Author: suspect tomatoes PM
It beats being in Delaware. Ledgeacy one-shot.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Parody - Edge & Christian - Words: 1,608 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 09-03-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5352910
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: If you haven't seen Wayne's World, this is probably a jumble of retardedness. But when is it not?
"Son of a bitch!"
Adam looked over at Jay, who was sprawled across the couch, eyes half-closed. "Kait's yelling about something."
Jay didn't move.
"Goddamn it! What are we gonna do now!"
"Jay, did you break something?" Adam hit Jay's foot. "Jay!"
Jay jerked a little, eyes shifting sleepily. "Huh?"
"Kaitlyn's freaking about something. Did you break anything?"
"I don't think so," he yawned. He turned over. "Maybe she's high."
"Maybe." Adam stood up. "Kaitlyn?"
"You and Mack okay in there?"
"Fucking no!" The door slammed open. "It's broken!"
Kaitlyn and Mack stomped out, thrusting an empty DVD case into Adam's hand. "One of the cats scratched it up."
Adam snorted. "The three-legged one?"
"Hey!" Jay looked over his shoulder to glare. "Don't make fun of the disabled."
"It's a three-legged cat."
"And it still needs love, just like the rest of them."
"If you loved me"—Kait snatched the case and chucked it at Jay's back—"you would've prevented this from happening!"
"OW!" Jay sat up. "What the hell did I do?"
"Nothing!" Kait yelled. She grabbed Mack's arm. "Come on, we're going to get Becky. I need to get out of this fucking Cat haven."
"Kaitlyn, we renamed it the Cat Cave, remember?"
Kaitlyn pounded her fists against her forehead before she stalked out of the room, MacKenzie trailing lazily behind. The front door slammed.
Jay grunted and pulled the DVD from beneath him. "What was it, anyway?"
"I don't know. She threw it at you before I could look."
"Oh, no!" Jay looked up. "It was Wayne's World! She must be devastated, my poor kitty cat."
Adam blinked, slowly lowering himself onto the couch. "Kitty cat?"
"I call her Kitty Kait sometimes, but—"
Adam held his hand up. "Just... don't."
Jay frowned, running his fingers down the case. "Poor kitty. What should I do? She was so upset. She probably won't even make me salad with three cheese balsamic today."
"Go buy her another one."
Jay nodded weakly. "Yeah." His face lit up. "Or..."
Jay smiled at him. "Or we could give her something better."
"These pants are too tight."
Jay scratched his head through the blond wig. "Well, you have to wear them in... all but one scene."
"Yeah, we need to talk about that."
"Talk about what?" Randy asked, coming into the room. He tugged at the leather stretched over his legs. "By the way, these are too small."
"No, your thighs are too big." Jay turned back to Adam. "What were you asking?"
"I'm not comfortable with the scene I'm not wearing pants in."
"Aw, don't worry, sir. You have cute legs."
Adam blinked at Jay, grimacing slightly. "That's not really what I meant..."
"Then what's the problem?"
"The person you casted for the character."
Jay cocked his head.
"You know... the guy you casted. To play the girl. That I have gratuitous sex scenes with."
"I didn't cast him, he volunteered."
Adam opened his mouth, but shut it. He swallowed awkwardly. "Uh..."
"These high-waisted pants really hide my stomach!" Chris came in, hands on his hips. "Don't you think? The boots are killer, too. I don't even need lifts!"
Randy blinked, moved away. "He's wearing heels."
"He's Chrissandra," Jay enunciated. He patted Chris's long, black haired wig. "And he looks fantastic."
"I really do! Are you ready for some hardcore singing?"
"Hold on, we don't have our Russell or Benjamin yet." Jay went to the door. "Cody! What's taking so long?"
Cody came in with his hands in his suit pants pockets, a little awkward as he took in Chris's attire. His hair was poorly slicked back.
"You look like a joke," Adam snorted.
Cody looked a him. "So do you, Waynedge. How come your hair isn't dark?"
"Jay was not allowed to touch this." Adam circled his face. "At all."
Cody nodded. "Probably for the best."
"You're telling me."
"I'm not cool with this part," Ted grumbled, coming into the room in a full windbreaker suit. "Russell is Benjamin's pussy sidekick."
"And your point…?"
"Shut up, Adam." Ted crossed his arms. "Can we fucking do this already?"
"No, Chris and Adam will be doing it right now."
Adam covered his face with his hands. "Jay. Rephrase that."
Jay looked at his clipboard. "We're doing the gratuitous sex scene now."
"Can't we do the Dream Weaver scene first?"
"No. We'll do the Dream Weaver scene after my Foxy Lady performance."
"Who gave him this idea?" Cody demanded.
"No one. He came up with it all on his own." Adam ran his hair behind his ears with both hands.
Jay snapped his fingers. "That was perfect! Do it again so I can videotape you!"
Adam ripped his hat off and threw it on the ground. "What, Jay?"
"Chris, your wig is lop-sided."
"Oh." Chris fixed it. "Thanks."
Adam groaned loudly. "We've been doing this for eighteen hours. Can't we call it a night?"
"No, we still have to do the Bohemian Rhapsody scene and the one with Alice Cooper."
"ALICE COOPER ISN'T HERE!"
"No, but Randy is. And Randy's smart, like Alice Cooper."
Randy looked up from his cigarette. "What?"
"Get in here! We're doing the Alice Cooper scene."
Adam beat his head with his hands. "I thought we were doing the Foxy Lady scene!"
"No, we're doing that after!"
"When do I come in?" Cody asked impatiently.
"For the snake scene!" Jay threw his arms up. "What is it with you guys? This isn't that hard!"
"No, it's just fucking stupid."
Jay glared at Adam. "You keep it up, we're doing the sex scene again."
"I'm God—I will vanquish you."
"Honey, you couldn't even vanquish me," Jericho put in.
Adam bared his teeth. "What the fuck! I'm out. This is getting too gay for my taste."
"Adam, wait! It's okay! A platonic love can exist between two grown men!"
Jay beamed. "Perfect, Theo! Do that again for the camera!"
"Enjoy making this movie without a Wayne!" Adam kicked the hat. "I'm done. Fuck you guys."
Adam turned, frowning when Jay stared at him. "What?"
He grabbed his wrist. "Can you just stay for the 'We're not worthy' part?"
Adam wrenched his arm away. "It's the last scene I'll do. Then I'm retiring."
Kaitlyn unlocked the front door. "Bomb ass weed, man. My day is made."
"You're tellin' me," Mack grumbled hoarsely.
"I just got a text from Cody." Becky scrolled her iPhone. "He says Jay has a present waiting for us in the movie room."
Kait rolled her eyes, throwing her shit on the kitchen counter. "I can only imagine what it is."
"Something retarded, that's for sure."
"Another cat?" Becky offered.
Kait covered her face and groaned, stomping childishly toward the movie room.
Kaitlyn stopped, hand on the doorknob. "The fuck is this?"
Mack looked over her shoulder. "Jay, what's with the glasses?"
"Chris, what's with the dress?" Becky asked.
"It brings out my figure—"
"We made you a gift!" Jay came forward, handing her a DVD case. There was shitty Polaroid of Adam and Jay smiling while Randy tried to inconspicuously hold a blue sheet with poorly painted clouds on it behind them inside the jacket, with Jay's World scrawled underneath it.
Kaitlyn stared at it.
"Adam said to buy you a new copy, but I thought making you one would be even better!"
All she could do was blink, mouth agape.
"Well, what are you doing! Put it in!"
Kaitlyn finally passed the case to Mack, who took it quickly and headed over to the television. She popped it in the DVD player and waited, but all they saw was a black screen.
"Is it rolling?" they heard Adam ask.
"Yes," Jay hissed.
"Chris. ...Chris. Go!"
"Oh! Sorry. JAAAAAAAAY'S WORLD! JAAAAAAAAAAAY'S WORLD! PARTY TIIIIIME. EXCELLEEEEEENT."
"All right, party on, Jarth!"
"Party on, Waynedge!"
Adam hit Jay over the head. "You didn't take the fucking cover off the lens!"
Jay covered his face. "My masterpiece!"
"Goddamn it," Randy barked. "I looked great in those pants, too."
The girls perked up. "What pants?"
"The leather pants Jay made me—JESUS!" Randy stumbled back when all three girls ransacked him, pulling him toward the door.
"You need to show them to us!" Mack exclaimed.
"Go get dressed!" Becky agreed.
Jay grabbed Kait's arm. "I tried so hard to make you a movie."
"It's okay," she said distractedly, eyeing Randy.
"Are you still mad at me?"
She smiled. "Of course not."
"I even did the Foxy Lady scene!"
That got Kait's attention. "You did?"
He nodded solemnly.
"Will you... show me?"
Jay smirked slightly, then pelvic thrusted. "Foxy Lady."
Kait groaned. "Guys, go on without me."
"But... Randy's wearing leather pants!"
"Jay's pelvic thrusting."
Jay grinned, then did it again.
"And it's excellent."
A/N: There will... probably be another chapter. For now it's a one-shot, but once Kait and I watch Wayne's World again, we'll probably find more things to make them do. This is just the beginning. Review.