|Aliens Don't Exist
Author: Emo Fox PM
Slight AU - Dib is crazy. Totally off his rocker. Zim was never real and Dib is trying to come to terms with it. Too bad Zim doesn't believe him when he says he isn't real. ZADR DADRRated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Drama - Dib & Zim - Chapters: 9 - Words: 25,338 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 01-21-10 - Published: 09-13-09 - id: 5376046
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Aliens Don't Exist"
By: Emo Fox
Dib didn't want to be here, he hated these large suffocating rooms.
The blonde woman behind the desk didn't care about him and his personal problems, Dib was just another job to her, another broken mind to analyze and fix. Ms. Bueller didn't look at him when her eyes fell on him; she looked merely at his mind and nothing more.
He wished he could just go home.
"So, how long has it been that this…"
"Zim has been in your head?"
Dib lay back on the couch, getting comfortable, staring up at the ceiling. "Since I was eleven I think."
Dib's father wanted to cure his insane son; once thinking Zim was an imaginary friend, a figment of Dib's imagination but when Dib turned eighteen -- well, this imaginary friend thing was no longer 'cute'. He sent him to this shrink, Dib had a few in the past, but no one seemed to get through to him; no one could get rid of Zim.
Dib took so many pills.
None of them worked.
Dib set his hand over his eyes, trying not to think, his glasses held in his opposite hand, the one brushing against the carpet.
"Why do you think he manifested?"
"I don't know." Dib said, a little exasperated, he'd been over this so many times before. He should have just recorded himself, saved himself the trouble of saying the same things over and over again. "I used to be into the paranormal, I liked the unknown, I think maybe I created him because of that." He said almost mechanically.
"Were you consciously aware you created him?"
Dib sighed, letting the hand fall from his face, "No, no I wasn't."
"But you understand he's not real?"
"That's what everyone tells me."
"Do you believe that?"
"Fuck." Dib let out a harsh breath, "Yes, I think he isn't real. Why would I be here?"
"You can tell the truth."
Dib stared at the blurry ceiling above him, trying to focus on his breathing. He hated the beginning of the sessions, he hated basically being told he was nuts and to just get better. He hated it. "I don't know." Dib said finally, "I don't know what the truth is."
"You can tell me."
"I saw him first in school." Dib said, "Or, I thought I did, whatever the hell it is I should be saying. I saw him there, he was pretending to be human, he wanted to destroy the world he said."
"Have you ever had bad thoughts towards other human beings?"
Dib shrugged, slowly sitting up on the couch, replacing his round glasses on his nose. He remained sitting up, his elbows on his knees, his lanky frame comfortable on the squishy couch. "Doesn't everyone?"
"Maybe," The woman said, "But, I want to personally know your story."
"I guess so." Dib murmured, "I was picked on I guess. Nothing really bad, normal kid stuff I guess, but I don't know if I always wanted to save everyone like I thought I did."
"Do you think Zim is your hatred for mankind?"
"That's a little harsh." Dib said, smirking just a bit, pushing up his glasses.
She smiled, "Maybe this Zim character is just all your bad thoughts and feelings, what you felt when you were younger, all your feelings of repression."
"Maybe." Dib offered, not really caring, the shrinks before him made the same guess.
Maybe it was true?
Dib didn't know why he had so much trouble with this.
He should be agreeing, he was logical, he could understand what they were feeding him, but for some reason it just wouldn't click. Zim just would never go away; Dib couldn't get rid of him.
"It's possible." She murmured, "You said you wanted to save mankind, you saw him as a threat, perhaps sometime before that happened you had split yourself, so to speak."
"Split?" That was a new one.
"Zim is you, just in a different form."
"Zim is an alien." Dib said almost automatically.
"So you tell me," She smiled again, writing something on the notepad perched on her knee. "But I would like to believe he's just Dib in another form. You said yourself no one else saw him, no one else acknowledged him or his threats towards Earth in general."
"Yes," Dib glanced towards the door, his hands gripping his knees, "I know he's not real or whatever, I understand no one else can see him."
"But you think he's real."
"I said that's what everyone tells me, that he isn't real."
"But do you believe he isn't real?"
Dib was quiet, unsure how to respond.
Zim was so very real to him; it was really hard getting over the question whenever anyone asked. He knew what they wanted to hear, he knew what he should say, but he never could just force it out of his mouth.
"You know," She said, writing something again, "You wouldn't be uncertain if you truly believed he wasn't real. That's where the problem lies; we need to get down to the core of Zim so we can dismiss him from your reality, so you can live a normal healthy lifestyle."
"I work for my father," Dib said, "I make a living; I'm working to get my own apartment."
"I didn't mean it like that." She said, "But, your father says you talk to yourself a lot, you go off on tangents, you lose your temper, that really isn't healthy."
"I talk to Zim."
"Yes," She said again, looking over the rim of her horned glasses, "But we need to get rid of Zim, don't you see him as a problem?"
Dib looked to the plain blue carpet, up to the woman's shoes, seeing his reflection in the black heels. He felt suppressed, alone, so strange in this big room. "Is he really fake? I mean, he has a whole history, he lives on Irk with his Tallest and…" Dib hung his head, "I don't want to be crazy."
"I'm not saying your crazy." She said in a more somber tone, "I'm just trying to address the issue. The issue is Zim; we need to resolve this issue."
"I just don't," Dib murmured, "I just don't think he isn't real. I know everyone says he isn't real, but he is, I know he is."
"How do you know?"
"His whole life!" Dib said, looking up to her with wild honey eyes, "I know his whole life, he's been with me since I was eleven, it didn't seem fake. It really felt real." God, he sounded so pathetic.
"Do dreams feel real?"
Dib started, picking at a string on his shirt, "Yes, I guess."
"Dreams feel very real sometimes." She paused, "Zim is just a figment of those dreams, he isn't real, though he might feel real."
"It's just hard to believe that," Dib didn't look up, "That all that we shared between us isn't real, that it's all fake."
"All you shared?"
Dib let out a sigh, sitting back into the couch, not comfortable at all anymore. "He was my only friend." Dib murmured, "Sort of. I know it sounds pathetic and stupid, but it's true. He was my rival but I also saw him as a friend, and I just don't want to believe that it's all fake, that I'm just crazy."
She wrote something else down, "Your only friend? You don't interact with others well?"
Dib continued to stare at nothing, "I don't have very good people skills I guess." Dib said, but humor wasn't in his tone like he had intended, "No one liked me much, I was the weird kid everyone avoided since I was young. I was always chasing after ghosts, vampires, aliens."
"You had a very wild imagination."
"I guess so, I created Zim after all." His tone was sarcastic.
She ignored the sarcastic comment, "Maybe Zim was created so you would have self-worth?"
"You would defend the planet, save the human race; show everyone that you meant something, that you were important." She flicked her blue eyes to Dib, catching his eyes and taking note of his tense posture; she was hitting a nerve. "Then everyone would want to be your friend, hm?"
It sounded so childish when she said it like that.
Childish, but oddly believable.
Could it really be that Zim wasn't real?
No, no, no, he had to stick to his guns; he had to ignore what she was saying.
It wasn't true!
He wasn't crazy!
"I don't know." He said lamely, biting the inside of his lip, clearly not at ease with the situation anymore.
"Zim is all the parts of you, you view as bad." She murmured, "I still believe he might just be the other half of your personality."
"Split personality?" Dib asked, "I don't think I have pills for that yet." He said in a humorless tone.
"It's just an assumption, I don't know anything for certain yet, I can't diagnose you until we talk more about the issue." Ms. Bueller said calmly, "But, it seems more probable, don't you think?"
"Sure." He said, really wanting the session just to be closed, "But I still don't see how the other part of me is an obnoxious alien who has no common sense."
She quirked a brow, "Zim is very defined, isn't he?"
"I told you," He said, "Zim has a whole past, he was in half of my past, he has a personality he…he's a whole different person."
"You said you chased imaginary things when you were little," She started, "Ghosts, aliens, vampires?"
"Perhaps you just created Zim with the intent of having something to over-come, as I said, to have a feeling of self-worth." She said calmly, "Zim is all your left-over personality traits you don't like, all the things you don't see in yourself, and because you don't see those things in yourself you made Zim a whole different species so you wouldn't have to come to terms with the bad side of yourself; so to speak."
Dib listened, unsure how to respond, she was so very thorough with her words, it was hard to shoot them down in his head – hard not to start believing her, she sounded so tangible, so logical, so very sane.
"Zim is obnoxious you said," She started again, "You yourself are rather reserved aren't you?"
"I have my moments." Dib said as if trying to defend himself; or Zim, he couldn't be certain.
"Yes, but Zim is always outgoing isn't he? He's the reason you lose your temper isn't he?"
Dib shrugged, knowing it was the truth but he didn't really want to say. "I guess."
"Do you fight with him a lot?"
"We used to."
"When we were younger." He said, staring at a point on the carpet, "We don't fight too much anymore, not really."
"Why is that?"
Dib shrugged, "We grew up maybe? He's a little more calm now, but that's not saying much, Zim is a hot-head and he still doesn't understand…" Dib stopped himself, glancing up to her, his lips tugged into a frown. "I sound crazy."
"Doesn't understand what?" She said softly, trying to coax him into talking some more.
"Doesn't understand humans still," Dib glanced to the door, "Doesn't get certain relationships."
"Do I have to talk about this?"
"We'll talk about whatever you feel comfortable with."
"I don't feel comfortable talking about that."
"Alright," She wrote something else on her notepad, "What would you like to talk about?"
"I don't know." Dib said, "Does it matter? He's not real or anything anyway."
"You keep saying it like that," She said, "With that sarcasm. You really think he's real don't you?"
Dib shifted on the couch, looking tense and uncertain again, "I don't know."
"Your father mentioned you sometimes would have bruises on your body, sometimes you'd have cuts or bloody noses." She said, "He said you used to say it was a kid at school beating you up, you said Zim beat you up a lot, and your father didn't think too much of it. Boys will be boys he said, but then he found you talking to Zim in your room sometimes, in the living room, places where he could hear you." She continued to speak, "He found out Zim wasn't real, and he grew concerned. When was the first time he enrolled you in this psychological program?"
"When I was fourteen." Dib murmured, "Nothing serious though, I never went home with prescriptions. Everyone said I was still suffering from a child's syndrome, still holding on to childhood with an imaginary friend."
"Does Zim still beat you up?"
"He doesn't just beat me up," Dib grumbled, "I beat him up too, it's mutual, he wants to take over the world remember?" His voice ended in a lazy drawl, his bronze-colored eyes looking towards the woman.
"Mm." She wrote something down again, "So you inflict harm on each other mutually?"
"That's what I said."
"So you see him with bruises or cuts too?"
"His blood is green." He said absently, looking up to the ceiling, feeling antsy again, wanting to just be home.
"Right," She smiled though it didn't reach her eyes, "Do you use weapons to hurt each other? Knives, razors?"
"No," Dib murmured, "Not really. Just punching, clawing and biting mainly on his end."
"Clawing and biting?"
Dib shrugged, looking to her again, "It's just how he fights sometimes, I'm bigger than him now so he gets sorta desperate."
Dib felt comfortable discussing Zim like he was real; but whenever he paused and thought about it, whenever he really realized where he was and who he was talking to he'd grow tense and apprehensive again. He knew everything he was saying only damned him further, proved that he was insane, and he knew he should shut up but he couldn't help it.
Dib talked when he was nervous.
"Would you mind taking pictures next time you two fight?"
"Of the wounds," She said easily, "Of any bite or claw marks, of any cuts or bruises."
"Oh, uh, sure." Dib said, wondering what the point of that was. Did she think he was self-mutilating himself? Well, of course she did, Zim wasn't real after all. She probably wanted proof so she could analyze it, tell him that he somehow cut himself with knives he wasn't aware of and was able to bite his own neck or whatever.
That was right; Zim did things he couldn't do to himself!
He could get proof and prove he was sane!
Dib found himself smiling with his newfound plot, he opened his mouth to speak only to be cut off by his shrink.
"Dib," She said, setting the board on the table and getting to her feet, "Our session is over, I'll see you on Tuesday."
Dib got up off the couch, picking up his coat off the arm rest and extending his hand so he could shake yours, "Sure." He said, but he was rather distracted.
"Don't worry," She said, "We're going to take this slow, we made some good progress today don't you think?"
Dib didn't look to her directly, slipping on his black trench coat, adjusting the collar, "Yes."
"See you Tuesday." She said again, gesturing towards the door for the boy to leave.
"Alright." Dib made his way to the door, his hand resting on the handle when he heard her voice again.
"Remember the pictures."
"Right." He nodded, opening the door, intent on going home and confronting Zim.
I really can't get enough of writing about the human psyche. This had always intrigued me, the idea of Zim being nothing more than a figment of Dib's imagination. His whole life put in question because all the battles and the epic conflict for Earth was all pretend, not real, fake.
It's very interesting, but I do hope it's more interesting to other people and not only myself.
This is going to be an on-going chapter-fic. It's going to be full of drama/angst/and human x alien lurve in Dib's… uh, head? Yes, I'm making him super nuts but that's alright. Later on there will be Dib x Dwicky romance, but not for a long, long while since Dib has a long way to be before he fully snaps.
I think this story and my "Sasuke the Homicidal Maniac" story will be updated quite frequently depending on if the fanbase holds. Anyway! I hope you guys' enjoyed what you read and feel inclined to leave me a review. Thank you!