|The Quick Pop Popcorn Popper!
Author: Blood Red Vampress PM
MadVampTV 2- Dr. Carlisle Cullen introduces the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper! Based on the MadTV skit! This one will make you cry...it's just that funny! :D R&R! Rated M for language and crude humor. One-shot, no sequel.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor - Carlisle - Words: 1,817 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 3 - Published: 08-27-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5335695
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hello all! Time for the second installment in my MadVampTV fanfiction special! This one originally came to me as I was reading a fanfiction by tenten93. I figured why not try it with the Cullens. Who would be the funniest Cullen to annoy in a situation like this? Carlisle, of course. So...here it is. Carlisle introduces the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'.
Disclaimer: I do not own this skit or any of the characters used in this fanfiction. The skit is property of MadTV and the Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
The scene opens up in an area inside of a house that looks somewhat like a den. There's a small kitchen counter and behind that is a living room area. All the Cullens are grouped together on the couch in the background, laughing and watching tv. Carlisle is standing at the white kitchen counter.
On the counter is a black dome-shaped object and an electrical outlet plug is on the top of the counter.
The camera shows the Cullens on the couch having fun and then it zooms on a close-up of Carlisle and the counter.
"Hey folks, Dr. Cullen here for the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'!," Carlisle introduces cheerily.
Edward walks over to Carlisle.
"Hey Carlisle! How's it work?," Edward asks.
"It's simple Edward. You just plug it in," Carlisle picks up the plug and plugs it in.
"Open up the butter packet," Carlisle picks up the butter packet and tries to open it.
Embarrassed, Carlisle starts to laugh when he can't get it open.
Edward smirks, pats Carlisle on the shoulder and walks off screen. Meanwhile, Carlisle is still fighting with the packet.
He looks at the camera.
"I screwed up guys- I'm sorry," he laughs. "But the packet won't open. You got a better packet?"
(The camera flashes and beeps. Take two.)
The camera is focused on Carlisle and the counter again.
"Hey folks, Dr. Cullen here for the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'!," Carlisle introduces again.
Edward walks on screen again.
"Hey Carlisle! How's it work?," Edward asks again.
Carlisle flashes Edward a smile.
"It's simple Edward. You just plug it in," Carlisle plugs it in...again.
"You open up the butter packet," Carlisle grabs the butter packet and tries in vain to open it again.
This time he gets frustrated and starts mumbling under his breath as he fights with the packet.
Edward grins at Carlisle then sighs and walks off screen again.
Carlisle laughs in frustration and looks at the camera.
"You know, whenever I have to make food for Bella, it's so simple. All I have to do is go to the store and bring some groceries home and 'Bam!'- Esme cooks for Bella," he laughs half-heartedly. "You don't have to open up a butter packet!"
(The camera beeps again. Take three.)
The camera now shows Carlisle fighting with all his might to get this butter packet open. No matter how hard he tries, it just won't open. He gets more angry by the second and now he's screaming at the packet and tearing at it....but it still won't open.
"Is this thing molded shut or what?!," Carlisle fumes at the camera.
He starts growling and continues to fight with the butter packet.
"Shit!," he yells at the foil packet. He tugs on it and even tries biting it, but it just won't open.
"This is fucking bullshit!," he screams with anger into the camera.
He throws it on the floor and jumps on it.
"There!," he yells.
(The camera beeps and flashes again. Take four.)
Edward walks next to Carlisle again.
"Hey Carlisle! How's it work?," Edward asks for the third time.
Carlisle fights to keep a smile on his face.
"It's simple Edward. You just plug it in," Carlisle picks up the wire.
But, this time, instead of him plugging it in, there are sparks and the wire electrocutes Carlisle. His hair stands on end and he is shocked by the plug until he pulls away.
Carlisle starts whimpering and yelling because he just got electrocuted.
His arm is all burnt and smoking and he's waving it around helplessly. Edward is watching in horror (and amusement) from the side.
"Oh! Ah! I can feel my arm flesh cooking!," Carlisle says as his arm keeps smoking.
"It's like I've been napalmed!," Carlisle screams into the camera in pain and outrage.
The whole popcorn popper and Carlisle's arm is smoking.
Edward steps into action.
"Quick! Put some butter on it! The butter- right there!," Edward says hurriedly while pointing at the butter packet on the table.
Carlisle completely loses it and begins to yell loudly, his face going totally red in anger. The Cullens in the background are paying no attention.
"I can't put some butter on it!," Carlisle snatches the packet from the counter.
"I can't get this butter packet open, you ass-wipe!," Carlisle yells at Edward and then throws the foil packet in his face.
(The camera flashes...again. Take five.)
Carlisle is still standing where he was before. Edward is in the background with the rest of his family and Carlisle's arm is still burnt and bleeding.
Carlisle, still completely angry, points at the camera violently.
"Take it from me- I'm gonna finish this godforsaken commercial!," he continues to point violently at the camera.
"And if I find out who's responsible for booking me on this, I'm gonna kick 'em in the ass!," Carlisle shakes with anger as he screams.
Then, all of a sudden, Carlisle is happy again. He has a smile on his face like nothing happened.
He smiles brilliantly into the camera again.
"Hey folks, Dr. Cullen here for the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'! It's simple Edward!," Carlisle says.
As he's speaking, Edward is slowly walking up next to him.
"I didn't say anything yet," Edward says to Carlisle.
Carlisle's face gets angry again and he turns to face Edward.
"Go fuck yourself!," Carlisle sneers.
(The camera...yawn...take six.)
Edward gently touched Carlisle's shoulder.
"Carlisle! How's it work?," Edward asks.
"It's simple Edward! You just plug it in," Carlisle picks up the cord.
He goes to plug it in but stops halfway and thinks for a second. He hands the cord to Edward.
"Go ahead- do it," Carlisle gives Edward the plug.
Edward gulps and looks down at the cord for a second and then goes to plug it in. As soon as it's in, both Carlisle and Edward jump away from the plug.
"Open up the butter packet," Carlisle picks up the foil packet.
He hands it off to Edward to open.
In one single try, Edward rips the top off and opens it easily. Carlisle sighs and rolls his eyes.
"Pour it in," Carlisle sounds tired at this point.
Edward opens the top of the popcorn popper and empties the butter packet into the popcorn. He then closes it and it starts to pop.
Carlisle sighs deeply and looks at the camera again, some of the anger going away.
"And in ten seconds, you've got hot buttery popcorn for the whole gang," he says. Then Carlisle smiles. "Let's eat, huh?"
Then he leans down and gets close to the popcorn popper.
"It smells so good," Carlisle says.
He opens the lid on top and hot steam flies out into his face. He pulls back, his face blaring red.
"Ahh!," Carlisle starts to scream in pain.
Edward is laughing on the side while Carlisle reaches for the cover and slaps it back on the popcorn popper. The steam stops.
"Grr! It's melting!," Carlisle yells with rage.
The camera shows the Cullens trying not to laugh in the background while Edward is standing next to Carlisle, still smirking.
"What's so funny guys?," Carlisle turns to them, angry.
Edward shakes his head 'no'.
"Huh? You want a face full of hot buttery popcorn?," Carlisle screams at them. "That's what you want?"
Carlisle goes to pick up the popcorn popper by the two handles on the side...but it turns out that they're hot too. He gets burned and pulls his hands of while screaming.
(Take...what's the number again? I lost count....oh...take seven!)
You see Carlisle with his two hands bandaged sitting on a chair in front of a screen. It's one of those free-style drawing screens where you can write on the video with a special pen. On the video screen is the kitchen counter and the background when the Cullens are still watching tv.
Carlisle sighs, picks up the pen and begins to announce the commercial.
"You start out with the popcorn popper right there," Carlisle draws an arrow pointing to the popcorn popper on the counter.
"There's a butter packet over there," Carlisle draws a few circles around the butter packet lying on the counter.
"You don't open that up," Carlisle draws an 'X' over the butter packet. "You need a blowtorch of something like that."
He clears his throat.
"Then, uh, it starts to melt...," Carlisle explains. "Then it's starts popping. When you hear that, then you put it in a bowl."
He then draws a bowl on the counter and draws some popcorn inside of it.
"Then you give it to one of your friends over here," Carlisle draws multiple arrows pointing to the Cullens on the couch.
"Give it to one of these a-holes sitting over here in the corner like a bunch of jackasses," Carlisle draws circles around the people on the couch.
Then the camera zooms in on Carlisle sitting on the chair in front of the screen.
"And then what happens is: you can eat it or throw it in the couch. Sometimes I get it in the couch and it sits there, but it doesn't stink or anything and it doesn't rot because, hey, it's just popcorn. Huh...," Carlisle stabs the pen down on the screen and gets up and walks away.
Then on the screen, there's a close-up of the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper', the butter packet next to it, and catchy music starts to play.
Then an announcer begins to speak.
"The 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'! Carlisle couldn't figure it out! But you certainly can! Enjoy!," the announcer announces in a cheery voice. Then the commercial fades to black.
Lol. I'm telling you right now. You must, I repeat: must, go see the original video. It's on Youtube.
Oh yeah. And leave me a review too! This is only the second of many more MadVampTV skits by yours truly, Blood.
Thank you! :D