|Losing My Mind
Author: Abbie1212 PM
Bella lives in Long Beach.Her life is good,simple and uncomplicated.she has the world's perfect big brother Emmett,but what happens when she spends a week up at USC with Emmett - and his roommate Carlisle - and her life isn't so simple anymore? AU AH CxBRated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Romance - Bella & Carlisle - Chapters: 22 - Words: 54,570 - Reviews: 349 - Favs: 275 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 10-14-09 - Published: 09-06-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5356059
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Ok, so this took longer than I thought it would to post, but I scrapped my original idea for this one, hope you guys like it!!! (It's super long… I just started writing, and then it was nine pages…lol) Thanks to Missy for assisting me in this story…. And thanks to all of you for following it… (I'll be posting something on the end of Trip Around the Sun when I do, but I'll be posting it's sequel within a few days)… Read. Enjoy. Review…..(Remember still Bella's POV)
12 Years Ago
Bella's 22 and Carlisle's 26
I walked through my house into the backyard where everyone was. It had been Carlisle's idea to have a joint graduation party, and mine to have it at my house. It would have been a rocking party if we had it up at Carlisle's dad's house, but no one would drive that far for our graduation party. I slipped out the back door and was ambushed by Carlisle, who handed me a drink, wrapping an arm around me as he guzzled down half of his beer.
I eyed my dad over in the corner, but dad and I both knew Carlisle deserved to kick back a little. He had just finished off Medical School, graduated as Valedictorian of his class, and had secured an internship at one of the most prestigious hospital in the state. I, on the other hand had just finished my bachelors in American Literature, and was planning on teaching at a high school in San Diego. Dad was helping me hunt for an apartment, but I already knew what I was going to do. Carlisle had already offered to let me stay at his house, the school was so close to it, and so was the hospital. We just didn't know how to tell dad yet.
"I love you, Bella," Carlisle said as he kissed my temple.
"You're drunk," I said, teasing him, and he smiled.
"I may be drunk, but that doesn't make it untrue," He said and I laughed as I kissed him.
We made our way through the crowd, a mixture of friends and family, to our inner circle. Our inner circle, Rose, Em, Alice, Jasper, and Micah were in the trampoline, and Carlisle helped me up under the safety net. It was dark, but we could see because the spot light on it, and all the party lights around it.
"Jump!" said Jasper enthusiastically, he was—for once—the most sober boy at the party, but that was probably because Alice's parents were still there.
"I can't see straight," said Carlisle and I started laughing as he tried to steady himself by putting a hand on my shoulder.
"You ok?" I asked, helping him try to steady, "Ok, trampoline's a bad idea."
I helped him off the trampoline and we headed over to the patio table, where mine and Alice's parents were sitting, but Carlisle really needed to sit. I sat him down with a kiss before sitting on his right. Dad passed him a glass of ice water.
"Here ya go, buddy," He said as he handed it to him and Carlisle smiled.
"Thanks," said Carlisle, and I watched him in the semi darkness as he drank it.
His hair was a little messed up, as opposed to normal. The lighting accentuated the scar under his eye from his bike accident. His otherwise perfect features were helped a little in the light, and he looked like an old fashioned movie star.
"Bella?" He said, and I could tell he was thinking too much.
"Yeah?" I said, squeezing his hand.
"I'm sorry," He said, and I immediately had the feeling I should make mom and dad go away, "With Victoria, and I was an idiot, and I'm so sorry."
"Carlisle," I said, "It's ok, it was a long time ago. Sweetie, you shouldn't still be thinking about it."
"Care to elaborate, Carlisle?" Dad piped up, and even in the dark I could see his face turning all sorts of colors, Dad's question sobered Carlisle right up.
"It was a misunderstanding, Dad," I said and dad just kept staring at Carlisle, who was suddenly stone, frightened.
"I think I'll judge whether it was a misunderstanding, or not," said dad and Carlisle took another sip of the water.
"It was nothing," I said, "He was hanging out with his friends, and one of them led me to believe he was cheating on me with her. I believed her, I shouldn't have, and then he crashed."
"Did you cheat on my daughter? And I was nice to you?" Charlie said and I rolled my eyes.
"Dad, he didn't."
"I didn't sir," said Carlisle, kissing my hand, "I would never do anything like that to Bella. And if I had, do you really think Emmett would allow me to live if I had?"
Dad glared at him, I knew he believed him, but he didn't want to. I stood up and dragged Carlisle back across the party to where our inner circle had migrated. I held his hand the whole way trying to get him to feel better, but he still looked like he was going to be sick when we reached them.
"Alcohol settle?" Jasper asked, "I think he's had more tonight than he ever has."
"No," I said, "He just tried to apologize… again for what happened with Victoria. And he didn't quite realize dad was standing there."
"Ouch," said Emmett, "C'mon, Rosie, Don't worry Carlisle, I'll go talk to him."
"Thanks," said Carlisle, and I leaned up and kissed him.
"Don't worry," I said, kissing him again, "You're fine, it was four years ago, sweetie. And dad likes you now."
"Liked me," Carlisle corrected and I rolled my eyes.
"He still likes you."
11 Years Ago
Bella's 24 and Carlisle's 27
"Did you have a good day?" Carlisle asked as he popped his head into the library, he had come accustomed to finding me there after work.
"I did," I said, putting my book aside as he walked in, he was still dressed from work.
He loosened his tie as he walked over to me and sat down next to me on the couch. He wrapped an arm around me and kissed my temple. His arms snaked around me, and I was moved up into his lap, where I kissed him passionately. I usually got home at two-thirty, and Carlisle wasn't home until six. That left me home alone for three and a half hours, trying not to intrude on Gran and Pop's routines.
"Do you have any plans this weekend?" He asked, and I shook my head, "Good, I took it off, and I was wondering if we can go visit your parents. Maybe take them out to dinner?"
"You want to take them out to dinner?" I asked and he nodded.
"Desperately," He said with a smile as he kissed my neck gently, I looked at him skeptically.
"What has gotten into you?" I asked, frightened for his sanity.
"Well," He said, pulling a small velvet box out of his pocket, "I was going to ask your dad first, but since you asked."
He flipped it open, and revealed a small little delicate, antique engagement ring. It was beautiful, and I looked back at him before I could say anything. His eyes were sparkling as they met mine and I waited for him to ask me.
"Will you marry me, Isabella Swan?" He asked, and I was frozen, I couldn't say anything, he started to get nervous, "Bella…?"
"Yes!" I shouted as I threw my arms around his neck and he started laughing.
I pulled away just enough to see the ring again and he slipped it onto my finger before he started to massage his chest, above his heart.
"You almost gave me a heart attack," He said, though sweetly as he pressed his forehead to mine, and kissed me tenderly.
"I love you," I said and he smiled, kissing me again, a little more passionately this time.
So there we were, sitting inside Carlisle's Mercedes outside Olive Garden, bracing ourselves to go in. Carlisle was nervous, but I wasn't as I watched the sparkles that were sprawled out on the dashboard from the California sun hitting my ring through the window. I smiled to myself and I looked over at Carlisle, who's nervous face had been replaced with a smile, to match mine.
"You like it then?" He said and I nodded, "It's the one dad gave to mom."
"Awe," I said, admiring the ring again in the sun.
"Ah," said Carlisle, looking in the rearview mirror, "They're here. I feel like it's six years ago, and we're telling them we're dating."
"It does, a little," I said, and I kissed his cheek, "But it's not."
"Yeah," He said as he got out of the car and walked around to get my door for me before I was able to get it myself, "Ready, Darling?"
"Yes," I said, letting him take my left hand to help me out of the car, and we walked over to meet mom, dad, and Jimmy.
"Ohmygod!" Mom said excitedly as she ran over and hugged me, Dad looked a little confused for a second before he saw the ring and smiled.
"Congratulations, Carlisle," said Dad, shaking Carlisle's free hand, and I knew dad's hostility to Carlisle was gone.
10 Years Ago
Bella's 24 and Carlisle's 28
"I love you, Mrs. Cullen," Carlisle whispered as he leaned over our honeymoon table, and he kissed me sweetly.
The whole room filled with the sound of people clinking their spoons against their glasses. I started laughing as he leaned in again.
"It's what the people want," He said with a smile as he pressed his lips to mine and I put my arms around his neck.
I kissed my new husband passionately, for as long as I thought was decent before I trailed a hand down his chest to push him away. It was our wedding reception, but I still felt the need to keep it sort of short, especially with everyone we knew watching us. Just our friends and people was fine, but grandparents were present here.
"Shafted, on the day of our wedding?" He teased, kissing me lightly again.
"We have to save some for tonight," I reminded him, kissing the scar on his cheek, and he smiled.
"We've been saving it for months," He pointed out and I smiled.
"It'll be worth it tonight," I said and he smiled.
"It will," He said, kissing me tenderly once more before Jasper and Alice appeared in front of our table.
"C'mon!" said Jasper happily, "Let's dance! You two clearly need something else to do than look at each other like you want nothing more than a good-"
"Grandparents present!" Alice said, interrupting him, eyeing Pop and Gran at the next table, and everyone laughed, including Gran and Pop.
8 years ago
Bella's 26 and Carlisle's 30
"Carlisle?" I said, and he looked right over at me.
We were sitting on the back porch of our house watching the summer sun set in front of us. Carlisle had been watching me as if I were an atomic bomb that was about to go off, but then again I was. I was two weeks overdue with our first baby, he had been watching me that way since a few weeks before my due date. I was worried about the stress on him, combined with work every day.
"Yes, sweetie?" He asked as he ran to sit by my feet.
"I think, he's coming," I said as there was a sharp pain up my spine.
"Ok," said Carlisle, kissing my forehead, he was visibly shaking, and he pressed his ear to my stomach, "Labor is just starting off, it's going to be a little while. I'm going to pack the car, then I'll carry you to the car, ok?"
"You can't carry me," I told him, "I'm a whale, I'll walk."
"No," He said, sweetly, "I am going to carry you, ok?"
"I suppose I don't have a real choice in the matter?"
"Nope," said Carlisle and he ran off to get our bags, "I have to get an excuse to show off my muscles."
I laughed a little as I squeezed the cushion on the lawn chair below me. Carlisle came back to see me doing that and he shook his head. He picked me up into his arms and gave me one of his hands as I wrapped my arm around his neck so that I could squeeze the hell out of it.
"Easy, Bella," He teased, stretching his hand as he set me in the seat and then running around to the driver's seat, "Why pulverize my hand?"
"It's painful," I said and he nodded.
"I know," He replied, and he kept me occupied with useless conversation until we got to the hospital, to keep my mind busy.
When we got to the hospital was when I started screaming. Carlisle gave me his hand and told me to squeeze as hard as I could, no matter how many bones I broke. Everything was moving by me so fast the next thing I knew I was in the delivery room. Carlisle had his forehead pressed to my temple as I screamed and he kissed me mercilessly, encouraging me to push.
"One more, sweetheart," He said sweetly into my ear and I pushed, as hard as I could.
"Good! Good job Mrs. Cullen," said the doctor as I heard my baby cry for the first time.
"He's beautiful," said Carlisle as he stood up and looked over at the baby, as the nurses cleaned him up, then leaned down and kissed me.
"Dad," the nurse called Carlisle, "Do you want to come deliver him to mommy?"
"Yeah," said Carlisle, the biggest smile I had seen yet crossing his face as he walked over and took our son from the nurses, kissing his head before handing him over to me.
"Do we have a name?" One of the nurses asked and I nodded.
"Gabriel Marcus Cullen."
4 Years Ago
Bella's 30 and Carlisle's 34
"Here, Gabe," I said, putting his macaroni and cheese in front of him at the table.
"Thanks mommy," He said, digging in as I kissed the top of his head.
"That's mommy's boy," I said, he was previously going through his 'I don't want to eat, phase'.
"Mommy?" He asked as I put a hand on my now very pregnant again belly, the other hand on Gabe's blonde little head, "When's Cindy coming?"
"Soon, baby," I said, getting myself some macaroni and cheese from the pan and sitting down across from my four year old.
"Is Daddy going to be home soon too?" He asked and I nodded, "Good, because I don't know how to get Cindy out of your tummy, but daddy does."
"That's right, sweetie," I said, hoping her wouldn't probe further, he had already asked how she got in there in the first place, we avoided the question.
"Honey, I'm home," Carlisle called as he walked through the door and Gabe jumped up from the table.
"Thanks, sweetie," I said as I hugged him, kissed him, and Gabe attached himself to Carlisle's leg, "He was just about to eat something."
"Sorry," said Carlisle, kissing me and then reaching down to pick Gabe up and put him on his hip, then looking back to me, "But you, my love, are supposed to be on bed rest. Not cooking Mac and Cheese."
"We were hungry," I said and He smiled as he leaned over and kissed my cheek.
He sat down with Gabe in his lap and fed him for me as I sat down and ate my own dinner.
"I'll hire someone to come by and cook," said Carlisle and I glared at him, "Ok, maybe not. But Bella, this house is huge, you're going to need someone to help out. I feel bad leaving you here with just Gabe all the time."
"I'm fine," I said, "You're good about being home. You manage your hours well, and look you're always home for dinner."
"Yeah," he said, "But you're sure you don't want to go back in the fall? It'd be a nice break."
"Yes," I said, "Carlisle, sweetie, I love you. I just want to raise Gabe and Cindy, I can write while they nap and that's all I've really wanted to do."
"Ok," said Carlisle, "As long as you're doing what you want."
"I am," I said, as I finished off and took my and Gabe's empty bowls to the sink, "Honey, get Gabe ready to go?"
"Go where?" Carlisle asked politely, looking over at me as he wiped Gabe's mouth off.
"Hospital," I said, as my water broke and splashed all over the floor.
"Yeah," He said standing up immediately and looking down thoughtfully at our son, "Go get your backpack, ok?"
"Ok," said Gabe as he ran off and Carlisle crossed the kitchen gracefully over to me.
"Deep breaths," He reminded me as he dragged a chair behind him so I could sit down, he kissed my forehead lightly as I did.
"Bags," I reminded him and he nodded.
"I'll have to come back for them later, you're too far along," said Carlisle, kissing my cheek again, "I just wanted Gabe to get his, he gets bored. I'll call your mom on the way, ok? She can sit in the waiting room with him."
"Ok," I said as Gabe returned with his Sesame Street backpack over his shoulder.
"Ready," He said and Carlisle nodded.
"Good job buddy," He said, "A record speed I think."
Gabe smiled as Carlisle helped me up and out the door, Gabe following us out. I slid into the back seat with a kiss from Carlisle as Gabe hopped into his car seat next to me.
"Daddy, I can't get it," He said, trying to get the car seat fastened around himself.
"I gotcha, Gabe," I said, leaning over and fastening it for him as Carlisle hopped into the driver's seat.
Mom, Dad, Carlisle's mom and Krista met us in the emergency room, where they took Gabe to the waiting room for us. They brought Carlisle and I right into the delivery room, and it wasn't a long time before I was lying in a hospital bed with Cindy Renee Cullen in my arms, and Carlisle sitting in the chair next to me. Adoring both of us in a sweet silence.
"Kara?" Carlisle asked a nurse as she walked in, "Can you send in Renee and Gabe please? I think two at a time will do it."
"Alright," said Kara as she looked over the baby then left.
"MOMMYMOMMYMOMMY!" we heard Gabe running down the hall before we saw him, "DADDYDADDYDADDY!"
"Gabe," said Carlisle as he ran out into the hall and picked him, "You have to be quieter ok?"
"Ok, Dad," said Gabe in the most adorable whisper.
"Here, wash your hands," said Carlisle, holding him up so he could reach the sink, mom used the disinfectant on the wall and came right over.
"She's beautiful," said mom as Carlisle let Gabe down and he ran over to the bed.
"Shh, Gabe, sweetie," I said, turning Cindy so her brother could see her, "She's sleeping ok, and what do we let babies do a lot?"
"Sleep," He whispered and Carlisle chuckled as he tossed Gabe's hair.
Bella's 34, Carlisle's 38, Gabe's 8, and Cindy's 4
"Why do we have to go with Aunt Alice?" Gabe askedas he and Cindy sat on either side of me and we watched the end of Monster's inc.
"Because mommy and daddy want some alone time tonight," I said and Cindy cuddled into me.
"But I don't want to go with Auntie Alice," said Cindy and I rubbed her back soothingly so she wouldn't cry.
"But you're going to have a sleepover with Cam," I told her and she smiled, Cam was Alice and Jasper's son, he was a year older than Cindy.
"Ok," she said, she was satisfied but Gabe was still watching me carefully.
"Why don't you want us around this weekend?" Gabe asked.
"Because we got married ten years ago today, sweetie," I said, "We want to celebrate and relax. Besides, Uncle Jasper said something about taking you fishing tomorrow."
"When's daddy getting home?" Cindy asked as the DVD stopped.
Her question was answered by Carlisle walking in with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, and a little one in his other hand. The kids ran over and attacked him, and he kissed both of their heads before kneeling down to be level with them.
"This is for you," He said, handing the single little flower to Cindy and kissing her forehead as she ran away, then turned to Gabe, "And this is for you."
He handed Gabe a baseball out of his pocket and Gabe beamed, it was signed by someone, and I assumed it was somebody from the Mariners, Gabe's favorite team. Baseball was something that Carlisle and Gabe did together, Carlisle even coached his little league team.
"Thanks, dad," said Gabe excitedly.
"Put it in your case, ok?" Carlisle called after him as I stood up and walked over to him, "Oh, these are for you."
"Thank you," I said, taking the bouquet as he wrapped his arms around me.
"You're Welcome," He said sweetly, as he leaned in and kissed me passionately.
"Hey, would you two hold on and wait for me to evacuate the kids?" Jasper asked as he walked into the house, that was the down side to the Whitlocks knowing where our hide a key was.
"Don't think I can wait that long," said Carlisle, kissing my temple before nipping at the side of my neck, neither of the kids were in the room anyways.
"Where are they?" Jasper asked.
"Getting their stuff," I replied as they reappeared, Gabe was carrying everything for Cindy, except her Barbie doll.
"Thanks big guy," said Jasper, taking most of the stuff from him, then tipping his imaginary hat to us, "Have a nice anniversary."
The second that Jasper left with the kids Carlisle had me pinned against the wall, kissing me passionately. I dropped the flowers, but really didn't care as I ran my hands through his hair and kissed him feverishly. We didn't get much alone time, our time was usually the last hour of the day after the kids went to bed, and even that wasn't certain, the kids had nightmares… a lot. We did have a date night, but it kept getting pushed back because of Gabe's baseball.
"Bella," He whispered, breaking our lip-lock, and I started to kiss down his neck.
"What?" I asked, ripping his dress shirt open.
"We have all weekend," He reminded me.
"Well we better get started," I replied, and I heard a little growl erupt from my husbands throat as he placed his lips back on mine.