Forgiveness

Forgiveness.

Such a simple word.

But its so hard to do.

When you've been hurt.

'I Wonder' - Kellie Pickler

Bellatrix squeezed her eyes shut tighter, as she felt herself awake from a fairly peaceful and dreamless sleep. She waited for her mother to knock impatiently at her door, moaning and whining at her to get up and get dressed. Bellatrix rolled over onto her front and buried her face into her pillow. She didn't want to get up. It was warm and snug in here, much nicer than the cold autumn breeze that was already whistling down the draughty corridors of Black Manor. She didn't want to face reality. She didn't want to accept that her old life was gone and that she had changed.
But life must go on. If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.
She reluctantly poked one of her feet out from under the covers and tested the temperature of the air outside of the cosy cocoon she had created with the duvet. As she expected, the cold air attacked her feet like a ravenous wolf, it's freezing teeth sinking happily into her flesh.
Swinging her other leg around so both feet were pointing out of the bed, she slowly slithered out from the warm covers and onto the cold wooden floor. She winced as her bare knees hit the wood.

She opened her eyes sleepily, twisting around so she was sat leaning against the bed. This isn't my room, she thought stupidly. It took her a few moments to remember why she was in her baby sisters room and not her own. Then she suddenly remembered Narcissa asking her to sit with her for a while, until she fell asleep. Bella rolled her eyes as she realised she must've fallen asleep next to Narcissa, then Narcissa had woken up in the morning and left Bellatrix to have a lie in. And she had things to do, dammit. Like sending Andromeda letters with curses in them.
She pulled herself up, using the nearby desk as support and re-tied her dressing gown around her.

The corridors where empty, no house-elves or family members traipsing about. She reached her door and tapped the door handle three times with her wand, then forced it open with her shoulder closing it behind her once she was through. She pulled off her dressing gown and threw it carelessly on a chair. She pulled her nightie off over her head. Once she had that off and had forced herself into a corset, she opened her wardrobe and flicked through some of the dresses. She pulled out a simple black dress with a square neckline and sleeves down to her elbows and threw it on without caring that she would probably freeze in the current weather (which was unusually cold, even for autumn). She then walked over to her bed and sat on it, sinking into several layers of blanket and duvet. She pulled open one of the drawers opposite, and carefully put on a long pair of lace fingerless gloves.

Her stomach grumbled unhappily, declaring its need for food. She dragged a brush through her outrageously curly hair, and then piled it on top of her head, securing it with a large ornamental clip which had on it three emeralds and a slithering snake. She pulled a couple of curls out from the clip so they framed the sides of her face.
She picked up a black eyeliner pencil up off of the floor and used it to draw a thick line around each eye. She grabbed a mascara and lip-gloss from her dressing table and applied them hurriedly, as she walked out of her room and locked the door.

_________

By the time she had arrived at the dining room she was finally satisfied that her lips were glossy enough and that her eyelashes were long and thick enough. She pushed open the door.
Narcissa was sat alone at the and of the table in a powder blue dress with puffed sleeves. She looked like a character out of one of those stupid muggle stories Andromeda used to love reading - though she couldn't remember the characters name. She was chewing on a cold piece of toast looking positively miserable. Her blonde hair hung around her pale face despite the blue ribbon she had tied in it and her eyes looked hollow.
"Narcissa?" Bellatrix asked quietly, as she closed the door behind her.
"Hi Bella," came the unenthusiastic reply. She didn't even look up.
"Where's Mother and Father?" Bella asked, pulling out a chair and helping herself to the toast that had been laid out on the table.
"They're in there," Narcissa replied in a distant tone, her hand making gestures towards the room next door, "They're talking to the Lestranges - the parents of Andromeda's fiancé,"
"Ex-fiancé," Bella corrected, "...Cissy - is that coffee you're drinking?"
Narcissa snapped out of her daydream to look down at the cup she had clutched in her hands, "Wha-?... oh. Yes I suppose it is," she confirmed glumly.
Bellatrix raised her eyebrows and bit into the slice of toast. Something must be wrong - Cissy never ever drank coffee. It makes your teeth yellow and your skin horrible.

"Narcissa?" came the loud and harsh tones of Cygnus Black from next door.
"Yes Father?" she called back, looking over her shoulder.
"Is your sister there?" he asked impatiently.
"Which one? I have two," Narcissa muttered under her breath, "Yes she is Father,"
"Send her in then girl,"
Narcissa looked at Bellatrix with her wide, innocent eyes, "Do as he says," Narcissa told her, "Please," she added as Bellatrix opened her mouth to protest.
Bellatrix reluctantly put down the remains of her breakfast, wiping the butter off of her fingers with a napkin and brushing the crumbs off of her dress.
She walked past Narcissa. Narcissa caught the back of her dress and tugged at it.
"What Cissy?" Bella snapped as she whirled around sharply and glared at her sister.
Narcissa cringed away from her sister and released Bellatrix's dress, "Don't stare at Mother, please Bella. You'll get into trouble,"
"What do you mean 'don't stare at Mother' - what's wrong with her?" Bellatrix hissed, her eyes flickering towards the door.
"Just... don't stare at her and be careful of what you say,"
"I'll be fine Narcissa, just... - just drink the rest of your coffee and have something to eat, okay"

As soon as she had stepped into the next room, she was glad Narcissa had warned her about her Mother. Druella Black was sat on one of the leather and velvet chaise lounges with red velvet cushions leaning her head on her arm, her eyes looking down at her lap. She had necklace of purple bruises around her throat and a large bruise blossoming on her left cheek.
Bellatrix's father, however, only had a couple of scratches on the side of his face. Neither had bothered to hide them with charms or potions. The bruises on Druella's cheeks showed the rest of the pureblood world who was in charge of this household.
Bellatrix averted her gaze from her parents, choosing instead to look at the other occupants in the room.

Mr Lestrange was a tall man with dark brown hair tanned skin. He had a small moustache and a rough stubble across his cheeks. He had a large nose, but apart from that was alright looking. He placed his hands in the pockets of his pinstriped waistcoat and looked around the room with interest.
Mrs Lestrange was not as dark as her husband. She had a light tan and had golden-brown hair which had been twisted into a knot at the back of her neck. She, like her husband, was also tall. Her dress was red velvet with black lace at the cuffs and the hem of her dress. She was sat opposite Druella.
Their two sons, Rodolphus and Rabastan stood in the corner. Rodolphus was the oldest by three years, was taller and much more muscular than Rabastan, who was extremely skinny. They both had inherited their mothers light tan and had their fathers dark brown hair. Rodolphus however was the spitting image of his father with a smaller nose and Rabastan was like his Mother.

"Mr and Mrs Lestrange, Rodolphus, Rabastan," Bellatrix greeted them graciously.
The brothers nodded at her, and Mrs Lestrange gave her a warm smile, "Bellatrix," she replied in her thick French accent.
She smiled back, then turned to face her Father, "You asked for me, Father?"
He looked coldly down his nose at her, "Nothing important really Bellatrix, I was just wondering if you had any idea where she could be,"
"I told you yesterday Father, I have no clue where Andromeda has gone," she replied with an equal amount of coolness.

It was a well known fact among the purebloods, that Bellatrix Black did not get on at all with her Father, and the Lestranges looked on as Cygnus Black bit back his threatening reply.
"Very well then. Bellatrix you may go. Your Mother and I need to talk to Mr and Mrs Lestrange and their sons about the unfortunate circumstances we seem to be in,"
Bellatrix's expression changed to one of outrage, "Father! I am of age, I do not need to be treated like a child - Rabastan gets to stay and he's my age!"
"Listen to me child - whether you are of age or not, you are still my daughter and you will do as I say, is that clear?"
"But -"
"Bellatrix, I think you should listen to your Father. We should leave our parents to talk things over," Rodolphus said from the corner.
She turned to glare at him, "I don't need your advice, Rodolphus," she sneered rudely.
Druella looked aghast, "Bellatrix!" she hissed, "Don't be rude,"
Rodolphus had moved over to stand behind Bellatrix, "I'll accompany Bellatrix sir, I'm sure my parents can manage without me," his fingers closed around Bella's wrist.
"I don't need 'accompanying' around my own home,"
"Bellatrix, we need to talk," he whispered in a low voice so only she could hear.
She considered him for a moment, tilting her head to one side, then she pulled her hand out of his grip and muttered, "Fine,"

_________

Bellatrix pushed open the door to another one of the Black Manor's many lounges. Pushing Rodolphus through she closed the door behind her. It locked with a loud click.
"Well?" she demanded, nostrils flaring.
"Well what?"
"What do we 'need to talk about'?" she asked pulling out a cigarette packet from the pocket of her dress.
"You've been avoiding me,"
"And?" she continued, pulling one of the cigarettes out of the packet.
"Are you angry with me?" he demanded, folding his arms impatiently watching her

Bellatrix burst into insane laughter and doubled over, holding her cigarette away from her face as she giggled. After a few seconds she straightened up and leant against the wall still chuckling to herself. Putting the cigarette in between her lips, she lit it with the end of her wand.
"Am I angry with you?" she giggled, "You betrayed me, Rodolphus Lestrange, I could bloody kill you" she said, her lips pursed and twisted into an amused smile as she exhaled the smoke.
"What? Bella what the hell are you- how in Merlin's name have I betrayed you?" he asked, his expression incredulous, his arms folded.
"Well, what would you call sleeping with your best friend and then dumping her for her little sister? Personally I'd call it betrayal,"
“Oh for Christ's sake, not this again - look that was not my fault,” he snarled, taking a step forward, pointing a finger, “And I’ve already apologised for ’womanising’ you, as you call it,”
“I don‘t see why you just didn‘t refuse to marry her” she replied taking another drag of her cigarette, "You've never liked Andromeda anyway,"
“Because everything had already been planned! Oh my god Bellatrix - you can be so annoying!” he complained, one hand on his waist, the other massaging his temple.
“Thank you,” she replied tartly, flicking the ash off the end of her cigarette onto his suit.
“And quit acting like a spoilt five year old that’s just had it’s favourite doll taken away Bella, you’re better than that,” he sighed frustrated, turning away so tired of her silly little arguments.

He moved over towards the window.
"Ooh just look at you, running away, just like you always do," she sneered, one arm wrapped almost protectively across her middle and the hand with the cigarette relaxed by her side. She walked over to his side and sat on the windowsill, "You know what really pissed me off? The thing that really pissed me off is that I actually thought you loved me," she added her voice husky.
"I did Bella-," he grumbled, "I do,"
"Don't even bother, they're just empty words, Rod," she flicked the cigarette again and looked away disinterested, pressing what was left of the cigarette against her lips. He pulled it out from in between her fingers.
"You shouldn't smoke it's bad for you," he grumbled, licking his finger and stubbing it out. He pressed the end of the cigarette into her hand. She looked vaguely nauseated as she studied the little roll of tobacco.
"Charming," she commented, her the corner of her mouth tugged up in a expression of utmost disgust.
He smirked and then slid his hand across her stomach, leaning in towards her while she was distracted. He felt her tense as soon as his hand touched her dress and the tip of Bellatrix's wand jabbed at his throat, "Get any closer and I'll have your guts for garters," she hissed. She moved away, circling around him like she was some wild animal and he was her prey. What had been a cool and tense atmosphere suddenly plummeted into sub-zero temperatures. She seized his wrist and wrenched it away from her, holding it far away from her stomach as possible, as if it had some sort of disgusting bacteria on it, "Keep your dirty paws off of what you can't afford,"

"Why can't you just forgive and forget? Why can't you get over the fact that I was breifly engaged to your sister? Why do you have to be such a... a... jealous bitch?!"
"Why don't you understand that I'm not used to being betrayed?" she snapped, "Remember at Hogwarts, when we all made a pact, that we would always be loyal to eachother - because we're purebloods, we're Slytherins and we're better than everyone else. It meant we don't go behind eachothers backs and we certainly don't arrange things like marriages to other people and still fuck our ex-girlfriends-" she looked close to breaking down into tears,"-then tell them it was nothing, just a fling and they should just get over it,"
"Merlin, just take a chill pill Bellatrix. And anyway, it doesn't seem that 'pact' we made was really that important. I mean - your whore of a sister broke it," he added offhandedly.
Bellatrix slapped him across the face, "Never speak of my family like that again," she warned coldly, her chest heaving.
Rodolphus, who had turned away as she hit him across the face, turned to look at her furiously, rubbing his jaw.
"Crazy bitch," he muttered, "You're all whores,"
"Get out you git," she spat, furious, "And don't go anyway near my sisters,"
"Andromedaisn't your sister anymore Bella, she's a blood traitor,"
She moved to hit him again. He seized both her wrists, one in each hand. She spat at him. He wrinkled his nose, disgusted, "Now Now, Madam," he scolded, "Be a lady,"

She glared at him, her lips curling back over her teeth into a snarl. She then wrenched her arms away and kicked him hard inbetween the legs.

Author’s Notes: Ok, the song I chose has nothing to do with a romantic relationship, but the words fit so perfectly I just had to use it. Sorry if these chapters seem rushed, I’m just trying to get all the basics down like who likes who and what they relationships are between the family members etc.

[EDIT: 10/8/09 - Yeah, I changed the ending... sorry xD It just didn't fit in with the next chapter I'm writing, and I hope it makes Bellatrix sound a lot less stroppy teenage madam and more confused and angry young lady with an attitude problem.]

[EDIT: 14/8/09 - I changed a few sentences again. Sorry, I was writing the other chapters and the plot changed slightly, so I had to add in little extra details =)]

Poor iddle Bella/Rod, I can’t help feeling a little sorry for them even though he is being a complete bastard and she's being a whiny, clingy cow, oh well... they have reasons to be the way they are xD

Please Review!!

Ellie x