Worst Used-Car Lemons

A/N: This story is inspired by a Yahoo! article with the same title. I read it and immediately thought, “I have to make a story with that title…” Also, I have nothing against car dealerships; that’s just Naruto’s opinion, and remember, they are his competition in this story, so… So anyway, enjoy!

I may or may not continue this story; after all, it is Lemons, plural. So if anyone has any ideas, feel free to send them in!

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters or the title, sorry…

Sasuke sighed. Again. It seemed that he was chronically sighing. It made sense, though; there were chronically things in his world to sigh about. Constantly, annoying people made annoying choices and just overall annoyed the hell out of him, which made him want to sigh. And so he sighed. Again.

Take today, for instance. His family was rich. Millionaires, actually. And Sasuke was sixteen. His birthday had been a little over a month ago, and he’d finally gotten his license. Therefore, Sasuke thought he should be entitled to a car. Like that show, My Sweet Sixteen, right? If the preppy girls got Corvettes and Porsches and BMW’s, he thought he was entitled to a car—a good one.

Unfortunately, his parents didn’t agree. “Why do you need a car?” they’d harped. “Even if you don’t want to ride the bus, your school is within walking distance, and you don’t really do extra-curricular activities…” However, he’d finally managed to wear them down. Giving reasons like “I don’t like busses,” and “But Sakura needs rides,” (Sakura was his fiancée, a girl that he had no reason to like but no choice but to marry) and even making up, “If I walk I’m likely to get jumped by bullies!” he’d finally gotten them to agree. Sasuke needed a car.

But they didn’t realize just what a status symbol it was. Maybe his parents had never been teenagers, he wouldn’t be surprised. They thought it would be “stupendous” for him to buy a used car.

A used car.

A used car as his first car.

A used car as his, Sasuke Uchiha’s, the millionaire’s, car.

His parents just did not understand!

However, Sasuke had been unable to make them see the folly in their logic, and therefore was unable to convince them that he had to have a new car, and a good one at that. They thought ten thousand dollars was a good price cap.

Sasuke thought they were insane, but here he was, sighing at the used-car lot.

All of these cars were—they were terrible! This one had a dent in the bumper, this one here had the worst pink leather interior—Sasuke wanted a nice car. Sasuke wanted a Corvette. Or a Viper. Hell, even a Toyota Corolla would have worked! But these hunks of junk?

Sasuke read the name on one car. “Bravada…1992…170,000 miles…well, at least it’s in the price range, but could you ever see me driving this thing?”

Sasuke jumped as a voice answered his rhetorical question with, “Actually, yes, I could, though I think you’d be more suited to some of the models closer to the office…”

Turning, Sasuke examined the man behind him. Blonde, slightly taller than him, slim, with a skin tone that could only have come from a Hispanic heritage or lots of time in the sun. The man was wearing a loose black t-shirt with some silly slogan and some beat-up blue jeans, as well as the sunniest smile Sasuke had seen in a long time.

“Hi. I’m Naruto Uzumaki, owner of this lot. Can I help you find something?”

Sasuke took the proffered hand and shook it with business professionalism, although he couldn’t help but notice that the calloused hand wasn’t even sweaty in the August heat. “Sasuke Uchiha, and…no, I don’t think there will be anything here that I’ll be willing to spend any money on.”

No one had ever said that Sasuke was one to mince words.

Naruto blinked, looking a little taken aback. “Well then. Where were you thinking of shopping?”

“Well, I’d like to go to a real dealer and buy something new, but since I happen to have a price cap of ten thousand…”

“Aah,” Naruto smiled. “So you want something to show off to your friends at school.”

Sasuke glared. Yes, that was correct, but he didn’t need this cocky blonde man stating it that way. “Yes, I suppose,” he answered icily. “So if you don’t mind, I’ll be leaving now…”

“Hold up,” the blonde laughed, and Sasuke found his anger dissipating…slightly. Not that much. “I didn’t mean to insult you. It’s just that it’s so common to get kids like you in here—you come in, complain, leave, and two weeks later, you come back all cowed by the price tags and requirements that go with new cars. You say you’ve got a ten thousand top. I can get you something decent for that. Dealers will charge you for the air you breathe and tell you that you owe them twenty-five thousand for something that runs like shit. That’s all I’m saying.”

Sasuke stared at the man in front of him. “Are…are you insane?”

“Sorry?”

“You talk to customers like that?”

Naruto didn’t smile per se, but his laughing blue eyes twinkled. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, you’ve already told me you’re leaving, so at the moment, you’re not really a customer. And I think you’re making the wrong choice, so I might as well tell you. Otherwise, you’d yell at me for not stopping you from making a mistake when I knew you were making one. Right?”

“…I guess,” Sasuke admitted. “So what if I said that I would look at what you have in stock that I’d ‘be more suited to’?”

Naruto straightened, putting his arms straight down his sides in an imitation of the military At-Attention pose. He bowed at the waist to almost horizontal, and Sasuke wondered if he could possibly be Japanese to match the name. “Yes sir. If you would to please follow me, sir.”

Sasuke stared for a moment and Naruto bust up laughing, relaxing back into his casual posture. “Sorry, sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “Too good to resist. Follow me.”

Sasuke stared for a moment later before shaking his head and following the blonde. To his horror, he felt his lips quirking upwards in a grin, but he stopped himself from letting it grow into a laugh. Let the idiot laugh alone; it suited him.

Naruto led him to a section closer to the office, and Sasuke was actually slightly surprised to see that the cars weren’t actually that bad. There was even an older Corvette.

“How much is that one?” he asked, pointing to the old version of his dream car.

“Out of your price range, sorry,” Naruto answered. “Here, I was thinking something more like these…” He gestured to some sporty cars that Sasuke didn’t recognize.

Sasuke shrugged, still more interested in the Corvette than anything else. Still, he turned to view the little sports cars and to try to settle for one of them. He pointed at a little red coupe. “What about that one?”

Naruto looked at it calculatingly. “With its current price tag, you’d be at about eleven thousand, but I think I could let it down for you. Like it? It’s a beauty, huh?”

Sasuke sighed. “I guess…”

Naruto looked at him. “You don’t look too enthused. Here, why don’t we take it for a ride?”

Sasuke blinked. “We can do that?”

“Of course! You didn’t think I’d let you take it without trying it out, right?”

“…oh.”

Naruto grinned and opened the passenger door seat. Sasuke moved toward that side and was surprised when Naruto laughed and shooed him away. “You’re driving, silly! Best way to get a feeling for a car!”

“…okay,” Sasuke agreed, feeling like an idiot. Settling into the seat, he buckled his seatbelt and turned the car on.

“Now, the great thing about this little one,” Naruto began, “is that she’s an automatic. I mean, nothing against stick-shifts, I love them, but it’s so nice just to be able to sit back and let the car do the driving for you, you know? Also, the leather interior is really neat; someone took good care of this baby.”

Sasuke sighed and focused on the road as Naruto kept pattering out good qualities in the car. Naruto was right, though…it did drive nicely. And Sasuke liked the feeling of the warm, leather-like wheel under his hands. He liked the idea that it could be all his.

Having completely tuned Naruto out, Sasuke reached over to turn on the radio. He was shocked when his hand collided with Naruto’s calloused palm.

Naruto glanced up at him as he glanced away from the road to look at the blonde. Their eyes met and Naruto looked away with a blush coloring his cheeks. Sasuke returned both hand and eyes to the road.

“Sorry,” Naruto said softly, barely audible above the road noise. “I was just…going to show you that the radio works.”

“Mm,” Sasuke answered. His fingers tingled as he wrapped them around the wheel. “It’s alright. I wasn’t listening to what you were saying, anyway.”

“Oh,” Naruto laughed. “Well, that explains why you’re not taking my usual test-drive route.”

Sasuke glanced at the blonde. “I’m not?”

“No, normally we don’t test-drive on the freeway. But hey, if this is the capability you wanted to see about, this is fine; just remember to take us back to the dealership, okay?”

“What, don’t want me kidnapping you?” Sasuke joked lightly, then blinked at himself. Had he honestly just made a joke? What was wrong with him?

Naruto laughed heartily, and Sasuke couldn’t stop from smiling slightly. “Nah,” the blonde answered between chuckles, “If it was you, I actually wouldn’t mind.”

Sasuke felt his cheeks turn bright red.

Naruto glanced out the window, apparently blushing as well. Tan fingers drummed against a fray in the knee of the jeans. “Sorry. Just…kidding, you know?”

For some reason, Sasuke didn’t believe him, but he nodded and forced a smile. “Sure. No problem.” Then, to change the subject, “You know, I think I’ll buy this.”

“Really?” Naruto perked up instantly. “That’s great! See, I told you I could find you something that fit! That’s…that’s wonderful!”

Sasuke turned back toward the dealership, smiling wryly at Naruto’s excitement. The man was really…infectious. Although his habit of talking constantly was quite annoying. But still…he wasn’t as bad as Sasuke had first thought.

Sasuke pulled back into the shop, pushing the gearshift into Park. He ran his fingers over the warm leather of the shifter, smiling. Soon, this car would belong completely to him. Maybe it wasn’t a Corvette, but it was a car, and it would be his.

Sasuke glanced over at Naruto in time to see him watching Sasuke’s hand with a faraway look in his eyes. Sasuke blinked, confused, but then Naruto glanced up at him with a guilty look on his face and looked away as he began to blush madly. Sasuke’s lips slowly grew into a smirk as he realized what the blonde had been thinking about.

Yes, Sasuke was only sixteen. Yes, he was engaged. Yes, his family would be horrified if they found out. Yes, Naruto was kind-of annoying to be around (even if he was able to make Sasuke enjoy himself, something that almost never happened). And, yes, Naruto was hot. He wasn’t entirely Sasuke’s type; normally, Sasuke went for petite, flowery girls, not guys with muscles like cats and skin the color of coffee with a splash of cream and blue eyes so deep that one could drown in them. Normally, Sasuke was straight.

But today? Today, Sasuke was sixteen and reckless.

Leaning over the center console, Sasuke turned Naruto’s blushing face to his and pressed their lips together. He’d kissed Sakura a few times, so he had some practice.

Obviously not enough, though. Once Naruto had gotten over his initial shock (which only took about 2.5 seconds), the blonde leaned forward and immediately took control of the kiss. His fingers wrapped around Sasuke’s neck, cradling his head, and his tongue slid along Sasuke’s lips to open them. A moment later, Sasuke was gasping as Naruto nibbled softly on his lower lip and slid his hand down to Sasuke’s waist.

Sasuke moaned as the hand on his waist squeezed slightly, and his stomach flip-flopped. He was having trouble breathing as Naruto moved his lips from Sasuke’s lips to the tip of the raven’s ear and scraped his teeth over a sensitive spot that Sasuke had never known he had. Sasuke found himself arching embarrassingly and somehow couldn’t bring himself to care, just like he didn’t care that he was moaning and whimpering and making other girly, annoying sounds without stop. All he cared about was the fingers swiftly undoing his button-up shirt and the kisses making their way down, down, down…

Sasuke stopped breathing altogether as Naruto placed a kiss just above the button to his fly. He gasped slightly as the blonde reached over him to pull up on the lever next to him, lowering his seat until he was lying almost horizontally. Leaning up, he met Naruto’s laughing sapphire orbs with a question in his own.

“Trust me,” Naruto said quietly, and Sasuke could hear the blonde’s slight Hispanic accent affecting his voice in his lust. Swallowing, Sasuke nodded.

Later, Sasuke would never know how Naruto managed to fit himself between the gearshift, steering wheel, and center console to do what he did. All he would know was how absolutely amazing it felt when Naruto first kissed the tip of his erection, then pulled it into his mouth, farther than any human mouth should ever go, while caressing the sensitive junction of leg to hip with his right hand. He would know that the second-best experience in his life was when Naruto hummed around his erection and sent jolts of electricity bombarding his mind and causing him to scream without caring who heard.

He would remember for the rest of his life that the best time of his life, to that point, was when Naruto pulled back from his straining erection, met his eyes, and blew out a breath of warm air. Sasuke’s world exploded into stars as he stared into those deep, deep eyes, and he swore that while others’ worlds tended to turn white during orgasm, his turned blue.

When he finally came back to himself, Naruto was standing, that perpetual smile making Sasuke smile back. “So,” Naruto said, voice back to normal as he stroked Sasuke’s bangs, “Shall we go work on paperwork?”

Mutely, Sasuke nodded. As Naruto began to get out of the car, he turned back with twinkling blue eyes. “By the way; might want to put yourself away before you get out.”

Sasuke glanced down and blushed.

The raven tried to silence his spinning thoughts as he entered the office. The paperwork was quick and simple, probably thanks to Naruto’s “paper magic” and the fact that Sasuke never read contracts before signing, and Sasuke was about to leave the office, new keys in hand, when Naruto’s voice called him back.

“Hey, Sasuke,” the blonde said from the table, a flirtatious grin on his lips, “don’t forget—we’ve got full mechanical coverage here. Anything goes wrong, just bring it back here and we’ll fix it up for you. Or call me; my number’s on my card.”

Sasuke smiled and left the room. And when, three months later, the left headlight went out, Sasuke was back at Naruto’s to replace it. After all, full coverage counts for headlights, right?

Besides…Sasuke was ready to see Naruto again. That passenger seat had been stiff lately; it needed a little breaking in.