|If I Was In Kingdom Hearts
Author: so-they-say PM
My adventure in the Kingdom Hearts game, harrassing the characters. Yes, this is a joke story, but I'm continuing it anyway, because acting like you're on crack is fun.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,509 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 08-20-09 - Published: 08-14-09 - id: 5302720
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
2nd chapter, whoooooooooooo!!!! hahaha. I love being an asshole to non-existant people.
Reviews would be awesome; they make me mega happy and hyper enough to write more. critism is good too, because hey, if it sucks, I need to know.
:D hope you like it
*two hours later*
The author explains to Roxas and Axel their entire past and future within twenty minutes. The rest of the two hours is spent trying to find another sea-salt ice cream for Roxas, because he has a weird, slightly unhealthy addiction to them. They meet up with the rest of Roxas' gang.
Olette: Hey, Roxas! ...Um, who are they...? *looking uncomfortably at the author and Axel*
Me:...the fuck you looking at?
Roxas: Uh. The red-headed guy here is named Axel...he's supposed to be my best friend...that I forgot about...and the girl...Wait, who are you again?
Me: Um. A person?
Hayner: No, he meant your name...
Me: Yeah, you know what Hayner? Shutup. No one likes side-characters.
The two groups glare at one another, with Roxas in the middle. He looks nervous.
Pence: Um, well, Roxas, we were on our way to solve the 6 wonders of Twilight Town. You coming?
Me: Dude, all of it sucks ass. Seriously. Do NOT waste your time on that shit.
Roxas: I guess not then.
Olette: WHAT? You're listening to HER over US!?
Me: It would appear that way, yes. *mutters* stupid bitch.
Roxas: Um, Olette, she knows everything about this world...and all the other ones...
Olette: *infuriated* No she doesn't! She's just making stuff up!
Me: I know your future, Olette.
Olette: Oh really? Then what is it? Humor me.
Me: *happy* You don't have one, because no one cares about you. You're a normal side-character in the Kingdom Hearts world. You're more of a nobody than the Nobodies are.
*after a vicious cat fight and much running away later*
Me: Ow, she punched me in the face!
Roxas: Well, I can't say you didn't deserve it...
Me: Dude, she punched me in the face. That hurts.
Roxas: So that's why you beat her to death with my keyblade?
Me:...let's go with that, yeah.
Axel: Are you sure you're not part of the Organization? You sure as hell seem crazy enough.
Me: ... :P
Roxas: ...whatever. What are you going to do now?
Me: Find Sora, of course! He's the whole reason I came here.
Roxas: I thought you said you loved me...?
Me: Oh, I do. But he is you. You are him. He's just the happier, spikier-headed version. I must find him.
Axel: Riiiight then.
The author gives Axel and Roxas hugs, and she is extremely sad.
Me: I guess this is goodbye for now, guys. I have to continue my search.
Roxas: What? So what are we supposed to do now?
Me: Oh, just act like none of this ever happened. The whole game's plot is sure to fix itself in no time.
Me: I have no idea. But this is Square Enix. Crazier shit has happened.
Axel: Oh. Okay then.
The author huggles Roxas one more time, though he clearly does not want to be hugged, and gives him a final warning:
Me: If you go out with Namine while I'm gone, I'll chop it off.
Roxas:...What?! Chop what off?
Me: Think about it.
Me: Yep. Just saying.
The author waves goodbye, and then shouts "To Hollow Bastion!!!!"
Nothing happens for a few awkward, extremely self-conscience minutes, and then the author disappears into a cloud of pink smoke. Roxas and Axel look at each other.
Roxas...she was lying about the whole, "rape" thing, right?
Axel...yeaaaaah, let's go with that.