Author: Cullen86ers PM
A one shot about what really happened after Edward returned from Denali in Twilight. This is a writing exercise I did and it was crazy and fun so I thought I would share. I hope you guys get a good laugh out of it.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Edward & Bella - Words: 1,001 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Published: 08-25-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5331623
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I don't own any of these characters. I am just so obsessed with reading twilight that it cannot be contained by the four hard covers stacked on my desk here. So they are Stephanie Meyer's, I just get them in trouble and then when people ask "who did it" I point at Edward!
This came from a creative writing exercise I did. I was given the first line and had to write from there for 20 minutes. That's why it is so short. I hope you guys like it. I was in a little bit of a goofy mood when I wrote this.
As I was writing this, LauraACullen updated "The List." If you haven't checked it out yet go do that now!
The Truth - What Really Happened After Edward Returned from Denali
"Be nice," Carlisle said. "After all, he's your brother."
"But dude!" Emmet boomed across the house. "Edward is being a little freak! Have you seen him sitting in front of this mirror for hours now? I don't think she cares what your hair looks like Eddie boy!"
"Fuck you!" Edward screamed from the bathroom.
I have to admit this is the funniest shit I have ever seen. I mean really! Just wait until he starts wining. Oh here comes Carlisle, let's watch!
"What seems to be the problem son?" I almost felt bad for making fun of Edward. Carlisle was being really supportive of him.
"No matter what I do, and no matter what I put in it, my hair looks like I haven't ever heard of combs after about 10 seconds." Edward slammed the comb on the counter, breaking the comb and cracking the gannet counter top. He turned toward Carlisle and pointed a finger at him. "Could you NOT have combed my damned hair before you changed me? What was so hell fire important that you couldn't take five minutes to comb my damn hair? Was there a fire in the hospital?! Huh?! I don't recall reading about that in the papers!"
Carlisle chuckled softly. He tried to hide it from Edward who was getting angrier by the second.
"Jasper cut that out!" Edward screeched from the bathroom. Okay so I had something to do with the escalating anger. I chuckled openly. Alice threw me a dirty look from her seat beside me.
"Edward I don't think she really cares what your hair looks like. I'm sure she likes you no matter what your hair looks like." Awwwww… how supportive and lovely! Maybe we could give him a buzz cut!
"JASPER I DO NOT NEED A BIZZ CUT AND STOP MAKING ME MORE PISSED OFF!" Oops, forgot about that feature of the 1901 model of the Edward Cullen. Edward promptly growled at me.
"Dude I'm not doing a thing. This angry streak is all yours buddy. Maybe you could use a chill pill." I smirked wickedly. So I might not have been making him angry with my powers – any more – but I could do the job without my powers too.
"Hey I bet Bella would LOVE to give you a 'chill pill' if you know what I mean." Emmett winked at Edward who saw it in the mirror where he was trying desperately to fix his hair again.
Edward started growling and flew across the room straight at Emmett. He collided with his chest and it made a huge crashing sound that shook the house.
"BOYS! Please calm down and stop fighting!" Esme hardly raised her voice as Edward and Emmett rolled around the floor, demolishing the coffee table in the process.
"Bella is a nice girl! Don't you EVER imply that kind of thing again." Edward growled out. "I haven't seen her in a week because I'm stupid and although I shouldn't care I do. I'll probably end up eating her for lunch some time soon."
"Oh yea, the best way to make amends for that is to look good for the event. Make sure you wear your Sunday best too. We'd hate for her to thing us Cullen boys are uncivilized hobos as you're draining her!"
"FUCK YOU EMMETT!"
"No thanks I'm not like that." Emmett winked at him and pinned him to the floor.
"Hey Edward, maybe you could try some super glue. That might help. I'm sure your venom wouldn't eat that up as fast." I looked at him pointedly and tried not to smirk.
"FUCK YOU JASPER!"
"Sorry, I ain't like that either." My smirk was uncontrollable now. "But we could always go find you someone who is… how about that Newton kid?! I hear he's always up for a good time!"
Emmett's laughter boomed through the house.
"Alice! LAST CHANCE before I kill your husband! Get him out of here NOW!" He was really pissed.
"Oh I'll make sure he's punished properly." I didn't hesitate as Alice pulled me out the back door and sprinted into the woods with a death grip on my t-shirt.
"Alice please baby I'm so sorry. I didn't intend to be mean to him it was just so much damn fun! He's just such a virginal nerd sometimes!" Okay so I was begging but I hated when Alice as upset with me. I really didn't want to be "punished properly"… unless…
"Oh I'm not going to punish you. That was the funniest shit I have ever seen. You and Emmett were just being so open about it he didn't hear my thoughts at all. He's such a pretty boy!" Alice laughed so hard she fell against a tree, shaking it.
I sat down next to her and she told me about a few visions she had earlier in the day. It seemed the entertainment over looking good for Bella was only going to get better.