good friends, however things started to go strange. She would claim to be a user of drugs. Yet when all of us would gather together, she would not use anything other than speed, and she always had her 'own'. When someone said xnah you should try this, its better'. She would put it in a glass of water, and take about 1 hour to drink the whole glass. Although I don't know what was happening, I thought that drinking the water over an hour would have little, even no effect at all. Other times she would be busy in conversations with text messages. I asked her who they were too. She said 'oh they are from really good friends'. I said to her 'I thought you told me you don't know anyone here other than us'. She looked at me and then looked at her watch and said 'Oh, I gotta go, I have to be back at my place'. Something didn't seem right.
A few months later, I decided to give ecstasy one more try, I was offered two by the dealer, who at the time was the friend that the bartender would start small chatter with, and the friend that said 'evidence' at that persons place earlier on. I said that I only wanted one, he said not to worry, he only had one anyway, and that he would give me one later on, I thought it was quite strange.
Took the tablet, and I couldn't believe what was happening, it was great! So different to the others, NOTHING but complete joy. I didn't even have a come down. I told him it was great. He told me that it was government grade ecstasy, that its hard to find, and wondered if I liked it because he did. I said of course, I want another one. He said he would give it to me on new years that was coming up. I said no worries.
One week before the new year, I was dancing, and many people would walk up to me and say 'hey where are you spending new years'. I said 'here'. They then said 'ok no worries' and walked off. Strange I thought, why would they walk up to me and ask where I was partying, then walk off? Either way, it didn't bother me.
December 31st. I was looking for my friend, I found him, and I asked him if I could have that tablet. He said he'll go find his dealer. He came back and said 'open your hand'. I was like 'why?'. And he said 'so I can give you the tablet'. I told him why would he do that, everyone could see, why not follow protocol of drug exchange? He said why should I worry, no one has been caught before? So anyway, because of the awesome feeling I remembered, I opened my hand, and his hand was about 15 cm above mine, and he dropped it. Weird, I thought, were there just camera flashes as he was passing it on to me? I shook my head, It must have been the strobe lights. I then picked up something else. The tablet was twice the size. I questioned him on it and he said 'oh...oh yeh, don't worry, it because its twice as good as the last one'. I said 'oh even better'. I put it in my mouth, and swallowed. As I was swallowing, I felt it was very acidic, I questioned him about that, and he said 'oh..oh yeh, Hrmmm I think it may be laced with LSD'. I was phuming. How could he do that to me!
Anyway, I decided to make the best of the night. Someone came up to me and zapped me on the neck with an electrical zapper. I blanked out and came too. My reality had changed. I started to go into 'left brain thinking' and started analysing everything.
I noticed a vast majority of people were wearing suits, and had sunglasses on. Strange. I then noticed these people had green and blue glow sticks. When I arrived, I actually asked for blue, and they said they ran out of blue and green, and they only had a whole heap of red ones left. I stood out like a sore thumb. Not long after, someone came up to me with green glow sticks, and said 'hey, do you mind if we swap, I asked for red glow sticks, and they said they didn't have any, only blue or green'. I'm panicking, I go 'what?' Why on earth would they say that to him and not me. I was getting paranoid for something so trivial, yet I couldn't help wonder what was going on.
Then I hear gun fire. It didn't phase me much, because it was actually coming from the speakers. But then I started thinking about stupid things that made no sense. I was getting scared.
Not long after, I started to calm down, things were going back to normal. I then noticed this tall blonde haired woman, probably around mind 20's, wearing nothing but white. She stood out more than I did. Everyone was wearing dark clothes, except her. She looked uncomfortable, but I didn't think much of it. I looked away, looked back, and she had her hand on her head. She then showed me her hand. Why would she show me her hand, why not anyone else. It was covered in blood. I panicked. I wondered if someone threw something and it hit her on the head. Someone came up to me at that point and said 'Hey, you want to kill don't you'. I go, 'what?'. He repeated 'I know you want to kill'. I said 'what are you talking about'. He then said 'I can see it in your eyes, you want to kill'. I freaked, why was this guy saying this to me! I cornered myself on the stage, I was getting really thirsty. Someone then placed a bottle of water next to me, it had no label. I was thinking it was spiked, yet I was so thirsty. I didn't touch it. My friends by this stage weren't around, they had left me there by myself. Some friends they were I thought.
Not long after that, people would come up to me, with the sunglasses and repeat 'are you alright'. At that same moment, they'd say it whilst lifting their glasses. I was analysing everything. My imagination started playing up, whilst on this drug, I was by no means to become creative. I got worse. I was caving in, and going into my own world. All I remember was thinking 'It will be over in the morning', and that is when I sat in the fetal position for the rest of the night.
Eventually the morning came around. It was the new year. My friends came back, and said they'd take me home. I went down stairs and saw this guy covered in blood. It was a mixed reaction, I was concerned this guy seemed to be beaten up, yet he didn't seem phased by it, because he was talking to the bouncer in a happy type way. So I moved on. Needed a drink. Coke machine across the street had a 'out of order' sign. I began to think 'out of order?', I laughed a bit, yes at the moment my mind seems out of order. My friends and I were the only ones across the street, everyone else were outside the nightclub. A good majority of people seemed to be pointing and laughing at me. Paranoid. I just want to go home.
On the way home, I noticed the new bus stop signs. It was quite strange. They were red text on black background. The only three I remember were.
"At night we shine"
"You saw us coming"
"We've got you working day and night"
I was freaking. The simple fact that the words "we" or "you" were being mentioned, I believed they were messages for me. At the time I had no idea what they meant, but I knew they were for me.
A little later I recalled trying to analyse them.
"At night we shine" refered to me. At night I shine, during the day I work, at night I take drugs. Then later still I thought it meant the stars. At night the stars shine. Either way it made no sense.
"You saw us coming" referred to me believing I was being targeted. Could "us" mean police? I saw the police coming? I now recall all the events that lead up to that night, and yes, now I realize, but of course because I didn't dwell on things, and I knew I had nothing to hide, why should I be worried?
"We've got you working day and night" referred to when I had two jobs, the normal computer job, and the paper round at night. Didn't make a big deal though.
Then I went to my mates place, started watching TV, and the fireworks would be shown, and I started panicking again, the lights were affecting me. Then not long after the fireworks, they'd zoom into the presenters, and they were indoors. Yet they had sunglasses on! I freaked! What in the world is going on.
So I was just sitting there, and another friend calls asking if I was alright. He was the one who was dating the New Zealander. He said he was coming over. Him and his girlfriend arrived, when I saw her, I couldn't help but think she was an undercover police officer. I gave her a look and she froze when she saw me. She told my mate she was going to wait outside. A little while later, my mate then offered to take me back to his place to calm down a little more. So I went outside and his girlfriend was standing by his car, and I said, you can take the front seat, I need to lay down in the back. She was insisting I sat in the front seat. I told her no, but she kept carrying on, what was the big deal! We got to my mates place, and I laid down. Then my mates girlfriend stormed out of the house carrying all her belongings. I asked my mate what was going on, he said he didn't know.
I couldn't cope, I wanted to go home and face the music to my mum, and brothers. On the way home, there was a picture of a dwarf, doing the heil Hitler sign, and above it were the words "WORLD LEADER". I then remembered that at the time I was using the nickname 'dwarf and that I chose the nickname for loving the tv show Yed dwarf. A sci fi series.
The drug still hadn't worn off by now, it was about 3 days. I went to the only doctor that was available in the area. When I was driven there. We turned onto the street. It was on 'Stalker' street. I panicked. What is going on!
I sat down in the seats, and I was given a magazine. It was a face with sunglasses drawn around the eyes of the person. I panicked. I then looked at other magazines. I walked around the whole room. Every magazine had drawn sunglasses on the cover! Oh boy this is too coincidental.
Walked into the surgery, and the lady doctor asked me what was wrong. I explained the whole situation, and her face of concerned changed to disappointed. She said 'You have taken an LSD based drug. You will see messages in adverts and movies thinking they are referring to you'. I was like 'movies?' then I said 'well the advert thing is already bothering me'. So she said she'll prescribe me tranquilizers to calm me down. I agreed. Went to the chemist, and for some weird reason, a lot of people got out of their cars in unison, and went inside the chemist before I did. Coincidently, they were all wearing sunglasses. I was panicking. I went inside, and I walked up to the counter, and said 'Excuse me, can I please have this prescription filled'. He looked at me and he said 'Have you had anti-depressants before'. I say "excuse me? These are tranquilisers'. He said 'No, I'm sorry, but these are prescription for anti-depressants'. I said 'ok whatever, just give them to me'. So I turned to walk out, and everyone seemed to have left the chemist. I walked outside and they were all getting into their cars. Very very strange.
On the way home, there was another poster on the bus stop. It was a street sign that said "SAFER" and the name of the type of road was "DVE". The photo was taken from underneath, the sign was behind the sky with clouds. I mentioned this about how DVE meant DIVE. The driver said it was about safer driving. le DVE = DRIVE. I said no, that DRIVE = DRV, and that is how it is spelt on normal street signs. To him it meant drive, to me it meant dive. When I noticed the way the shot was taken, ie it was in the sky. To me it meant to dive off a building. I was quite worried about this and even more so, when I came across another advert of a swimmer with black goggles on, which look similar to sunglasses, and the words behind him it said "why don't you take a dive". It was getting worse when I remembered the movie "Vanilla Sky". When Tom Cruise chose his failsafe action, and to come out of the cryogenic type sleep, he had to dive off the building. Crikey, if the drug was working 100%, I could have done that! I'm still here though. Thank God. I saw many posters with similar themes. Usually they had pictures of cameras with the words "shoot" behind them. Average person thinks camera shot. In my paranoid state of thinking it meant to "shoot" a gun. Nothing but negativity. It was insane!
Went home, and I took one anti-depressant. Half an hour later, my world was a different place.
Anti-Depressant mixed with LSD
The tablet had kicked off the drug again, yet it was 3 times as bad as when in the nightclub. It all seemed so 'surreal'. I knew what that word meant, and I was living it. I started blaming everyone around me for putting me through this. For my friend who gave me the tablet. For my other friends who abandoned me. For the doctor who lied to me and made it worse. Yet I never blamed myself for taking the tablet. Yeah that's right, my responsibility. If the police were involved with drugging me, they covered their bases. They did everything to setup the situation, yet they didn't cross the line into 'breaking' the law. I stepped over and just took the bait. It was my fault in the end, my fault alone. This really hurt me. Yet I still had no idea why it would be done to me.
As the anti-depressant was getting stronger, my body was getting heavy, it got to the stage that I couldn't move. Then I noticed sweat was pouring off me. I was getting scared, I didn't know what was going on. Then for some reason, memories started surfacing. Any memory, memories upon memories upon memories. They seemed like air bubbles floating up through water and then burst as it reached the air at the top. These memories were surfacing and when I remembered something bad I did, it was the 'burst'. An explosion feeling came over me, it was the negativity of the drug that was felt, a negative pinging sensation. Oh no, I drank ALL the drink when I wanted a drink, not a little bit, I was selfish "BOOM", the thought exploded into a physical reaction. Oh no, I kissed the teacher on the cheek before going to class, everyone hated me "BOOM", the thought exploded into another physical reaction. Oh no I've written stories of trying to make police go into a different direction in creative writing stories regarding DNA "BOOM", the thought exploded into a physical reaction. It was going insane. I couldn't control the memories, everything good - disregard. Everything bad - amplify. I was convinced I was the most evil person on the planet. Seemed like a truth serum of sorts. I would tell my own family who were the only people I trusted, what I've done wrong in life. It felt good to actually tell it. If I lied, I felt a negative physical reaction, the pinging would take effect. I could not lie!
They took me to the psychiatrist because of this. I couldn't lie, yet the only way to stop saying the truth was to keep my mouth shut. I explained everything except the connection scenario. For weeks on end, no psychiatrist could diagnose me.
I went to work before this though, I tried to work anyway, I couldn't write properly, couldn't structure sentences when writing. I had received over 500 or so e-mails for people wanting help. I couldn't do it. I was locked into my own thoughts. At that time, the whole room filled with a bright light. I wondered where the light was coming from. I looked out the window, and there was this ute parked across the street, the back was facing where I was at. There was this man, looking towards the house, and adjusting the rear window of the ute, at one stage, the brightness of the
sun bounced off the window and hit my eyes, at that same moment too, the room filled with the bright light. As the light hit my eyes, the drug kicked off again.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I went to answer it and it was that same guy! What is going on! He says 'Hi is your mum home?'. I replied. "Sorry, I don't live here, I work here" and he said "oh sorry, do you mind if I speak to your mum". I replied with "I told you, I work here". He then said one more time "Oh sorry to bother you then, do you mind if I speak to someone else then, perhaps your mum?". I was ready to knock this guy out, then I thought I could get done for assault. So I left, went got my boss, and he took over the handling the situation.
On the way home, from work, I noticed identical utes following me. There were three of them, all dodging traffic on the freeway. I was just hoping I wouldn't get pulled over by the police due to driving under the influence. Yet these utes seemed to corner me. One in front and the other two on either side. I slammed on the brakes, and pulled out of the formation. Then as we went past a parked car on the freeway, which at the time seemed to be a Telstra car, my interior light went on! It happened about 50 meters before passing the car. Then about 50 meters past, the light turned off. I was panicking! I turned on the radio, and heard the traffic report. Coincidentally, my usual route had a traffic accident, so I decided to take a different one. To my surprise, there were Minivans everywhere on the route home. I couldn't help but remember the TV series "Stingers". They would all use the same type of minivans for surveillance operations. Then I remembered the Minivan parked near the house where I returned the mobile phone. Oh no, they are really trying hard aren't they! I had to compose myself. I had to not think about it. Then an advert came on the radio. It was an advert on a product to make cakes. It was a type of pre-mixture in a tube that has caramel to be squeezed on top of the icing. However even though this was mentioned, I couldn't help but analyse everything, even this silly little advert. It went similar along the lines of this:
"Give, your mum the tube with caramel in it for her to make a cake, wouldn't you like your mum to make you a beautiful cake, she would be able to squeeze the last drops out of it, and wipe the last bit of with her finger and put it in her mouth, swallowing, feeling proud at what she has done for you, just like a mother should? Buy "so and so" and allow your loved one to make you the most amazing cake!" Then the jingle started playing. The simple fact that the word "mum" was used tied me to the events of that day when that guy came to my door. He kept repeating the same thing over and over. But I couldn't help but feel utterly disgusted at what was happening. I quickly switched radio stations, and the jingle was playing at the same spot on the other station. Quickly change again, and AGAIN, the jingle was playing on the other station. WHAT IS GOING ON! When I got home, I didn't want to talk to anyone, no one believed me. Everything was so messed up. I decided to quit work, and never went back.
I did tell them though that I was late due to a traffic blockage on my usual route home. They told me there was no problems with traffic anywhere. I checked on the internet, and they were right, there was no traffic problems on my usual route. That was very weird, but under my circumstances, it seemed like a normal day for that week.
My brother who was overly concerned, told me if I wanted to go get something to eat. I told him I needed to go to the bank, to get some money out. He asked me how much I should have in there, I said I should have around 200 to 250 dollars.
Went to the ATM, and withdrew 20 dollars. I looked at the remaining balance. It was $666.25. WHAT IS GOING ON! I showed my brother the receipt, and he looked at me and said "what, so now you think you're the devil". I responded to him "No, but probably everyone else does!". He started yelling at me and cursing at me. I kept onto the receipt though. I showed it to a cousin, he looked at me, and was probably the only one who believed me to some degree, he totally backed off at the time when I showed him the receipt.
This simple connection of 666 to the "WORLD LEADER" to Dwarf to me, began to make sense. For a long time I would believe I was the devil in the flesh. How could things go so wrong.
A while later, I went home and decided to watch tennis, what could possibly go wrong here, it's a sport. Little did I realize, that of course, during major sporting events, there are heaps of advertising. First thing I noticed was the KIA logo. The logo had the A without the horizontal bar. So basically it looked like to L's joined at the top. IE "kill". I panicked. Then the camera was zooming into the players as they hit the ball, I couldn't see what was in front, only what was in the distance. On the wall behind both players was the word "SKILLED". At times, the "S" would be removed and left "KILLED". Oh for crying out loud!
I was getting very annoyed. I then remembered that there was still problems with the digital transmission, a few white lines would go across the screen of analog TV's. Before I heard this, I knew something was fishy. All it did was induce paranoia. I then watched the new a current affair show. The presenter had one wonky eye, the background was in reds. The first story was about an exorcism. I linked it all together, and thought. This is hell on earth. Not long after that, the show went back to normal, with the usual presenter.
Things now started to believing I was the devil in the flesh. This was insane!
One time, I was trying to work on our car, a family member was asking me to see if I could see where the timer was flashing in unison with a revolving part of an engine. I don't understand cars very much. I looked, and the flashing of the light was triggering the drug again. I looked away, and he insisted I look back. So I did, it made it worse. I told him I couldn't look anymore. He then said to get in the drivers side and put my foot on the gas. I told him how can I do that, if the engine had no lid on it, using logic I thought. He said to do it anyway, I said its impossible, he started having a go at me and yelling, as he picked me up by the collar, and pulled me out of the car, he jumped in and started revving the engine, the noise of the engine was making the drug worse, I started to lose touch of my own reality, things were getting distorted, I looked over at the engine with oil splattering everywhere, and a duplicate engine next to the car which was used for spare parts. I yelled at him to stop and told him that we needed to stick the engine on the side, ontop of the engine in the car and use the elastic bands that were on the floor to join them both together so the car would drive. He was going ballistic and continued having a go at me. I didn't know what was going on. I ran inside and slammed the door in my room. I started to calm down and I realized what I was actually thinking. It was nuts! I decided to concentrate on a small dot on the wall and close the curtains and sit on the bed staring. Just concentrate I thought. It worked, I totally calmed down, the effects wore off in a few minutes. I went into the kitchen, he was there.
I sat down at the dinner table, he was there. He said to me if I remembered my mate during highschool. I told him I didn't have any male friends, and he said, yes you did, the one who's girlfriend you dated after she broke up with him. I freaked. Oh him, yeh what about him. He said he drove past his place to check out how the car was driving, and there were two police cars and one supped up car in front of his house, he said whether I knew anything. My mind started to wander. "No" I said. Strange.
I eventually recovered, the weird thoughts disappeared, and the drug took at least 3 months to wear off. I still believed what happened to me was real, but I didn't believe I was the devil in the flesh, I just thought whoever drugged me, wanted me to think that. It did seem like a conspiracy, but it was totally illogical, and due to the fact that I use logic a lot, I came to the conclusion that it was grandeur delusions. It had to go back to the most simplest form. If the police want to catch someone, they would go to all their powers in high profile cases without breaking the law, and bait their suspect. I know they have the wrong guy.
I was then thinking, about the pharmaceutical companies, how they are able to make anti-psychotics. I figured, if that was possible, its entirely likely that they can make drugs that make people psychotic. This would explain my situation. I then figured that what better way to make a target feel they are being targeted than just making them believe it without actually doing it. I mean, the amount of money spent on surveillance on a criminal would be huge. Why not just make them believe they are being targeted and just top up the paranoia every so often, waiting for their next move! Much cheaper, not so much work, and the entire time the target believes something is happening to them when its not! Drug them, use the time that they are under the influence to stimulate and suggest a certain thought pattern, the person takes it on, then for ever in the day, they will continue to carry out that thought process when nothing since the day the drug stopped working has ever been done again. Its just playing out in their own mind until they break! Let them go on in their daily lives and they'll crack under the pressure.
At times I used to be abusive, but mentally and emotionally. I've never hit my wife, and we've known each other for 6 years. Yet we do play mind games, and she did say one day that emotional abuse is worse, because the scars are on the inside. This got to me, and I never did it again, neither did she. However this was only a few years ago, when I was younger I used to scream and yell, and became very controlling. We didn't last long, but I do recall seeing her again, she was in my ex-mates car. She must have gone back to him. Oh well I thought. Doesn't really matter now though, I'm happily married, and have a wonderful supporting family.
The ex-mate I had, from the point in time when I stopped being friends with him, I was the one who was smoking cigarettes, and I was the one who dabbled in drugs back then. From my knowledge he never touched cigarettes or drugs, I am assuming he never did. We both had identical likes and dislikes, he was more of a guys guy though, rough play, jokes with the guys, I was more of the ladies talker. Things are a lot different now, my mind is trying to get back into shape from being drug induced, my likes and dislikes have changed, all because of dabbling into the wrong scene. I wonder how it would have turned out if he started to take drugs instead of me. I can only wonder. At that point, I realized that taking that one tablet on New Years Eve was the best thing that could have happened to me. I would never have met my wife, or any happiness that had grown from that relationship. I would never have met the friends I have now who totally understood
my situation, they know everything that I've been through. They actually had similar experiences, yet on a different level. I look up to them, they work and now have great lives, and they help each other. I was learning something new, about being accepted, and how to accept others. And if you cannot be accepted, move on, its not up to you to convince them that you are kind, its up to them to make that decision. When I realized this, things became a lot easier. I then started taking responsibility for my own actions, I tried to not be apathetic and tried to get everyone's sympathy - this drained a lot of people. Its still a learning process, but ultimately, no one can control your life, if you don't take control of it yourself, you will be molded into something others want. My life is my responsibility, and I shouldn't blame anyone else for it.
So I decided to spiritually grow. I was in search for the truth about life. I decided to go to Scientology to check it out. I did their personality test, and I was one buggered up mind. I did their IQ test, and got 136, apparently the top 5%. I didn't know what to believe though, it could all be a trick to sell me their books, I then went and did a course on identifying PTS's and Suppressives, and what to do if you identify one. I started the course, and nearly everything that was taught about being a suppressive, I could identify with. I then went to the instructor and said, "Look, I know this sounds bad, but I think I would be classified as a suppressive". He looked at me and said "that's actually quite impossible." I said "why?". He said "because suppresives would never admit to being one. It would break them so much they would totally go nuts" I said, "Ok then, am I a PTS then? A Potential Trouble Source?". He said I coufd be.
Fondly enough, I completed the course in 3 days. Apparently it takes 2 weeks. Another type of tactic I thought. Make me feel special to continue staying. I then watched a video about the reactive mind. When unconscious, or when in a hypnotic state, or anything that puts you in this way, things will equal everything. So on a conscious level, you have an apple. The apple has a worm in it, and the worm has made a hole in the apple. However in the reactive mind, the apple is the worm is the hole. There is no distinction. I actually understood this. And I understood that if a physical action occurs when in this state, and if someone says something under that state. And you wake up, then someone repeats that word, you will literally feel the physical side effect of that word. So if you got knocked out by hitting your head on the left temple, words were used whilst unconscious. You came too, then someone repeated a word, you will feel the pain on the left temple. This happens MANY years down the track, it never goes away. I then realized myself, that this would explain why when someone gets a small headache, and you go "are you alright" they get even more of a headache, because the words "are you alright" would have been said whilst that person was knocked out. It's a psychosomatic reaction. It made perfect sense. I thought I was in the right place.
I re-did the personality test after the course, and l/3rd of my graph jumped into 'high levels', meaning I've achieved the goal. I was on my way to success they said, and I thought "yen, by you molding my mind". I then noticed someone in the centre. I recognized them from somewhere, I don't remember where, but I did.
I then did a few Sunday sessions, with this guy that I remembered, I was getting confused though, he came up to me and said "are you alright". I go 'err what'. The first thing I remembered when he said that, was being on the drug, on the LSD many months before, when someone came up to me and said "are you alright". When he actually said it though, I experienced the sensation of being on the drug. I
said to myself "hold on, this is weird, he repeated to me what I heard in the nightclub, yet I experienced a psychosomatic reaction". And then it hit me. I knew where I saw this guy before.
I went online, and started researching LSD, anti-depressants, and Psychosomatic events. Apparently, when on a hallucinogenic, the mind behaves the same way as a reactive mind would when unconscious. This would explain why I was tieing things to each other which made no sense. An apple is a worm is a hole. Dwarf is a World Leader is 666. Reactive mind at its best. But LSD? Then it hit me. I KNOW where I saw that guy before. He was the one at the door that kept repeating to me "Hi is your mum home" over and over! I couldn't believe it! The head Scientology president at the local centre was the guy at the front door!
So I kept my cool. I decided to continue going to the centre for further training, I learned about their global agenda, apparently I wasn't supposed to be in the seminar, but I was, I was pulled out before It finished though, however I heard enough and it began to make sense.
Their global agenda is "For the survival of the human race". This meant they would do anything and everything to remove PTS's and Suppressive people from the planet. This includes fundamentalists in religion, and criminals. The fundamentalists in religion would be certain factions of Islam, and Christianity who believed in Armageddon.
The actual point of the seminar, was not the mentioning of the global agenda, was the fact that the speaker mentioned that they've nearly succeeding in completing the goal! Completing to get rid of suppressives, criminals etc? How on earth could they do that!
This was quite odd, they 'allow' for anyone to join their religion, yet they don't believe the prophecies in either Quran or Revelations in the Bible. The criminal side of things was totally understandable though. I researched further. I then realized that they called the soul 'thetan'. In some accents it sounds like 'satan'. Then at one stage they decided to give me their 'secret' phone number, a priority number. I found it odd that it ended in 666. Yen give any Christian this number and they'll definitely return. Hypocrites I thought. I stayed a little longer though, till I could get enough information on their practices. I then discovered a processing session. They would repeat things over and over. Identical I thought to the nightclub scene of someone telling me about "kill" and of course, it confirmed the guy who came to my door and said "hi is your mum home" over and over. It had to be the same person. From their perspective I was a suppressive, in their religion, they know how the mind works, differently to psychology or psychiatry, but they know. And I always thought, if you have the technology to do good for the world and enhance greatness, you can use it to manipulate the minds of suppressives and remove them. They were succeeding with me I thought. But I won't let them get to me.
This explained the whole Dwarf, devil scenario, reactive mind. It made sense, so now I understand. It was a technique used to make me think things that in a reactive mind seems real. But my reactive mind became my thoughts, and became at the conscious level, and I was molded with the suggestive imprinting of adverts.
So I decided to look into conscious imprinting. This only occurred during hypnosis. You would be given a trigger whilst under the trance, and when you saw that trigger,
you would act a certain way. I recall one online video of someone saying "When I tap my sunglasses, you will know it is referring to you, and you will walk like a chicken". It worked like a charm. The hypnotherapist tapped his sunglasses, the guest saw the gesture, knew it was for him, and started walking around like a
Then I had a flashback. Sunglasses, whenever someone took off their sunglasses, or lifted them, they would say something and at the nightclub it was referring to me. So a suggestive imprinting. If I saw it again, ANYWHERE, I would think it was relating to me.
So even though this only happened during the 3 months of being under the influence, I looked at movies and adverts where sunglasses were involved. BINGO.
First movie I looked at was The Matrix'. Because this movie was FULL of sunglasses, I couldn't make out what was happening. So this failed in this movie. I then watched some others, one movie that stood out, was There's something about Mary'. There was one scene, and as the driver was putting on his sunglasses, he said "Must be a stalker". I wrote it down. I KNEW it wasn't relating to me, because it was an international movie, a global conspiracy against me personally? Yeh right! I could see how it could affect people, if they were pre-dispositioned to look for that, that is. If they were under hypnosis and told to believe whenever someone tapped or removed/put on the sunglasses that it would be referring to them. So if it works in hypnosis, ie the reactive mind, then it would work on hallucinogenic too. This explained my situation. The movies were not made to target me, but, I couldn't figure it out. What was happening? I would react a certain way during sunglasses scenes during the 3 months under the LSD, but not anymore, now I'm consciously looking for it. Others who haven't progressed to what I knew about what was happening, believed it was relating directly to them. Then the thought of Scientology came up. Their'global agenda'. To remove suppressives and PTS's from the planet. Did I stumble onto a technique of their global agenda? Could they be directors/producers/script writers for Hollywood. Its entirely possible, I mean Tom Cruise and John Travolta are scientologists, and they are in Hollywood, so why can't directors/producers/script writers also be? These people are at high OT levels. What I learned in the religion, I hadn't even made it to clear yet! So if I could find out what I did at my entrance level, imagine the possibilities they have been taught at the advanced levels! I realized they are succeeding, and good on them in a way, this world cannot go through war, and destruction of the human race based on religious beliefs. It needs to be sorted out before it gets that far. However I do think they targeted me, possibly fitting a suppressive profile, but they definitely got the wrong guy. Because they got the wrong guy, I was able to stand to a side and look at it objectively. I feel like I know whats happening now. These movies were not made for me, they were targeted at people who they believe are suppressives, and in their own minds, they would believe its directed to them!
This got me really interested in other forms of triggering effects. I started watching criminal movies, on profiles of extreme cases. I found it interesting that a lot of hard core criminals, would reduce their level of thinking to tattoo the word "mom" or "mum" or "Dad" on themselves whilst in prison. I researched on the internet, and bingo, I was right. The hardcore criminals, have two types of upbringings by their parents. Totally neglected, or totally loved. I then remembered my childhood. Totally loved. Recalling the compassion I gave to others because of how my own mother was to me, I seemed to fit this profile. However it was different. The totally
loved criminals were categorized as "implosive" and the ones with neglect would be categorized as "explosive". Where have I heard this before? I then recalled the movie "Anger management". The totally loved one, would block their feelings, and react at a time when it all goes wrong, goes to work and blows the brains out of everyone. The explosive is the criminal who goes stealing cars, taking drugs, doing it consistently. The more dangerous is the implosive or loved one, you can never work out when something will go wrong.
So during some research in people who are very sensitive, and anxious, they react to certain types of visuals/sounds. Again, theses themes I realized belong to crime related dramas. I decided to watch a couple of episodes and bingo, I hit the nail on the head. I noticed the technique. Interesting I thought, so I wrote it down. A certain event happened which matched my criteria. Gave the association of the reactive mind. The average person would not see it, people who were on hallucinogens, sensitive/anxious, hypnotic or your implosive sociopath would either consciously or subconsciously be aware of it.
I then saw a very old movie, called "The Manchurian Candidate", same techniques. I then found out a remake was being made. When the remake was released, they used similar techniques. Coincidently, these movies were based on 'mind-control'. How blatant is that.
So without going into further details about all the movies watched, all episodes of crime related dramas (and even non crime dramas), there was a constant theme with this. The sensitive person would subconsciously or have a reactive mind psychosomatic reaction. The basics were along the lines of this:
"We will get you"
"We are waiting for your next move"
"You cannot run, you cannot hide"
"Do it one more time"
"Do it for your mum/mom/mother/mummy"
"You are insane/crazy/nuts"
"Stop being insane/crazy/nuts"
"You will destroy the world/human race/humanity"
"You are a disgrace to society"
"Go kill yourself"
Coincidently, the movies which had such themes were Tom Cruise and John Travolta Movies. If I am correct, I'm sure movies with Jenna Elf man, and Giovani Ruibissi would involve the same subliminals. Dramas such as law type themes, would have these, during certain episodes of your normal day shows such as Home and Away, and Neighbors, use the same tactics, especially during heavily advertised episodes. I am almost certain that similar themes will be used in upcoming movies such as V for Vendetta, Ice age 2, Da Vinci Code, 666, the Beast, Mission Impossible III and any other such movies.
I now realized there was a global conspiracy, but It could not be proven, it was speculation and gathering up of situations that it occurred. The global conspiracy was not targeted at an individual, it was targeted at a group of individuals that seem to hold down the advancement of the human race.
I then thought a little further. Criminals who watch episodes law type themes, would use it purposely in their own crimes. So it's a honeypot. The criminals watch these dramas to get ideas, just subconsciously they were being stimulated with the opposite. I then realized the obviousness of the truth. Conspiracy itself, it's a conspiracy. CONspiracy. It's a CON! Conspiracy related websites, I found would most likely be honeypots. All heavy discussions would be monitored! What a brilliant idea! So I started thinking about the Roswell crash. On the 50th anniversary the officials stated that the bodies recovered were crash dummies. Everyone yelled (conspiracy/coverup'. But I decided to further investigate, the test dummies were made about 2 to 3 years after the crash. So it was a lie. But why would they make a silly mistake like that? These are the people that take charge of war, and have super intelligence, yet they bungle a one day event, something that is related to conspiracy, and the reaction is more anger towards them. Something was not right. It then clicked. Perhaps it was intentional? That actually made quite a lot of sense. The conspiracy behind Roswell was not that a UFO landed, it was the fact that it was MADE to look like a conspiracy and MADE to look like a cover up. Whilst everyone is shouting conspiracy, they are falling into the hands of the people involved! A Honeypot. These are the people that MUST be monitored!
September llth 2001. Two planes hit the World Trade Centre towers. A plane goes into the Pentagon, another crashes. Conspiracy theorists jump up and down, I took the same equation into this scenario. People were talking about bomb blasts then the towers collapsed in demolition style. The pentagon crash people saying there was not enough plane debris and all sorts of reasons that a plane couldn't have crashed in there. Ok this is possibly true, but the mistakes made seem more intentional rather than accidental. Its dividing the world again, its making people like Bush say "You are either with us, or you are with the terrorists". Conspiracy theorists would be classified as Terrorists. Conspiracy Theorists would be classified as Suppressives. I shook my head in disappointment. I agree with the overall agenda, to have a world of peace, I disagree with the way they are doing it though, if this seems to be the case. Simple technique of Divide and Conquer.
Then I watched Tomb Raider, about the Illuminati, I didn't know what the Illuminati were, but in this movie, they are people who rule the world, and want world domination.
I then came across the word illuminati on the internet. I searched and was quite astounded, that they have satanic connections, and rituals. Was rather astonished at the families that were connected, who in turn were related to the Bushs', and many other presidential candidates, and political leaders of the entire planet.
I then read up on Mormonism. Discussing with a church leader, he said that Adam and Eve were supposed to eat off the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil. I then later found documents on the internet that high ranking Mormons pledge allegiance to
Lucifer. At the time I thought it meant Satan. I then found out that Mormonism was founded by a 33rd degree Freemason and that the sacred undergarments have freemasonry symbolism on them. Because of the Lucifer connection to Mormonism, I thought it linked to Freemasonry as well. I then found out that there may be 'higher' ranking freemasons than the 33rd degree, and is called the degrees of the illuminati. Then the satanic connection came up again. I didn't believe the world was being run by Satanists, devil worshipers etc.. especially since I find that Hollywood has a large infiltration of scientologists who demand the preservation of
the human race, and that the themes of many high profile tv series have the same themes. It didn't make sense.
I then received a book on ancient Deities, I was reading it from beginning to end. I came across Lucifer. It stated "Referred to in the bible as the angel of light, who sat at the right hand of god, who was the morning star, and wanted to force good onto everyone. SOMETIMES referred to as satan". I thought this was strange. I went and skipped to Satan in the book and it said "Prince of Darkness, the name given to Lucifer after the fall from grace". I eventually forgot about this.
I furthered my investigations into the symbolism of the supposed illuminati. George Washington statue has his right hand up and left hand down. I found a picture sitting next to it. It was of the baphomet doing the same stance, yet it had a pentagram on the forehead. The Pentagram I thought was satanic. Again, the book of deities referred to a possible difference between Lucifer and Satan. I then researched. Luciferians, the philosophy is based on the choosing to do the right hand, choosing to do good, to develop spiritual enlightenment. Left hand up is referred to as Satanism. Choose materialistic, and physical reality pleasures, choose to stand on anyone that gets in your way for total success, do anything to succeed. Luciferians lay claim to the baphomet, pentagram, and 3 horned god salute. 3 horned god salute? I researched this itself, and found many picture of George Bush, Bill Clinton, Prince William, and other celebrities doing the salute. It was with the right hand! Did I stumble onto something else here? When everyone is yelling conspiracy to these people, they may be falling into another honeypot!
I started looking into symbolism, supposedly there are occultists that believe that buildings with important significance represent a phallic symbol, such as the WTC Towers. When destruction of these symbols occur, it's a symbolic message that power will be removed from that nation. Could the power of the USA be removed? Could the stock market crash? No idea, but it may be possible. I then started thinking about Arnold Swarzanegger, about how he's trying to run for president. Hrmm, wasn't Demolition man, about good vs bad, that there was a library called the Swarzaneggar library. Because it was a memory of him being president! Errrrr WHAT? This could all be set up! I thought that the USA may be divided into two countries, Arnold being the president of one, and someone else the other. I then thought about his movies, Terminator series. Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Biblical reference, heh. Terminator 3: Rise of the machines. RISE of the MACHINES. POINTLESS sunglasses references in the 3rd movie, yet its about RISE OF THE MACHINES. ROBOTS, MIND-CONTROLLED HUMANS. THE RISE OF THESE PEOPLE. ARGH!!!! Insane insane, cannot happen, not possible!
I started to calm down. I came across more occultic references to Horus and Osiris. Apparently the Perth Bell tower is a representation of the "RISE" Of Horus. RISE OF THE MACHINES! Wait a minute. RISE? HEY! That is the nightclub where I took the drug! "THE RISE", "THE RISE OF HORUS", "THE RISE OF THE MACHINE(S)". BRAINWASHED, MIND-CONTROLLED, PROGRAMMED. ARGH!!!!!!!! Hold on, this is too freaky, Terminator series is based on TIME-TRAVEL! Its based on a RE-PROGRAMMED robot to save humanity! OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! THIS CANT BE HAPPENING!
I started to calm down, as I realized I was connecting to things that had no actual connection. I mean, it could have been worse if I took the drug at "THE CHURCH" nightclub. That would have totally messed me up!
Again I started to calm down, and got back to reality. And started thinking about luciferian concepts, this is probably why in mormon churches there are statues of adam and eve at the sacrificial alter, with wheat and fruit on the altar, and a lamb sleeping next to it. Indicating 'Cains' preference to Abels in the bible. It means that any sacrifice of any kind seems to be acknowledged as negativity, and any improvement of spirituality, is classified as luciferianism! It seems clearer to the fact that the basics of freemason to do charitable work, is infact true, and not a conspiracy, but the conspiracy of their doings, is in itself a conspiracy if it can be understood? The scientologists, freemasons, and illuminati members, want the continuation of the human race! This is a fair call! It seems to me, that religion itself, and criminals, suppressives etc.. are the ones who seem to be holding down the advancement of the human race at every level! Religions causing war, one faith has to be more truthful than the other, these people fight for their own cause, yet they don't realize that most religions stem from the one place! Between a simple brotherly dispute In a family ages ago. One brother founded Christianity, and the other founded Islam!
Yet in both faiths, sacrifice to god seemed to be accepted, yet in current days, there are only a few faiths that uses sacrifice. Cain offered wheat to god, god said no, and accepted abels slaughtered lamb. Jesus crucified: murder! Then there is the tradition of eating the bread symbolizing the eating of jesus's flesh, and drinking the grapejuice/wine symbolizing the drinking of jesus's blood. Can someone say Cannabilism and Vampirism! It all seemed totally backwards! On one hand you have gods chosen people whos' faiths are based on sacrifice, rituals, symbolism, and these acts suggest negative connotations, yet on the other hand, the people who are in control, seem to be classified as Satanists, but in possible reality they are luciferians, and luciferians are classified as evil by all major religions! What is going on? I then had to find out, to go back to the most popular themes in movies, ones with philosophical thinking, and one of the most recent, and greatest movies ever made that has so many themes. The Christians see Christian references, Satanists, see satanic references, conspiracy theorists see conspiracies etc.. "The Matrix".
I started to analyse this movie, it all seemed OK, until Morpheus asked IMeo to choose between the Red Pill, and the Blue Pill. The Red pill meaning the truth, the blue pill meaning go back to sleep and believe whatever you want to believe. I then noticed the Red Pill is in Morpheus's right hand. Choose to do good. Then I realized something. The truth? le become god-like? It then hit me. This particular scene is based on iuciferian belief. It could possibly mean the whole 3 are of the same theme in one way or another. Right hand = Tree of Knowledge = Truth = Red Pill. Neo CHOSE the Red pill! The whole Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, not doing gods choosing, by eating the fruit off the tree of knowledge of good and evil, is a luciferian concept, not satanic! It made sense now why the Mormon church leader said they were "meant" to eat off that tree, possibly because they were! And now why it may be true that the higher ranking Mormons pledge allegiance to Lucifer, because it's the choice to do right! If you follow the standard 'god-like' stance of the bible, you will never progress, because if you do not follow the straight and narrow path, you will be damned to hell for eternity! What kind of God is that! Sounds like a Dictator to me! I don't believe God is like that! And to continue to follow in religions where in the end it says "you will all die, you have to follow the straight and narrow path, otherwise you will go to hell on judgment day" seems like you place yourself in a situation where you don't believe in hope, and the only hope you strive for is a belief in salvation when you die! It seems more and more likely that the conflicts of
religion is the CAUSE of the destruction of the human race, and if people keep following such a belief, it will most likely happen! Again the agenda of the scientologists, and possible freemasons, is a great one, I just disagree on how they are doing it! But what choice do they have. If they used the entire police force to capture all suspected criminals, the law courts would be inundated on cases, taking many years to complete. The jails would be overloaded, and it seems like a hopeless cause. What better way to do it on a progressive method, when the mind of the criminal fractures and they say "ok ok I give up" walk out and hand themselves in, in their OWN time. Some will probably end their own lives, others will react with doing another crime, another situation where they can be caught. So instead of doing it al! in one hit, they control the thoughts subliminally and then these criminals stuff up and get caught in their own time, a progressive one by one agenda, rather than all in one go when resources could be used up. Where will they put all these people? There is not enough room in the existing jails.
I researched. I came across the New World Order detention camps. Supposed for people who are anti-nwo. Oh boy. Seems like they already have set up huge camps to re-educate these people. This place is for the conspiracy theorists, suppressives, criminals, anti-socials, insane. The ones who facilitate the negatives on life! I expect a huge global event, perhaps episode after episode of any tv show you watch, any advert you watch, the theme will be the same "come out of the closet" would be the message. "Don't be a coward" would be another one. Expect a revolution, one which amplifies the existing governments but molded into a dictatorship type role, a role where you have to abide to, a role where good is forced and bad is removed. The right to choose will be removed, freedom will be a thing of the past. Is this the New World Order? Perhaps. But at least life will go on, its time for people to wake up and choose to do the right thing, so this doesn't have to be forced onto everyone. CHOOSE to do good. At the moment though, it's a matter of "Do as I say, not as I do". What do you expect me to say. I was always anti this and anti that. I became my own worst enemy. What I felt was right, I didn't do anything about it. What was wrong, I eventually did it. I now have to try and make amends, and try and get back into life. And now do myself what I say to myself.
I feel there is hope to the world. I feel that something is going to happen to force the unification of the planet, to remove the negative components out of every aspect of life, unite the world to save the world to put differences aside and fight as the human race, insane minds will be fixed with or without the use of medication, but may be better for governments without medication, due to having to fork out money to treat these people through benefits schemes. Hypnosis is dangerous, medication removes the symptoms but don't fix the cause. There has to be a better way, scientologists believe they have the answer, I personally do not think that, I think they may be heading in the right direction, but I think there is more to it than that. It has to be done on a level that anyone can do it without the feeling of persecution. I don't like talking negatively about religion, I do believe in the right to choose whatever you want to believe in, I just disagree on basing faith and hope that your own salvation will occur when you die, and that Armageddon has to happen for judgment day to occur. If god is really here to judge you, god will do it in its own time. Destruction of the human race should not and cannot happen. The human race must survive!
Don't get me wrong, I've had enough experiences in life which make me believe God exists, and when things went wrong, it wasn't because God wasn't there for me, it was because I needed to learn a lesson, and the lessons got harder and harder if I
didn't learn them the first time round. I believe in God although I don't believe God has a religion. I believe everyone is here right at this moment in time to experience a level of existence that could mold the entire level of the human race! It is a crucial point in human history, the world overcame WWI it overcame WWII, and the next step is to overcome the next obstacle, and that is to prevent the destruction of mankind!
I was thinking recently, about a situation, there are a group of people sitting around a table inside a house. There is an electrician, a plumber, a conspiracy theorist, a Christian, a Muslim, a psychotic, a depressive, and a child.
There is a bang, and the light globe cuts out. No electricity.
The electrician says "Must be a wiring problem"
The plumber says "Could be a burst water main, water may have got into the power main"
Conspiracy Theorist says "Its probably the government, this whole thing is a setup"
The Christian says "Praise the lord that it didn't get any worse"
The Muslim says "Praise Allah that it didn't get any worse"
The psychotic says "Well that's weird, the dark sucker (globe) failed to vacuum the darkness, removing the dark so the light could exist, now the darkness is back because the globe let it escape"
The depressive says "Oh dear, its dark, its cold, there's no food we can eat, this is depressing".
And the child says "It was just a bang, and the light turned off"
It was quite simple really. It made me think about education, about how through the education system we are told how to think and learn, and deciding on your profession, or your lifestyle will depend totally on how you view life. The child in the end, who had little experience went to the most basic level. The child said just what happened, and didn't need to give an explanation why. There simply was a bang, and the light turned off.
One day I started to panic about what I had discovered, whether all in my mind, or whether it was real, at that moment I didn't care, it simply existed in my mind as fact. I became very anxious and was rather frustrated that no one understood. So I decided to do something about it. I decided to get physically fit, I decided to get onto multi-vitamins, I decided to go on a detox. I went on the detox and everything was honky dory for a while, then at about day 10, my mind started to go funny. I would see the same messages on TV I saw 6 years ago. THE SAME ONES! They were identical. For a long time they wouldn't affect me, but for some reason, they appeared again. What was happening. I then realized that my pre-disposition to suggestive imprinting, whether intentional or coincidental was re-surfacing and making it a present moment, rather than what happened in the past, it began to affect me now. This was insane. I started noticing words such as "exile, abandoned" and then all of a sudden, the scariest image would affect me, it was of a snake attacking the camera that was filming. In my old way of thinking it was like the snake attacked me. At that very moment, "survive" was emphasized. I panicked. No not again, don't start this mess up again. Then for some reason it was more intense than it was 6 years ago, perhaps due to the fact of 6 years worth of extra knowledge was affecting me now. Addresses I lived at would refer to me. Numbers would refer to me. I couldn't believe what was going on.
I decided to go to my GP for some advice, he asked me if I was still on prescription medication, I told him I had been off it for at least 7 to 8 months now, and was doing fine until doing a detox. He was angry that I would consider doing a detox. I asked why, and he responded that it was because usually you would do a detox to remove toxins from the body, and is usually done under supervision. He asked me if I believed I was intoxicated. I said no, and he said, well you do have a history of delusions, how can I be certain, I responded, well I was just reading up on the fact that it can be good for you, and he shook his head, he said it was quite dangerous. This was rather confusing as I had a discussion with another doctor on what he thought about detox, he said it was a great idea. Two doctors with two different opinions. The medical system is totally screwed up.
So he said that the main concern was the fact that I was being depressed, he prescribed me an anti-depressant. I went home, and then discussed with my mother I said "Look, here is an anti-depressant, remember 6 years ago what happened?". I told her if I am right, that I was targeted, the anti-depressant would do the same thing. I took one tablet, but nothing happened. I went to bed and laid down, and my body started to feel heavy. Oh no, just like before. I started to sweat, my mouth became really dry, exactly like it happened 6 years ago. I would again start thinking about the screwed up life I had lived, the pinging sensation start to creep in. I started to panic, I ran to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror, and my eyes were fully dilated. WHAT IS GOING ON! 6 years later, the same effects! I then remembered the research I did, about psychosomatic reactions. This was happening again. I wondered if I would still see the same nonsense on TV. Turned it on, and bingo, the very advert that was showing had the same message. Turned the TV off. At this point I woke my mother up, told her to look at my eyes, and she acknowledged the obviousness of the truth. The anti-depressant had kicked off the LSD again. I called health direct, and they said not to go to emergency because I could react in a large crowd, but to lay some where quite and go see the doctor in the morning. He said to me that it was important that I continue taking the anti-depressants. When I hung up the phone, I swore never to take them ever again!
This mental state had now affected me for a period of 2 months. I couldn't do anything, I literally was going psychotic. I would walk around pacing up and down the room, a memory of the movie 'a beautiful mind' was surfacing, when Russell Crowe would pace hearing the voices. I never heard voices, ever. I was simply battling my own thoughts, my own paranoia. Never was there someone there that didn't exist. Then I began to panic again, it came in waves. At the pinnacle of the paranoia, whenever I turned, I believed that my body was always facing the one direction, and that my legs had the power to shift the enter earth under me in the opposite direction. The result, I was turning. To everyone else, it looked the same, to me, it looked the same, the reason though, was different. That was totally messed up. I then began to think about the light globe discussion I read a while ago, that the light globe actually vacuumed darkness. INSANE! The result was the same, the explanation was different. I was losing touch of my own reality. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to escape, I didn't want to exist. I tried to commit suicide, I swallowed many tranquilizers, my heart began to slow down to a slow beat, I could barely move, I stumbled when I walked. I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep forever.
I opened my mobile to call my wife who was with our daughter and my in-laws at the time. I wanted to call her to tell her I was sorry that I would leave her here with our daughter by herself. I was going to tell her to tell our daughter that I always loved her, and that she would do great in the world and that there's no way my daughter can ever see me in a state of mind that was so unnatural to everyone else. My wife believed everything that happened to me. She has heard this story many times over and even with more details. She loves me even more now, how can a person love someone like me. I was getting depressed. At the moment that I opened the mobile phone, there was a picture of my daughter as a wallpaper. I began crying, she would never know how much I loved her, and she would blame me for leaving and abandoning her. Exactly how it felt when my father left our home country and came to Australia, except there would be no way for her to ever see me. I was selfish I thought.
I decided to call for help at this point, I was crying constantly over the phone, the lady on the other line kept me calm though, she asked me to get details of what I took, apparently I had taken enough tranquilizers to knock out an elephant. The ambulance came. I was rushed to hospital, I was given oxygen, I fell asleep. The next I remember was a drip in my arm, and nurses waking me up. I would fall asleep again. This happened many times.
The final time I decided to stay awake, I looked at the clock, a few hours had gone by. I psychiatrist and a psychologist came to me. I explained everything that had happened. Over our discussion, they both looked at each other, and said, "You know what, we don't believe you have paranoid schizophrenic tendencies, and there is no mention of it in your records either, for the last 6 years, the psychiatrists haven't been able to diagnose you". I go "WHAT?". I was going "what about my psychotic thoughts?, believing this and that". He looked at me and said "You are not the only one that has this type of thinking, the normal every day person has this!". I was confused, and asked "What do I have then". He looked at me and said "you have what many people suffer from, actually its something that nearly every person on this planet suffers from, it all has to do with the pressures of society, the pressures of trying to fit in, and when it doesn't happen, you would get a reaction like you would". I looked at him and said "what, stress?". And he said "bingo!". Through a good few hours of discussion with the two, I came to realize that under extreme cases of anxiety and stress, the mind will start thinking the most weirdest of things. He explained to me the reason why I wouldn't have schizophrenia is that its impossible for someone who went through what I did with a drug induced psychosis, to be able to recover from it by stopping the medication instantly, and not relapse for 7 to 8 months. He said it seemed to boil down to the fact that I was under a lot of pressure to want to succeed and not being able to do it.
I went home, and thought about what had happened. Could this be true? I thought, well if that's the case, then I shouldn't be affected by watching movies then. So I setup a marathon. Decided to watch Back to the future I, II, and III.
Beginning of the very first one, all the clocks go off at 8:00am. I remembered thinking, heh what a coincidence, I used to live at number 8 when I took the drug 6 years ago. Then the first scene of Michael J Fox, he had sunglasses on. I squeezed the arm rest on the lounge. "Nup, this movie was made in 1980's, how could it possibly be for me, it must be psychosis". Fondly enough the whole movie was about time travel, I panicked, TIME-TRAVEL, LIKE TERMINATOR SERIES!
They made a big deal about a newspaper clipping when Dr Emmet Brown was "commited' which later changed to 'commended'. The positions of the people I had seen before. I looked through my photo album, I couldn't believe it. It was a
newspaper article of my father being commended for something, they were all standing in the same position! I freaked. What is going on! The whole movie was about going back to November 5th 1955. Fondly enough, I recognized this to by Guy Fawkes day. I then realized that the movie V for Vendetta was about a terrorist who wanted to free the people of a totalitarian state, to free the people of the New World Order! The terrorist had the Guy Fawkes mask on. At this point I questioned a friend who had seen an advance screening of the movie, he confirmed. He said there is a scene that says "Remember remember, the 5th of November". This was weird. A movie about freeing the people from a totalitarian government, which seemed Anti-New World Order, also had the identical date on back to the future. I then realized V for Vendetta was made by the Wachowski brothers, the creators of The Matrix. Decided to quickly do some research on the Wachowsky brothers. I could not believe what I had discovered, but it could be disinformation, I have no idea. On one site, it says that the brothers are freemasons!
I decided to keep watching. Things were ok, entertainment, and then I stuck on number 2. At one point, I decided to write a book, a sci-fi book on time-travel. Using the possibilities of time-travel in biblical references, when people would get 'revelations' of the future would be time-travel to the past to hand down information of the future, meaning revelations was a script rather than prophecy, to finally discover if Jesus actually died on the cross or whether he did in fact have children, or whether the new testament was in fact created by the Piso Roman family as some claim it to be. I thought this would be an AWESOME book, but then I decided not to and that it may be a bad idea. About 5 minutes later, Biff from the future looks at Biff of the past "Dont be so stupid, this book will make you a millionaire". I FREAKED! What in the world is going on! A movie about time travel, my own thoughts on how it could be used to persuade the past to influence the future, and at that very moment it seemed to relate to me writing my own book about time-travel. A movie based on time-travel telling me to write a book about time-travel. I was looping in my own mind, trying to comprehend what was happening. This was insane. I stopped number 2 and had a rest. I then started number 3. Then I realized the whole 3 movies have a reference of "are you chicken" and Michael J Fox would do what he didn't want to do. Then another scene of a group of people talking to Michael J Fox. They said "If you don't go out there and fight for what you believe in, you will be a coward, and the world will know you are a coward for the rest of your days". I panicked. I started to think about all this Dwarf references, I started to think about where my future will be. My mind was in a meltdown.
So instead of watching movies, I decided to go online and get movie scripts. I had enough. I decided to look for things that affected me on a personal level, not a group of individuals level.
I searched for my country of birth, I searched for the capital of my country of birth. I searched for references to Australia. I searched for references to my name, I searched for references to the number 8, I searched for very specific details about my own life and close family members.
I found a WHOLE HEAP of listings. And I couldn't believe what I found. I had found most of the movies were the ones that had already affected me, yet I had not found specifics in them when I watched them before!
They were "Vanilla Sky" about the 7 Dwarfs 'conspiring' against Tom Cruise.
They were mind-control based movies such as SpyKids3D, and 'programming' which I then learned was similar to mind-control. The programming movies were 'a long kiss goodnight' about a programmed assassin, and fondly enough both Manchurian Candidate movies. Then there were references to old favourites like short circuit I and II, About a programmed robot that comes to life. There were references to my country of birth and birth dates of family members. Coincidently the robots were called SAINT. I then found movies such as 13 days, Nixon, and a Few Good Men had references. The themes within these movies were "The governments greatest creation has gone haywire, it must be located and destroyed". Then the Cube with "They come like a thief in the night, only the government could create something as horrible as this". Government this, government that, And then, a reference to a movie I picked up before, yet I hadn't picked up a specific reference. It was "There's something about Mary", when the driver puts on his sunglasses and says "Must be a stalker". My mind was going into overdrive, I could literally feel the neurons firing in uncontrolled bursts giving the psychotic way of thinking. I investigated more, I was out of control, I was getting obsessed. Then family movies with 'devil' themes came up. Such as Bedazzled. There was so many movies, all with similar themes! Now not only did I previously list movies that may affect a group of individuals, I actually listed movies which affected me personally.
The themes were
"Government created" "Must destroy as its out of control" "Mind-controlled, and re-programmed" "Re-programmed Robot, saving humanity" "World Leader, will create a revolution"
I couldn't believe what I was finding. It all tied in, even to specific references 6 years ago. World Leader! ARGHM! NO I DON'T WANT TO BE A WORLD LEADER! I cant control this, I cant control my own mind, I'm losing touch of reality again, no not again, I cant even make a choice, if the future is written then no matter what choice I make its already been made, I can only understand why I made that choice. Where have I heard that before? "THE MATRIX". This movie is one buggered up piece of work. Its themes are on the realms of how I think. WHAT? Was the movie based on my own mind? WHAT. What did I just say to myself, HOW IN THE WORLD COULD A MOVIE BE BASED ON MY OWN MIND! This is outrageous. Logic was totally being slammed against the wall and beaten up to smithereens. At that moment, my world seemed to be like "The Truman Show". Then I started to remember Jim Carrey movies. Liar Liar, heh, 6 years ago, I couldn't lie because I felt forced not to. I was forced not to do anything wrong. Then a lightbulb turned on. I heard that somewhere before, someone mentioned It to me. I phoned the guy who mentioned it to me, and he said "yen, that seems to be like the theme in the movie A Clockwork Orange". I read the movie script. It was about a guy who was drugged, then brainwashed by watching violent acts. He could no longer do violent acts, because whenever he thought about it, he'd feel the effects of the drug. WHAT! Exactly what happened 6 years ago. Whenever I decided to do something that was not right, I felt a negative pinging sensation. BRAINWASHED! MIND-CONTROL, PROGRAMMING! This is too messed up. At that thought, I ran into the bathroom, I looked in the mirror, and yep, you guessed it, my eyes were fully dilated. I was pinging again.
Jim Carrey surfaced again, all his other movies, The Cable Guy, and Bruce Almighty. Bruce Almighty? Wasn't one of the characters a Scientologist? Yes she is! I even found an interview, an interview where the host would make fun of her about their intergalactic Scientology beliefs. I just thought how could they possibly believe that, it had to be intentional disinformation! Then I saw a logo on TV during Bruce Almighty. It was of the Buffalo's basketball team. I thought it was odd, the logo looked like the devil. I searched for the logo on the internet, and I found it. However it didn't look like the devil, it looked like a buffalo. I looked away and looked back, it was the same image, but what in the world. It was a picture of the devil! My mind started switching, from one perspective it would look like the devil, if you thought differently from the other side it looked like a buffalo. It was one of the two images in one picture. I then recalled the picture of the old woman and young woman. You can see BOTH faces in the one image! So I researched the Buffalo logo and came to subliminals on the internet, and bingo, someone had many pictures, and made a reference to this basketball team logo, saying it references to the devil, and to the buffalo. The page also had the old woman, young woman picture. But Bruce Almighty had it in the movie? There was nothing devil like in the movie, it was all xgod-like', yet the only reference seemed to be a subliminal which flashed on the TV Jim Carrey was watching. Could the directors/producers coincidently just pick that picture without knowing what it could mean, or was it intentional. Then I thought, hold on, there was a language in that movie which wasn't English. I searched the script, came across the language, and put it in a translator. The word was 'diablo', I though, that was weird. Diablo means devil! For crying out loud. But I started to calm down. I realized the language was Spanish. Spanish? My mind went to another movie, to Short Circuit II. There were thugs, they would sing in Spanish "Los locos kick your ass, los loco kick your face, los loco kick your balls into outer space!". I put los loco in the translator. Oh my goodness. Loco meant 'Crazy'. ARGH!!!! About a programmed robot, in the first movie it was described as an alien. In the second the words 'outer space' was mentioned. ARGH!!! My mind again going into overdrive, Outerspace, aliens, invasions, then something happened. I pinged a positive sensation, it was a real adrenalin rush, did I just realize what could unite the world? AN ALIEN INVASION! WHAT! ALIENS. Oh for crying out loud. An attack, a future attack, but how, why, when, I couldn't think properly, it was totally nuts, I'M NOT PSYCHIC, HOW CAN I FIGURE THIS STUFF OUT FROM WATCHING MOVIES! If it was an invasion, it can't be forced, how is it going to happen, HOW? Again, calming down, I realized that yes; Just like Roswell, and Septll, it would be intentional, IT WOULD BE STAGED! A STAGED INVASION! IT WILL UNITE THE WORLD! ARGH!!!!!!! But but, don't know, whats going on, it will unite the world, a lot of people will believe its real, a lot of people will react the way it happened decades ago with 'WAR OF THE WORLDS'news broadcast. Radiobroadcast? IT WAS A FRIQN TEST. DECADES AGO, IT WAS A FRIQN TEST TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF PEOPLE REALLY BELIEVED IT! Again I started to panic. I was going hysterical. What is going to happen. I BELIEVE it will be staged, lots of lives will be lost if the outcome was the same as a TEST BROADCAST. It must have been planned from day one. It must have been figured that world population would reach a climax at a certain year, that oil would run out at the same time. PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE IT! I don't know, will it seem so real that IF it does happen, IF, its IF because I'm psychotic, It could all be in my mind, but IF it does happen that I may even believe it too! People have to KNOW that it is faked, but what if I'm wrong, I don't know. I'm so confused. People just need to know to prepare, how can I do this, HOW! I don't know how to get the word out, I don't know. This is insane, Im losing it again, im going loco.
Connections to this, connections to that. I was going LOCO! Loco? As in locomotive? As in back to the future III where they hijack a train? As in 'you are a coward' or 'you are a chicken'. Hypnosis video came to mind, about the guy acting like a chicken. CHICKEN the bird or CHICKEN to mean COWARD. THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS SO MESSED UP!
Then I remembered early scenes of Bruce Almighty, where Jim Carrey wanted God to give him a sign, then there were literally signs in front of him saying "stop, go back" and the likes. I was so amazed, this is how I currently think. This is how my mind works. I see messages, psychotics see messages. This movie made me understand that I was not alone, that many people are in the same boat I am. And that the mind is getting so close to being worked out, whether by scientologists or psychologist/psychiatrists, it didn't make an ounce of difference. At this point I was at the bottom of the wave, things were calm, but I had expected to go back up again, and started to think loopy again.
My mind was exhausted, I decided to watch a comedy, nothing too much in comedys. It was a movie called "The out of towners" with Steve Martin and Goldy Hawn. One scene, he was given a 'Hallucinogenic" I thought at that moment "here we go, wonder what in the world would happen next". He was in a limousine, and started saying to the driver "driver, please pullover, pullover, please pullover" then he paused "Pullover? PULLOVER? ITS TOO HOT, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I WANT A PULLOVER FOR, A SHIRT IS FINE". I spat bricks! Another movie that had my own way of thinking. I would wonder why people would say "go to the therapist", instead of "the counselor". Look at it closer, break it up into two words! "Therapist". Coincidently, I was told about this one, it didn't come out of my own mind! I then thought of other things, even stupid little jokes on the Simpsons "press any key to continue "where's the any key". The English language was back to the way when I was younger, all messed up. I started analysing simple stupid things. "Joking" would be a guy named "Joe King". I'm sure many people understood this, but to the psychotic mind, it can make a whole world of difference! Literal meanings would be metaphorical, metaphorical references would be literal, big words would be broken up into smaller words. Syllables would be whole words in a sentence. My mind was "out of order".
I couldn't believe what was happening, I was blaming movies for how I was thinking, I was thinking movies were created about my life, yet not that my life may have small references in movies. It was totally backwards. Movies are created by people from their own experiences, and their own imaginations. They simply were creative, I was creative, yet I had a backward way of thinking in this regard. Because there are SO MANY movies made, its entirely likely that many would have similar themes, and many would relate to a tot of people and not JUST me! I started to calm down again.
Not long after that I came across a story about Scientology beliefs about Xenu, an intergalactic warlord who owns a fleet of flying machines that looked similar to DCS's. Errrr 8? No not again. Xenu could be classified as the scientologists 'devil'. DC as in Direct Current? As in AC/DC as in AUSTRALIAN rock band. Not again. This was nuts! The whole xenu belief is that he 'brainwashed' souls who were indoctrinated by watching virtual reality "MOVIES". They were "BRAINWASHED". I spat bricks. WHAT! XENU BRAINWASHED SOULS WITH MOVIES TO MAKE THEM BELIEVE A WAY OF THINKING! ARGH!!!!!! By using MOVIES! What in the world is going on here. I came to conclusions yet it seemed to be ONE STEP ahead of me,
there was ALWAYS something that brought my mind back to insanity mode. I was blaming movies about controlling people, even me, and here an ANTI-SCIENTOLOGY website would promote a SCIENTOLOGY BELIEF about brainwashing souls through movies, and here before I read about all this, I thought the scientologists were doing it themselves!!! They said that scientologists believe THIS! I couldn't help but think, my mind again going into overdrive. I was firing neurons all over the place, what is going on, what? WHAT? Could it be that ANTI-SCIENTOLOGY websites are in fact PRO-SCIENTOLOGY! Reverse psychology? Many people would question it, many people would believe in the anti-scientology stance, yet when they do, they become suppressives in Scientology beliefs. Their master plan. Its working, its FREAKING WORKING! I know what I'm thinking, yet I cannot put it into words, its so complicated. I can probably summaries it a little bit though. Ummm, let me think. Divide and conquer, control both teams in a fight, you always win. Control every nation, every angle, you will always win, and people get directed by the outcome. Create the problem, find out the reaction, provide your own solution. WIN WIN WIN. The sheep are in the pen. Umm... probably the only obscenity I can think of at this point in time directed at whoever is in control here. GET FUCKED. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! You are here to destroy families, by removing people? Just re-educate them if you want, why the FUCK should you remove them. You stupid sons of bitches, get the FUCK out of my face, I FUCKING HATE YOU.
My heart was racing, I went to the mirror, where in the world are the colours in my eyes. All I had was the whites with the huge black pupils in the middle. Freaky looking. I put myself in the corner of the room, I sat on the floor and started crying. Why me, why did this happen to me. Then I hear this voice "Why not?". WHAT! That didn't come from me. I looked around, there was no one there. "WHO SAID THAT!" I yelled. "I AM". No one was there. "WHO ARE YOU". "Joseph Mengele" was the answer. Who in the world is Joseph Mengele? "Where are you?". I asked. "West of Africa" was the response. The closest thing I found that was west of Africa was Argentina. Mengele, I heard that name before. It sounds German. I looked on the internet, Looked for Joseph Mengele. I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND! Joseph Mengele was a Nazi scientist brought over to Argentina after WWII under a program called "Project Paperclip". I studied further, he was a PROGRAMMER. A PROGRAMMER OF THE MIND! What is going on? I started pacing. This is totally messed up. I looked further, he was working for the ILLUMINATI! WHAT! What in the world is going on. Memories of mind-control, programming, robots, re-programmed machines, rise of the machine, now I was truly tripping.
I started up conversation again. "What do you want from me". He responded "You are a secret weapon developed by my team. You are our greatest creation, you are different from the others". I was confused I asked "Others, what?". "There are millions of people out there with same programs, you are different, there are 22 others like you, they are a little older than you, you are the latest". I was still confused, what is happening to me I asked "You and the other 22 were created to activate the other millions with similar programs". I said who? "The Illuminati". WHAT? What in the world is happening. HOW CAN ACTIVATE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WITH SIMILAR PROGRAMS! I got a response "You have been molded by life, you started off by doing good, then you were molded to do the wrong, you experienced a large majority of good and bad, you now know what to do". "What mission is that". "To kick it all off, for the final showdown, to activate the global agenda. You have to start it off, the final agenda will be activated due to your doing, you need to lead the way, you need to lead the illuminati plan, when you kick start this off, they will
complete it FOR YOU, you will be, a world leader! If you fail, then the other 22 will succeed" ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
You are here to free the world, you are here to unite everyone, YES there will be an alien invasion, and YES it will be staged. One of your major roles, is to prevent panic when this occurs, you have to find a way to do this.
You have been targeted to make you believe you are evil, this was intentional, the one out of the 23 that could overcome feeling that they are worst person on the planet, and realises that GOD does exist, and is the only GOD, and that GOD will NEVER give you anything that you cannot handle, then you have overcome the biggest test of all, the ability to realize that when you hit rock bottom, that you can pull yourself out. What can be more depressing than to believe you are the most evil person on the planet, yet GOD allowed this to happen, because GOD knew that you could handle it!
Even though you have done stupid and hurtful things to others, the majority of the time, you had good intentions, and that's what matters most, you thought you did the right thing, yet some actions were intrusive, you fell short. You should have seen the outcome, broken families, yet your initial intention was good. Don't beat yourself up for that, now you know that its not up to you to take responsibility in others personal affairs. It was a lesson for you, good intention, but it backfired. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone. It just seemed to take you much longer to realize how to overcome them, and now you have to make habit on how to overcome this, it will take time, but you will get through it!
When the illuminati realized you weren't being affected by average triggering that the other millions would have, it was a setup, you were drugged to conform you. You are not the devil, this is so far from the truth, but don't get an ego, you are still only human".
I started to cry, this is totally nuts, I'm speaking to someone that isn't there. "Tell me about God, is he really real?" I resumed. "Yes, but its not a he". I go "What? It's a woman?", "no, it has no gender, it's a mind, and that is all, it thinks in pure energy, it thinks in symbols, colours, and sounds, it does not speak any specific verbal language, although it understands all of them". "How do YOU know all this". "I was told". "By who?" I asked "The illuminati". I was getting totally confused. "What if I try kill myself, what will happen then", "I would stop you, and even if you succeed the other 22 will carry on where you left off, don't do it, its for a great cause". "How can YOU STOP ME, you are not here, this is messed up, YOU ARE DEAD". "I am alive and well, I can press any command on my computer, and you will do what I want". ARGH!!!!!!! "How can YOU DO THAT". "Because I can, don't push me". "WELL I'M PUSHING YOU". "Ok, wait till the morning". I have had enough. I went to bed, crying, totally confused.
I woke up, and I felt so tired, like I had been up the whole night. I noticed a writing pad next to my bed, with a pen, and an envelope. On the envelope it had my name. I was rattled. I opened the envelope, and read the letter.
You wanted proof, well here it is, when you finish this letter, you can check the rest of the house out. You have what in programming terms is a 'Fractured' mind. Induced by extreme trauma. You cannot remember any specific events in your past, because it's the way your mind deals with the situation, I know this, because I am
your programmer. You have a total over 1500 personalities. The total number of personalities that can ever possibly exist is 2197. Many personalities otherwise known as 'alters' know many other alters, you will not know that you have switched, yet it's a different function to carry out. For example: U are now in another alter.... U are still in control of your body...U recognize that u are still the same person....yet
u are now writing differentlyu don't realize this has happened yet tho, coz you
simply forget the other way u used to write....You have many different writing stylez...you can tell the difference when you sign your name on a document, have you ever realized that its always different????? The signature that is....because you are in another alter....
I stopped reading there, I was panicking, someone must have come into my room and put the letter there, this was crazy! I looked for documents with my signature on it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, they all had a small difference, all had a nuance, I got out old school stories I had written by hand, the writing style is different in most of them, what is going on. I grouped the writing that were identical. I couldn't believe it. Creative writing stories had one style of writing, essays on history and factual events were in another. Even my maths tests were so out of line. They were PERFECT in writing the numbers. This was crazy, something is not right. I continued reading the letter.
What? I didn't understand, it was in a different language. IT WAS IN SPANISH! WHAT!!! I skimmed through, the rest was in RUSSIAN!!! I skimmed further, I recognized a word'nien'. IT WAS GERMAN! WHAT!! I read to where the English started.
You possibly don't recognize anything just then, that's because you are in an alter that doesn't recognize them, but don't get me wrong, YOU wrote this letter. YOU can write in many languages, you can speak many languages, you even have your own language, a language that only you can understand. You see messages that you think are from god, the messages were not put there by god, you asked the questions, but it wasn't you who asked the questions, god timed it and influenced that thought, god put the original thought in your mind to ask the question, so then it was near the time that an answer could be revealed to you.
Modern day society calls is psychosis, modern day society removes your original way of thinking, language, especially English as it SLOWS down the process of thinking in the brain. Words are lengthened, verbal speech is slowed down to nearly a complete stop. It slows down the learning process. As you have realized, double negatives mean a positive, "NO, I DONT mind". Remember? "No" and "Dont" in this sentence means "yes". The education system is made to slow the mind, its made to STOP you from thinking independently. Your chosen profession or way of thinking influences your view on life. You realize you've had many types of jobs, you now know you can speak many languages, you now know that you did a lot of good things, then you did a lot of bad things. You experienced a little bit of everything. You can guess how someone else thinks, yet its really impossible because you are not in their mind, but you have a good idea. You smoke, then you quit, you've tried drugs, but unfortunately it got out of control, and it was taken advantage of, you were drugged to stop you knowing all this, to induce paranoia, and making you believe something you were not. Some things you saw are right, but because of the drug, it made you think the negative about it. They used what was already in your mind, removed the positives, amplified the negatives remember? You CANNOT do what is not already part of you. My method of programming enhances what is in you, it doesn't put
anything that doesn't already exist.
The drug was LSD based, but more commonly so, it was developed by the US government. If you look for it, you will find references to operatives in the CIA that tested it, and believed every car had a KGB agent following them. Because it was already in their mind, they believed it. Because of the drug, and what was suggested to you during that time, you believed it to be real. It wasn't, it was an illuminati setup to make you believe you did things you didn't, they have watched you all your life, they chose Dwarf because they knew the drug will connect you to it, you used the nickname remember. They needed to stop you and do what THEY wanted, so they made you believe you were responsible for things you didn't do, either do it their way, or you will be punished. I have read the manuscript of your recent mind-pattern, about the "governments greatest creation, its gone out of control, we need to destroy it'. I suspected as much, they have caught on. Yes you are right about the tactics used in media, although I didn't know about Scientology, it sounds like an illuminati front. They want world domination and continuation of the human race? All factions of the planet want that, destruction of the human race cannot occur, but its how its done that you have noticed. I know what you will be thinking at this point, you will think whether you are Jesus. NO YOU ARE NOT! There was a Jesus character a long time ago, his name was Emmanuel. He did not die on the crucifix, this was a manufactured story. Like you, he was drugged and persecuted, he fled with his wife and 4 children. His wife took 3 children to France, and he took his son to India. He died at an age of 117. He did know about life, he was also programmed, like you, he had a mission to accomplish, but he failed. His creation was by the Sirians of Sirius A, and Alderbaren. Yes they are the 'angels' mentioned, but you know better than that, remember the UFO memory when you were around 5 years old? This was because I indoctrinated you before then! You are different, you are still human. You will be targeted as a false prophet, you will be targeted as being the beast in revelations. Let me make something clear. It seems more and more likely now that the drug was the wounding of one of the heads. The seven heads? 7 personalities! Don't believe in it, its disinformation. The new testament was altered! They WANT you to believe it! TIME-TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE. You have to look for someone, I cannot give you his name, because he has just finished working for the illuminati, apparently he was told to assassinate emmanual whilst working for the illuminati, but instead I think he takes a vial of his blood. The illuminati Agenda is to clone the emmanual figure, and program him to make everyone believe he has returned! The cloned emmanual will rise between 2007 and 2014 All I know, is that this person you need to contact was born November 5th."
My jaw dropped. I could not believe it, November 5th like in Back to the Future? November 5th like V for Vendetta, someone who FIGHTS against the NWO? This was INSANE!
I decided to keep reading.
I don't know whether you'll meet him or not, but in this time line, the plan is going ahead, you have to activate it, otherwise the world will go into meltdown. People need to KNOW, people need to know that the ALIEN INVASION is STAGED. People need to know that the illuminati will go at all costs to preserve the human race, no matter what.
My mother then knocked on the door. She asked me if I had left my bedroom during the night. I said No. I walked out of my room, and things were so messed up. A pair of my shoes were in the microwave. The oven door was open, the TV was on
environment around the area. Then when everything is setup, you just plant it there ready for the fish to fall into your trap. He then tried to catch a fish, but it got away, it nibbled, but for some reason, it unhooked itself, and it was gone. The fisherman made it clear that it wasn't the right time and that it wasn't meant to happen. The fish didn't belong on someones dinner plate. It was the wrong fish".
Again, my jaw dropped. How could it be so specific. This seemed to give me an indication that the nightclub was in fact a setup, and that I was right, I took the bait but got away, because it wasn't meant to happen, I didn't belong in jail, I was the wrong guy, GOD was protecting me! Again, was it a message from God, or was it psychosis.
Things started to turn around from that moment onwards. I never saw negative psychotic messages. If it was psychosis, they were positive. I would notice my wife put on sunglasses and at the same time, she'd say "I love you". I don't want to ask her if she did it on purpose or whether it was coincidental, because she knows about my anxiety to people wearing sunglasses, it could possibly be intentional. I didn't care whether it was intentional or not, it was positive, and that's all that mattered. Easter recently rocked up. Lots of movies on religious based themes "The ten commandments" was on. Positive psychosis, Moses was Gods messenger. I decided to take the earlier advice and 'walk away'. I started noticing signs that were I had not seen before, yet I knew they were always there. Reminded me of when someone bought a certain car, they would see that car everywhere. Because 6 years ago, I was in a suggestive state of mind where 'the devil' was thrown in my face everywhere I went for 3 months solid, it seemed to be the only thing I noticed. I never noticed the good things in life. Now it was different. I didn't see the negatives, only the positives. Saw a TV advert about health insurance. It was about where you are currently in life, at the end, there was a camera flash of a boy pulling the crazy face (cross eyed). I laughed. A long time ago, I would have been sensitive to it, I would have thought that it was targeting me because I was psychotic or insane. I noticed the positive of this though. It was about health insurance. It was about getting a helping hand no matter where you are in life. Because I was in a mental state, it would be beneficial for me to get something like that, to get health benefits if were to totally flip again. It wasn't making fun of me because I was insane, it was saying that if I was insane, the benefit would help me. It was positive.
More positive and positive things started to occur. I would see the news and only the positive stories I would notice, a long time ago, only negative stories. I started to get back into life, I decided to join a gym and get a personal trainer, I decided to go back on multi-vitamins, but not detox! I decided to draw again because it made me happy, and I decided to write a lot of short stories. However the best thing that could start happening to me, was when I did see my daughter as by now I rarely saw her, she would run up to me and give me a huge cuddle and kiss on the cheek. She knew who her father was, she knew my voice because I spoke to her every day at least 3 times a day. She would make me smile when she'd say 'mummy daddy and me live together'. I looked at my wife, which at the time were separated yet still loved each other. Our future was to bring up this child, to teach her the values of life. To teach her not to be selfish and to see someone elses point of view if she disagreed with them. To teach her the basics of right brained thinking to be creative, and the basics of left brained thinking to be analytical. To teach her that she had the right to make her own choices once she reached a certain age, but to make them with enough information to make a correct judgement. To be fair, to be just, and to be kind. Yet to stand up for herself if someone took advantage of her. To not play in apathy mode and not play the victim, yet not to also play the bully. Basically, to not do the wrong I did, to not be like me, and to stay away from drugs, Yet I thought she needed to learn how to love her family and friends and anyone else, which is something I always have done.
I realized when thinking about this, that life is really a 'grey' area. Not black, not white. But both mixed together. You cannot discern good if bad didn't exist. You cannot discern positive, if negative didn't exist. You cannot discern right if wrong didn't exist. If its society that has molded people in a certain way of thinking, to this point I believe the human consciousness was responsible for this, because the human consciousness has reached the pinnacle of the old way of thinking. Society has to take a new turn for the better. Then I realized everyone has a responsibility to take part. I recalled an old saying that when a butterfly flaps its wings, it would cause a hurricane on the other side of the world. I now understand this. Its quite simple really. If you are so negative, and bring yourself down, through whatever reason. You bring down the people immediately connected to you. In turn, they get affected and then they bring down the people immediately connected to them. Its never ending, the whole world is in a state of flux, the assertive are high and bring the people around them to their level, the pessimistic go down and bring down the people around them to their level. Its like ripples in a pond, so many pebbles dropped in different areas of the pond the ripples over ride each other.
Scientologists say to "disconnect" from the pessimistic/suppressive people, even if they are your own family! This is where I disagree. I believe you have to teach these people, and then they will stop being pessimistic and suppressive, and then you ALL can get along, in retrospect, suppressives are removed, not the individual, but their way of thinking, and at the same time, you still have your family.
I think I mentioned this before. If it wasn't for taking that one drug 6 years ago, I would never be where I am at today. Every choice affects yourself and people around you. Some of course negative, the others positive. I choose to stay positive, that im glad that I no longer take drugs, that I no longer need to dwell on the past, and move on.
I found a website on the internet based on 'hyperspace'. I searched through, it was about the language that represents the "mind of god". It was about a man who traveled through time, and explained EVERYTHING about how it is done, it explained that the language of God was through Symbols, Colours and sounds. I freaked. I looked at the letter I supposedly wrote, I KNEW THIS ALEADY, my programmer said this person's birthday would be November 5th. I read an excerpt from one of his books, about the Montauk Project based on time travel. It said:
I have been used in experiments for mind-control and programming since I was born, I have worked for the secret government for over 25 years. This book is about my experiences which include Time-Travel. My date of birth is NOVEMBER 5Th."
I had found him. It was real, it is ALL real. I was not insane!
God is protecting me, teaches me a lesson if I do something wrong, rewards me when I do something right. I could have died 6 years ago by taking that drug, many people do die by taking drugs. I was given a second chance. I possibly cannot think properly these days, but I now only see the positive angle. I haven't worked for some time, this made me depressed, but then someone said that it's a good time to think about my life and where its heading, to plan it, to set goals and eventually achieve them. I've set my goals, and now its time to take the first step. The first step is to stabalise my mind. I do not consciously need communication from god like I thought I did, because I have 'faith' and 'hope' that I'm protected. It has recently started, I haven't talked about it because people will see it for themselves. Its when you 'know', you don't know how you know, but you do. I know im sitting here this very second wanting to achieve something, maybe this story will make people think a tittle more, but its not to persuade your thinking, its to allow the realization that there are so many different types of people on this planet, and that we all need to accept each other. I realize there are universal laws. I realize the most basic one is, is that people who are around you, reflect who you are. If you change, those people will change too. If you hate something in someone, you hate that part of yourself too. If you love something about someone, you love that part of yourself too. If you change yourself, then people around you start to notice that, and change as well. Ultimately everyone is responsible for their own lives, I now take responsibility for taking that tablet 6 years ago, I now take responsibility over many things I've done wrong, I hate to admit to them, but I did do them, I just hope that the people I know who have been hurt by my actions, was that it was out of no ill intention, at times it was, that was during my "I couldn't give a damn" phase, and at other times, I didn't realize the outcome could be so severe and detrimental to others, I simply 'Did not think', yet overall I have gone full circle, wanting to help again, wanting to get back into society and be living amongst other people, and notice how they live life - yet not intervene. I want to be accepted, I know I'm unstable at the moment that is obvious, you've read this story. That is how my mind used to think, it's a lot better now though, i'm still on the road to recovery, and hopefully my wound will be healed and I will 'Miraculously recover". I know what you are thinking here, the religious people that is, I wont convince you of anything, I'm even admitting that I believe I was that person, and for goodness sake, I am by no means Jesus either, I'm a human just like you. Not the most evil person on the planet, and definitely not a representation of Gods total mind. I know GOD exists and will never give me anything I cannot handle, and will never give anyone anything THEY cannot handle either.
A couple of years later, My heart was racing a hundred miles an hour as I was slowly waking. My body was buzzing and I felt heavy. The tingling sensation around my being was overwhelming, I must've had a very vivid dream I thought. Although I couldn't remember it at that very moment, the physical effects still had me shaking. It could have been the effects of ELF bombardment, either way, I was feeling very weird. I had a cramp in my leg as I always sleep with my right foot on my left knee, and on my stomach with my arm underneath my pillow supporting the weight of my head. It took a while to get the muscle loose again.
It was quite gloomy for that time of the morning, usually it's a little brighter and warm, however today was very different, something didn't seem quite right. The air was damp and also cool to the touch, the room seemed to have lost its vibrancy in colour, and there was a strange smell which I recognise but couldn't remember exactly what it was. I was still half asleep. It was time to roll out of bed; 11:15am was a little late to start the usual weekend routine.
Slowly stumbling for my shirt and shorts, the room for a split second filled with a bright flash of white, about 10 seconds later there was a deafening roar coming from the far distance. The beginning of a treacherous thunderstorm I thought, better fill my lungs with smoke before it starts to pour.
I went outside and slid the glass door open; it was a little hard to do so as the rollers had crumpled underneath it a few weeks back. Need to get that fixed, I said to myself. As I managed to slide it across ever so slightly, our cat bolted through the door for freedom. I forgot to let it out for a toilet break before bed last night; she must be feeling really uncomfortable at the moment.
Sitting down in the leather armchair which I dragged outside for more comfort, I grabbed a cigarette from the packet and lit it up, inhaling its luscious content deep down to the depth of my lungs. Bliss.
Another flash of light; It was very bright, must have been powerful and quite close as this time it only took 7 or so seconds for the roar to follow. Another, much brighter and more blinding than before, this time, only 3 seconds. What in the world is going on here? That storm is going to pass right over me. Then the show began.
This time, it was frightening; the deafening thunderclap was in synchronisation with the flashes of bright light. BOOM! I startled, BOOM BOOM, again, the time between each clap was about 4 seconds apart. That smell started to get stronger and the air much damper as it was when I awoke.
I couldn't control my fear at that moment, the lightning strikes must have been right over my abode, and it had now been a 10 minute display. I was petrified, I am going to get struck I thought. I ran to the phone to call my partner to see how long it was going to be before she arrived. As I picked up the handset, the power went out. Everything shut down, including the cordless handset. I ran for my mobile phone, it was out of power. Just my luck I figured, all the while the roar and flashes were getting more and more intense. At that point I closed my eyes and repeated over and over "Nothing bad leaves or comes into me". I repeated it for about 30 seconds, and you wouldn't believe it. A streak of sunlight started to show through a gap in the clouds above. The brilliant light display had stopped almost immediately. Time to get on with the day, I mumbled.
A few weeks later, I went to a Joanne's place. She has a massive property on the outskirts of suburbia. It is so nice there, she has a tennis court and indoor swimming pool. She holds many functions there for guest speakers on alternative topics, such as colour therapy, remedial massage, and "The Work". A process developed by Byron Katie which looks at self exploration. I had learned a lot of myself through this, it was quite revealing to say the least.
The property was on old Aboriginal punishment ground. Apparently that's where the old tribes punish their own for anything that was against 'Aboriginal Lore'. They aren't laws made by the Aboriginal culture, I was told, but its living according to the laws of the Universe. Before I slowly starting to learn this, I was quite racist in this matter. I heard a lot about the apology that the Stolen Generation wanted, I always thought that it was an excuse for compensation. I honestly didn't understand at the time.
I slowly walked up the steep, winding driveway, it was quite lengthy and the small inclination started to make my heart pound a little quicker. By the time I arrived at the front door, I was well beyond needing to get my breath back. I am so unfit. I knocked on the door, and Joanne answered. It was good to see her again; she had been on a trip to India for the last few months.
"Hi! So good to see you" she said as she gave me a hug.
"Good to see you too Joanne, how's things?" I replied.
"Oh I have so many stories to tell you my dear friend, but first, I have to introduce you to Aunty Violet"
Aunty Violet is an Aboriginal Shaman. She isn't part of the elders, although she is highly respected in her community for her healing abilities. I remember many stories Joanne told me about her, one where she received a full body wrap with different coloured ochre to dissolve cellulite, and the fascinating stories of the Dreamtime, stories passed down by word of mouth and also depicted in art of the Aborigines spiritual ways.
"Dreamtime is just as real as when we are awake" Joanne told me one day, reporting on her discussion about this with Aunty Violet. Now I get to meet her myself.
She wasn't anything like I thought she would be. My vision of her was an aged woman, with greying hair and a stern personality. Seeing her speak to some other people around Joanne's outdoor setting, she was laughing and looked like a jovial woman. Her hand gestures and body posture gave a very close description of who she was as a person.
"Violet, this is my good friend I was telling you about, remember? " said Joanne as we pulled back some chairs.
"Ahhh yes! So this is the fella is it? Wow, I can see his energy as bright as the light on a sunny day! No wonder he's your friend Jo!" Aunty Violet replied.
I extended my hand to introduce myself, however was a little surprised to see Aunty Violet extend her arms out to have me wrapped in them instead.
"Friends give each other hugs silly". She chuckled as she gave me a kiss on the cheek as well. She then looked over at a gentleman sitting next to her and said to me, "This is Kooda, he's my protector. He's a warrior! Kooda means Brother in our native tongue".
I looked at Kooda and introduced myself. He didn't look like a warrior; he looked quite peaceful and a little podgy around the edges. He didn't smile much. After 30 minutes of being there, Aunty Violet had already told us many stories that had all of us laughing in hysterics, on many occasions peering over to Kooda and stating "isn't that right Kooda" seeking a form of acknowledgement to support her stories. Kooda always nodding; yet still no smile. I then noticed he had been twirling his thumbs for quite some time, then saying "Bella is such a wonderful spirit" patting Joanne's Golden Retriever which was neatly laying down on top of his feet. That was strange, I've always known Bella to only go to people she feels comfortable with, and this usually meant many visits by someone before she learned to trust them, yet she only met Kooda once and was comfortably stretched out in front of him, at times licking his hands.
"You mean soul right Kooda?" I exclaimed.
"No brutha, soul is a white mans word! The white man thinks he has a soul, but our people believe we are a spirit that has a body!" he responded. Since then, the conversation of Dreamtime started to make a lot more sense. It was about the Spirits' Journey through non-physical elements of life, the ability to go distances in a state that doesn't require the physical body. A place where the Rainbow Serpent resides in its true form.
A little while later, Joanne mentioned to Aunty Violet that I have had some unusual experiences in life, one of course, was the recent storm over my property. Aunty Violet exclaimed, "Oh? Tell me some of your stories!", and so I began to tell her a few of them, the last one which was the storm. As I was describing how I experienced it, Kooda and Aunty Violet began to smile a little, eventually both giggling to themselves. Kooda was smiling! I noticed his gleaming white teeth. At the end of the story, I said "Well you don't have to believe me", feeling a little hurt because I thought they were mocking me. "Oh no dear, we BOTH believe you!" she said. "What was the actual colour of the lightning? Was it a blue tinge, or yellowing?" she then asked. "It was pure white light, not like other lightning I've seen, it was quite luminescent".
Kooda and Violet smiled at each other, and then she stared back at me. "That was two weeks ago wasn't it?" she asked. "Yes...." I replied, unsure what she was getting at. "That was us brother! That was our people! We did some work that day, we needed to…" she paused for a brief moment. "I know who you are" she said. I was still a little confused. "What do you mean?" I responded. "I know you, you as a spirit, I know you!" she exclaimed. I tried to find out 'Who I am' as she was referring to. However she said I wasn't ready just yet and she would tell me soon, but not to worry about it, and to get physically and mentally in shape, for what is to come.
A long time ago, I always thought that my greatest fear was waking up in hospital, not knowing who my family and friends are, who I was, or anything about myself in any way shape or form. I would feel alone in a strange place, not believing if my supposed relatives were who they said they were, or if I would ever have the same relationship with them that I've had growing up knowing them. I didn't want to ever experience something like that.
A couple of weeks later I went to visit Aunty Violet as she gave me her number and address so I could visit her one day. Walking up the footpath, I noticed a lot of Jesus memorabilia, and 'God Loves You' plaques hanging on the outside wall. There were plants everywhere; she must love gardening. Must really enjoy nature I thought. As I was about to knock on the door, Aunty Violet opened it just before my hand made contact with the surface. I was thinking to myself, "Is she psychic?" and asked her "How did you know I was about to knock on the door?". She looked at me and smiled "I heard your car pull up silly, how else would I know someone was here" giving a small cheeky grin as she said it. I felt rather awkward at that moment, I thought something supernatural was the reason for it, yet it was more obvious than I thought.
Stepping inside her house, I saw the most beautiful artwork I have ever seen displayed over her walls. Magnificently done; with dark reds, yellows, browns, and many earthly based colours with a lot of circular shapes and rounded edges to the images on the canvas. I noticed there were no jagged or sharp corners painted anywhere. All the shapes flowed together in harmony, and it felt like that artist was trying to convey her idea that everything is woven together, tightly interconnected with a vibrant stream of energy.
"Have a seat brother" said Aunty Violet, "Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked. "Yes please!" I responded. "How do you have it?" she replied.
After I received my cup of tea, she directed me outside and introduced me to guests that were already there. Many of the same culture as Aunty Violet, and they all seemed very sincere.
I sat down and Aunty Violet looked at me with a small grin. "Welcome home brother" she said. "What?" I said to myself. "What do you mean?" I asked. "You are my brother, we come from the same spark of creation, the same spark of God, we are spiritual brother and sisters, we have incarnated many times together in the flesh as brother and sister as well, don't you remember me?". I was a bit overwhelmed with her statement. I do get a feeling of having met her many times before, but nothing to the extent of what she was describing. I realised at this point that the aboriginal culture believes in re-incarnation.
She began describing the Dreamtime story of the Eve and Adamic races. Apparently the Adamic race were the first 'controlled' species on the planet, commonly known in a place called Atlantis. They were controlled under the 'Gods' of that time – the Celestial Gods who then created them. The Eve race were the rebellious race – located in areas on the Australian continent and surrounding land. It was part of a large civilisation called Mu or Lemuria back then. The Eve race rebelled at the control of the Celestial Gods, and many travelled to Atlantis to liberate the people there.
Many returned with the Eve race, and thus the Eve race became very knowledgeable with the added information of the Adamics. The Celestial Gods that created the Eve race were from the Alpha Draconis star system, apparently reptilian in appearance – apparently where the 'Rainbow Serpent' dreamtime story comes from. She stated "They are so wonderful and magnificent, do not fear them, many simply don't understand them, they have a love for their creations, however its one with respect as showing emotion was not part of their makeup".
After having a lengthy conversation about all aspects of their true nature, I began to understand that the culture in its most original form lived in unison with their environment. They are classified as nomadic for always going to different areas to harvest the natural resources there. This was only so they could keep everything in their environment in balance and would travel based on the season; which was common knowledge to them. It allowed for natural regrowth of flora when they left an area, sometimes starting a controlled burning of the area to allow regrowth, and later return when the time was right. This way, they would never go hungry or live in an environment that was harmful to them.
Another guest there said "Never follow a Chitty Chitty – for it'll never lead you to water, you'll get lost". Chitty Chitty was the aboriginal term for the "Willie Wagtail" which is a small black and white bird, native to Australia, in which their tail oscillates like a fan. I posed a question about this on how they do actually find water. "Always trail a Galah, a Galah always finds water". He used the aboriginal term for Galah, but I can't remember what it was.
I asked about the killing of animals, since all spirits have bodies of some sort, I asked about the Kangaroo. The same guest said that they never kill an animal unless the animal willing gives up its vehicle for consumption of the people. With this respect, the animal spirit has the opportunity to go to its next stage in spiritual evolution – taking on a more complicated role. I didn't understand this at that point in time, as I've previously heard of the weapons used such as the boomerangs or spears. He said that the communication is of a spiritual nature between all things, and that emotion is what hinders a smooth transition for the culture to actually kill an animal. The animal reacts out of emotion. I asked about the killing of other humans, and he stated that its OK under Universal LORE to defend ones own and their families life. The repercussions of not following that strict law, is the ability of the spirit of the killed person to 'walk-in' and inhabit the killers body. Apparently this is one of the main reason for many mental illnesses, and both spirits travel together through-out time incarnating together. It's a form of karma, a form of cause and effect.
I had returned a few more times after this visit, and one time, Aunty Violet brought out a book on the Mayan culture. She looked at me and said "Its time for your test, before I can give you more information", she then said "You know I say you are my brother, so here's a chance for me to prove it to you. Choose a page number and tell me the first thing that comes into your mind". At that very moment, I thought of Star Wars, Luke and Princess Leigh, brother and sister, yet they themselves not knowing that for a very long time, and now a similar situation in a different sort of way presented itself to me. "Skywalker? Page 232" I said in a hesitant tone. She smiled and opened up the page. I couldn't believe what I saw. It was the beginning chapter of the description of 'Skywalker' in Mayan culture. It had a poem about brothers and sisters. I was in awe. Later we discussed that the movie Star Wars was a 'memory' to awaken people of ancient spiritual nature. That is a totally different story altogether though.
After a little while of my excitement at what I had discovered, a really negative thought started to dawn on me. Aunty Violet welcomed me home, Aunty Violet calls me her brother, Aunty Violet treats me like a long lost relative, cuddling and kissing me on the cheek whenever the opportunity presents itself. I was overwhelmed with the notion that I don't actually 'know' them very well. I always had the feeling of 'knowing them' before, but not to the level that she feels. Then it dawned on me, my biggest fear had finally presented itself. I am with people who say I'm related, yet I don't know them, they are telling me stories about my spiritual nature, yet I am not sure if I believe it yet. I am alone in a strange place, I thought to myself.
As I was leaving that day, Aunty Violet offered to let me see my physical self during a time she was my physical sister. She placed her hand on my forehead, took some deep breathes and asked me to close my eyes. An image of a tall, slender aboriginal man with a red bandana around his forehead; standing with an occupied look on his face. His right foot was on his left knee, he had a spear in his hand which he used to rest upon. An acknowledgement of how I sleep came into mind; this is how I lay when I sleep! Right foot on left knee! I told Aunty Violet this, and she said 'See, when you're in Dreamtime, you go back to your original self. Do you believe me now?"
That night, she asked me if I wanted a visit during dreamtime, she would take me somewhere to train me, to prepare me of what is to come. She said I was a warrior that protects Earth, and that I was in alliance with a spiritual federation. Now I know what she meant when she said Kooda is a Warrior. Not physically, but spiritually. I've had the most fascinating dream that night, I will never forget it.
I still continued to see Aunty Violet, many months had passed and I was now feeling like I was at home. I would be taught how to do energy work, all in the mind. A group of us would sit around a table with all of our eyes closed, all describing similar things experienced, and changes made to align things back to normality. I now know how to control my dreams and go where I want to go during "Dreamtime". I saw many remarkable things in this state. I sat there one day smiling to myself staring into nothingness, thinking to myself, never wanting to leave, pondering about my supposed normal life. That seemed more surreal now; returning there now makes me feel alone, in a strange and unusual place.
On February 13th – 2008, the Australian Government led by Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, apologised to the Indigenous Australians for the events surrounding the stolen generation. That very day, I remembered Aunty Violet. A person who I knew would be appreciative of the words Kevin Rudd used as she was affected by this negative, yet historical event. I could not think of anyone else more deserving in receiving such a gift.