Red pills. Never again would Jim touch the red pills.

“I dreamt the Enterprise had been taken over by virus-carrying cats, and yellow pillows were the only way to stop them, and where the hell do you find a yellow pillow aboard a starship? Nowhere, Bones, nowhere.”

“How can you be allergic to the goddamned red pills, Jim?” McCoy demanded, eyes on the tricorder readings he wasn't sure he could believe. “No one is allergic to the red pills.”

“An illogical assessment, Doctor, as the Captain clearly is,” Spock commented from the other side of the biobed, arms behind back and posture formal.

For the first time ever, McCoy was too distracted to shoot off any kind of acidic response.

“It would seem your unexpected allergy has left Doctor McCoy in a state of shock,” Spock quietly added for Jim's benefit.

Jim didn't know if Spock was trying to be helpful or funny, so he did his best to not laugh. The funny cough he let slip had McCoy scanning him again.

“Everyone takes the red pills. Instructors practically handed 'em out after finals to counteract the stimulants everybody took.”

“I just drank coffee and stayed awake 'til I couldn't see straight...”

McCoy dropped the tricorder. “You're a freak of nature, Jim, a goddamn medical nightmare.”

“You're saying goddamn a lot today.”

“I believe Doctor McCoy is in a highly emotional state and –”

“Spock, you keep talkin' and I'll give you a highly emotional state,” McCoy growled.

The eyebrow twitched.

Jim laughed, leaning back on his bed and swinging his legs on either side. “So, can I go back to work?”

Spock gave McCoy a look. “Doctor, have you not informed the Captain of his appearance?”

The amusement was gone. “What?”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot.” McCoy shrugged. “I got used to it.”

“Used to what, Bones?”

“Hold on.” McCoy exited the room and came back a few moments later with a mirror.

“Do I wanna know where you got that?” Jim asked. “'Cause if you break it aboard this ship, you're getting off.”

“I'm a doctor, not a klutz. You haven't gotta worry about seven years bad luck.” McCoy passed the mirror over. “You probably are gonna worry about...”

“No. No way. There's gotta be something you can give me!”

“You're allergic to it. Look, the rash will go down in a few days...”

“Rash? You're calling this a rash?”

“So maybe it looks more like bad sunburn, but give it a few days and –”

“Bad sunburn? A few days? Bones, it's...”

“Red, yeah.”

“No, red is not a strong enough word. Red isn't even the right color. This is... I look...”

“I believe burnt orange to be an appropriate description, Captain.”

There were times when Jim hated having such a precise First Officer.