|Take What You Need
Author: afragilelittlehuman PM
Jasper, weighed down by the emotions of the other Cullens, discovers a source of peace and happiness in an unexpected place. Will he give up life with the Cullens to keep what he's found? New Moon/Breaking Dawn. Rated M for language and lemon.Rated: Fiction M - English - Drama/Angst - Jasper & Rosalie - Words: 4,055 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 7 - Published: 09-13-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5373827
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"For the Love of Jasper" One-Shot Contest
Title: Take What You Need
Pen name: afragilelittlehuman
Existing work: N/A
Primary Players: Jasper and Rosalie
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
To see other entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest, please visit the C2:
A/N: Thank you to my betas, erikasbuddy, cutie_sstb, and sjAimee! The song for this story (there's always a song with me) is:
She's still alive. She's still alive. She's still alive.
The simple statement had become Jasper's mantra, and he chanted it in a whisper as he ran through the thick trees. Cool Autumn air and changing leaves whipped past his face, but neither they nor the sound of his own repetitive voice calmed him. He stopped running when he reached water; he was sure he was on the far side of Olympic National Forest, looking at the faint glow of Seattle on the horizon.
He sat on a large boulder overlooking the cove and buried his face in his hands. Blood, her blood, had been flowing through her veins, screaming at him for months, and he'd been strong. But the sight and smell of it, freely falling in wet drops from her finger had been more than he could resist. The control he'd worked so hard to maintain was gone in an instant. He shuddered at the thought of what he'd have done had Edward not stopped him.
Edward's anger and violence had not been the worst thing. Even though Carlisle, Alice, and the others tried not to show it on their faces, Jasper could feel their disappointment like radiating waves crashing into him. Even Bella, who should have felt nothing but fear and disgust, emanated pity and disappointment. Everyone's emotions weighed heavily on him, and all Jasper wanted was to run until the only shame he could feel was his own.
Annoyance. He could feel it long before Rosalie sat next to him. Although he was sure she was staring daggers into him, he couldn't bear to look at her.
"Glad to see you're right where Alice said I'd find you." Rosalie's voice was cold.
"Where is she?" Jasper asked, surprised she hadn't come to find him herself.
"Where else? Placating Edward somewhere."
"Rosalie, please, I know you're annoyed with me, but please don't talk about them like that," he begged, pained by her bitterness.
"Annoyed with you? Why would I be annoyed with you? It's that silly human I'm annoyed with!"
Jasper then looked at Rosalie, and her eyes were wide with surprise. He could sense nothing but sincerity surrounding her.
He ran his hand nervously through his hair. "What has she done? I attacked her."
"Jasper, don't beat yourself up about this," she said, prying his fingers from his scalp. "She's a human who associates with vampires. This was bound to happen eventually. If not you, someone else."
He nodded toward her. "Not you."
"Of course not me, but I'm a special case." She flashed a wide brilliant smile that made him grin in spite of himself.
Jasper often admired Rosalie. Her beauty was obvious to anyone. She was tall and curvaceous, her long blond hair falling down her back in soft waves. What was only obvious to Jasper, however, was her inner emotions. People easily dismissed her as angry and cold, but Jasper could sense the love she had for her family, intermingled with the detachment with which she moved through her daily existence. True anger was an emotion she rarely ever had. Many times, when Jasper was overwhelmed by the turmoil around him, he'd seek out Rosalie for a moment of peace.
He looked down and noticed she was holding his hand, her annoyance gone. "I've let them all down, Rose. Edward and Bella will never forgive me."
"They understand," she said, her fingers tracing patterns on the back of Jasper's hand. "They've all been there. Even Edward. And Bella, she's not smart enough to be afraid, so I doubt she's angry."
"Rose..." Jasper looked at her disapprovingly.
"I know, I know. But really, who in their right mind does this willingly?"
He shrugged, knowing he really couldn't argue with reason. He'd never met a vampire who'd asked to be changed, and, although he could feel Bella and Edward's deep love for one another, he often felt Edward's tremendous guilt for exposing Bella to their world.
"In any case," he said quietly, "I'm leaving."
"No!" Rosalie shouted, gripping his hand tightly. "There's no need for that. You can't leave us over that girl." She spat out the last word.
Jasper softly brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. "It's for the best. You must make sure Alice doesn't follow. She belongs here with Carlisle and Esme."
"What about the rest of us? Emmett and Edward would be heartbroken." She was almost pleading.
"Edward will have his Bella, and Emmett," Jasper said, smiling sweetly, "well, Emmett has you."
She loosened her grip on his hand and sighed. He could feel her resignation and sadness, and he hated to be its cause. But she wasn't the first one he'd hurt tonight, and she wouldn't be the last. He knew, however, she'd be the only one with the strength to let him go and to convince Alice to do as he wished.
"I'll miss you, Jasper."
"I'll miss you, too, sweetheart," he said, softly kissing her forehead.
Looking down into her eyes, full of sorrow, Jasper sensed a vague longing. Confused and trying to decipher her feelings, he didn't notice Rosalie moving toward him until her mouth met his.
Her lips were as soft as the kiss was tender, yet it held the promise of tremendous passion. He could feel her straining to control her emotions, and he wanted nothing more than to experience their full intensity. He slowly returned the kiss, their lips moving together, exploring. Their tongues tentatively touched, sending sparks throughout his body. Just as Jasper reached out to pull her closer, Rosalie jerked away, her eyes wide.
"I...I..." she stuttered, climbing to her feet, "I just wanted to give you a goodbye kiss."
Standing, Jasper froze, feeling agitation coming from someone. "Alice."
They searched the trees, and, seconds later, Alice came bounding through the woods toward them. She was almost distraught as she ran to Jasper and grabbed his arm. "I'm so glad Rosalie found you. We have to go back. Edward's talked Carlisle and Esme into leaving Forks. We're all leaving."
Jasper turned to Rosalie, and he could feel her closing the gate on her emotions. "Rose?"
Her stare was hard and cold. "You heard Alice, Jasper. Edward's calling the shots. We've got to go back." She ran into the woods, toward Forks, without looking back.
"Jasper..." Alice tugged his arm and ran in the same direction.
Jasper stood for a moment, staring at the faint glow of Seattle. Finally, he turned and dashed after Alice and Rosalie.
A year had passed since Bella's birthday party. It was a year full of turmoil, and Jasper was sagging under the weight of everyone's raging emotions. Just when he thought things were finally improving, Bella returned from her and Edward's honeymoon pregnant, throwing the Cullen household into upheaval once again.
Jasper longed to find a few moments of peace, and often during the last year he would reminisce about the night of the party. He remembered how warm Rosalie's hand felt in his, how soft her lips had been, how the emotions flowing from her just made him feel good.
For several weeks after the kiss, Rosalie avoided being alone with Jasper. He'd grown dependent on stealing moments of her cool, calm detachment, and the pain of his withdrawal was acute. He found himself watching her, hoping to see a glimpse of the girl he kissed at the cove. The months she and Emmett spent in Europe did not cause Jasper to forget, and he craved her company. When Rosalie returned, her brilliant smile lighting up her face, Jasper barely hid his elation.
The time apart had soothed away the awkwardness, and Jasper and Rosalie quickly developed a comfortable companionship. Short conversations as they passed in the hall grew into evenings together as the others hunted. They never discussed the night at the cove, and they never touched, although Jasper sometimes ached for her terribly. She never gave him any indication she wanted him in that way, and he honestly wasn't sure what he'd have done if she had.
His love for Alice had not lessened, even as his affection for Rosalie deepened. When he and Alice were together, he was completely with her, body, mind, and soul. Much of the time, however, she was focused on Edward and Bella's latest adventure or drama. Only when he fought Victoria and the newborns did Jasper believe he had a purpose beyond calming the fragile human and being tortured by everyone else's unrest. Everyone, that is, except Rosalie.
That changed when Bella called Rosalie, asking for help. Everything revolved around Bella's child, and Rosalie was its protector. Rosalie biggest regret about losing her humanity was her inability to have children, and Jasper thought it was the worst kind of manipulation for Bella to ask Rosalie to keep the others from hurting the fetus. The task brought out the worse in Rosalie, and Jasper worried about her.
He could feel her strain and her anger increase with each passing day. Gone was the cool detachment with which she faced the world. A black cloud of anguish surrounded her, made worse by her bloodlust during the baby's difficult birth. Renesmee was a beautiful child with whom everyone, including Rosalie, fell instantly in love. Rosalie guarded the child with her life, and she and Jacob shared childcare duties while Bella changed. One night, as Jacob held Renesmee, Rosalie ran into the woods to hunt. Jasper had not been alone with her since Edward and Bella returned from Isle Esme, and he ran after her.
Rosalie ran to the outer perimeter of the area patrolled by Seth and Leah, stopping in the woods near the edge of a clearing where one of wolves was sleeping. In the moonlight, wearing a long, simple dress with shiny buttons down the entire length, her wavy hair blowing in the breeze, she was exquisite. Jasper gasped.
Rosalie spun to face him. "Why are you following me?"
Jasper winced at the bitter tone of her voice. "I wanted to make sure you were okay; I'm worried about you."
"What's to worry about?" she screeched. "Everyone knows I don't have any feelings! Good ol' Rose, that's me: can't be hurt 'cause I'm just ice inside. Isn't that right, Jasper?"
"You know me better than that, Rose," he said, slowly walking toward her. "Talk to me."
Rosalie hesitated, then she began to speak in a torrent. "It's not fair! She was willing to give up everything, and she gets to have it all anyway! I had everything taken from me!" She fell to her knees, burying her face in her hands. "Everything. They just took it all away."
Jasper expected to feel her pulsating rage, but, instead, he felt abject sadness.
At that moment, Jasper realized why he and Rosalie were so different from the others. Edward, for all his lamenting over his lost soul, had been alone in this world, the Influenza having killed his family. Alice's family, frightened of her gift, abandoned her. Emmett seemed content to flow along with the current, and, if that current gave him everlasting life, so be it.
He and Rosalie had been unwillingly ripped from loving, caring families who stayed awake nights wondering why their children never came home. They had the prospect of full human lives just waiting for them until the selfishness of others stole their futures. Just as Royce had taken everything away from Rosalie, Maria had taken everything away from him. And they both had mourned the loss ever since.
Jasper fell to his knees in front of Rosalie, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a tight embrace. He immediately began to send her calming emotions as he smoothed her wild blond hair.
"Please don't do that, Jasper," she said, her voice cracking.
"I can't bear you feeling so sad. I can make it better. Please let me." He softly kissed her head, and, intermingled with the waves of calm, he let escape an emotion he hadn't wanted her to feel.
Rosalie froze. "What was that?"
Jasper released her and began to pull away, but she clutched his arm, stopping him. She slowly raised her head, and, when her clear eyes met his, he knew the question did not need an answer.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." His voice trailed off as he bowed his head in shame.
"Since the night of Bella's birthday party."
Rosalie placed her hand under his chin and gently lifted his head so their eyes met again. "I didn't know."
Jasper chuckled insincerely. "One of the benefits of controlling emotions is controlling your own."
She let her fingers linger on his chin, and, unable to resist any more, Jasper began to brush her hair away from her face, running his fingers through the long, soft locks. He pulled her hair back, revealing the cool, porcelain skin of her neck, and he slowly leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly from her shoulder to her ear.
"I don't know what to do," he whispered softly.
Rosalie nuzzled against his cheek and sighed. "Let me feel it. All of it."
Jasper closed his eyes, and, for the first time in years, let himself just feel. The warmth, the want, and the love he felt for Rosalie flowed in every direction, and he could sense her surprise as it washed over her. He felt as if all the restraints and expectations he'd imposed on himself were gone, and it was a sensation he'd never known.
He felt free.
Pulling back, he could see her eyes, dark with hunger. Her sadness was gone now, replaced by a need as strong as his own, and Jasper was reeling from the intensity. Moving toward her, he hesitated.
Leaning so that their foreheads met, Rosalie gently outlined Jasper's lips with her fingertips. "The wolf is close. She can't see us here."
Suddenly, Jasper grabbed the hair at the back of Rosalie's head and pulled her roughly to him, his lips colliding with hers in a clumsy, desperate kiss. It was searing and wet and completely insane, and he knew it. He'd waited so long to really kiss her, and he reveled in her taste, which reminded him of honeysuckle and blackberries. When he parted his lips, she did the same, deepening the kiss and its wonderful taste. He couldn't stop.
Rosalie broke the kiss, leaving Jasper wide eyed and confused. When she came to her feet, she reached for the buttons running up the front of her dress and began to slowly undo them. Still on his knees, Jasper ran his hands up her long bare legs, stopping at her hips to grab the waist of her panties. The unbuttoning stopped as she watched him teasingly pull her panties down over her thighs, brushing his fingers along her tingling skin. Finally, the panties were at her feet, and she stepped out of them.
Standing, Jasper pushed Rosalie back against the nearest tree. "You were being so careful. I'm sorry I have to do this; I just can't wait anymore." He grabbed her dress and pulled, ripping the long line of buttons from their stitches. She let the fabric fall to the ground, leaving her standing naked just yards away from the sleeping wolf.
Jasper pressed her into the tree, kissing her as he ran his hands over her body for the first time. Her skin was supple and warm, and her breasts and hips were full and softly curved. His mouth moved down to kiss and suck the crook of her neck, while his hands elicited soft moans as they gently teased and pulled her taut nipples.
When he felt her pull the tail of his shirt free from his jeans, he jerked the fabric from her hands. "No," he said sternly.
"What do you mean no?" Rosalie's voice made it clear she was not accustomed to being denied what she wanted.
Jasper knew there was no point in lying. "The scars, okay?"
"Baby," she cooed, her eyes softening, "I don't care about the scars."
Before he could stop her, she ripped open his shirt, its buttons flying in every direction. He glared at her, but she was laughing, unfazed by his anger.
"It's only fair after you ruined my dress."
He tried not to smile, but his resolve faded when he felt her hands on his bare chest, her fingers tracing the old crescents that crisscrossed all over his skin. Her hands passed over his shoulders, pushing his shirt down until he let it fall off his arms. Just as he began to wish he could cover himself again, Rosalie placed a soft kiss over his heart.
Winding her flowing hair around his hand, Jasper slowly tilted her head and looked deep into her eyes. "Is this really what you want? Because, right now, I'd give you anything."
"Just give me this," she said, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "I don't need anything else."
They kissed again, this time less desperate and more determined. As wrong as it was, Jasper felt nothing, sensed nothing but love and desire, and he never wanted it to end. Rosalie was everything to him in this moment, and he pushed everything else out of his mind.
Taking a small step back, Jasper quickly unbuttoned the fly of his jeans, taking them and his boxers off and throwing everything to the side. He watched, secretly relieved, as Rosalie looked up and down his tall, lean frame approvingly and beckoned him with a crooked finger. Flashing a menacing grin, he prowled toward her, grasping her hips and pinning her against the tree. He lifted her easily, wrapping her legs around his waist.
Their bodies entwined, Jasper paused, looking to Rosalie for any sign that she was wavering. He closed his eyes, and, as he concentrated on the desire surrounding them, he felt tender kisses on his forehead, each eyelid, and finally his trembling lips. Raising her slightly, he brought her down again, plunging himself deep inside her.
When he opened his eyes, Rosalie's head was thrown back, her eyes barely open. A sound was barely audible, even to Jasper, but any doubt he might have about what he'd heard was erased as his watched her swollen lips form the word.
Something about hearing the prim and proper Rosalie say such a dirty word spurred him on, and he began thrusting hard and fast, pounding her back against the trunk of the large tree behind her. Her legs were like a vise around his waist, and she dug her fingers into his back. He knew any idea he'd had of slowly making love to her was rapidly disappearing, but they were both too gone to care.
She nibbled his earlobe, taking it in her mouth to gently suck it. "God, I want you to bite me," she whispered.
"You know I can't." Instead, Jasper trailed kisses up and down her neck as he shoved her hips down roughly again and again, enveloping himself in her soft, wet body.
Rosalie gasped, her eyes closing tightly. "Yes...like...that...so...close."
A deep growl rumbled inside his chest, and he thrust inside her with more force. Yet, no matter how hard he brought their bodies together, she begged for more, until he was crashing into her with all the strength he possessed. When he was sure he could give her no more, he felt her tighten and clench around him as she cried his name in breathy moans. The aftershocks were almost as strong as the quake, and he couldn't hold back any longer. He thrust into her as deeply as he could, and he exploded, waves of pleasure flowing through him with each aftershock of his own.
Finally, he felt nothing but calm contentment.
Rosalie lifted herself, placing her feet gently on the ground before returning to Jasper's embrace. She nuzzled her head into his chest, and he buried his hand into her hair, pressing her closer. He took a deep breath and broke the silence.
"Leave with me."
Rosalie's head snapped up. "What are you talking about?"
"Hear me out," Jasper begged, "please. Everything here is always...in chaos. There's never any peace, and there never will be." He cradled her face in his hands. "There's peace when I'm with you."
Placing her hands over his, Rosalie looked as forlorn as he'd ever seen her. "Baby, you know we can't."
"We can. We should have left the first night we kissed. I love you, and you love me. I can feel it; there's no point in trying to deny it."
"Yes, Jasper, I do love you. But I love Emmett, too, and I loved him first." There was no hesitation or doubt in her voice. "And you love Alice."
As much as he wanted it to be otherwise, he knew she was right. She was always right.
Jasper dropped his hands and watched as Rosalie moved to gather her clothes and get dressed. She held her buttonless dress together at her breasts with her hand, using her free hand to tame her tangled hair. He finally bent down and grabbed his boxers and pants, pulling them on but remaining shirtless. He tied his shirt around her waist to help prevent her dress from flying open. He cupped her cheek with his hand, running his thumb back and forth over her lips.
"So, this is it?" he asked, knowing the answer.
Rosalie kissed the pad of his thumb. "Isn't this enough?"
"Never enough," he said, softly kissing her lips. "But I know we can't hurt them."
She smiled against his mouth then parted her lips for him. He gathered her in his arms one last time, and they shared a deep, slow kiss. When Jasper pulled away, he could feel Rosalie rebuilding her cold wall of detachment, and he instantly missed her.
"Emmett's hunting, so I can get back undetected. It's best if we don't go back together." It was more a command than a suggestion.
He nodded. "Yes, you go ahead. I want to stay here a while."
She began to walk away. "I'll see you back at the house."
Before he could reply, she was gone.
Jasper walked over to the tree where they'd stood, and he could still smell Rosalie everywhere. He absentmindedly rubbed his lips, thinking about how they'd tingled when he kissed her. Leaning against the tree, he looked out toward the clearing. He thought he saw the wolf there watching him, but, when he looked again, the wolf was sleeping.
He sat on the ground against their tree until, hours later, he heard Alice call his name. He walked slowly back to the Cullen home, returning to Alice, who now only owned half his silent heart.