Chapter 4

Of Scarecrows, Songs and Skimpy Skirts

The Yellow Brick Road seemed to go on for miles, the golden bricks monotonous. They became burnt onto Romano's mind, the carefully lined pavers remaining in his vision even when he glanced away.

As the day drew on, his pace became slower, losing the steady eager rhythm it began with. The distant dream that was the Emerald City remained a fixed image, the green towers wavering teasingly on the horizon. The sun blazed down from above, providing no relief from its powerful glare. He dragged his feet to a halt as the roads split into several intersections, each lined with yellow bricks. Wiping the sweat from his brow, Romano squinted up at a signpost before him.

"That way is like totally awesome."

A small voice made him jump back in fright. He looked around suspiciously, eyes narrowed.

"Who said that?" He noticed a scarecrow hanging limply from a pole in the nearby field. Her short pleated red skirt and white v necked sweater seemed as though they were made for a high school student, not some dirty old scarecrow. Actually, dirty was not the right word, as the scarecrow was impeccably clean for something that sat out in the fields all day.

"Don't be stupid" he scolded himself, "Scarecrows don't talk." He looked back towards the sign as though expecting the blank wooden sticks to tell him where to go.

"Oh my god, you like, have to go down that way too!"

Romano spun around violently, tripping over his own feet in his hurry. He fell to the ground, cursing under his breath. Brushing the dirt of his clothes, he stopped suddenly.

"Wasn't she pointing the other way before?" He peered inquisitively at the scarecrow.

"Hey I'm not a girl!" the scarecrow pouted, placing her, no, his hands on his hips defiantly, "and its sooo much easier if you just go both ways!" He flicked his shoulder-length blonde hair out of his face.

Romano did a double-take upon realizing the scarecrow was actually speaking, before recovering and scowling at the indignant blonde. "If you don't want people to think you're a girl then don't wear bloody skirts." Romano said pointedly, rolling his eyes. "What is it with this place and freaks" he muttered loudly.

The scarecrow yawned, uninterested. "You know, you would totally think I'd have worked that out by now, but, see, I don't have a brain." He sighed dramatically, gazing up at the endless azure sky dreamily.

"God, that's the most bullshit I've ever heard. How the fuck does that even work?"

The scarecrow huffed, puffing himself out in an attempt to make him look more threatening, and failing miserably. "What, you think it's like, more bullshit than a totally cool talking scarecrow?" Romano shrugged, indifferent. The scarecrow sighed again.

"Do you reckon you could like get me down or something. I have this annoying pole stuck up my back and it's like sooo not flattering," he drawled lazily, shifting around uncomfortably.

"What! I don't want you getting down. I'd rather have you and your skirt keep the fuck away from me." Romano snapped unsympathetically to the complete shock of the scarecrow, who flushed angrily at the remark.

"It's not like I like you either!" the scarecrow said crossly, glaring at Romano with all the strength he could muster from his jade green eyes. "The thing is," he began slyly, "I can totally help you out with these directions," he paused for effect, "and I'm not telling until you get me down from here" he grinned conceitedly, proud of his idea to blackmail the Italian.

Romano tapped his foot impatiently, considering his options. He looked at the intersection, each road identical to the other, a never ending path of yellow bricks. He had absolutely no idea which way to go.

"Fucking fairies are no help at all." He frowned, noting to himself that he must yell at Arthur next time he appeared.

"Fine" he said miserably, sighing in defeat. He stomped over to the scarecrow, carelessly flattening some of the corn growing in the surrounding field. He bent the nail on the back of the pole, causing the scarecrow to slip out and fall to the ground in an undignified mess. The scarecrow got to his feet, patting his hair into place and suddenly let out a loud high-pitched shriek. Romano leapt back in surprise, wincing at the powerful sound.

'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG NOW!" he screamed, attempting to make himself heard over the scarecrows voice.

"My straw has just like, fallen out everywhere!" the scarecrow cried, waving his hands around radically, nearly knocking out a low-flying crow. Romano grabbed his arms forcefully, realizing that the thin-framed man was actually stronger than he looked.

"Calm down, dammit!" he muttered through gritted teeth, pinning his arms by his side in an attempt to stop the crazed blonde. He bent down, gathering a bundle of discarded straw and handed it to the scarecrow. "Hurry up" he prompted the gawking scarecrow.

"Oh my gosh, you actually, like, did something nice for me," the scarecrow's mouth widened in a disbelieving smile. He giggled lightly. "And, your blushing!" he teased, poking Romano's nose.

Romano scowled, feeling his blush deepen, the tips of his ears turning pink. "Stop it you bastard!" He crossed his arms and hung his head, trying to hide his burning face. "Er, so what was that shit you where saying about having no brain?"

The scarecrow stood up suddenly at this, pleased he could be the center of attention. The abrupt movement caused his legs to buckle beneath him and he landed with a bump on the dirt, straw strewed over the field again. Now it was Romano's turn to smirk as the scarecrow coloured in embarrassment. He stood up again, teetering as he leant backwards, trying to regain stable footing. He staggered onto the road, twirling around almost gracefully before landing on the ground, spilling even more straw. He hastily picked it up and began to replace it.

"Now I can totally see why they put me on a pole" he muttered. He got to his feet again with a small sway and began to sing.

I could while away the hours

Conferring with the flowers
Consulting with the rain

Romano stared blankly at the scarecrow.

And my head I'd be scratching while
my thoughts were busy hatching
If I only had a brain.

Romano inhaled deeply. "Here we go with the freaking singing again" he said to quietly himself.

I'd unravel every riddle
For any individual
In trouble or in pain

Romano snorted and sung sarcastically,

With the thoughts you'll be thinking
you could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain.

The scarecrow ignored him, crossing his legs daintily and sitting on the floor.

Oh, I could tell you why The ocean's near the shore.
I could think of things I never thought before.
And then I'd sit, and think some more.

Romano, deciding he was bored by this, began to walk away from the singing scarecrow.

"Hey!" The scarecrow cried out, "You didn't let me finish my song!" Romano acknowledged him by sticking up his finger crudely. The blonde ran after him, walking quickly to match his stride. "So like, where are you going anyway?" Romano pointed towards the Emerald City.

"Ahh, well you like, might want to go on the other path then" the scarecrow said with a small laugh. Romano sighed and turned around, beginning to walk in the other direction, the scarecrow following in pursuit.

"So, why are you going there?" The scarecrow looked at him curiously. Romano bit back his annoyance at the talkative scarecrow.

"I'm going to see the Wizard. I need to get out of this shithole as soon as possible" he replied. The scarecrow whistled softly at this.

"You're going to see a wizard?" Romano grunted in agreement. "Do you reckon this Wizard would give me some brains?"

Romano shrugged, "Maybe. It couldn't make you any worse." The scarecrow huffed, but then nodded his head.

"Yeah, I suppose your right." He re adjusted his red barrette.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot!" Romano stopped suddenly, "I have a crazy witch after me and he's trying to kill me, so... maybe you shouldn't come?" Romano added the last bit a little too hopefully.

The scarecrow stood taller, eyes glinting in determination. "I'm totally not afraid of no witch!" he said, as though daring someone to contradict him. "I'm not afraid of anything!" he said haughtily.

Romano considered this for a moment and then said slyly.

"What about a lighted match?"

The scarecrow shuddered in obvious displeasure. "Oh yeah, except for that."

The scarecrow regained his 'tough' composure. "But I'd totally face zillions of them if I could get some brains." He turned to face Romano, "To Oz!" he said, lips quirking into a smile.

"To Oz" Romano responded halfheartedly.

The scarecrow smiled deviously, obviously finding pleasure in annoying the Italian, and opened his mouth in song.

We're off to see the Wizard
The wonderful Wizard of Oz
We hear he is a whiz of a wiz
If ever a wiz there was

Romano quickened his pace, trying to get away from the singing scarecrow, but it was in vain.

If ever oh ever a wiz there was
The Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because...
Because of the wonderful things he does

Romano grimaced to himself, painfully aware that this journey was going to be a lot longer than he had expected.

The two unlikely companions set off for their destination, the golden path stretching endlessly before them as they began their journey.

We're off to see the Wizard

The wonderful Wizard of Oz

A/N : See! I can update! :D I hope you guys liked this chapter. Please review! I was so happy getting so many last week, all the welcome back comments made me smile. I love you guys! XD The formatting for this has nearly reduced me to tears. Its impossible to do. For some reason when I save it, it always changes... Note on this chapter, I don't really like writing Poland so ditzy cause I reckon Poland is alot smarter than people give him credit for, it just sort of fit better with the idea of having no brain if I wrote him like that. Poland/Romano is now my new favourite crack pairing. XD