Note: Real lyrics belong to Mariah Carey and Eminem, respectively. It's mature- it's got sexual references and drug references and cuss words. It's a rap parody.

How It All Started: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I bet you heard that wack ass shite, how Harry was telling the world the details of when he and Draco Malfoy got together. Things at Hogwarts got heated-- Draco, notorious for kissing guys but only in secret, lashed out at Potter and claimed the two had never even hung out outside of classes. Draco threw Potter's fame in his face and also rubbed it in that he and Pansy were truly an item. Harry and his crew, sick of Draco's lies, wrote a response giving details and even throwing in sound clips from when Malfoy couldn't get enough of him. These are the lyrics.

I. OBSESSED

So-oh-oh-oh oh So-oh-oh-oh oh
(Will the real Harry P please step to the mic?
HP- gonna crush that HP, place to be
Malfoy the MC)

It’s all over the great hall
You said we met after Charms
When I can barely look at that scar
Say I’m up in your dorm
Say I’m stroking your wand
But you were at the game and I was out on a date

I’m not even gay- you’re so so lame
and none of my bitches even mention your name
It’s your ego you feed, it’s why everyone leaves
you’re just name dropping, and it better start stoppin’

Boy why you so obsessed with me?
Boy I want to know- lyin’ that you’re sexin me
when everybody knows it’s clear that you’re upset with me
Ohh finally found a bloke that you couldn’t impress
Last man on the earth- still couldn’t get this

You’re delusional, you’re delusional
Boy you’re losing your mind
It’s confusing yo, you’re confused you know
Why you wasting your time?
Got you all fired up with your Superhero complex
Just me and Pansy P and my Slytherin Serpent

Ooh Ohh Ohh boy why you so obsessed with me?
And all my ladies sing, all the girls sing
Soo Oohhhh Soo Oohh Obsessed

You bragged you did the job, said you hit it hard
I ain’t gon feed you, gon’ let you starve
You’re gasping for air I’m ventilation
You out of breath, hope you ain’t waitin
Telling the world how much you miss me
But we never were so why you trippin’
You’re just Fred and George, I’m a corporation
I’m the press conference, you a conversation

Boy why you so obsessed with me?
Boy I want to know- lyin’ that you’re sexin me
when everybody knows it’s clear that you’re upset with me
Ohh finally found a bloke that you couldn’t impress
Last man on the earth- still couldn’t get this

You’re delusional, you’re delusional
Boy you’re losing your mind
It’s confusing yo, you’re confused you know
Why you wasting your time?
Got you all fired up with your Superhero complex
Just me and Pansy P and my Slytherin Serpent

Ooh Ohh Ohh boy why you so obsessed with me?
And all the ladies sing, all the girls sing
Soo Oohhhh Soo Oohh Obsessed

II. THE WARNING

Only reason I dissed you in the first place was because you denied seeing me
Now I’m pissed off

Sit back, Pansy, relax, in fact bring your little fag, kick back while I kick facts
Yeah this will be a sick track, perfect way to get back
Wanna hear something wick wack?
I got the same exact scratch that’s on Pansy’s back
I’m obsessed now?
Oh gee, is that supposed to make me be afraid, D?
Wow Malfoy, didn’t expect you to go balls out
Bitch shut the fuck up before I pull them moving photos out
you took at my house when you was wild-n-out before the bitch
When you was on my dick and I gave you somethin to smile about
How many times you pulled my trousers down? Still trying to count
Better shut your lying mouth if you don’t want Parkinson finding out
You probably think cuz it’s been so long if i had something on you I woulda did it by now
Oh on the contrary, Baby Dragon, I’m reminiscing ‘bout when you bent down and when I found just what to do to make you loud
Enough dirt on you to murder you
This is what the fuck I do
Malfoy, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?
However you prefer to do and that goes for Pansy too, faggot
You think I’m scared of you two?
You gonna ruin my career, you better get one
Like I’ma sit and fight with you over a slut bitch cunt that made me put up with his psycho ass over 6 months and only spread his a** to let me h*t once
Yeah, what you gonna say? I’m lucky? Tell the school that I was so ugly that you fucking had to be drunk to fuck me?
Second base? What the fuck you tell the Slytherins, punk?
In the second week we were dry humping. It’s gotta count for something.
Listen, baby. Surely you don’t want me to talk about how I went off early cos I ej*culated prematurely and went all over your belly, and you almost started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel, Harry, get the hell off me.
Or maybe you do.
But if I’m embarrassing me, I’m embarrassing you and don’t you dare say it isn’t true.
As long as the song’s getting airplay I’m dissing you.
I’m a hair away from getting carried away and getting sued.
I was gonna stop at 16
That was 32
This is 34 bars. We ain’t even a third of the way through.
Damn, Harry. Malfoy played you. Malfoy who?
Oh did I say ”whore”, Pansy? I meant a liar too.
Like I’ve been goin off on you all this time for no reason.
Boy, you out your depressive mind. Just like daddy, prick. Just go and snort another line.
Like I fuckin sit around and think about you all the time.
I just think this shit is funny when I pounce you on a rhyme.
But fuck it now I’m bout to draw this line.
And for you to cross it that’s a mountain that I doubt you wanna climb.
I can describe areas in your house you wouldn’t want to show off to the Ministry
A blow below the ribs if I hear another word so don’t go opening your jibs cos every time you do it’s like an over load of fibs
I ain’t saying this shit again, ho. You know what it is.
It’s a warning shot before I blow up ya whole spot
Call my bluff and I’ll release every fucking thing I got
Including the recordings we made right before you flipped your top
When me and B Zabini were tryin’ to stick two wands in the same slot

Draco’s voice: Harry P, it’s my Harry Potter, Harry P, look at me, Harry Potter. I love you.

I love you too. Let me whisper sweet nothings into your ear, boo. Now what you say?

Draco: I’m coming.

Yeah so what I’ll do
Is refresh your memory when you said ”I want you”
Now should I keep going or should we call truce?

Draco: You think you’re cute, right? Hahaha!

You bet your sweet ass I do

Draco: I’m Baby Dragon, P

And I’m Superman, mmm

Draco: Harry P and Malfoy

Comin’ at you

So if you’ll still be my (baby boy)
Then I’ll still be your (Superhero, Oh yes, Potter)
Yeah, I’m right here

(You like this?)

Nope. Not anymore, Dear.
It cuts like a (knife) when I tell ya get a (life)
But I’m movin on with mine
Live with it, Pans, your Draco’s (bi)
So tell him to shut his mouth and I’ll leave you both alone
If he don’t (keep to the script) then I’ma just keep goin

Draco: Hahaha, it's Malfoy, baby. Come back to bed. Cut the tape, cut the tape! Knife!

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