“Peeekachu?”

Hiei craned his aching head to the side, nearly stuffing his face into the outstretched palm of the mysterious sunshine colored demon sent to chain his nuts to his forehead and drag him to the innermost depths of hell. It gently grabbed his nose and squeezed, its cheeks lit up in a pearly, gleaming smirk—a deceiving smile to anyone else. Hiei growled.

“Damn you! You’re not taking me without a fight!”

He backed out of the monster’s teasing hold on his nasal cavity, fruitlessly searching himself and his surroundings for his sword. Backing against a thin, cold metal rod, he reached around for it to discover it was firmly planted into the earth, and following the pole upwards he found it was one of many holding up a tarp of some sort. Confused, Hiei glanced around again, noting he was far from alone with his tormentor.

Throngs of similar creatures roamed about, most accompanied by a human-like counterpart. Brazen blue skies loomed above outside of the tent’s enclosure, not a hint of brimstone or flaring spike-ridden pits outside of his imagination. He narrowed his eyes—this was some sort of trick, a hallucination, a deception to fool him into holding onto some foolish hope, only to be torn away so he could suffer the crushing weight of disappointment. They should save such energy for someone else—no one was fooling him.

“Show yourself! Your disguise is futile! I know your true form!”

Bluffing and bravado won’t do me any good, he thought, trying to gage how much energy he had left to tear the post from its position to use as a weapon. Hiei deemed his total and complete lack of any power to be temporary—after all, even completely drained, he could usually at least feel his reiki. This was another cowardly ploy to make him experience hopelessness. Energized, he tried again to dislodge the shaft.

“Ano… are you okay?”

Hiei forced his tired body to stand upright and face his assailant, his fists bared in front of his face as his only weapons. He’ll take them out barehanded—who needs a metal rod to kill lowly demons, anyway.

Unmoving, the fuzzy creature tilted its head, something frighteningly close to confusion seeping across its features as its ears flopped harmlessly to one side.

“So the little fuck thinks he can escape death this way, eh?” Hiei stated, mostly to himself. Readying himself for an attack, Hiei solidified his stance and watched for movement, startled severely when the same questioning voice came from behind—not at all from the bundle of lemonade fur scratching its fangs on a bloodied head of a corpse.

“Ex-excuse me?”

Dismayed he had opponents on more than one front, he adjusted his position to better align his view and determine his options. Now standing to his left was a young woman in a peach kimono and maroon obi, hands timidly clasped in front of her mouth in horror. She watched him with wavering brown eyes, her miniature creature hiding behind her legs. It too carried a red sphere—what was looking more and more like an apple. Hiei whipped his attention back to his original enemy, realizing it was also holding a fruit—not the decapitated skull of its last victim. He blinked, figuring he was losing focus to so easily be swept by the enemy’s illusion.

“I’ll… kill… you all…,” Hiei desperately grasped at the last straws of awareness, threateningly issuing a mumbled death warrant to both the yellow demon and the succubus posing as a human girl. He gritted his teeth, keeping his eyes open as long as he could as he tumbled face first into the soft, grassy terrain. His last thoughts before fading into unconsciousness were every sordid phrase he could think of as he pictured the fair-haired monster chewing greedily on its disgusting treat, oversized chocolate eyes boring into him with curiosity.

Arrogant bastard… I’ll rip his spine out through his eye socket… as soon as I…

- - - -

Voices floated above him, soft and barely outside his register, despite his sensitive hearing. They must have drugged him, or maybe he was drowning, since it was hard to breath. Yes, the yellow cretin must have strapped iron balls to his limps and ruthlessly threw him into a shallow bath of blood derived from the bodies of other hapless idiots dumb enough to get sucked into this shade of hell.

Hiei struggled to free himself, realizing he really couldn’t breath or move, his eyes snapping open to be painfully assaulted by light and the bright backside of the central figure in his nightmares. It was leaning luxuriously against his chin, resting his head on Hiei’s forehead and using his heaving chest as a footstool. Fury at the creature’s indecent mockery of his pride rose to fever pitch in Hiei, but his wrists and ankles remained lodged in place by unseen bindings.

Torture by suffocation, was it?!

“Oh—he’s awake.”

A calm aqua-haired demon appeared in Hiei’s limited vision, cleverly covering her horns with a black and blue cap Hiei sometimes saw human police officers wear in the larger cities. She leered at him suspiciously, tapping impatient fingers on her black belt at her hip. Hiei nearly chortled. So they planned on emasculating him as well, sending a dominatrix to break his spirit. Perhaps the demon in charge of his punishment had a sick sense of humor, or else really knew how to get under his skin.

“That Pikachu seems fond of you, for whatever reason,” she stated, her features softening when she directed her bronze gaze to the cheery fiend. Nearly choking on his own tongue trying to verbally lash out as such a claim, Hiei wriggled his head free from the infernal devil’s spawn to suck in a lungful of clean air, half-expecting poison gas or metal shards to inter his airway. The woman’s eyes refocused on him, suddenly harsh and piercing.

“Are you affiliated with a criminal organization?”

What the bloody hell was up with this place.

“Peeeekaaaa…,”

Hiei lay silent, utterly lambasted by confusion and uncertainty. At every corner of this experience hovered the complete opposite of his predictions, his expectations—and now, his supposed oppressor was asking him if was affiliated withany criminal organizations? What kind of poor paperwork did these people keep? Didn’t they know who the hell filtered in from oblivion to join the droves of hellions? This went beyond torture—this was sublime, preposterous! The perfect insanity, a gloved fit for his own personal suffering, to be surrounded by wretched half-wits for all eternity!

A wrangled chuckle bubbled in his throat, breaking out with growing intensity as he pondered the complete irony of the situation. It soon became maniacal laughter, earning the curious stare of the rose-cheeked creature as it sharpened its talons—innocently itching a foot to anyone else.

- - - -

After a thorough warning about verbally assaulting strangers, Hiei was released from his imprisonment inside an isolated portion of the tent with the solid order to seek a psychiatric doctor as soon as possible, the yellow blob in tow. He wandered through the legions of colorful figures, worried that his energy had not returned after rest, and in fact might not exist. Passing through the gaggle wordlessly, Hiei discovered he could not discern human from demon, demon from deity—or anything, for that matter. Everything that moved registered the same in his mind, despite the obvious physical differences of the furred, floppy-eared creatures and the hornless demons walking them. Left alone with less than a slap on the wrist—perhaps it was time to consider alternatives to his original theory.

Hiei clenched his teeth when he felt the blond creature’s nails digging into his pant leg, tugging weakly to catch his attention. The urge to fry the presumptuous blond bastard burned in his gut, begging him to try one last time to summon at least enough reiki to turn the repulsive beast into chimney smoke. Just the nerve of that thing…clinging to his shins like a blood-sucking leech from the depths of Satan’s sewage tank—

“Peeeeeka…”

“And now, back to Viridian with the latest hotshot in the Pokémon League challenge! As hot as his Ninetails, this foxy redhead has proven tact and strategy can outdo brute strength anytime! Just how do you do it, Kurama?”

Hiei dropped his open fist aimed for the creature’s head, spinning around wildly. It boomed from everywhere, echoing as it transmitted through speaker boxes attached to the poles. What kind of punishment were they dishing out now, to hang such a meager scrap of meat before hungry wolves shackled to iron stakes? Perhaps it was yet another ploy to distract him—

“Well, Gretchen, it is merely a matter of thinking ahead and taking appropriate action.”

No, that was definitely the smooth and collected reply of his demon companion.

“And why did you send out your fire-type Pokémon despite the obvious disadvantage?”

“Any prize worth having usually requires a risk.”

Impatient with his unrewarding efforts to locate the source, Hiei sought out a man walking by, grabbing his collar and pulling him down to his level.

“You! Where is that broadcast coming from? Tell me or I will kill you.”

“Peeeeeka,” warningly crooned the abomination now desperately pulling at his ankle. Hiei grinded his teeth—so this is the purpose of these little monsters, to keep tabs on the unlucky fools blind enough to let one get attached. Perhaps it was the source of his drained energy, as well—quite a handy package for such a miniscule demon.

“Shut up, you—I’ll deal with you later.”

“I—I—they’re somewhere on the grounds! I don’t know! Please don’t—”

Releasing the man, Hiei pivoted around, nearly knocking into a group of small devils with mangled, torn strips of muscle tissue—or children with cheery licorice sticks—

This is insane! I can’t tell what I’m looking at anymore!

“Oh! Hey, watch where you’re going!”

“Look at that poor Pikachu! It’s barely hanging on!”

“How could he be so mean to his Pokémon?”

“Peee—kaaaa—chuuu—”

“Let go of me, you infernal beast! I will not let you keep me on a chain like an ignoramus!”

“Well, I certainly haven’t seen you this riled up in a wile.”

Halting his act of shaking off the vile creation adhering to his waist, Hiei gaped at the man in front of him, his jaw dropped in shock.

“So it is you!”

“Now, Hiei, is that any way to greet an old friend?”

Kurama waved down the two officers trotting to the scene, closing the distance between himself and Hiei with ease.

“I figured you’d eventually show yourself, and naturally when I heard screaming and violent death threats, I assumed it was you. Although, it did take a while longer than I thought.”

“What?!”

Narrowing his eyes at the crowd gathered around, Kurama gestured for Hiei to follow him, his eyes thoughtfully locked on the Pokémon practically sewn to Hiei’s side.

“Made a friend already, I see. Come, there is much you probably want to know.”