Racquet in the bag slung over his shoulder, black shorts, classic white polo with a sports brand stamped on the right; wristbands and shoes - all decked out to own someone in the court, possibly in the moment he actually steps to the place and I was like lkjdakjfdhot.

I wiped the side of my face to check for any drool, when Ivan wasn't looking, and was relieved to find none. So I plastered that smile again.

"You two know each other?"

It wasn't really a question, more like some sort of astonished exclaimation that made my smile twitch for another time and Ivan's evil smirk melt out into the kind of smile he used to please the public. The Russian stopped just a few feet away from Ludwig and two feet from me before answering.

"We're acquainted, yes." He looked at me - made me shift my weight. "You didn't tell him we knew each other, Alfred?"

Be nice. Be nice. "I didn't know you'd be coming, Ivan. I kinda got called here on short notice."

"That would certainly explain the boardshorts, yes."

I stomped out the insanely overwhelming urge to do some serious bodily damage to this asshole. Taking up a defensive stance and crossing my arms, I stared at him in the eye and dropped all pleasantries, choosing to glare like I've never glared before. "I just came back from teaching kids how to swim, all right? Do you really have to be such an -"

Ludwig interrupted before I could take things to the next level. "As Alfred explained, he really was in a hurry."

Ivan's smile tilted further. "I didn't say it was bad. It shows a commendable amount of dedication to work," he cut in nicely, and I just. I think my jaw just unhinged.

... D-Did he just compliment me -

Fuck, I am not thinking about it, especially when I'm half-naked and shivering in front of Ivan-fucking-Braginski -

...

Okay, I just can't win.

"Would you excuse us for a moment? Ludwig, I need to talk to you." And before he could protest, I dragged him a bit far back so Ivan wouldn't hear us when we're whispering. "Dude, I can't work with this guy. I'll blow a fuse or something; get Kiku to show him around at least to the tennis court since he's obviously heading off to the place with the gear he has. I am begging you. Have you ever heard me beg? You haven't heard me beg, right -"

Ludwig looked unimpressed. "You did, once, when you accidentally turned the pool pink."

"... That was desperate. Now I'm desperate again. Pretty please -"

"Whatever that may or may not have happened between the two of you, for the love of God keep it to yourself," Ludwig hissed, and pulled me down to whispering level when I tried to get a good look at that bastard. "Alfred! I am serious, it might do you very well if you kept personal away from your professional -"

"You think I don't know that? Why do you think I even smiled at him in the first place when I absolutely can't stand him?"

"Alfred, as much as you do know that, you were all too prepared to say something - for lack of a better word - stupid. I could see it in your face."

I opened my mouth to protest, and he clamped it shut with a hand that wasn't on his beloved clipboard, cocking an eyebrow.

"See?"

I grumbled. "Mmmph -"

"Is anything the matter?" he asked pleasantly and I yanked that hand off my mouth before looking at the guy, smile ever present and twitching. I know that I can't win sometimes, but this is getting a bit too ridiculous. Why the hell me?

"Nothing's wrong, just having a friendly discussion that hasn't got anything to do with you -"

Ludwig slapped a hand on my back that made me jump, and ow! "Alfred here is one of our best staff personnel and he will escort you around the grounds since this is your first time here, Mr. Braginski."

"Please do call me Ivan."

I gave those puppy-eyes I subjected to Kiku earlier but they died under the force of Ludwig's glare. "B-But -" I started, as a last resort, but he remained unmoved.

"Alfred."

I looked between Ivan, and Ludwig, and everyone else staring at me, and Ivan again, and my shorts and I just realised how cold it was in the open air, and I - I -

Fine.

Fine.

"Fine. I'll do it. But let me dash back to the pool to give the kids a head's up since I told them I'd be back, and go change or something before I freeze to death, I'll take about five minutes," I mumbled, daring Ludwig to go against this one - but Ivan was the one who answered.

"Please do take your time, I'm in no hurry."

I grimaced slightly as I turned, mumbling about all the ways to possibly get away with murder of a certain brother who was the source of all of this in the first place, by wanting to marry a psycho's sister.

No hurry in subjecting me to torture, yeah.

--

--

polcarstva

half a kingdom

four: crazy

--

--

After a stern, under-the-breath warning from Ludwig and stating how very much he would like me to treat the client nicely, I was finally set to give a tour to the demon currently walking beside me as we made our way to the courts. I was decked out in the standard uniform all staff members had to wear; you get to choose whether you wanted short sleeves or none at all. Mine was the latter. I had shorts to match with shoes about three years old now.

"The pool's on the other side of the building. Actually pretty much all racquet games are on this side. It's kinda like a sports and leisure centre; the gym's in between the pool and the courts, to check in for golf was the place you saw earlier, and that was on the far east side of the club. To play tennis you just have to walk this path and go straight and you're practically there." Then I remembered what exactly Ludwig wanted me to say and I - I sucked it up and did it. "Sir."

He looked amused by the whole thing but chose not to comment on it.

"What do you work as, exactly, Alfred?"

I looked at him suspiciously, but then shrugged. What's the harm? He's probably gonna find out anyway from Mattie. "Personal trainer, Mr. Braginski. I'm usually down at the gym arranging programs, mostly for the old people who come by here often."

"You said you were teaching children how to swim. Aren't there lifeguards to do it?"

"It's really weird, but for some reason they like it more if I'm the one to teach their kids. I said I was competent in swimming, and I guess it just went from there." Then I blanched. "Um. Don't tell them I said that?"

"What?"

"That I called them old people. They like to think they're under forty."

This was nice. Just the talking and the walking and like, generally no snarkiness or weirdo psycho motions from Ivan. He was just being cool about it and, well, this was the whole 'dream guy' persona I was telling you about when he seemed nice in all those TV interviews and stuff and how I made him out to be. Seems kinda unlikely, but maybe that psycho episode was a one time thing?

He chuckled. "I will not," Ivan replied dutifully, before he had this really, really creepy smile on his face. "Do you do one-on-one sessions?"

"I've got about two people under me now, but it's only weekly so I see them on Tuesdays and Wednesdays; sometimes I do group sessions with some other people in the club... Uh, if you meant being particularly assigned to one person like, daily or something - then no." I shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

He hummed. "No reason in particular. Just small talk to fill the time, nyet? Getting to know my future brother-in-law."

"Oh." I slumped. Well. Of course he'd be asking questions like that. I looked at his gear then back at him. "So - are you any good at tennis, Mr. Braginski?"

"Quite. Are you challenging me, Alfred?"

"Huh? No! What the hell?" came out of my mouth before I could stop it. Again. He smiled.

"I would probably beat you," he continued, looking at me with that tinge of condescension. Wait a minute what the hell?! What the hell is up with this sudden change in persona is he fucked up in the head or something!?

Time for Service with a Smile and Taking Shit From Assholes Mode. I faked a grin.

"I'm not too sure about that, Mr. Bragin -"

"Without breaking a sweat, maybe."

I twitched.

"Whatever you say -"

"A clean set without you scoring. I wonder how well you will do swimming."

... That son of a -

Fuck politeness and fuck Mr. Braginski and all that jack shit about professionalism. You can talk shit about some skills of mine, but nothing about tennis and/or swimming!

"I can so totally beat your ass in a game of tennis, you egoistic pig-headed freako maniac! You wanna do it right now? I can go get my racquet and beat your sissy fucking ass! Why I oughta -" He shut my mouth with a hand - why do people love doing that? - and I still ranted off angrily, muffled. "- mmph ffmmn nmmmph!" I wrenched that hand aside. "What the hell is your problem with me I mean come on -"

He put a finger to my lips and I froze.

"Shh," he murmured, then pulled away, motioning around him - where people were staring at me as if traumatized. I turned bright pink.

"Um."

He pulled me by the wrist - like I was some kid, as he started off to the courts.

"I haven't thought it possible, but you are even more annoying being polite than when you are being loud. I prefer it infinitely if you were being yourself instead of respecting me when you obviously do not," he said cheerfully, and I gaped like a goldfish, opening and closing my mouth in shock.

... This guy is a fucking psycho.

Psycho. Did I just say one time thing? My freaking ass!

"You did all that just so you can hear me cuss at you?" I reconfirmed, and didn't really need to know his answer since it was written all over his face. By a smirk that probably looked like a smile to other people but to me it was just so freaking smug and that was such a smirk - I think I need to reboot my brain or something just to get rid of all this mindfucking this guy has been doing since we've met. "... You really do take pleasure in confusing the fuck out of people, don't you," I settled with, still in shock.

"Only the interesting ones are worth the effort."

That was kinda sweet, if you were a fucked-up maniac. I wasn't a fucked-up maniac. Not really. I don't think I am. Even if this was the guy I've been admiring since who the fuck knows, sometimes I can be a bit overwhelmed. I'm definitely in the 'overwhelmed' stage.

"Did you just come to this club because you knew I was working here, so thus you can do some mindfucking?"

"I wanted to play tennis." He shrugged elegantly. "This was just a bonus."

"Can you tell me what you have against me? Dude, like for serious. I just - you tell me that I'm seriously fucking annoying when I start being loud, but that's because you're the one who starts antagonizing me! I mean like, what the hell! Tell me!"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because it'll save me from all this thinking I have to do? Alfred plus thinking equals Alfred's brain melting into a puddle of goo, therefore no more Alfred?"

"You give yourself too little credit. I suppose I would indulge you once. You are annoying when you are being loud, yes, but only when you are being close to my ear because it irritates my ear drums - being an idiot, second - I gain amusement from it, though, and I have been quite bored for a long time. As long as I get what I want, I'm quite happy. Confusing people about my own intentions makes me happy. That is why I act."

He stopped in front of the nearest court, and released his hold on my wrist - he was still holding it!?

"At people's expense - I was born to be selfish, Alfred."

I just stared. "I have no fucking idea what you're talking about."

"I know." He chuckled, walking away. "Well, you can think of it as 'I really like mindfucking people and take great perverse pleasure in it'. See you."

...

...

...

Only one thing registered in my mind. You know what it was?

I ran up to him, pulled him down so his ear was in firing range and screamed, "PSYCHO!" as loudly as I could - which was pretty fucking loud - before running the fuck away, cackling madly. He cursed loudly, putting a hand over his abused ear.

Hey, he did say that it 'irritates his eardrums'. His loss for telling me that in the first place - sucker. I still think of him as a hot bastard, of course, but I should have my share of the fun. Now I gotta find out more ways to get back at him, eheheheh...

--

--

His ears were still ringing. Maybe he should follow through with his plan after all.

"What happened, brother?"

"Alfred happened," Ivan murmured. "He can be a walking siren with the amount of noise he makes."

"Do you want me to threaten him?" Nataliya asked dutifully, tilting her head in patience.

Ivan was taken aback, but he smiled. "Threaten? Last time you would castrate people - not that I'm complaining, though, I'm glad to see improvement." And the diminishing amount of incoming law suits. Thank god for Matthew.

"He is Matvey's brother, thus he is special. Still he should not shout into your ear." She looked displeased. "He is lucky he is the brother, or else."

"You... Really like Matthew, don't you?" To take his feelings into account. Nataliya has only ever done so with two people - himself, for one, and Yekaterina but not by much. "He's good for you."

Nataliya relaxed. "He makes me happy. He listens, and he... He cares. I told you before, braht, he doesn't mind my habits so much. I have told him about you, and how people dislike me because I am too aloof and straightforward and cold; how I don't like most people, how violent I am. But Matvey sees something in me other people don't." She blinked impassively. "I can... Confide in him."

--

"People say it is wrong. I can't stop it." Nataliya picked up the bullets for her rifle, and growled low. "I do not want to stop it."

"It's not wrong."

"You are just saying that to get on my good side," she barked dangerously, and he raised up his hands in defense.

"Of course I'm trying to get on your good side - I want to be your friend, remember?" He smiled lopsidedly, slowly putting his hands down when Nataliya didn't look like she was about to pounce now. "Seriously, though. You're a great person capable of bearing a great love for someone, what's wrong with that? Maybe the love for your brother is an obsession but... You mean it from the bottom of your heart. You may stalk him and want him to marry you - but you know, that's how you show your love?"

"But he does not get it," she said, playing with the bullets in her hands. "I love him and want to be with him."

"You already have him as a brother. It doesn't get any closer than that."

"I want to be closer! He was -" Nataliya blinked rapidly, sliencing. "... He was the only one I had."

Matthew smiled, adjusting his glasses. "He won't stop paying attention to you if you stop pushing affections to him. You do have him. You have Yekaterina, too. And this is gonna sound a bit too assuming, but, well -"

He cocked the gun, adjusting the safety goggles and preparing to put on the mufflers - he extended a hand to help Nataliya out of the bench.

"You have me."

--

"Then I can truly rest." Ivan stood up from his seat and walked towards the exit. "I have some work so I'll meet up with you and Yekaterina later tonight, da?"

"Brother."

Ivan turned around. "Yes?"

For a split second, Nataliya looked worried - years of being with her and raising her up made Ivan quick to pick it out. "I was wondering if - if I didn't stalk you, if I like another person more than you, enough for me to actually cease following you... If I do not force my presence in your life; will you still pay attention to me...?"

Ivan was silent for a moment, then strode back up to his sister - and pulled her up into a hug, kissing her on the head. She was a great deal eight inches shorter than he was, and seemed to be completely overwhelmed by his size when he encircled his arms around her figure.

"Yes, Nataliya." He smiled, pulling away. "I always have, and always will."

And for a split second again, she looked completely happy.

"... Thank you." She stood up as well and walked towards the window. "Can I still threaten Alfred?"

"Oh, no." He smiled cheerfully, suddenly making a note to talk to Matthew and then Yekaterina after this. "I have plans of my own."

--

--

"He told me, straight on, that he was only doing this for his own amusement."

"He's your idol, mate," Steve piped up from behind me, and I glared at him, crossing my arms.

"Thank you for reminding me and doing jack shit about it."

Steve was quick to pick on me. "Just doing my duty. So you said that he went to the country club, yeah? To play a round of tennis? Did he look absolutely smouldering?"

"He was hot," I said absent-mindedly, and glared when both Matthew and Steve laughed loudly. I made a point to slump down on the passenget seat, sulking. "But he was still a fucking psycho, okay? Now stop picking on me about him! Would you like it if your favourite actor suddenly ran up to you and acted like a freaking psychopath who'd love nothing more than to annoy the fuck out of you because he thinks it's fun?"

"But it's you, mate, so it would be as fucking funny as this."

"Fuck you, Steve. Can't we stuff him in the back? Please, Mattie?"

"He won't fit," Matthew murmured, as cheerful as fuck. He's been a cheerful fuck since he picked both Steve and me up from my apartment and his college respectively. We were going to see the old man to tell him about the news - he's holed himself up at the very edges of town where the houses are actually referred to as 'estates', for god's sake. You just need the waistcoats and cravats and fine wine and you're all set. Too bad for the old man, we're all decked out in jeans, t-shirts and jackets - except Matthew who looked completely comfortable in khakis and a polo.

"Yeah, thanks for the emotional support."

"He just stopped by for tennis, and that's it?"

"Obviously it's his first time there so it wouldn't be the last time seeing him. He's got a membership and everything now according to Ludwig, which fucking sucks." I scrubbed my face with a hand, sighing. "I seriously need to find a way to get back at him. One of them is screaming in his ear like, really close since it annoys him, and acting like a retard. I don't know, man."

"Al, if you do anything to Ivan you might upset Nataliya."

"Shit, sorry, man -"

"No, I mean, I'm not worried about her, and I don't mind all that much - I'm worried about you. For serious, she will cut you open like a fish and gut you like what Kiku would do to a salmon."

"... Are you sure it's safe to get her into the family?" Steve asked with much paranoia, and I'm proud, because it obviously came from me.

"She won't do bodily harm unless you bug the hell out of Ivan. Natasha really adores her brother to the point of - well, obession, really."

"And you don't mind this? Even when you're marrying her?"

"Love makes you do crazy things, guys," Matthew said cheerfully, being the cheerful fuck again - and I agreed.

"He's right. You've never fallen in love, Steve, you never know."

"Fff, it's probably not all cracked up like you guys make it to be," he said dismissively, crossing his arms himself and leaning back into the chair. Kinda like mine, but in the baby stage.

"Kids," Matthew and I chorused, as the older brothers, and predictably he snorted. "You'll find out it's completely true when you get to that stage - when you get off your butt from playing games twenty-four seven," Matthew added, grinning when Steve pouted.

"Games will never take a backseat to anything except family!"

I cackled, sharing a conspiratory look with Matthew. "Whatever you say, Stevie, whatever you say," I sang, and I could see the estate in the distance; I shifted to get a better look on the 19th-century mansion with the sprawling gardens only because the old man had too much money to spend and he didn't know what to buy at the time. "Do you think he's got that intercom yet?"

"Yeah, he did. I went to visit him once before I proposed and all... But I don't see the point of that and the guardhouse."

"Well it beats guards looking at us as if we're crazy and if we're really his sons or something. I mean like, jeez. Remember the last time with the Rottweilers and the psycho hounds?"

He pulled up onto the large gates - to the side near the guardhouse, but the gates opened even before Matthew rolled down his window. The three of us shared looks, before Matthew shrugged and drove up to the mansion's front entrance.

"Well, that's an improvement," Steve said, satisfied, as we circled the main fountain and grind into a halt in front of the steps leading to the main entrance. "At least there's no more hounds - I'm sorry but I can not get that memory out of my head."

"You know the old man only does that when he's being touchy and if we haven't visited him in a month."

"Still - fuck I see hounds. And him. But he looks cheerful. I think I'm scared."

Matthew and me looked up at Steve's words, and saw the legion of dogs nearby the man who was waving at us from the steps. Then we looked at each other at almost the same time.

"Did you do something to piss him off?" we asked together, and then paled.

--

--

end four, owo

--

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A/N: Kinda boring chapter, I'm sorry. But now we see Nataliya? owo

Thank you for the reviews \o/ Yes, I'm kinda evil to leave it off at the part where I left it just now. Hee hee.