I know it's been done before. The idea is not original. But the things I listed are. I wasn't going to post this. It's just something I wrote after rewatching some season 5 episodes. But I let a friend read it and they said I should post it. So here you are.

25 Things House Will Never Tell Anyone

1. The reason I didn’t visit my father while he was dying, was because I didn’t want to confront the fact that I was still afraid of him. After I saw him lying dead in a casket, I finally realized he was just an ordinary mortal. But the nightmares still haven’t stopped.

2. When I was a kid, I used to dream about how satisfying it would be to finally get proof of false paternity. It wasn't. No matter what he did to me, he will always be my dad and no lab test results will ever change that.

3. The main reason I didn’t go to Kutner’s funeral, is because I was afraid I might cry in front of Wilson and Cuddy, and I would never hear the end of it. So I stayed home, got drunk and cried alone instead.

4. Even though it’s completely ridiculous, I can’t help thinking convincing Kutner that a cat had predicted his death was somehow related to his suicide. I told his parents and my other fellows it was probably their fault, even though I don't really think it was. I just didn’t want to believe it could be mine.

5. I kept Debbie (otherwise known as Death Cat) for three months. The only reason I gave her up is because I’m apparently allergic to dander. She now belongs to the old, Chinese woman who lives in the apartment above mine.

6. I never wanted children. But for reasons I’ll never understand, I sometimes imagine what it would be like to be Chase’s father. We kind of look like we could be related and I think I’d have done a better job than Rowan.

7. I'm completely certain that I love Wilson more than Amber or any of his wives ever did. I don’t know which is worse, that I don‘t have the balls to tell him, or that he’d never believe me if I did.

8. I don't think I'm gay. But I occasionally fantasize about what it would be like to wake up next to Wilson.

9. Sometimes I wonder if the fact that I can’t empathize with my patients makes me a shitty doctor. The only reason I don’t try is because I’m afraid they’d know I was faking it.

10. I don’t mind that Foreman thinks he and I are so different, because I already know that we‘re not. But I hate that he wishes we were.

11. Sometimes I wish I had just let them cut off my damn leg. Not because I would still have Stacy, but because then I wouldn’t be an addict. I’m pretty sure that relationship would have failed eventually.

12. Every time I get drunk or high, I loathe myself a little more. The only way to drown it out is to get drunk or high again, and the loathing continues.

13. I think the fact that two people met while working for me and eventually married each other is kind of cool. I really hope they don't become a statistic and break up.

14. I get the feeling that if my father hadn’t been so hard on me, I’d probably be dead or in prison. I tell myself that the only reason I wouldn’t admit to being appreciative of his discipline is because it would make me a hypocrite. Really it’s just because I’m stubborn.

15. The only way I can retaliate against my mother for refusing to protect me from my father, is by allowing her to think that my withholding affection is a choice and not simply because I really don‘t love her. The irony is, I think I just might love him.

16. No matter how long I live, how many books I read or how many therapy sessions I sit through, I will never forgive myself for being responsible for Amber’s death. I will never believe that I deserved to survive while she had to die.

17. The main reason I don’t bother exploring a relationship with Cuddy is because I know that it will only last as long as it takes for her to figure out I’m not the same person I was in college. I place more value on her as an employer, because I know I will never find another boss who is both highly intelligent, yet so easy to emotionally manipulate.

18. My worst fear is that my physical pain really is all in my head. Because that means that no drugs will ever make it go away.

19. I tell people that I’m an atheist. But the truth is that I don’t really question God’s existence. I question his motives. Every once in a while, when the pain is at its worst, I pray to God to make it stop. I know it won’t help. He obviously doesn‘t give a crap about me and never has. But it’s sufficiently distracting and gives me the illusion of control.

20. After some of the things I’ve said, I wonder how anyone can still stand to have me around. Sometimes I think I am just daring them to abandon me.

21. I don’t regret sending Stacy back to Mark. I really believe that he’s a better man than I am and that she would be happier with him. If she'd stayed with me, it would only have served as a reminder of that fact.

22. In my wallet I have:

A. a copy of Kutner’s third grade picture that I stole from his apartment.

B. a photo booth strip of my ex girlfriend and I that we took outside of some movie theater in Trenton.

C. Wilson’s original hospital ID badge from the Boston Medical Center, that he is under the impression was misplaced when he moved in with Bonnie.

D. a picture of Cameron and Chase, smashing cake into each other’s faces at their wedding. They apparently handed out copies to all of their friends. They didn't offer me a one and I didn't want to ask. So I lifted it out of Thirteen’s locker.

E. a picture of Cuddy’s baby, whose name I probably wouldn‘t remember, were it not the same as Taub's wife.

F. Crandall’s not biological daughter Leona’s high school graduation photo.

G. a photo of my father at age seventeen, holding a shotgun in one hand and a dead deer in the other. It’s the only picture I ever found of him smiling.

23. Sometimes I really want to punch Wilson in the face. The reason I don't is because I know he's probably wanted to do the same to me plenty of times and somehow found the strength to refrain.

24. Sometimes I really want to hug Wilson. But he's had plenty of opportunities to do the same to me and for some reason he hasn't. So I don't either, because I don't think I could handle it if he rejected me.

25. The thrill I get after solving a particularly difficult case becomes more brief with each passing year. I fear what will happen to me when I can no longer derive any satisfaction from what I do best.