Disclaimer: Contains adult themes and dark situations; including despair and attempted suicide. Please take care if any of these are trigger issues for you or situations you have been in. The story has been rated NC-17 for strong and graphic situations.

Where The Road Meets The Sun

Prologue

Angel wings spread over water worn wishes
Guarding the dreams and the things left unsaid
Here we are wandering, aimlessly roaming
Lovers who linger and never forget

And when it's done we will walk where the road meets the sun

“I can’t stand this!”

His green eyes locked on mine. So much anger, hurt, despair echoed in their glare.

“What do you want from me? What more can I possibly give to you?”

I just wanted this to be over. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore.

“You know exactly what I want. Do you want me to fucking beg?”

“Oh, fat chance of that. That would actually mean you having to speak cordially to me for a change. Or actually speak to me at all.”

He ran a hand through those bronze tousled locks that had outgrown the once carefully styled mess he’d always worn. His other hand was clenching and unclenching in a timed rhythm at his side. Clench, release. Clench, release. White knuckles, pink skin.

“I’ve tried talking to you. God knows how I’ve tried, but you won’t let me. I just don’t think I can –“

There. He was going to say it. He was giving up, just like I knew he would.

“Don’t then. Don’t pretend like you actually give a shit. You haven’t bothered for such a long time, why pretend now?”

I sighed, willing him to look at me just one more time; we needed this.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you even here?”

I wrapped my arms tight around my torso, my fingers pressing hard into the flesh of my arms. I could barely feel the tearing of my skin under my own fingernails. Nothing much registered anymore, nothing really had for a long time.

“I came because I want this to be over. I don’t like feeling like this. Do you?”

“Of course I do. I fucking love the mess that this is. What do you think? You think that anything you say, or could say, could fix me? Fix us?”

The shadow was back. I could feel it taunting me like an old friend at my back. Just waiting for that exact moment to step out into the light and claim me.

“I knew this was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have-“

“Listened to her? Because she put you up to this, didn’t she!?” I spat, not able to contain the venom in my voice as my mind drifted to the one person that could have convinced him this was a good idea. His laughter was dark as he took one step towards the coffee table - our coffee table - and picked up the empty bottle of Rainier Beer.

“Like the first person you ran to wasn’t him! After all those times you said he was nothing but a friend. I shouldn’t be fucking surprised.” He dropped the bottle from his fingertips, and it landed on the thick wool rug with a dull thud.

I shook my head violently, “I didn’t seek him out. He came by on his own. He’s never been a threat to you but you could never see it no matter how many times I tried telling you. It’s no surprise you still can’t see it. He’s never, ever made me feel like you did just now. He’d never leave me –“

“Never leave you like I did. Right, like I haven’t done enough penance for that. It always comes back to then, doesn’t it? I don’t think there’s a man on the face of this planet that has apologized more than I have for that and still you throw it at me every chance you get. Well,I’m done, Bella. I can’t do this anymore.”

Everything was shutting down around me. The shadow had encompassed my sight and sound, apart from what was in front of me. Edward I could see. Edward I could hear, and his every word cut into me like a knife.

“I think you gave up a long time ago, Edward.”

I could see his eyes shining, filled with tears of anger or sorrow or what I didn’t know. I couldn’t read him like I could have long ago. Too much had happened, too many things had passed. That muscle in his jaw was moving and his lips quivered with all he wanted to say. I just wanted him out.

His mouth opened and closed a few times as I struggled to keep my breathing even, to keep the shadow back until I could let its darkness consume me. Then suddenly, his jaw snapped closed as he spun on his heel and headed for the door. He stopped briefly after opening it, one foot over the threshold.

“I don’t think you ever tried at all.” His voice was a whisper on the ice cold December wind, whistling in with his parting words. The chill iced over my skin as the door finally closed; closing behind him, closing in on me.

That door shutting was so much more than a block between him and me. It was the dividing line between what we had and what we were, and I was left on the wrong side of it. I felt my body slide helplessly to the floor. The hardwood underneath me was as cold and unyielding as I felt.

How did it come to this? How did we - I let it get this far? Everything I had known as true had disappeared completely. There was nothing I could do, nothing that would right all these wrongs.

As I lay with my warm cheek pressed against the cold floor, a glimmer of silver shone in the dim light. I hadn’t realized I’d still been holding it when he came bursting in the front door. Looking at it now though, my hand reflexively tightening around the cool metal of the handle. Perhaps it was the answer I’d been looking for.

It wouldn’t take much. With the complete and utter numbness the shadow had brought on, I probably wouldn’t even feel it. I lifted my head from the floor and sat up, noting the weird circle of water where my head had lain. As I raised my hands in front of me, I was surprised to note that there wasn’t even a tremble. The shadow was in charge now and he had no second thoughts. This would be the answer to it all.

This would be closure.

With a swift movement, drops of red mixed into the pool of my shed tears below. Drop, drop, drop, forming rorschach-esque pictures. My head swam as each drop faded into the next. Each drip of red overtook the clear around it until the puddle was large and the woodgrain below was hidden by its startling vivid crimson tone.

I closed my eyes and let go.

How had it all gone so wrong?

A/n - obviously standard disclaimer.. I own nothing.. this one bb's. Its gonna be DARK. Thanks to the usual plot bunnies, nefarious needlers pushing this and whats to come into shape. HUGE love and thankyous to the betafish who completes me so Ilsuocantante and Stavanger_1 for being extra eyes I thoroughly NEED. My TWItrips, Bemylullaby and Nostalgicmiss for the hand holding, even though Im usually the one to hold theirs!

So... interested? Reviews = LOVE far much more than favorites do.. and makes me want to post Chapter One that LITTLE BIT MORE ;)

Even at the age of eleven I knew that I loved her. I may not have known exactly how deep, or exactly what that love really meant. However, I knew enough to know that I didn’t want any other boy touching her, and that if any boy was to touch her, it was going to be me. In her blind rage over what I had just spouted about the darling blue eyed, blonde haired, voted most popular of his year Mike, it probably wasn’t the best time to try out our first kiss. Yet, I was a fool in love, and try I did.

It was like all first kisses; awkward, dry on her part, wet on mine (I had made note of that Beverley Hills 90210 show which she always made me watch that before you kiss a girl you lick your lips, I had taken that a little overboard until my chin was just about coated in my own saliva). It had stopped whatever she was going to yell at me next for the whole five seconds it took for my lips to press against hers, for her small button nose to caress the longer straight equine line of my own. As soon as her pink lips met mine, it was like electricity flew between us.