AN: And I'm back… I wanted to first say a huge thank you to everyone who has continued to support this fic through my sometimes annoyingly long breaks in writing. I am a reader of fanfic as well as a writer so trust me I get how frustrating that can be. I'm really trying to push myself through continual updates with this one, because you have all been beyond understanding, and so phenomenal with all the reviews. I truly enjoy reading everyone's takes on what I've created (or maybe borrowed and revamped? LOL). There have been quite a few times where reading one of your reviews really made me take notice of a pattern in my own writing, and allowed me to delve deeper into things I'd already brought up. I thank you for that. You've all been a huge part of the creative process with this fic. I've adored taking Chuck and Blair on this journey, and I still have much more to come.

I wanted to do a special shoutout to the fanforum CB thread girls. From the reviews on here I finally ventured over there, and I was really blown away by the amazing support for this fic that I found. The fanart, the reviews, THE THREAD TITLES (loved them!) all made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I especially loved the picspams dedicated to the chapters, thank you Tweety. Truly inspired! If only I could steal EL, and force them to put this to the screen, haha. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise to do my best to keep FE going while we all survive this painful drought on the show.

Also, I wanted to do a special author's note on the issue of Dan/Blair. I usually don't address these types of issues, and let the writing speak for itself, but I understand that with everything currently on the show DB is a sensitive issue. Let me be clear (and hopefully relieve you all) DB WILL NEVER be romantic in this fiction. I don't even want to torture you with the possibility. I pretty much can't stand Dan on the show, but I think at one point he had potential, and I'm trying to use that in this fic. I don't even intend to delve into a deep DB friendship, but I do think it's been fun to play around with their interactions. Never fear though, DB are not happening in this fic. Put that anxiety aside, and relax through their scenes. I wouldn't do that to any of you. ;) I make no other promises though.

Okay, now I'm done!

Fake Empire

Chapter Sixteen.

If you don't love me, pretend
A few more hours, then it's time to go.
And as my train rolls down the East coast,
I wonder how you keep warm.
It's too late to cry, too broken to move on.

"Blair, you've got this. I don't know why you're even stressing at this point. The headmistress loves you. Our teachers love you. The committee members love you. You're definitely getting chosen as the school's liason with the Vanderbilt foundation."

Serena was doing her best to be soothing, but Blair didn't believe a word of it. She was a senior now. She ruled Constance. She was beloved by her teachers and feared by her peers. Her plans for her final year were going perfectly. There was only one tiny glitch: the liaison position. Blair had known about this opportunity since she was a freshman, and she'd always been confident that she'd land it easily. There was one problem, though… Evelyn Bass. Evelyn sat as co-chair on the Constance project, and Blair just knew Evelyn was going to screw this up for her.

To say that Evelyn didn't like Blair would be an understatement. She looked at Blair like she was her greatest enemy. Blair honestly didn't understand it. Her friendship with Chuck, while close, had never intruded upon his relationship with his mother. Chuck had hated Evelyn before Blair ever came into the picture, and Blair did her best to stay out of those muddy waters. Still, Evelyn had it out for Blair, and this was the perfect way to spite her. She'd be so embarrassed if she didn't get it now, because everyone thought she was a shoe-in. Even the girls running against her had all but admitted defeat.

"Evelyn Bass does not love me," Blair sighed dramatically and threw the two dresses she was deciding between onto her bed. Serena, who had been lounging there looking through some magazines, finally looked up at that. "She hates me, Serena."

Serena shook her head. "I think you're imagining it. She barely knows you. It's not like Chuck is bringing you to their Addams' family dinners." Serena and Blair both cringed at the thought. "She's just unfriendly in general. You take it too personally."

Blair shook her head. "You don't get it… It's like she sees me as a threat or something. She's open about it. Any time I have the unfortunate luck of running into her she's always attacking me in some way. She's sure to do it when it's just us, though. The minute Chuck or Bart are around, she just stands there coolly detached like I don't even exist. She's a sociopath." Blair groaned and flung herself back on the bed beside Serena. "I'm so screwed."

Serena frowned and let out a defeated sigh. "I loathe to suggest this, but… You could always ask Chuck to speak with her. Not that I like to encourage that particular bad habit of yours, but she is his mother, and he'd pretty much do anything to get back in your good graces."

Blair rolled her eyes at Serena. They'd gone over this so many times. Serena hated Chuck. Chuck was not entirely fond of Serena. Blair did her best to keep them separated, and lately that hadn't been much of a chore. Senior year activities had kept Blair busy, and Chuck had done his best to back off. That didn't mean he didn't send her a dozen texts a day just to get under her skin, but he'd been understanding of the distance she'd forced between them. Blair knew that for them to ever be as close as they once were, she had to stop being in love with him. A real friendship couldn't work when one side of it was eternally hoping for more.

"Chuck is busy," Blair brushed Serena off quickly. In truth, she'd been thinking about calling him about this all month. She just wasn't sure she could ask him to suffer through another awkward encounter with his mother. Chuck's relationship with her was strained enough as it was. Blair had a feeling that if he tried to push Blair's case, Evelyn would go in the other direction just to spite Chuck for asking.

"With what?" Serena prodded. "He drinks, does drugs and hooks up with skanks. I'm sure he can pencil in a quick conversation with his mother. He owes you, B." Serena was so emphatic that Blair began to consider it more. "You deserve this position, and no one should hold you back." Serena picked up Blair's cell phone and handed it to her. "Call him."

Blair stared at it contemplatively for a moment. She knew for a fact that Evelyn was already in town. Chuck had been sending Blair SOS texts for the past two days as he hid himself away from her. If she called him he'd most likely do it, but it just seemed so cruel. Serena really didn't understand the awful relationship Chuck had with both of his parents. It wasn't Lily levels of abandonment, or even Eleanor's controlling love. It was something so much worse. Bart barely tried to hide the loathing and disappointment in his eyes, and Evelyn switched between resenting her only child and obsessing over him. It creeped Blair out.

"Do it. You want this. You deserve it. This is the way to get it done. Aren't you always telling me where there's a will there's a way? Here's your way." Serena was unrelenting.

Blair finally cracked and grabbed her phone. She hit her speed dial quickly before she could chicken out. The minute it started ringing, she stood up and headed into her bathroom. She could never talk to Chuck with Serena hovering. Their growing mutual animosity put her on edge.

"Hello." He sounded grumpy, and Blair cringed.

"Bad day?" She guessed, trying to sound as light-hearted and friendly as she could manage. It was a feat when her stomach was crawling with nerves. She really wanted this position, but she was reconsidering how much in that moment. This could turn into a disaster. Evelyn was so unpredictable. For that matter, so was Chuck.

"My mother," was all he said. Blair didn't need more to get it, which was why she was definitely not asking him the favor.

"Why're you calling?" Blair was stung by his gruffness, and didn't respond. He clarified quickly, sensing his misstep. "I mean, I figured you'd still be with Serena. We both know how she feels about me."

Blair hated the sudden flooding of relief that went through her. Chuck had been so careful with her lately, and she'd enjoyed it. After putting up with his constant mood swings for so long, it was nice to have the shoe on the other foot. It didn't help her on her stop loving Chuck mission, but you couldn't have everything.

"Serena is… fine." Blair didn't want to offer anything else. "I just needed a break from picking out my outfit. Nothing looks right." She frowned, remembering that was another problem she still had to deal with. It felt never-ending lately.

"Everything looks right on you. Trust me."

Blair ignored the innuendo in his voice. "No," she disagreed. "I'm going to look awful. I probably won't get this thing, anyway. I don't know why I'm letting this get to me. It's just some stupid position. I don't need it. My transcripts already amazing. Yale is going to accept me." This was more of a pep talk for herself than for Chuck. She just wished she believed it.

"Stupid position?" He sounded incredulous. "You've been talking about this damn thing since classes started." He paused, but she didn't respond. She was already wishing she'd never called him. "Tell me what's going on… You called for a reason."

Blair hesitated. She was too overwhelmed to even think of a convincing lie. "Never mind. I need to get back to Serena. I'm in a serious fashion crisis. I'll speak with you later-" She was about to hang up when he interrupted her.

"I'll call Serena if you don't tell me." It was a clear threat, and she ground her teeth together in annoyance. She hated how those two used that against her. "Blair…" He waited impatiently.

"Your mother is on the deciding committee… Your mother hates me." She didn't want to say anymore. He could take what he wanted from that.

"Oh." His voice was flat and defeated, and her heart skipped in her chest. She hated when he sounded sad like that. It was always his parents that brought it out, and a fierce sense of protectiveness never failed to wash through her. He deserved so much better.

"I'm sure it'll be fine." She brushed it off. She just wanted him to stop thinking about his mother. "I'll call you later." She didn't hang up, though, and he still didn't respond.

He eventually sighed, and she waited in anticipation. "I'll talk to her. No promises." He warned.

Blair was pleased, but nervous as well. As much as she wanted this, she didn't want it at the Chuck 's expense. Evelyn would not take this request lightly. She might eventually cave and go along with it to get into Chuck's good graces, but Blair was sure Evelyn would always hold it against her. This would look like a power move to her, and Blair cringed at the theatrics the next time they came into contact.

"Thank you, Chuck." He said a quick goodbye, and hung up.

Blair walked back to Serena and sat beside her on the bed again. "He's going to do it."

Serena smiled big. "Good. I'm sure the little prince can convince mommy dearest. If not, I'll try to get a hold of my mom and see what she can do. And if that fails, we could call Nate to work on Anne."

That surprised Blair. Serena hadn't mentioned Nate in weeks. It was clear that whatever had happened between them in Greece was over, and Serena was back to her hard partying ways. Blair knew of at least three guys Serena claimed to be seriously seeing. None of them were Nate. Blair hadn't asked her, though, because she knew she didn't want Serena digging into her personal business with Chuck – her now non-existent personal business with Chuck – but it still stung.

"Call Nate?" Blair couldn't help herself.

Serena shrugged, and looked back down at her magazine. Blair stared her down, and Serena finally gave up the pretenses and looked up. "Nate is our friend." Serena pointed out obviously with a look that was clearly supposed to make Blair feel dumb.

Blair nodded. "He's definitely my friend."

Serena got instantly offended. "Nate is my friend… Did he say he wasn't?" She looked seriously concerned. "He's my friend." She repeated, as if saying it enough would make it true again.

Blair said nothing. In truth, Nate hadn't mentioned Serena at all. Blair had seen him quite a few times in the past month over at Chuck's, and he was usually surrounded by a gaggle of gorgeous girls vying for his attention. Sometimes they succeeded, sometimes they didn't. He always had a sad look in his eyes, though, and Blair's heart went out to him. She feared she'd see the exact same thing in the mirror if she ever let herself look hard enough.

"And what about you and Chuck?" Serena was on the defensive, and Blair regretted ever pursuing this. "You act like everything is fine and that nothing has changed, but I don't buy it. You had sex with him. That changes things. It has to; it's like a rule or something." Serena faced Blair defiantly, daring her to disagree.

Blair looked away. She couldn't deny it. She really wished she could, but she knew no matter where she and Chuck landed, sex had changed things. She felt so much more aware of him now, which had seemed impossible before. Now, when he sat beside her, put his arm around her, or even casually touched her hand, she got jittery. Some would be romantic and call it butterflies. She was a realist and knew it was just nerves. He made her nervous. Whatever boundaries had once been between them didn't exist now. All that was left was Blair's will power, and when she was drinking that took a serious nosedive. She did her best to stay completely sober, and when she slipped up, she tried to glue herself to Serena. She was terrified of having one glass of champagne too many and finding herself alone with Chuck. God only knew what would happen.

"Exactly." Serena smiled smugly.

That irked Blair and, instead of being smart and leaving it alone, she began pushing again. "Did sex change things with you and Nate?" She asked meanly. "Is that why he can't stand to be around you now? At least Chuck still speaks to me." Blair felt sick when tears sprung up in Serena's eyes, but she still didn't back down. It wasn't in her nature. Serena had started this. It wasn't her fault.

"That was cruel." Serena whispered, looking away to wipe her eyes.

"But not untrue." Blair returned unrepentantly.

Serena got fired up again. "Chuck speaks to you, but he doesn't talk to you anymore, Blair. He walks on eggshells around you, and everyone can see it. You can see it, too, and I know it drives you crazy. Whatever connection you had with him, you killed when you slept with him. You just became another girl to him then. Ordinary." Serena hit her right where it hurt.

Both girls just stared off against each other. Blair wanted to smack Serena and order her to get out. She held herself back, though. Serena's words only had as much power as Blair gave them, and she refused to give them any. Serena was wrong. She was jealous, and she was hurt. Blair was not ordinary to Chuck. She knew that. She felt that. Serena could not be right. Blair's cell began ringing, pulling them out of their glaring contest, and she quickly answered it.

"Yes?" She answered curtly without even checking who it was.

"Come over." It was Chuck, and he hung up before she could even respond.

This usually would have irritated her, but right then she was looking for any excuse to get away from Serena. She jumped up from the bed quickly and grabbed for her purse. She stuffed her phone in and found her shoes beside the bed. She slipped them on and grabbed her jacket without ever looking at Serena.

"Blair?" Serena finally cracked.

"I have somewhere to be. You know the way out." Blair stormed out of the room, but managed to do so with her head held high. She and Serena would find a way to fix this later, but she didn't have the energy for the damage control right then.

Blair made it to Chuck's quickly, but she waited outside the elevator banks for a good five minutes before getting the courage to step inside. She was terrified that Evelyn was in residence, and she knew that a confrontation after whatever went down with Chuck would be awful. After the nasty fight with Serena, Blair wasn't sure how much more she could deal with that day. She needed a break from drama.

The doors finally dinged open at the top, and she stepped out cautiously. There was no broken vases or overturned chairs. That was a positive sign. She walked further in and paused, listening for anyone around. There was dead silence… That seemed ominous. Blair pulled out her phone and texted Chuck to find out where he was. She wanted to take the most direct route to him so she could avoid everyone else.

Her phone had just buzzed with a response when she heard the clicking of heels behind her. She knew it would be too lucky for it to only be a maid. Slowly, she turned towards the sound and came face to face with Evelyn. She had a twisted smile on her face, and her eyes looked glassy and out of focus. She was hopped up on something. Blair clutched her phone tightly, and started repeating various French phrases in her head. She couldn't think too much about Evelyn or she what was about to occur. Still, panic was acute in her chest.

"Why am I not surprised?" Evelyn slithered right up to her. "He probably called and begged you to rush right over, didn't he? My poor little boy. So sad. So abused," Evelyn sneered, and Blair had to look away. She was no longer as afraid of Evelyn losing it on her as she was afraid that she'd lose it on Evelyn. "What, nothing to say, little girl?"

Blair focused all of her resolve and turned back with a blank expression. "I was just about to find Chuck." Blair tried to walk past her, but Evelyn reached out and grabbed her arm. Blair forced herself not to flinch when she felt the nails digging in. "Mrs. Bass…" She didn't know what to do.

"I don't get it." Evelyn stepped in even closer to Blair and stared down at her face.

"Get what?" Blair hated herself for asking, but she had a sick sort of fascination with figuring this woman out. She knew it shouldn't have mattered, but this was Chuck's mother. This woman explained so much about him, and yet she added to the mystery of him as well.

"What he sees in you," she answered coolly. Blair flinched. She hated herself for it, but Evelyn was chilling her to the bone. Evelyn lifted a hand and ran it across Blair's cheek. It should have been a kind gesture, but it just felt mean coming from her. "I suppose you're beautiful. Perhaps you remind him of me?" She laughed at this. Blair felt sick. "You'll never have him, though. Not my boy. He'll destroy you. It's all he knows. You mustn't hate him for it." There was a threat there.

Blair said nothing. She couldn't move, either. She just stood there, completely terrified and disgusted.

"Get away from her," Chuck practically growled from behind them as he descended the stairs two at a time. Evelyn slowly took a step back and dropped her hand from Blair's cheek. She was in no hurry, though, and it was clear she regarded Chuck's obvious anger as barely a concern.

Chuck came up beside Blair and slid his arm around her. Blair wasn't sure he even knew he was doing it, but he was rubbing a soothing hand across her lower back. It made her even sadder that Chuck had to comfort her, when she should be the one comforting him. After all, this beast was his mother. Blair hated Eleanor at times, but nothing she ever did compared to the pure malice she felt coming from Evelyn. It was horrifying, and all Blair wanted to do was grab Chuck's hand and drag him out of there. She never wanted him to have to go back.

"Don't be dramatic." Evelyn turned to her son and frowned. She was swaying on her heels, and Blair could see that whatever she took was really taking hold of her. "Blair and I were just getting a few things straight, darling." Evelyn turned to Blair with a cold smile. "Weren't we, Blair?"

Blair said nothing. She wouldn't play into this farce.

Chuck looked between his mother and Blair carefully. He kept a steady hand on Blair and looked like he was ready to pounce if Evelyn made any sudden movements. He was protecting her, she realized, and that's when tears began stinging behind her eyes. This entire fucked up situation was just too much.

Chuck stepped into Evelyn's space. "You're going to leave her alone. Do you understand me?" Blair had never seen him more furious. "She's off limits. You don't play your fucking games with her. Not her." He was gritting his teeth, and Blair could feel the anger rolling off of him. He was going to snap at any moment.

Blair pulled him back, away from his mother. "Come on, Chuck," she whispered, trying to persuade him to leave with her. "Don't," she pleaded. She was practically yanking on his shirt to get him to walk away, but he was rooted in place.

"She's special?" Evelyn laughed. Chuck said nothing, just stared his mother down. Evelyn's face turned from cruel amusement to genuine anger. "Don't tell me you think she loves you?" She laughed in his face, and it was a bitter sound. Blair began pulling on Chuck again, terrified of what would come next. "She doesn't, Charles. She couldn't. You're just like me. Poison. She doesn't love you. She'll leave you. I'm your mother. I know." She wobbled, and Blair reached out instinctively to steady her. She slapped Blair's hand away, directing her wrath to its next target. "Don't touch me."

Chuck laughed out loud. His whole body shook with it, and Blair turned back to him with concern. "Jesus, just let her fall." He was coming apart at the seams, right before her eyes. "You're so fucking proud." He moved in closer to Evelyn, getting right in her face. All traces of amusement vanished, and his face was a stone. "And you're so fucking wrong," he whispered.

Evelyn smirked. She knew she'd gotten into his head. "Am I? Look at her, Chuck." Evelyn and Chuck both turned to inspect Blair then. Chuck clutched her tighter, while Evelyn perused her like she wasn't even human. "She's just a silly child. Beautiful, yes, but beauty fades. Loyalty does, as well. You amuse her now, but she doesn't know you. She can't see all the rotten parts, and when she does she'll hate you, just as your father does. He hates the both of us."

Chuck staggered and released Blair. Blair wanted to punch Evelyn just to shut her up. The damage was done, though. Chuck looked like he'd been knocked upside the head, and his mother was preening over her accomplishment. The entire thing was beyond evil. Blair could no longer just stand there.

"Stop it." She was seething when she finally spoke. Her best efforts to control her emotions were failing her. "He is not you."

Evelyn whipped around to face Blair. The shock was apparent on her face. She hadn't expected Blair to say a thing.

"Blair…" Chuck tried to intercede, but he was exhausted, and Evelyn had zapped him of whatever courage he'd had.

Blair couldn't back down. "Chuck is loved. He is not you. He will never be you," Blair emphasized.

Evelyn advanced on Blair quickly, but Blair didn't back down. She couldn't show any fear or Evelyn would win, and Chuck would believe every awful thing she'd said just like he had all his life. "You stupid twit."

Another voice sounded behind them then, shocking them all. "Enough, Evelyn."

It was Bart Bass.

All three of them whipped around to face him. He looked beyond furious as he advanced on them. Evelyn shrank back, already seeming smaller than before. Chuck looked down, once again seeming like a lost little boy. Blair held her head high. She was running on pure adrenaline at that point. All she knew was she couldn't let this continue. She couldn't let Chuck buy into all the horrible things his mother was saying.

"Oh, Bart. You're home." Evelyn's nerves were showing.

"What in the hell is going on here?" He looked between the three of them. Evelyn stared up at him glassy-eyed, and he quickly realized she would be of no help. He stepped towards Chuck, but Blair moved closer to him, catching his attention. "Miss Waldorf, I apologize. I'm not sure what I've just walked in on, but I assure you it won't happen again. Charles, take your friend upstairs." He turned to Evelyn with disgust. "I'll handle this."

Chuck nodded and reached for Blair's hand to pull him away with her. Blair glanced back at Bart quietly berating Evelyn, and she didn't feel an inch of pity for the woman. Whatever she endured in her marriage was no excuse for what she subjected her son to. The dynamics were starting to become clearer, and Blair wished for ignorance again.

Chuck pulled Blair into his room with him and shut the door behind them. He immediately went to his window, cracked it open and pulled out a joint. He had it lit within a minute, and Blair just watched him in horrified fascination. This was how he coped, and it scared her. Chuck's excesses were how he survived, but Blair wanted to help him in other ways. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe she did want to save him. Maybe he needed to be saved, because after what she just saw, she knew he couldn't be okay. No amount of drugs, alcohol or sex was going to fix that. Blair didn't even delude herself into thinking she could fix that.

Blair walked over and slid onto the inside ledge beside him. His hand was slightly shaking as he held the cigarette, and she reached out, placing her own over it to still it. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before putting out the joint. He never looked at Blair, though. She could feel the shame rolling off him, and she wished more than anything to take it away. She didn't want him to feel embarrassed in front of her. Nothing that had happened was his fault. She knew that. She'd scream that from his freaking rooftop if he needed, but she worried he'd never truly believe it no matter what she said or did.

"She's just hopped up on something," he explained. Blair nodded. They both knew it was more than that. The drugs had exacerbated her, but that was still his mother. She'd meant every word she said. He finally turned to her and met her eyes for a brief moment before looking away again. "You should go home. I'll speak with my dad, and he'll make sure you get the liaison position."

Blair shook her head. She'd forgotten all about that. "I don't care, Chuck. That doesn't…" She reached out to touch his face and guided him back around to meet her eyes again. "That doesn't even matter to me. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." His eyes reflected so much pain and hurt that she wanted to cry. She held it in, though; she knew her tears would scare him.

He stared back at her for a few silent minutes. There was a war brewing in his eyes. She wasn't sure what he was fighting, but once it passed he nodded and leaned into her touch. She became braver, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug. He was stiff for a moment before he finally let go and became pliant in her arms, gripping her tightly against him.

They stayed like that for a while, just holding one another. He buried his face in her neck, and she was sure she felt the dampness of his tears but never pulled away to check. His pain was private, and she was scared of overstepping her bounds. He could close up and turn her away at any moment. He didn't, though. He just fell apart in her arms, and she did her best to hold him together.

Eventually she got up and pulled him over to the bed with her. She pulled back the covers and climbed underneath. He stared at her for a brief moment, clearly considering, before kicking off his shoes and getting in beside her. He immediately came back into her arms, and she ran her fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him like she would a child. He allowed her to take care of him in a way he never had before, and her heart swelled with love for him. Everything she'd been trying to kill just kept growing bigger and bigger. It was all encompassing in those moments, and she wanted nothing more than to run away with him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered some time later. Dark has taken in the room as night leaked in. Blair had thought he was sleeping, so it surprised her when he spoke. "I should never have asked you to come over. I knew that she was tweaked…" He rolled away from Blair onto his back, and she felt his absence like a physical wound.

"We both know that was not your fault." Blair was scared if she said much more she'd end up going off, and he didn't need that. "Why did you ask me to come over?" She wondered out loud, never really expecting an answer.

"I wanted to see you," he admitted quietly, turning on his side to look at her again. Blair read him easily, and so badly wanted to sink into his embrace. Serena had been right. Nothing was the same. "Blair…" He reached for her and drew her in closer. Her forehead fit softly against his own, and they just stared at one another, so much unsaid, before he leaned in to kiss her.

Blair savored the feeling of his lips sliding against hers for a few stolen moments. His hand came up to cup her face and pull her in closer. When she felt his mouth opening over hers, becoming more demanding, she finally leaned away from him. As good as it felt, she couldn't deal with the ramifications later. She didn't doubt that he wanted her, but she was equally sure he'd pull away again after. Chuck knew no other way.

He flipped onto this back again and looked away from her. Neither of them said a thing for a while. Her heart was still beating off key, and when she looked over at him, she saw him clenching and unclenching his fist beside her. She reached down, and laid her hand over his. He instantly stilled.

"Why not?" He asked, sounding a bit like a scolded child.

Blair smiled to herself. "It doesn't work between us." That was the easiest way she could think to say it without placing another heap of guilt on top of him. His mother had done enough for one day. Blair just could not get into the reasons of why she couldn't trust him with her heart.

"It could." He turned over again and slid his arm around her waist. He stared up at her with pleading eyes, and she felt herself drowning in him. She wanted to drown in him, and that scared her.

She shook her head. She had to hold onto her resolve or she'd be lost. "You know it can't… You can't." She whispered this last part. She didn't want to cause him any unneeded pain, but she also needed him to get this, and let it go. If he kept pushing, she might falter, and she didn't want that. She had to be strong.

"When you told my mother that I was loved… What did you mean?" Blair knew what it cost him to ask her that, and she was startled that he'd even done it. Blair didn't even know that Chuck had been listening to her conversation with his mother at that point.

"Just that people love you, Chuck." Blair was growing uncomfortable. She knew what he wanted, but she couldn't give it to him. It would hurt too much when he didn't say it back.

"Who?" He whispered, unrelenting.

Blair closed her eyes and said nothing.

"Blair…" It was a plea. She just didn't know what he wanted. "No one's ever stood up to my mother for me before. My father yells at her all the time, but it's not… not for me." Blair turned back to him as his voice cracked, and she was startled to find him looking right at her. He was pure raw emotion. "Thank you." There was so much reverence in how he said it, and how he looked at her, that she felt the emotion choking her as well as him.

"Always." Blair turned in his arms and snuggled into his side. He wrapped his arms around her, and they lay back against the pillows. Eventually his breathing evened out and his heartbeat slowed down. She spent the rest of the evening lying in his arms, listening to him breathe, praying it would hurt less in the morning. She texted Serena around ten, begging her to make excuses to Eleanor. Serena grudgingly agreed, no questions asked for now. Blair had known she would, and that was why she loved her.

In those dark hours, Blair realized it was futile to attempt to stop loving Chuck. He was a part of her now. His pain felt like her own, and she knew she'd do nearly anything to help him through this. She refused to believe there wasn't a way out of this hell; a place he could escape to. One day she'd be there with him when he made it. She didn't fool herself into believing that there was a happily ever after in their future. She'd meant what she'd said to him. Romance was not in the cards. He was too broken, and she was too afraid. She's stand by him, though. She'd hold him up when he fell down, and she'd fight for him. No matter what, she promised herself, she would fight.