Chapter 1: happy bday

Twenty years, twenty reasons why I shouldn’t still be thinking about. Twenty seconds more and I’ll open my eyes and he will be merely a figment of my imagination. I flick my blonde hair to the side and let my eyes flutter open and he is still there looking at me with those blue eyes of his. I should just turn around and walk away, but that was rude and I wasn’t brought up that way. He was my brothers friend (and my first love, first hurt) so he had every right to be standing here even though it was my birthday. I waited a year for his apology, but when it finally came it just wasn’t enough. It felt empty and not good enough because he was still with her.

“Jenny are you okay? Do you have a headache?”he asked.

“No, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired. Long day.”

“Studying hard as usual?”

“You could say that.”

Nate stuffed his hands in his pockets and watched her and wondered if there was someway he could turn back time and undo all of his mistakes. All the girls, all the times he had hurt her, all the times he had been oblivious to her. He had a lot of regrets and most of them some how circled back to her. They stood there engaging in small talk as their eyes held a completely sort of conversation. One that begged for forgiveness and one that stood encased in fear. It was a love dance like no other; a tale as old as time.

“Are you having a good birthday?”Nate asked as he beckoned for her to join him on the roof. They took the elevator upwards and soon they stood their surrounded by the night air and the glittering stars. The scene was one made for romance and Jenny couldn’t help but to allow a little of ray of hope into her heart.

“It’s chilly, “he said as he took off his jacket and wrapped it about her shoulders. Jenny instinctively leaned into him and let the moment take her away. She knew exactly what he was doing. He looked down at her and smiled. One of things she always admired about him was his ability to be so relaxed. No matter what was weighing on his mind he seemed so unaffected and his body rarely betrayed the tension below the surface. Jenny looked up at him and smiled and wondered if the pain that she’d learnt to bury for so many years would simply resurface, but for now she was content. Nate leaned into her and said, “you look great tonight.”

Jenny gave him a look that said, “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Open up all wounds.”

“I’m sorry. I told you before, but I want you to understand that I really mean it. I’m sorry for the way I treated you.”

She holds up her hand in protest and says, “Sometimes I’m sorry isn’t good enough. How do I know you won’t just do it again? You don’t exactly have the best track record.”

Nate sighs and says, “I can’t make any promises. All I know is that I’m not that guy anymore and I can’t undo the hurt I’ve caused you or anyone else. All I know is that I care about you, I always have and that’s all I really have.”

He kisses the top of her head and walks back into the party. Jenny sighs and a single tear slips down her face. She had spent years holding back the tears unwilling to allow herself to feel the pain. She brushes the tear away and plasters on a smile. Tonight is a milestone and she wasn’t going to let Nate Archibald ruin it for her.

Jenny was working late at her part time job in the meat packing district when she got the first text. She opened her phone and read the message.

“J, I’m sorry.”

It was simple and direct, but she’d already told him that she’d forgiven. She just rather not forget? Even Dan sat her down and they had a very awkward exchange about how if she was going to date any of his friends he wouldn’t mind if she dated Nate.

“Are we seriously having this conversation Dan?”

“Yeah. I’m still not real comfortable with the idea of you dating or um doing anything like that, but he’s a cool guy and I know he really likes you.”

“Did he put you up to this.”

“No, but I got sick of his bitching.”

Jenny hugged her older brother and said, “that’s sweet of you. But, stay out of it.”

“Gladly,”Dan deadpanned.

The texts and the brotherly advice were soon followed by a barrage of flowers that arrived daily. Jenny was sick of it. She just wanted him to leave her alone and she knew there was only one way to do this. So, she marched up to his apartment and knocked on the door loudly. Nate opened the door with a huge grin on his face.

“Stop it. Stop smiling that smile of yours and for Godsakes stop sending me stuff. I told you I forgave you!”

“ But, you’re still not talking to me!”

“I’ll talk to you when I’m damn well ready!”

“Why are we yelling!”

“I don’t know,”she said as stared at him in mock disgust. The anger and annoyance immediately slipped from her mind. All she could see was that beautiful face of his, but she’d learned the hard way that beauty came at price and that price and it was a price she wasn’t sure she was willing to pay. He stepped closer to her, pinning her against the door. His hand caressed her face as his eyes locked with hers. She was frozen in place. His kiss was feather soft. It was searching and gentle and it swept her away like a soft tide. He lifted her up and her legs instinctively wrapped around his as he guided her to the couch. Jenny simply sunk into his embrace as if it was something she was always meant to do. When they finally broke apart he whispered, “its you. No one else Jenny. Just you.”

“Promise.”

“I can’t make you any promises. I just know what my heart feels.”

For now that was enough. Nate was a guy who often promised you the moon and the stars, but his simple instance that he didn’t know what the future held was promise in itself. Nate Archibald had finally grow up.