Author: Tenisu PM
Insecurities and delusions. If you loved him, wouldn't you delude yourself so you'll think he loves you? One-sided RyoSaku.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - R. Sakuno & E. Ryoma - Words: 946 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 08-20-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5318763
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: I have nothing against Ryoma, but I wanted to write a story about unrequited love and how life isn't a fairytale with a happy ending. Maybe someone will be able to relate to this? I know I have gone through times like this, and wanted something to relate to. I do not own Prince of Tennis.
Insecurities and delusions. If you loved him, wouldn't you delude yourself so you'll think he loves you?
Sakuno knew that from the moment she saw Ryoma that she had fallen in love. She knew that true love had no boundaries, so it did not faze her when people told her that she was too young to know what being in love felt like. She was not a girl of many words and was definitely not very brave; but she pushed herself to the limit when it came to supporting her beloved Ryoma-kun.
She was utterly smitten with Ryoma and was blind to any faults he had. He didn't like her. Every encounter with him made her knees knock together, her heart fluttered like a caged bird trying to break free, and her face turned a brilliant shade of pink. Her heartbeats began to skip beats quite often, and she would grow dizzy. Sakuno was slowly getting weaker. This wasn't healthy, but she shrugged it away. She liked the feeling of adrenaline rushing through her veins when she was around him. Whenever he uttered a word to her, she felt like turning into millions of rainbow bubbles that mirrored her joy. Often, all he would do was critize her overlong hair and her horrible attempts at tennis, but Sakuno was only hearing the sound of his voice, not his words.
For almost half a year, she was content in knowing that she had been the first person at Seigaku Ryoma had met. Surely, there must be a special bond between them. Her way of thinking was still childish and innocent, not yet exposed to the harsh realities of life. Sakuno had deluded herself into thinking that there was a chance that Ryoma liked her back. No, no, no. Her fantasies are mixing in with reality. She believed that he was her one true love. It's fate, she thought. Just like the fairytales. The prince would see the princess and fall madly in love. He was just denying it (or he never did care at all). She said she loved him, and nothing would change that. But slowly, she began to become insecure and unsure about her love for him and what she meant to him. She didn't mean anything to him. She was nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Everytime a girl would talk about him or talk to him, she would feel a piece of her heart crack. For her heart had turned into a crystal, polished by the feelings she had for him. Everytime his fanclub cheered for him, she would feel a piece of her heart chip off. Even her best friend, Tomoka, was infatuated with Ryoma. Sakuno desperately tried to convince herself that she was the one that loved him the most, and even if he ever became unpopular, she would still love him. Lies. Humans are fickle and their feelings can change in seconds.
Ryoma kept on ignoring her when he had no use for her, but he would use Sakuno whenever he needed help. She was obviously willing to help, and wanted nothing but his love in return. Her other friends told her that Ryoma was using her but she wouldn't believe them. Because she's been deluding herself very well. Eventually, she began to have second thoughts. 'Why am I doing this for him? What if he never likes me back?' A tiny voice in her head appeared and told her not to help him anymore. Sakuno began to listen to her friends' words carefully. Because her mind isn't so innocent anymore. It's battered and very much worn out by her worries. It's cautious, wary, and tired. 'What am I to Ryoma-kun?'
Sakuno began to try to get over Ryoma. She wasn't so blind anymore. She regretted wasting so much time on him. 'Maybe he wasn't the one for me?' It was a painful process. Too many times, she almost gave up and wanted to continue deluding herself into thinking that her fairytale was about to come true anyday now. But her mind was like a wounded animal, hurt too many times to trust anymore. It was hard giving up on him, because he was the first person she ever truely loved. Get over it. Get over it. He doesn't deserve your attention. He never oved you. He never even liked you.
Confused and hurt, every night, Sakuno would throw herself onto her bed and cry. She cries herself to sleep every night. But dreams started to heal her. Dreams of someone who cared for her and loved her back. That's it. Let go. Let go. Find this person instead. Sakuno realized that there were people out there that wanted to be her friends (maybe more) and a family who loved her. Let go of him, he's not worth it.
'Why did I ever love him? He's not worth it.' Sakuno had finally let go. No more delusions. He doesn't exist anymore.
A/N: I'm really sorry if the format is messed up or if there are breaks in sentences that just don't makes sense. I haven't used this site in years, and am getting used to it again.