a DN Angel fic by Meg
DN Angel is by the almighty Bunny-sensei.
This fic is by me. Do not take.
He thinks that if this continues, he will die.
He knows it, and because he knows it, he tells himself that he must only survive one day, one hour, one minute, and as he reaches his limit he tells himself that he can last that long again.
He is fighting for his life, and the fight has become something he does because he has done it for as long as he an remember. The fight is like breathing now, and he is afraid he is beginning to forget how to breathe.
But still he fights, even though he is so tired that even a minute is an eternity, and he is afraid to sleep, lest his guard waver for a single second and he be overcome.
He is fighting because there is nothing else he knows how to do.
The human body is a fragile machine, able to be destroyed in fifty thousand different ways, and yet it will fight for its own life, even when all odds are against it. The human mind is even more fragile, housed in a few pounds of greyish-pink sponge, prtected by less than an inch of bone and tissue, and yet it is even mroe determined than the body that houses it to keep life.
Even so, when the mind is determined to die, the body obeys. Even though the body will fight orders to slash a wrist, or to reject pills swallowed, the mind can still force the hands to cut and the stomach to accept.
And yet, and yet, even if the body is too tired and battered to go on, the mind can force it to continue, and to heal as much as it can.
That, he knows, is the miracle of the human body and mind. He doesn't know why he is still fighting. His mind and body want to give in, and yet he moves on.
Perhaps, he thinks, it is merely because he is too much of a fool to give in, even as all of him screams for rest and peace.
He has always loved them, these ice hunters, loved them with an obsession that nobody, least of all they, understand. He knows them like the thousand different shapes and shades of a glacier, knows them perfectly, though they have always been different as snowflakes in a blizzard. He loves them so much he almost hates them.
He loved Dark once, and perhaps he still does, although what love he still holds is frozen in clear cold ice.
He loves ice, too. Ice is so very perfect and clear, and yet so strong.
But most of all he loves the last of his ice hunters, with his eyes the color of the veins of a glacier, so blue as to be unreal. He loves him with a pure icy love. He knows that his beloved hates and fears him, and he does not care. Sooner or later his beloved will stop fighting, and he will have him at last.
He speaks to him his his dreams -- their dreams -- wraps him in his arms, and tells him of his love. He holds his beloved like a little child and tells him of the sweetness of being wrapped in ice and the purity of snow. He tells his beloved of those who gave in to the ice and remained forever young and beautiful, surrpounded by crustal walls, and promises him that he, too, shall be forever ageless and beautiful within the glacier of his love.
He loves his ice hunter so very much that he cannot bear that his beloved should look at another with love in his heart. Anybody that his beloved holds dear he hates with the same icy purity with which he loves.
Dark's bearer, he thinks, deserves the worst of deaths, for his family took Dark from him, and another death for taking the heart of his beloved, without knowing, without caring. But for the sake of his beloved the Niwa will die almost painlessly. He tells his beloved this, promising that the Niwa will die in one burst of ice and agony.
Because he loves him.
Sometimes he thinks he remembers why he still goes on, one minute at a time.
It had something to do with love, he thinks.
Something to do with warmth and life.
But he's not quite sure.
He just knows that he goes on.
Because there's someone that's precious to him.
yay, twitchycreepySatxKrad. . I worry about those two. Also, people who get freaked out by their girlfriends writing twitchycreepyfic should not bring them Delirium CDs, especially Poem, cos that has Daylight on it, and that is possibly one of the biggest twitchycreepyKradxSat songs on the face of the multiverse.
Happy slightly belated birthday, Sakki~!