Warning: Far more tongue-in-cheek than my usual writings. Also very AU.

He throws her into his barber’s chair and wastes no time in joining her.

Lips tussle. Clothes rip. Breath hitches. Faces flush red. Unintelligible murmurs escape. Hearts thump in a fury. Greedy hands roam.

A foot – he doesn’t know whose – flails out and hits the lever that springs the trapdoor.

If there had been enough time to panic, the pair would have. But it happens too fast for either barber or baker to react at all.

They tumble into the bakehouse headfirst and smack the floor. Their spines break upon impact. They are both dead in less than an instant.

A/N: C'mon, guys. There's a reason Sweeney calls Nellie practical. Neither of them would not have sex over a trapdoor.

[mind you -- I'm not trying to offend anyone who -has- written this scenario. I've read many awesome fan-fics that use this situation in a more serious light. Just wanted to bring up how ridiculous it really is. ;)]