Love the Unloved

Chapter 21

Christmas break was almost over and although Hermione had spent most of her time with Severus, they had not done anything other than stay in each other's company and enjoy it. Nothing sexual came out and they had not even kissed since then, but Hermione knew when she got into this that it would take a lot of patience on her part. She had noticed that on many nights, he would come and spend time with until he absolutely couldn't keep his eyes open anymore and she wondered why that was until she heard him the other night. Nightmares. He tried to stay awake until he got to the point where he couldn't anymore because he didn't want to deal with the nightmares.

He probably didn't know that Hermione could hear him from her room and often cried for him. She knew that Dreamless Sleep was extremely addictive and that was probably why he didn't use it. Hermione glared at the pile of letters on her table and huffed as she realized that the students were coming back in just a couple of days. She did not want to see Ron. She had almost a letter a day from him, talking about how much he loved her and how they were meant to be together and then others with him angrily asking about the person she was in love with. Ginny had told her that she let it slip because she was so pissed off but she hadn't told anyone who it was except Harry, who to Hermione's surprise hadn't ripped her head off. She hadn't been thrilled about everyone knowing her business even if they didn't know the details, but she had felt a huge weight lifted off her shoulders from at least knowing that she didn't have to hide that much from them, only the person she was with. However, it was the greatest relief to find out that Harry knew and accepted it because she had been more worried about his reaction than anyone else.

Sighing, she sat back and looked around her room. Severus was working on some potions that he did not need her assistance with and so she was catching up on some reading in her room, some of which was muggle books on Psychology and emotional problems stemmed from sexual abuse. He didn't know about those and she did not have the intention of telling him at the moment. She felt a bit lonely and actually wished that Crookshanks was there but he had disappeared a week ago, ever since Severus had flipped out. She wondered if her poor cat had been insulted at all. She knew he was fine, but it still didn't ease her mind much because he had been gone so long.

Harry was growing more and more uncomfortable around Ron as he kept declining into a person that Harry didn't recognize. He was obsessed and there was no way around that. It bothered him to know that Ron was pestering Ginny about who Hermione was in love with because he certainly wasn't going to tell him. In actuality, Ron was kind of scaring him. That wasn't something he needed right now with the war against Voldemort raging.

He often wondered if he was going to make it out of this alive. Would he ever have that family with Ginny that he wanted so badly? On some nights, the thought brought him to tears. He didn't ask for this life, but it was given to him and he had to deal with it. He knew that. However, he wished that it would just happen. Whether he lived or died, he just wanted to end to come. He was tired of having to be worried about whether or not he and the people he loved were safe. If he had to die for them then so be it. Harry kept thinking that there was something that had to give him an edge. There had to be a way to help him with this. He needed to become powerful enough to defeat Voldemort and he knew that right now, he wasn't the savior of the Wizarding world like everyone believed. He was just a student who didn't know half the spells he needed to know to get by in the Wizarding world.

Leaning his head back against the headboard of his bed, he looked up at the ceiling with a frown. He had been studying several curses and knew that he was going to have to use Dark Magic at some point. He would have to use the Unforgivables, but he didn't want to and that was what made it difficult. You had to mean it and it was hard for him to really mean it. He needed to learn how to summon that kind of hatred in order to do it. Unfortunately, he knew that he would have to learn how to do what Professor Snape had done. It had taken a huge amount of hatred for the Potions Master to kill Dumbledore against his will. Harry had to learn how to do that. His thoughts were interrupted when Ginny stormed in and slammed door, presumably in Ron's face because the red-head could be heard outside the door, yelling.

"What the hell is his problem?" Harry asked.

"He won't leave me alone about Hermione! He even tried to go through my things to get the letter she had sent. I had to burn it," Ginny said in frustration. Harry's eyes narrowed and he stood and walked past his girlfriend and wretched the door open before she could protest. Ron was red faced and angry, but surprised to see Harry looking at him furiously.

"Ron, this has got to stop! You are obsessed with Hermione and it is getting out of hand!" he yelled.

"I am not obsessed! She was supposed to be mine!"

"She is not someone's property!" he snapped back.

"SHE'S MINE!"

"NO SHE ISN'T! LEAVE HER ALONE!" Harry roared back.

"Alright, mate, if you wanna turn your back on me then why don't you leave? Some friend you are!" Ron snarled angrily and Harry stood up straight.

"Fine. I will." With that, Harry slammed the door in Ron's face again and began to pack his things.

"Harry? You're not really leaving are you?" Ginny asked softly.

"Yes. I am going back to Hogwarts. I don't want to deal with his childish bullshit. I have too much going on right now and for some reason he can't wrap his brain around the fact that Hermione doesn't want to be with him," he said coldly and then softened and looked at her. "I'm not mad at you, Gin."

"I know. I understand you're stressed. I wish I could come with you," she said softly and walked up to him and kissed him.

"I wish you could to, but Molly probably won't let you," he replied.

"No, she won't. It's alright though. I'll see you in a few days," Ginny said and smiled at him. "Tell Mione' I said hi." Harry smiled at her and pulled her into his embrace, kissing her deeply.

"I will. I will see you soon. Owl me anytime," he whispered against her lips. She nodded and kissed him again before he grabbed his trunk and walked out of the room.

Once downstairs, Molly was sitting in the kitchen with Ron trying to mollify him and Harry just walked out. The twins had overheard the commotion and gave him a nod as he left, knowing that Ron was wrong and not in his right frame of mind. Harry didn't give anyone time to say anything to him or stop him. Once he was just outside of the protective barrier, he apparated away and back to Hogwarts.

Hermione was had just finished doing some research on emotional disorders when someone knocked on her door. Her brows furrowed when she realized by the second knock that it wasn't coming from Severus's room and at this point, he usually didn't knock anyway…not that he ever really did to begin with. She stuffed her books back into her bag and got up to answer the door. When she opened it, her mouth fell slightly.

"Harry?"

"Hey, Hermione. I just wanted to let you know that I was back before dinner came around," he said tiredly.

"Oh! Come in, come in. What's going on? Why are you back and where is Ginny?" she asked curiously.

"Ron told me to leave. Ginny is still at the Burrow cause you know Molly would never let her leave."

"Why did Ron tell you to leave?" she asked hotly.

"He keeps trying to get Ginny to tell him who it is you're in love with. He tried to take the letters you had written from her…" Harry saw her eyes go wide and some of the color drain from her face. "He didn't get them. Ginny burned them." Relief filled her features and with the way Ron was acting, he couldn't say he blamed her. If Ron found out, there would be hell to pay.

"Harry…I don't know what to do. I've made myself clear to him. I don't love him like that."

"I know, you have. This isn't your fault, Mione'," Harry said but before she could reply, her other door opened.

"Hermione, I-" Severus went silent abruptly upon seeing Potter sitting next to his Hermione. His guard immediately went up and he had to fight to control his jealousy. He had to remember that Potter was not interested in Hermione in that way and that he was with Miss Weasley. "Forgive me, I will return later."

"No! Severus, please come here," Hermione said softly. Harry was surprised by the look of indecision on the man's face before he finally relented and walked stiffly over to the sofa. He sat down, rigidly, next to Hermione and eyed the young Gryffindor.

"Mr. Potter, I was under the impression you were at the Weasley's for the duration of the Christmas holidays," he said forcefully, obviously trying to be polite for Hermione's sake.

"Yeah, I was supposed to, but I got kicked out," Harry said tiredly. Severus's brows shot up.

"Excuse me?"

"Ron kicked me out," Harry clarified and then looked into the man's eyes. "Ron knows that Hermione has feelings for someone, but doesn't know who. He's angry because Ginny and I refused to tell him and he told me to leave."

"Then…you know of my relationship with Hermione," Severus said, unsure if he should be angry about that or not.

"Yes, I do. Ginny told me, but we are the only ones that know unless you two have told anyone else."

"I think the staff knows," Hermione said and shrugged. Harry nodded and looked back at the Potions Master.

"I hated you for a long time, Professor. I can't say I particularly like you, but then again I don't know you…but I've learned to trust Hermione's judgment."

"How honest of you," Severus replied, although he didn't have his usual bite. Harry gave him a roguish smirk that was so much like his father's but without the malice.

"I have no choice but to trust Hermione's judgment because she is always right and she's a bossy little swot," Harry said and promptly received a smack on the arm. "OWW!"

"I am not that bossy." That statement was followed by both men giving her a look that clearly meant they didn't agree with her. She simply huffed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. It's time for dinner."

Harry watched as Hermione slipped her hand into Professor Snape's and then leaned over and kissed his cheek. He wasn't sure if he should laugh of just stay silently shocked when his teacher actually blushed. He opted on the ladder because that seemed the safest option. The three of them headed to the Great Hall and Harry eyed the two to see if they would continue to hold hands even with prying eyes, but just before they entered, the two separated but stayed close together.

"Mr. Potter? What are you doing here?" Minerva asked in surprised when the three walked up to the table.

"Ron kicked me out of the Burrow for not telling him who Hermione is with," he replied and sat down on one side of his best friend while Professor Snape sat on the other.

"Hmmm…Mr. Weasley is proving to be quite unstable," she said disapprovingly. Harry snorted.

"You should have seen how he has been since winter break started. Even his own family is a bit scared of him," Harry said and sipped his pumpkin juice.

Once dinner was finished, Hermione and Severus retired to his rooms. Hermione made it a point not to be too forward with him or invade his space, but he reached out and timidly touched her thigh. She saw him swallow as he cautiously moved it up to her hip and then to her waist. Hermione turned toward him and looked into his dark eyes and could see apprehension as well as desire.

"Severus…don't feel afraid to touch me," she told him softly and allowed him to move his hand up to gently touch her breast. She could feel the slight tremble in his hand, but he continued to run his thumb over her breast causing her to emit soft puffs of breath from pleasure. He felt her nipple harden under his touch and was fascinated by the power of such a simple touch.

"Do you…like that?" he asked uncertainly, slightly embarrassed that he had to ask.

"Yes," she said breathlessly and closed her eyes, savoring the feeling. His other hand came up and began to do the same to the other nipple, this time causing her to groan with pleasure. He noticed that she rarely ever wore a bra and he was finding that he didn't mind that at all. Then, the sweet familiar scent of hers caught his attention and caused him to grow hard.

Severus bent forward and cautiously placed his lips over hers and in gentle and somewhat uncertain kiss. He felt Hermione part her lips slightly and take his lower lip in between hers and suck gently. A small moan escaped him and he couldn't help but press his lips harder against his. Hermione reached up and slid her hand behind his neck, encouraging him. She then opened her mouth and let her tongue graze his lower lip, causing him to inhale sharply through his nose. Severus parted his lips and allowed her to slide her tongue inside his mouth against his. Pleasure shot through his body and he felt as though he were on fire. He pushed forward and crawled on top of her, placing his body between her legs. He was rubbing her breasts vigorously now and driving his tongue as far into her mouth as he could, trying to taste every bit of her.

Hermione had never felt so lust driven in her life. Her arms wrapped around him and she held him close to her, wrapping her legs around his waist. His hips involuntarily jerked against hers and she groaned into his mouth when she felt his rock hard cock rub against her core through the fabric of her clothes. They kissed passionately for several more minutes before Severus broke the kiss, gasping for air.

"I think we need to stop now," he said hoarsely. "It's too much."

Hermione was disappointed, but did not voice. Of course, with Severus's years of experience, he was able to see it on her face. He slowly removed himself from her and looked slightly ashamed as Hermione sat up.

"Severus?"

"Hermione…I'm sorry…I know you're upset," he told her, trying not to become angry. Hermione reached out and took his hand.

"It's difficult to be turned on and then not be able to complete what we started, but don't think that I am mad at you. It is my own selfish needs that are frustrating me, not you. I will wait as long as you want me to as long as you're with me," she said sincerely and kissed his cheek before moving her lips to his ear. "And you kiss divinely."

Severus couldn't help but smirk at that. He had to admit that it did wonders for his pride and it was nice to have someone stroke his ego a little bit, especially when it came to matters that he knew nothing about.

"Thank you…" he whispered and swallowed as he wondered what other things were to come. He wanted to experience everything with her, but damn if it was hard to get over his past. He would try though. For her…he would do anything.

Then they heard a knock on Hermione's door and Severus's lips thinned disapprovingly. Hermione looked at him for consent and after a moment of her pleading doe eyes, he rolled his own and nodded. She opened the door to reveal Harry Potter, just as Severus suspected.

"Um sorry…I hope you two weren't busy," he said when he noticed Hermione's slightly disheveled appearance and the flush on both their faces. His eyes widened slightly.

"It's alright, Harry. We were just talking before you knocked," she said, slightly embarrassed.

"Oh alright…"

"Did you need something, Mr. Potter? Or where you just looking for Hermione?" Severus asked, somewhat impatiently, grabbing a book and putting it over his lap to hide his erection.

"Actually, sir…I wanted to talk to you," he admitted and followed Hermione into the sitting room. He looked around and was surprised to see a lot of warm wood tones, rather than cold black. "Your quarters are actually quite nice."

"Hmmm…"

"Sir…I've been doing a lot of thinking lately…"

"Oh really?"

"Severus! Stop it!" Hermione snipped, causing the man to glare at her for a moment before looking back at the boy.

"Continue."

"Well…I've been wondering if there was something that could help me defeat Voldemort," he said and saw the man flinch slightly.

"I am at a loss as to what you mean. Are you talking about Dark Magic?" he replied with a furrowed brow.

"Well, I know I need to learn more advanced magic and most likely dark, but I was thinking somewhere along the lines of potions. I didn't know if there was anything that could help me to…I don't know…make me stronger…make me…more able to defeat him, because right now…I know I can't," Harry said.

There was a moment of silence as Severus seemed to think it over before he stood up and walked slowly to his shelves of books. There were a number of potions that had that effect, but he wasn't sure if they would be enough for Potter to defeat the Dark Lord. Severus knew of a few potions that required ingredients that were nearly impossible to obtain so he didn't know if any of his books would help Potter, but he figured he might as well let him have a look. Severus grabbed a couple of old Potions books as well as a spell books containing some more advanced curses and handed them to the boy.

"Mr. Potter, I am willing to loan these to you on the promise that they are returned to me unharmed. Do not permit anyone else to see these…well…I expect Miss Weasley will…and do not damage them," he said firmly. Harry nodded.

"Don't worry I'll take care of them. I learned the hard way the importance of books from the bookworm sitting across from me."

"Hey!"

"Anyway, I'll leave you guys to it," Harry said and smirked at Hermione as he carried the books out.

"Do you think he'll find anything useful in there? Do you know of anything?" she asked.

"Honestly, I hadn't given it much thought with everything going on. There are a few potions that will help him I suppose, but I do not know all of them contrary to popular belief," he said softly. Hermione gave a small smile and wrapped her arms around him.

"Thanks for loaning them to him. He will take care of them or else I will hex his bollocks off. Besides, it will give him something to do. He's been so distracted and pressured lately that he doesn't know what to do with himself."

Severus nodded and gave her a small smile. The war was weighing heavily on all of them, but he knew that Potter felt it more than anyone else. The entire Wizarding World was relying on him to save them and that was a burden that no one should have to bear.