|I Want My Innocence Back
Author: Lady Moon-Chan PM
Based on the lyrics to 'I Want My Innocence Back' by Emilie Autumn. Cossette reflects on Eiri and Marcelo and the face they share...Rated: Fiction K - English - Angst/Romance - Words: 801 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 9 - Published: 07-21-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5237782
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I Want My Innocence Back
AN: After listening to some Emilie Autumn music, it struck me that some of her songs sounded like they'd been written about Cossette. Inspiration hit something like this:
Moony: Hey, this song sounds like it's about Cossette! A LOT of Emilie Autumn sounds like it's about Cossette!
Good Idea: Let's write a one-shot about it from Cossette-chan's POV!
Good Idea #2: And let's only use songs from the album 'Opheliac'!
And so this was born. This particular oneshot is based off the lyrics to 'I Want My Innocence Back'. By the way, I would recommend listening to that song as you read this. Or separately from it- it's a good song. This particular oneshot is also the first of a semi-connected four part series, which as a collective will be called Opheliac, just like the album (I recently found out that 'opheliac' means someone who delves into madness, and that sounded like Cossette and Eiri to me). The others to follow are Shalott, Marry Me, and Gothic Lolita. Which, for the record, I'd also recommend for listening. Anywho...enough of my rambling, read on, minna.
The moment I saw his face it infuriated me. He was so much like Marcelo, the man I most hated and most loved. A perfect copy except for the naivete and innocence lurking in his brown eyes. The boy was a simple, tender-hearted, idealistic art student. And he was enchanted by me, perhaps even loved me the moment he saw me.
Undoubtedly, "Eiri Kurahashi" was an altogether different personality from "Marcelo Orlando" but clear though that was, I could not embrace it. The others I've found over the centuries were also different from him- but none of them ever looked like Marcelo. Not really. Not in the way Eiri looked like him. And the human race as a whole is fixated on looks above all else. Even after death.
So even with his innocence, even with his idealism, even with his professed love for me, I could never see him as Eiri. I only ever saw Marcelo. Marcelo, my fiance. Marcelo, my murderer. Marcelo, the man I both hate and love in equal measure, even centuries after my death. Marcelo, who I wanted so badly to punish for his crimes against me.
And punish him I did. I tortured Eiri, did inhumane things to him. I did things that another living person, doing the same, would have earned life imprisonment for. But perhaps a human could not have thought up the things I did. After all, I have been thinking them up for nearly three hundred years. And I did all of it under the pretense of "testing his love for me" and "banishing the demons within him." Marcelo, my Marcelo, would have been angry. He may even have "tested my love for him" right back. But Eiri? Eiri just looked at me with calm, gentle eyes and told me he loved me. That he would do anything for me. He held me. Marcelo had never done these things.
I realized then that he saw me as innocent, pure, and beautiful, something to be protected and cherished. It made me angrier than ever at Marcelo. The angel child Eiri saw had died long ago, and I am nothing more than a broken doll, broken by his hands lifetimes ago when he still went by the name of Marcelo Orlando. Eiri was horrified when he learned that, horrified to the point of tears. And finally I saw Eiri as himself, and not just another Marcelo. And I loved him. I loved the naive artist who believed I was an angel and wanted to protect me.
The sight of his tears made me determined to do all I could to help him wash his soul clean of Marcelo's sins and banish all that was Marcelo inside of him. And I decided to bring him with me into death instead of trying for a new life. Maybe if he dies, it will be enough to free Eiri from the weight of Marcelo's crimes. And maybe with the soul of my murderer in the land of the dead beside me, it will clean my soul. Maybe I can let go of the anger and hatred I've clung to and at least take steps to becoming the innocent creature Eiri loves so much.
"Are you ready?"
"Are you sure? There's no going back once it's done..."
"I'm sure. I love you, Cossette."
"Then take my hand, Eiri, and we'll begin. I love you, too."
First Installment of Opheliac: Fin
AN: Review? Concrit welcome!