By Freddie

Holly's eye's flickered open and she took in her surroundings. She was in Resusc, but not as a doctor, she was a patient. She tried to remember what had happened. She remembered walking up the stairs to her flat, then a voice, then a sharp pain. Then nothing, nothing until now.

"Max," Chloe called from Holly's bedside, "Holly's woken up"

"Great" Max replied walking over from the other, "How are you feeling Holly?"

"Max? Chloe?" Holly asked, weakly, "What happened?"

"You were stabbed, outside your flat" Max explained. He paused, before continuing, "How are you feeling?"

"Um, I've got a sharp pain in my chest, but apart from that, a slight headache and that's it"

"Ok, right, um,"

"What's wrong with me Max?"

"Um, well, um, you see, well." Max stuttered

"Just tell me Max"

"Um, I'll, go" Chloe said, and hurried out of resusc. Max watched the doors swing closed behind Chloe before continuing.

"Well, we've discovered that you have coronary heart disease, now there are."

".Drugs that can help, I know, I'm a doctor, remember? Besides it's not much of a shock, when both your parents die of a hereditary disease you're not too shocked when you develop it yourself. But I'll be on drugs for the rest of my life, won't I?"

"Yes" Max replied. Holly lay back on the trolley in resusc and thought.

* * * *

"Holly, Please" Max pleaded with her, "You don't know what you're asking"

"Max," Holly replied, calmly, "I'm a doctor, I know exactly what I'm asking"

"Holly, you, you, you're not in a fit state to decide"

"Max, do I look like my judgement's impaired?"

"Well, no, but, Holly, please, please, please don't make me do this. Think of everything you have to live for"

"Yeah, a life on drugs and probably an early death like my parents. Please Max, all I'm asking is one small thing"

"Small?" Max exclaimed, "how can you call that small? And do I have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life?" Holly decided on a different approach.

"If I was just a patient, not a colleague you'd do it, wouldn't you?"

"Well, that, that's beside the point"

"Why?"

"Because, well just because" Max made one last desperate plea, "Please Holly, please, think about what you're asking"

"Max, what do you think I've been doing for the last hour? I have, and it's still what I want"

* * *

"Hey Holly," Chloe said, walking into resusc and walking over to Holly, "Guess what, Ti." Chloe stopped, noticing that Holly wasn't responding

"Holly?" She asked. No response. Chloe leaned over Holly to take her pulse. No output.

"SHE'S GONE!" Chloe cried, attracting the attention of Barney, who was with another patient in resusc.

"I'll get Max" He said and ran out of resusc. Seconds later Max came into resusc. Chloe had got a crash trolley but Max shook his head. Chloe looked shocked.

"You can't give up on her before we've even started!" She exclaimed.

"I've no choice" Max explained, "look at her notes" Chloe glanced at the notes which were in Max's hand. She saw, in Max's handwriting, the words 'Do not resuscitate'

"What are you saying Max?" Barney asked.

"The hardest thing I've ever had to. Holly wants to die"

* *

Patrick took a deep breath. He sitting in the staff room. 'If only I'd been here,' He thought, 'I would have persuaded her.' As it was, Patrick had just been on double shift previously and hadn't been there.

"Um, Patrick?" Chloe asked tentatively , bringing him out from his thoughts. Chloe had been elected to tell Patrick the bad news. Max had wanted to do it but Charlie had pointed out that it might be wiser to let Chloe do it and let Patrick cool down a bit before Max went to see him.

"Patrick?" Chloe repeated.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just."

"It's ok, Um, Patrick, I was well, Charlie was wondering if, well, if you could empty Holly's on call room," Patrick looked at Chloe, She was asking him, sorry, Charlie was asking him to empty Holly's on call room, didn't they have any feelings? 'Actually' Patrick thought on reflection, 'Better to do it now than later, when more emotions would have set in' Slowly, Patrick nodded. He vaguely heard Chloe sigh, but he wasn't really listening, the one woman who he had ever loved was dead, killed by their boss. Ok, so that's slightly melodramatic but that's what Patrick thought, that Max had killed Holly. He heard the door bang as Chloe walked out. Slowly he got up, if he didn't do Holly's on call room now, he never would. He hoped he wouldn't meet Max on the way. If he did he wasn't sure that he could control his emotions, and it isn't a good idea to hit your boss. Unfortunately one of the first people he met was Max.

"Patrick," Max said, "We did everything we could"

"No you didn't," Patrick replied coldly, "you could have saved her" Patrick walked off towards the on call rooms, leaving Max standing there.

"Look, Max," Barney said, walking over, "It wasn't your fault"

"Yes it was, I let her die"

"You did what she wanted, she wanted to die"

"That's not how everyone else sees it" Max said, Barney didn't say anything in reply. Max started walking towards his office and Barney called after him, "Don't blame yourself Max"

Patrick stood, silently outside Holly's on call room. He took a deep breath and walked in. he glanced around, not knowing where to start, or even wanting to start. There were posters all over the walls, mostly ones with a message such as, 'It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice'; there was a threadbare teddy on the bed which Holly had had since she was little and on the desk, there was a photo album which drew his attention. As he looked at it he noticed that there was a piece of paper taped to it which said 'My Life'. He opened it, there were pictures of her parents, who had died when she was a child, her sister, her first birthday, first Christmas, etc. Then he saw something which broke the dam of tears collecting inside him. There was a picture of him, with the caption beside it, 'Patrick Spiller, My first love, my last love, my true love. I love you Patrick'.

*

Max slumped over his desk, why did Holly have to ask him to do it? As the tears started streaming down his face, he realised that it would be a long time before people would forgive him, even if they knew Holly had wanted it. Holly was liked by a lot of people, most of the time it was hard not to like her, but since Tom Harvey she's never been quite the same. Even now, then, two years later, she still found it hard to talk to people like she used to, that made her good friends, people who stuck by her, like Chloe, Colette and Patrick, even more special to her. She is, was and will be a big part of their lives, and it'll be them who will find it very hard to forgive him.