M O R N I N G - 1

Pleakley woke up to a beautiful, sunny day in the tropics on his favorite ever planet. He popped out of bed and headed into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for his beloved family- breakfast was, after all, the most important meal of the day.

He started by getting together all the ingredients he’d need. ‘Be prepared in all things’ was the Federal Agent’s motto, after all! So he got out the flour, the salt, the pepper, the syrup, a plate… hmm, what else… milk! You had to have milk.

Pleakley went to the refrigerator and got out the milk. He closed the fridge door and then stood there for a moment, blinking. There was a note on the fridge. A note for Pleakley! Oh goodness, who was it from? Was it from the Federation? Had there been an incide- oh, it was from Nani.

Pleakley’s skinny shoulders slumped and he glanced over the note, which read:

Pleakley:

Went to work. There’s an alien in town. He wants to talk to you and Jumba. Address is on the other side of the note.

~Nani

Pleakley’s eyebrow lowered. “Hm.”

Another alien? Maybe it was another agent. Maybe there had been an intergalactic incident. But wouldn’t an agent contact Pleakley directly? He still had his inter-space communicator.

Uh-oh, maybe it was a reporter… but no, that didn’t make sense. A reporter would be at the house already- probably in the house, actually, and trying to get an interview. Well, then… who could it be?

Maybe it was some idiot associate of Jumba’s… yeah, that sounded irritating enough to be true. Pleakley nodded to himself and went back to his preparations, getting out the eggs, the sugar, some bread, the recipe book and the egg beater.

Suddenly, a purple arm as thick as a tree trunk shot into Pleakley’s field of vision, reaching for the syrup with a grunt of interest.

“NAUGHTY!” Pleakley cried, slapping the arm’s wrist, and the arm withdrew. Pleakley turned around to glare at a disgruntled moon-shaped face.

“Oh! What is the wrong with you?” Jumba snapped.

“You can have some when I’m done making the pancakes!” Pleakley retorted. “It’s not healthy to just drink that stuff out of the bottle!”

“Hmph!”

Pleakley turned back to his breakfast preparations. “Oh, and apparently one of your idiot buddies is in town.”

“I have no idiot buddies!”

“Well, it’s not one of my friends, they don’t know I’m here! We kinda have a moratorium on communicating with the outside universe, in case you forgot!” Pleakley said, pouring some flour into the bowl and pounding it with the potato masher.

“Bah!” was the reply, which made Pleakley pound the flour a little harder. “What are you even talking about?”

“I’m talking about the note on the fridge! Look at it for yourself, I’m busy!”

There was a soft noise of rustling paper. “Hmm…”

“Now get outta my kitchen!”

Now that Pleakley was listening for it, he could just barely hear Jumba’s padded footsteps as he left the room. How was that man so quiet?

Oh, well. He absorbed himself in the cooking project, soon forgetting all about Jumba and the mystery alien.

He’d just got the pancake batter on to the griddle when there were pattering footsteps behind him.

“Good morning,” Lilo announced.

“Good morning, Lilo,” Pleakley smiled, though he didn’t turn to look at her- he had to make sure the pancakes didn’t burn.

“Me and Stitch-”

“Stitch and I,” Pleakley automatically corrected.

Lilo hesitated for a moment. “…okay then, Stitch and I are going to go take pictures of people.”

“But I’m making breakfast,” Pleakley said, glancing over his shoulder.

Lilo’s face was completely calm as she sniffed the air, looked at the griddle and said: “We’re not hungry.”

“Sorry!” Stitch shrugged.

Pleakley blinked. “Oh.”

“Well- bye!” Lilo chirped, and they ran out of the house.

Pleakley looked down at the floor. Every time.

He sniffled and added more pepper to the pancakes on the griddle. More for him, then.

C O L L I S I O N

“So, this is what we’re looking for,” Lilo said, showing him a small stack of pictures.

“Ooh.” Stitch studied them… it looked like Lilo was interested in flabby sunbathers with silly swimsuits and weird tan lines. Interesting.

“Stuff like that,” she narrated, shuffling through the stack, “or that, or…” She looked up. “Like him.”

“Mm?” Stitch followed her gaze to see a very ugly, short, scrawny human child with Elvis hair and bright green skin coming down the sidewalk, headed in their direction. Stitch blinked rapidly. He hadn’t known humans came in that color. The kid had a green dog on a leash, too. Weird.

Lilo whipped out her camera and took a picture. The kid screamed and recoiled.

“When they do that, you have to run away,” Lilo said.

“Oh, okay,” Stitch said. They turned and headed down the street, the kid and his dog in fast pursuit.

“DIRT FILTH!” the child was crying. “COME BACK HERE! HOW DARE YOU COME AFTER ZIM WITH YOUR FLASHY LIGHT BOX!”

Was this normal? Stitch wondered. What a hobby.

“Quick! In here!” Lilo cried, grabbing his arm and yanking him into a narrow alley between two buildings.

They waited for a moment while the… child… they’d irritated prowled back and forth outside, muttering under his breath in an exotic and vaguely familiar language. Stitch’s ears swiveled back and forth to catch each syllable. There was something strange about that boy.

He began sniffing the air… instead of smelling human and dog, he smelled metal, fabric, and a living creature that was definitely not human. His eyes went wide.

“What is it?” Lilo whispered.

The green thing was starting to walk away. Stitch darted out of their hiding place and grabbed the guy‘s arm, receiving a nice, long, high-pitched, ear-bleeding screech in response.

“STIIIITCH!” Lilo cried somewhere behind him.

The creature Stitch had grabbed hold of was flailing and screaming, sending up a sharp scent of fear and adrenaline. “UNHAND ME! UNHAND ME RIGHT NOW, YOU FILTHY MONSTER!” he screamed, scrabbling at Stitch with what felt like claws blunted by rubber gloves. (There were only three of these claws on each of his hands.) The fake dog was just sitting there, giggling. “GIR! HELP ME! GIIIIR!”

“Stitch, I know he’s a jerk but you can’t eat him!” Lilo admonished, appearing beside them with her arms folded over her chest. She looked no more upset than if Stitch had been a normal dog that had done something nasty to someone‘s fence or something.

“Alien!” Stitch said.

The smell of fear from the alien increased. “WHAT? AAAAAAAAH!”

“An alien?” Lilo leaned forward, eyes bright with interest. “Oh wow! I think you’re right!”

The alien’s eyes bulged and he continued to thrash. The sheer terror the creature was giving off made Stitch want to squirm. It reminded him of the Bad Days, scaring someone like this. “NO! LIES! I’M NOR-”

“It okay, Stitch alien too!”

“-MAAAAL SO NOR- wait.” He stared at Stitch. “Huh?”

He’d gone limp, and Stitch decided he could let go now and the alien wouldn’t run away. He stepped back and the stranger looked back and forth from Lilo to Stitch, apparently unsure whether or not to bolt.

“Cool! So what planet are you from?” Lilo asked.

“You know about aliens?” the stranger asked.

“Well, yeah, my dog is one,” Lilo said, pointing at Stitch. “He’s really nice. You just scared him. We’re not gonna hurt you or anything. And don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone else about you.”

“What? What is this?” the stranger said. He was staring at Stitch now. Stitch squirmed. He shouldn’t have scared the guy like that. He was probably here as a tourist just like any old human being. It wasn’t unheard of for people to check out planets they weren’t supposed to be on just for kicks.

As for yelling and being a jerk, well, it didn’t mean he was an evil jerk. The man had probably thought he was going to be dissected.

“Hello,” Stitch said, and then looked around to see if anyone had noticed the screaming. Miraculously, the answer was no.

“…you’re experiment 626,” the alien said.

Stitch’s ears pricked up. That was surprising, but… when he thought about it, it really shouldn’t be. Stitch’s face had been all over the news not so long ago. Anyone who didn’t live under a rock would recognize him.

But he didn’t like something in the alien’s tone.

“My name is- Stitch now,” he corrected softly.

“Were you looking for Stitch?” Lilo asked.

The stranger continued to stare at Stitch for a moment, then at Lilo, then at Stitch- then a light dawned on his face and he grinned. It was a wholly nasty expression, one that made Stitch’s fur stand up.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Lilo asked, as Stitch moved protectively nearer to her.

The alien clasped his hands together, his black rubber gloves squeaking slightly as they slid against each other. “I’m sorry, how rude of me. My name is Zim.” Stitch noticed his voice rose slightly as he said his own name. “And, eh… you are?”

“I’m Lilo,” she said, smiling, and she held her hand out for a shake. “I’m not an alien. I live here.”

“I can see that,” Zim said, then raised an eyebrow at her outstretched hand.

“Oh, it’s a greeting,” Lilo explained. “You shake it.”

Zim blinked uncertainly, then grabbed her hand and-

“OW!”

“Ah!” Stitch gasped, darting forward-

“Stitch, no!” Lilo cried. “It’s okay.” Zim had already pulled away and shrank back a little bit. “You don’t shake that hard,” Lilo told him. “Here, hold your hand out.”

Zim stared at her for a moment, then his eyebrows furrowed and he stuck his hand out with the palm facing outwards.

Lilo took it. “There, now you shake nice and gentle… like this. You don’t have to grab it that tight. And you don’t have to make your arm so stiff… okay. Good.”

Zim pulled away, frowning.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Lilo told him. “Stitch couldn’t get it at first either, and he’s a lot stronger.”

Stitch swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck. Oh, yeah.

“Pfft!” Zim scoffed. “I don’t even know what embarrassment is!”

“It’s when you do something-” a squeaky voice said, and Zim turned to his fake dog and said

“I know what it is, GIR!”

“But you said!”

“Silence!”

Lilo giggled. “Who’s that?”

“My robot,” Zim said with a dismissive wave of one hand. “He’s stupid. So anyway-”

“That’s mean,” Lilo said. “He probably can’t help being stupid.”

Zim stared at her. “That’s why it’s a problem!”

Stitch raised an eyebrow.

Lilo shrugged. “Well, you should have patience with GIR.”

GIR was currently chewing on his own arm.

Zim frowned.

“So why did you want to see Stitch?” Lilo asked.

Zim jerked backwards. “Henh? Uh-”

“Yeah,” Stitch said, taking a step forward.

“Or did you come here to see Jumba?” Lilo guessed.

Zim’s eyes darted back and forth. “Uh-”

“Why are you here?” Lilo persisted.

Stitch cocked his head to the side rather pointedly.

Zim fidgeted. “I’m, uh- uh- researching.” He smelled like fear again. Hm hmmm. “Yes! That’s what I’m doing.”

“Okay?…” Stitch asked. Why was simple research so stressful to admit to? What unsavory reasons could Zim have for being here that he’d be lying about? Could he be a bounty hunter after one of them? Or maybe a mad scientist after Stitch for genetic research purposes… that seemed to make more sense. Zim’s overall demeanor smacked of a dabbler in mad science. Stitch would know.

“Cool!” Lilo was saying. “Like Pleakley! Maybe you guys can help each other research.” Her voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper. “Pleakley needs the help.”

Zim raised an eyebrow. “I see. Yes. I should meet this… Pleakley.”

Lilo bounced up and down on her feet. “You totally should! And Jumba, too. Come on!”

Actually, that was a good idea. If anyone would know what this was all about, it would be Jumba.

Lilo beckoned, and the group started heading towards the Pelekai home.

Stitch observed Zim as they walked. He didn’t seem unnerved by the prospect of meeting Jumba and Pleakley. Maybe he was on the level and just happened to be kind of a weird guy. Stitch hoped so.

“Hi!”

Stitch turned to see that Zim’s little dog-robot was walking close to Lilo.

Lilo beamed down at it. “Hi! What’s your name?”

The robot saluted. “GIR, reporting for duty. Hi!”

Seemed harmless.

“You’re cute!” Lilo said.

Zim raised an eyebrow.

“I like you guys!” GIR chirped.

Lilo grinned. “I like you too!”

Zim’s eyebrows shot up so high they almost disappeared into that toupee he was wearing.

“Oh, here we are,” Lilo said as they approached their house and started up the stairs.

When they got inside Stitch immediately noticed the mingled odor of burnt pancakes and pepper. Zim’s eyes widened and he started to gag and cough.

“Sorry. Pleakley is cooking,” Stitch explained.

“This is our living room,” Lilo explained, gesturing at the couch. Zim clapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes watering.

“Pleakley’s in here,” Lilo said, pointing to the kitchen. “Come on, say hello.”

They headed into the kitchen. On the way Stitch noticed Zim seemed to be looking around for something.

“Where did he-” the alien muttered. The last part of his question was drowned out by a sudden screech from Pleakley.

Zim gasped, his eyes bulging. Stitch turned to see GIR had crawled up onto their kitchen counter and was staring at a quivering Pleakley.

“GIR! BAD GIR! GET DOWN!” Zim yelled.

GIR saluted. “YES SIR!” He got off the counter.

Pleakley screamed again. Stitch giggled.

Lilo was perfectly calm. “Oh, sorry, Pleakley. That’s our new friend GIR!”

“WHAT IS IT?!” Pleakley cried, turning to face them. He stared at Zim. “And who is that hideously deformed little boy? And-” His eye bulged and he clutched at his head. “AAH! I DON’T HAVE A DISGUISE ON!”

“It’s okay!” Lilo said. “Zim’s an alien too!”

Zim’s eyes darted back and forth. “Uh… yeah, hi.”

Pleakley blinked a few times, his shoulders relaxing. “Oh! I… I see.” His voice dropped to a mutter. “Then that’s what Nani was talking about…”

Stitch cocked his head sideways. Zim frowned. “‘Nani’?”

Lilo pointed at Zim. “Zim’s researching Earth, like you! You can trade notes!”

Pleakley blinked down at the little alien. “Oh. Um… okay.” He frowned slightly. “So... how’d ya get here, Zim?”

Zim’s answer was short and smooth. “Spaceship.”

All suspicion disappeared from Pleakley’s face. “Oh, okay.” Stitch resisted an urge to slap himself in the forehead. “Nice disguise. You totally had me fooled.”

“I know,” Zim said. He wasn’t actually grinning or looking prideful, but his voice dripped with smugness.

“Shake hands with him, Zim!” Lilo ordered. “Like I taught you!”

The corner of Zim’s mouth pulled back and he glanced sideways, then he went over, grabbed Pleakley’s hand and gave it a stiff jerk.

Pleakley’s eye widened. “Wow. Nice mastery of an Earthen greeting ritual!”

“I know!” Zim squeaked. Now his self-satisfaction was on his face as well as in his voice.

Lilo grinned. “I taught him that!”

Zim waved one hand. “Yes, well-”

Lilo leaned towards Pleakley, who obligingly bent down so she could whisper (quite audibly) in his ear: “He didn’t do it right at first.”

“That’s not important!” Zim snapped.

Pleakley straightened up into a standing position. “Okay… so, Zim, what planet are you from?”

Zim hesitated. Stitch unobtrusively angled himself a little closer to the other alien, listening and scenting for signals of stress. The smell of fear was back, and Stitch thought Zim’s heart rate had gone up slightly. “Ummm…”

“IRK!”

Stitch jumped. Even with his super hearing, he hadn’t noticed Jumba’s approached. They all turned to see him standing in the doorway, his head thrown back and a slightly manic look in his yellow-tinted eyes.

Zim shrank away with a small cry, a fact not lost on Stitch.

Pleakley blinked, looking down at Zim. “Irk? He doesn’t look Irkish to me.”

Jumba took a step forward. “Is wearing Irken clothing and Pak, also, is green.” Irk? Irken? Stitch hadn’t been programmed to know these words… “I feared this day would come. Luckily…” His eyes narrowed further. “I prepared for it…”

That was when Stitch noticed the laser pistol hanging from Jumba’s belt. Zim turned to bolt and Stitch put an arm out to restrain him. The small man’s body was tense and quivering, his heartbeat rapid against his ribs.

“Where Irk?” Stitch asked.

Lilo blinked. “What’s wrong? Zim, what are they talking about?”

“I-” Zim stammered.

Jumba took another step closer. Huge, fierce and armed, Jumba was a little unsettling when he got like this even to people who knew and trusted him (and were capable of taking him down if necessary). “This creature is an Irken! Evil, marauding creature that is responsible for enslavement of entire species! He is scum, and you two are not to associate with him!”

Zim cried out. Stitch’s eyes widened.

Pleakley stared and his hands went to his face. “Oh, no! An Irken Invader?! Here? I have to call the Grand Council-”

Lilo stepped in front of Zim, as if to shield his body with her own. “But Zim’s my friend!” she cried. “I taught him how to shake hands! He’s just here to research like Pleakley, right Zim?”

“Of- of course!” Zim stammered. “No Invading here!”

Jumba raised an eyebrow. “Then why are you wearing uniform of Invader?”

Zim was shaking in his boots. “I- I used to be an Invader! But- um- um-”

Jumba’s voice was slow, measured and deep. “But what?”

Zim quivered for a moment, then he blurted out: “BANISHED! I was banished, for, ah-” He looked around the room. “For ruining Operation Impending Doom One!” “Nice name,” Lilo observed.

Zim nodded. “Yes it is. You see-” He looked up at Jumba, making direct, unflinching eye contact. “The Tallest heard about you and figured this would be a good area to carry out my punishment as well. I came to this island hoping to- uh-” His shoulders hunched. “Be less alone on this… huge… lonely planet? And…” He clasped his hands together. “I research to pass the time. I was a scientist once, y’know.”

“Really?” Jumba’s eyes were narrowed to slits.

Zim swallowed. “Of course.”

Lilo’s big brown eyes were full of sympathy. Oh boy… “That’s awful. But we’ll be your friends-” She shot a meaningful look around the room. “Right, everyone?”

Stitch opened his mouth- then he closed it, seeing the desperate look in Zim’s eyes. Hmm. Why be hostile unnecessarily? Zim hadn’t actually done anything wrong yet. Perhaps he did have evil intentions, but he hadn’t acted on them, and Stitch didn’t intend to give him the opportunity to do so. And so-

“Oh, yes- ‘ohana,” Stitch said mildly, instead of the choice words he had originally had in mind.

Pleakley scowled. “Look, you two can’t trust that Irken.” He threw his hands into the air. “They’re all lying little monsters! Why-”

“Hey!” Lilo cried. “Why are you being mean to Zim just because of what species he is? That’s racist!”

Jumba folded his arms over his chest. “Peh. Little girl, let us say I have unhousebroken puppy and unhousebroken kitten. Now, I would expect the kitten to use a litter box, because it is a hygienic animal. But puppies would happily piddle all over the carpet. Is it racist to expect this from the puppy?”

Lilo crossed her own arms and thrust her chin out, her lips pressed together firmly. She looked quite a bit like her sister. “Maybe Zim is housebroken.”

Zim looked confused.

Jumba raised an eyebrow. “And if he is not?”

“Then I’ll clean up after him.”

“Lilo, the puddle is metaphor. The consequences of an unruly Irken are not a puddle. They are the deaths of everyone on planet.”

Stitch stared.

Lilo tossed her head. “Like Stitch would really let that happen.”

Oh… how had Stitch gotten involved in this? “Um… no, Stitch wouldn’t let?”

Zim flapped one hand dismissively. “Yes, very interesting, but I assure you this discussion is unnecessary. You see-” and here he looked straight at Jumba again. In fact, he was staring at Jumba. It was a little weird. “-I have no bad intentions… whatsoever.”

Jumba’s expression was cool. “I see. Pleakley!”

“What?”

“Don’t look at him.”

“What?” Pleakley said again, and, being Pleakley, looked right at Zim. Who looked right back and said:

“I’m just here to research, y’know.”

Pleakley blinked several times, and then a look of mild disinterest came over his face. “Hm. You know, Jumba… Lilo might have a point… besides, I don’t like him much, but Stitch can take this guy if he gets any ideas. He doesn’t really even seem big enough to take over a planet.”

Zim scowled.

“And do we really want to bother the Grand Councilwoman?” Pleakley continued. “She hates us!”

Lilo looked up at Jumba with big, melting brown eyes. “Just give him a chance, Uncle Jumba…”

The look on Jumba’s face was rather chilling. His eyes went from Pleakley, to Zim, to Lilo… then to Stitch.

“Watch him, 626.” He turned his attention back to Zim. “The moment you raise a finger in offense…” He pointed at the gun he was wearing.“Trust me,” Zim said, “you won’t catch me doing anything suspicious.”

Interesting word choice.

“Fine,” Jumba said. He turned to leave. Then he glanced over his shoulder. “By the way. I know what you are doing.”

Zim paled slightly. Jumba left.

For a moment, Stitch couldn’t think of a thing to say. Pleakley went back to his cooking. Lilo groaned.

“Sorry about Uncle Jumba, Zim. He’s got an antisocial personality disorder.”

“I see,” the Irken muttered.

Lilo smiled. “Well, come on, Stitch, let’s show Zim around the island.”

Zim rubbed his hands together. “Yes… let’s…”

They went into the living room, heading for the front door. Stitch watched Zim very closely. The little alien was looking about as though he’d misplaced something.

Stitch’s ears twitched as he heard something from the kitchen. It sounded like the oven opening.

“HERE’S JOHNNY!” a high-pitched, metallic voice cried, and Pleakley screamed.

Stitch jumped. Zim rolled his eyes. “GIR, get out here!” he called, and the little robot appeared at his side.

Lilo shrugged, and the four of them left the house.

Stitch didn’t take his eyes off Zim.

E N D - T R A N S M I S S I O N - 3