A/N: replies to unsigned reviews:

Nimbus Llewelyn: okay what?

T-2238: go better? I wouldn’t be so optimistic in your place… No, things are going to get worse and worse for quite a while before they start to turn to the better. I just love torturing the characters! XD You have your question about Excidium answered in this chapter. :)

Chapter 7

The White Cliffs of Dover

“You… what?” Laurence gasped.

“You heard it well,” Emily said, swallowing the lump in her throat and forcing her voice to sound as self-confident as possible.

“But… why…?”

Their eyes locked and Emily could see the disbelief in his. For a second she felt her resolve waver, felt shame wash over her for the mere proposition, but she quickly regained her composure. “Why, why,” she rolled her eyes, “because I don’t want to die a virgin, and as you are the only male around, you are the one I am asking. Will you or will you not oblige me?”

“I… well…”

“Oh come on, don’t pretend it is not something you usually enjoy doing,” she grunted, “or is Little Willy out of order by any chance?”

This managed to shake Laurence out of the shock that had almost rendered him dumb, and he hastily replied, “Of course it isin order, but…” his eyes once again bore into hers, glinting in a nervous way, “are you sure this is what you want?”

“This is what I have wanted since I was fourteen, so hell, yes,” she snapped. “And if we happen to survive by some magic or deus ex machina, you will forget that I ever said this, understood?”

“I believe I will not need to forget it, as we are not going to survive,” he replied with a slight waver in his voice.

“So then? Is anything keeping you from fulfilling a lady’s last wish?” she crossed her arms with a defiant look.

For a long moment he regarded her silently, then, somewhat uncertainly, shook his head.

“Good,” she said, her voice low and husky as she grabbed his neckcloth and pulled him closer. “I want my first time to be memorable, even if I will only have an hour or so to remember it. Don’t spare me, Laurence, I want everything you can give.”

“William,” he panted, “for the time being… it is just… William.”

“All right,” she whispered, her lips nearly touching his. “So be it, William.”

oOo

“I think that will be enough,” Temeraire announced after a while.

“More than enough,” Iskierka replied, disgruntled. “Making mating sounds while not doing it for real is not very interesting at all.”

“But you did it brilliantly,” he said, trying to appeal to her vanity.

“Oh, really?” she looked surprised first, then drew herself up proudly.

“Yes, but I hope you are aware you must not talk about this to anyone, not even to your captain. I will not mention it to Laurence either.”

“All right, all right, it is our secret,” she consented somewhat sulkily. “And what now?”

“Now I am going to look for Laurence and ask him how his little discussion with Jason went.”

“And what about me?”

“What about you?” he gave her a confused look.

“I am bored! Can I not go with you?”

“This is going to be a private discussion, so no, you cannot,” Temeraire replied.

“Not that I really wanted to go,” she bristled. “You and your stupid boring discussions!” With that she turned her back on him. “Go away, this is my clearing.”

“Yes, by all means. And thank you for the… mating today.”

She snorted which nearly set the nearby trees on fire.

o

Temeraire touched down in his own clearing, and having spotted one of his newly appointed ensigns, a boy named Jenson, sent him to go look for Laurence.

The boy returned fifteen minutes later with the news that he had not found the captain either in his room or by the courtyard and had even asked Captain Berkley and Granby if they had seen him, but no one really had.

“Have you seen him by any chance?” Temeraire peered over the hedge to look into the adjacent tiny clearing, the one belonging to Dulcia.

“Me? No,” she shook her head. “Have you seen Captain Laurence, Chenery?”

“Laurence?” the man scratched at his head. “I seem to remember having met him… but I think I was a little... disoriented then…”

“Disoriented?” Temeraire echoed his words.

“He means drunk,” Dulcia explained good-naturedly.

“Oh.”

“So anyway, we met at the covert gates not much after I had met Miss Thistle there… that was around… half past three, I think…”

“Miss Thistle?” Temeraire blinked.

“He means Captain Roland.”

“Oh, I see. And…?”

“And, I think he might have wanted to follow her, wherever she went…” Chenery continued, “problem is, no idea where she went, only that she was walking on the road between Dover and the covert… Mind you, he might not have wanted to follow her at all, dunno… I can’t remember everything that well...”

Temeraire could not help it, he had a sense of premonition spreading in his stomach. It could not be a coincidence that Laurence was going in the same direction Emily was, and there must have been a good reason for him to want to follow her. Perhaps there had been problems around Jason again… “Thank you for the information, Chenery,” Temeraire bowed his head, and took wing, hoping to find Excidium. If someone, then perhaps the older dragon knew what had happened and where Emily had gone. After all, he could not just search the whole of Dover after Laurence without making people scream and run…

oOo

Their breathing was almost louder than the splashes of the ever-nearing waves, and Laurence feared if he opened his eyes the magic would break and he would be encountered with a pair of hateful grey eyes. But the magic of the moment was broken when the first lick of water reached and tickled his big toe – it was cold, almost freezing, and he woke from his dream-like state, but found no hateful eyes staring at him, as Emily’s eyelids were closed, her lips half-open, her sandy fringe sweaty and plastered to her forehead. With eyes closed, cheeks rosy, she looked like an angel, and for a moment Laurence could not even imagine that this fragile little being had only recently shouted at him, threatened him, turned his son against him… that this beautiful creature hated him at all.

Another wave licked his feet, and this time it must have licked hers as well, because she suddenly opened her eyes, for a moment looked slightly disoriented, then knitted her brows and hissed, “I still hate you.”

“I know you do,” he sighed, gently caressing the side of her face, but she caught his hand in mid-caress and pushed it away.

“Get off me.”

Stifling another sigh, Laurence obliged, gathering his pieces of clothing and laying them down on a more or less flat-topped rock by the tunnel’s wall, then offered her his hand to help her off the ground, but she waved him off.

“I can get up on my own, thank you very much,” she grunted, but her grunt turned into a sharp, shocked intake of breath as she sat up.

“Are you well?” he asked, feeling foolish at being so worried about her health, with their deaths so near.

“As well as one can be after such a violent…” her voice trailed off and she looked away, her face redder than the setting sun.

“I am sorry. You wanted it to be… violent,” he cast his eyes down.

“Never mind, I am not a china doll, I’m still in one piece,” she murmured, and as she got up, bit into her lower lip, probably against a painful hiss. He felt guilty for not having been gentler with her, but could a man be gentle if his partner keeps shouting ‘harder, damn it, harder’ all the time? Besides, she had not been gentle with him either, he realised upon sitting down on his clothes and leaning against the tunnel’s wall: his back throbbed painfully as it touched the rock surface.

Emily too gathered her clothes from the ground before the waves reached there and joined him on the flat rock whose top reached about half a metre above the tunnel floor. Pulling up her legs, she sat as far from him as the rock’s width and length would allow, observing her bloodied fingernails. “Sorry,” she murmured after a while.

“Never mind,” he replied, “I am used to it. Apparently you Roland women love to claw at your lover’s back…”

“You are not my lover, understood?” she snapped.

“Probably not at the moment… but what was I just a few minutes ago?” he gave her a challenging look.

“Merely a man to satisfy my needs,” she said, encircling her knees with her arms.

“Oh. So you would have lain with any man in a similar situation?” he asked, not really knowing why it hurt him so much to think she would.

Emily shrugged, her eyes fixed upon the water now forming a thin layer on the entire tunnel floor. “I don’t know if I would have. Well, certainly not with Berkley… nor with Little… and definitely not with Chenery…” she snorted. “I mean, Berkley is way too old and fat… Little is a snob and an idiot, and Chenery is never sane, not to mention his humour is so darn irritating…”

“And what about your lieutenants? I saw there were quite a few good-looking young men among them…”

“Does it really interest you whom I would have been willing to lie with and whom not?” she frowned at him.

“I am just interested in learning about your taste, that is all,” he said, feeling that his reply was rather lame and his whole behaviour utterly pathetic… as though he were deep down hoping she would say she would not have had anyone else but him. Then again, who was he to claim her heart… or body… just to himself?

“My taste is not worth learning about, it is sadly poor,” she murmured, “otherwise I would not have… liked you as a teen.”

Laurence knew she would never have admitted this to him under different circumstances, but somehow it still delighted him to know she had been attracted to him, even if that attraction had very likely ceased to exist by now. At the same time his heart filled with ache thinking what she must have gone through knowing he had been involved with her mother.

Involuntarily, as though obeying an instinct to console her, he reached out and gently ran a finger down her arm which made her shudder, but not in the disgusted sort of way. “I never… never fulfilled my mother’s last wish, did you know?” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

Laurence shook his head. “How could I know that? I do not even know what her last wish was.”

Emily let out a half-snort-half-chuckle as she said, “Well, it was nothing like mine, obviously…” Then she must have realised she had said something disrespectful and looked away again, hugging her upper body as though she were cold. She could have put her clothes back on, but as Laurence suspected, she too must have thought it a waste for the time being – it would warm her for no more than an hour, because as soon as the water was high enough, clothes would be useless against the bitter cold. And it was not even cold yet, the air was pleasantly warm. She shivered still, and Laurence reached out and gathered her in his arms, offering her as much of his own body heat as possible. To his surprise, she did not pull away.

“Mother… she wanted me to write to you,” Emily muttered, burying her face in his shoulder, “and she wanted me to name my brother William. She must be… very mad at me for not having done these things… wherever she is now.”

Tears were now freely flowing down her cheeks, and Laurence understood her guilt: not fulfilling the last wish of a dying person, especially if that person was her own mother, must have given her several sleepless nights. Still, he could not blame her for not writing to him and not naming the child after him. She had been too bitter, too angry, too jealous to do that… a mere child with a stolen childhood, all because of him. It was only natural she had refused to let him know about her little brother’s existence… She must have suffered so much, and he could not make it right for her because they were going to die… and even if they had not been buried under half the cliffs of Dover with the tide coming, she still would not have let him put things right. Because she was just as proud as he was.

“Sssshhh,” he whispered into her hair, gently rocking her, “I am sure she has forgiven you. She understands. Jane was never the unforgiving type… she even forgave me for everything I committed against her… and I never even deserved her forgiveness. How could she then not forgive you, her only daughter?”

Sniffing, Emily looked up. “Do you really think so?”

“Yes. I do. But you are shivering. Do you not want to dress?”

“Is there any use in it?” she gave him a sarcastic grimace.

“I do not know… but tell you what,” he said, hoping to cheer her a bit, “when I was heading for the seaside, I was determined to give you a proper dressing-down for turning Jason against me. Well… I never imagined the dressing-down to be like this…”

She laughed, her laughter echoing through the cavern, a jingling like bells, so beautiful and youthful and vivid… Laurence’s heart sank thinking that this young woman was about to die soon. He did not regret his own death except for what it would entail for Temeraire, but Emily could and should have lived many, many more years…

“What?” she gave him a curious stare just as she had stopped laughing. “You are looking at me so weirdly…”

Laurence shook his head, not knowing what to say, he was too confused for that. She had awoken feelings in him, feelings he had long buried, and now he was left wondering whether these emotions were only due to their current predicament… At that moment he felt he was madly and hopelessly in love with her, but he could not tell her that if there was the slightest chance that his feelings could be only a trick of the situation. She would probably be pleased to hear the ‘I love you’ from him, but he could not lie to her if there was a chance his feelings were not true. He would not end his life with a lie or an almost-lie… He had always strived to live an honest life; he would not die in any other way.

“Here,” he fumbled for a moment with his clothes and pulled out a rumpled but clean handkerchief. “Dry your tears.”

“Is it worth drying them at all?” she arched an eyebrow at him. “I am going to be completely wet soon…”

“Then at least blow your nose,” he shrugged, and with a half-grin, she obliged, the sound a bit like a trumpet, echoing throughout the tunnel.

“I hope you don’t mind if I don’t return this to you cleaned?” she said.

“I have never been one for dark humour, Emily,” he shook his head with a hint of amusement.

“Neither have I… but isn’t the situation a bit similar to when we were captured in Africa and Dyer asked if our captors were going to eat us? That was dark humour too…”

“Yes, but that did not involve any lovemaking,” he blushed slightly.

“No… it did not,” she looked deeply into his eyes. “How long do you think we have before this rock is flooded too?”

Laurence glanced down, seeing that about seven-eight centimetres of the rock’s basement was already standing in water. “Let me remind you that I have never been particularly good at calculus… But I am assuming we have about half an hour. Why?”

“I was merely wondering…” she cast her eyes down, her cheeks flushing, “if we had enough time for acquiring some more… memories?”

Laurence raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you trying to seduce me again, Captain Roland?”

“Damn you, Laurence, yes,” she grunted, climbing into his lap and pressing her lips to his.

oOo

Excidium was shaken out of his slumber as Temeraire touched down next to him.

“We must talk,” Temeraire said.

“Oh, yes? And about what?” the Longwing yawned.

“I fear Laurence went after Emily and he has not returned yet, and I have a bad feeling about it.”

“A bad feeling?” Excidium squinted at the younger dragon through half-closed eyelids. “Bad feelings are superstition, not to be trusted, that is what Jane always used to say…”

“Yes, Jane was a very pragmatic person, I know, but Laurence is more of a romantic type and therefore tends to get into trouble.”

“He, getting into trouble? It is rather he getting others in trouble!” Excidium snapped. “He got my Jane in trouble and she was killed by the egg he gave her!”

“Nonsense, eggs do not kill anyone of their own volition,” Temeraire replied, annoyed that he was forced into such a stupid debate when Laurence’s health or even his life might be in danger.

“Well, they do,” Lily chimed in from the adjacent clearing, “Catherine’s egg nearly killed her too, but of course it was that awful sailor’s fault. It is always the father who is to blame.”

“Yes, definitely,” Excidium agreed, “and your captain was an awful sailor too…”

“He was and is not awful, I do not care what you believe,” Temeraire retorted. “I am very sorry about Jane, but we cannot waste time on quarrelling when Laurence might be in mortal peril! He left at half past three and it is nearly dinnertime! Something must have happened to him!”

“Perhaps Emily shot him,” Excidium said hopefully.

“What?” Temeraire roared, his voice laced with the promise of the divine wind.

“Calm down, will you?” the older Longwing grunted. “Emily is no fool, she would not kill him, no matter how much he deserved it. I only hope he has not killed her.”

“What do you think of Laurence?” Temeraire hissed, scandalised. “He is no murderer!”

“He is a soldier, he has killed hundreds if not thousands,” Excidium replied stoically, “but you are right, perhaps there is some foundation for worry. I am beginning to be worried for Emily if that scoundrel is anywhere near her. Come on, I know where she went, and if he followed her… we will find them.”

“What, with no crew?” Lily asked nervously. “That is against the rules!”

“I am an outlaw either way,” Temeraire shrugged, deciding not to comment on the ‘scoundrel’ part, “and I am only following my formation leader, right, Excidium?”

The older dragon gave him a grunt of assent and took wing with an anxious Temeraire in tow.

oOo

Their breathing was heavy, their bodies sweat-drenched and Emily felt she could not move even if she tried to, but it felt so good to be leaning against him, her head bent on his shoulder, their hearts throbbing to the same frantic rhythm… she felt in peace. She felt this was the place she had always longed to be: in his arms. For a short while she had even managed to forget why she was here, she had forgotten about death. For a short while she allowed herself to be happy.

She would never tell him just how happy he had made her, both physically and emotionally. For a fleeting second she considered letting him know how she felt, but something held her back. She had told him more than she should have, anyway. True, they were going to die and nothing really mattered any more, but the thorn he had planted in her heart all those years ago was still prickling enough to keep her from whispering those three short words…

I love you.

It was on the tip of her tongue, but she bit it back. She loved him, but she hated him too, and she would not humiliate herself even more by confessing to him that she felt for him more than just hate. It was so simple, so easy to hate him… but it was too difficult to love him.

“Emily… precious… would you move a bit? I would like to dress,” he muttered into her hair, shaking her out of her contented, dream-like state.

Reality fell upon her, heavily and crushingly, and she recoiled, disentangling herself from his arms, although slipping from his lap made her ache all over again. She bit back a hiss of pain and instead hissed at him, “I am no ‘precious’ to you, Laurence!”

“You are precious to me,” he replied, looking like a sad puppy as he gathered up his clothes and began to pull them back on.

“You are only saying that because we are going to die! You want me to think I mean something to you, just to enlighten your guilty conscience, but guess what? It is too late! You cannot fool me, not with sweet words, not with anything, so you may as well keep your flatteries, because one, I do not believe them, and two, even if I did believe them, I would not give a damn about them! And why the hell are you getting dressed?”

He stood up on their flat-topped rock to pull on his breeches, and replied in a tired and grouchy voice, “We might be found… someday, and I do not know about you, Captain Roland, but I would like to be a dignified corpse.”

Emily snorted and began dressing herself.

o

It was getting dark outside, and they had been standing in the water for what felt like hours. Emily had long lost track of time, she had even lost her sense of temperature, as everything felt cold. So, so very cold that she almost did not even feel it any more.

Somewhere on the edge of her conscious she noticed that someone was holding her, trying to rub her limbs in the futile hope of keeping her warm, and when she squinted up, she spotted a deadly pale face with lips turned blue and had no doubt she must look just as much of a fright as he did. But he at least was still moving, rubbing her back, her arms, his breath still warm on her cheek… she could not move any more.

He whispered in her ear, although his voice felt as though coming from a distance, “Forgive me, Emily… forgive me for everything, I beg you,” but she could not respond even if she wanted to, and she was not sure she really wanted to.

Then there was another voice, coming from somewhere else – outside, perhaps? – and he stiffened next to her, then began shouting something along the lines ‘We are here, down here!’, but for her his yells felt like coming from a great distance too.

Dragons roared somewhere, two different roars, and both highly familiar. My Excidium, she thought with a numbed mind, and Laurence next to her – or perhaps very far from her? – yelled, ‘You cannot do that, if you remove the stones the ceiling will collapse,’ then a short while later once again, ‘All right, do it, it is better than drowning and freezing to death’, and one of the roaring voices replied, ‘I will try to remove the collapsed stones with one swipe while Excidium reaches in to catch you both… yes, yes, we will try to be very, very quick… never fear, Laurence, we will not let you die!’

Emily did not know what was happening around her, her mind had almost completely given up, all it registered was the heavy slapping of the waves, then something big and strong encircled her around the waist, and finally, something hard hit her on the head, and the world tumbled into darkness.

oOo

A/N: I have made a little illustration of L/E in the cave, you can find it by clicking on the link at the end of my ffnet bio. And don’t worry, the picture is perfectly “worksafe”, nothing naughty. ;)

Reviews, anyone? *nudge nudge wink wink*