1 The Masterpiece Sandwich (or: A woman’s place is in the kitchen.) An X- Men fanfic by Jo the Phoenix

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters. Does anyone else around here??

Author’s note: OK, here’s something for a change in pace, a Jo the Phoenix fic featuring the Iceman. How’s that for weird? Anyway, this story is based, (rather loosely, I might add) on true events that frustrated me for a night. Enjoy.

The Iceman, Robert Drake, stood half in and half out of the fridge, rooting around in the back. After a few minutes of shuffling and shifting the groceries around, her finally found what he was looking for: the mayo, a brand new jar.

Grinning he took it back to the counter. A huge bun, a leaf of lettuce, a couple tomatoe slices, three cheese slices, a big squirt of mustard, a splat of sqeeze cheese; all this sandwich needed was mayo, and it would be, (in Bobby’s opinion, at least), a masterpiece.

“I oughta take a picture of it, it’s a beaut! Almost too good to eat…almost.” He smiled as he twisted the lid of the mayonaisse jar. It didn’t budge. His smile turned to a frown. “What the—“ He tried again. It still didn’t move. Grumbling, her ran the metal lid under hot water. Another valiant attempt, her tried putting the jar between his knees and twisting with both hands. It didn’t help.

Peering furtively around, he tried opening it witht the little gripper thingy that the girls always had to use. The lid was still stuck. Giving up on the gripper, the Iceman grabbed a knife. He whacked the top a few times, a trick he’d seen Storm do. He didn’t know how this helped, but from what he saw, it did. This time, however, it didn’t.

Cursing at the stupid mayo jar, he hit it more forcefully, ran it under extremely hot water and used the gripper thingy, all at once. The lid didn’t budge.

Bobby was considering breaking the glass jar when Jubilee walked in. The Iceman was frustrated enough to ask her for help, which she readily agreed to give. Jubilee tried opening it with her bare hands. When that didn’t work, she asked Bobby “Did you try hot water?”

“Yes.”

“Did ya try that rubber thing?”

“The gripper? Yep.” Bobby replied through gritted teeth.

“Did’ja try-“

“The knife? Yes, I tried everything! I can’t get it open!”

“Geez, Fine, Bobster, don’t get your fur up!” Jubilee snarled as she tried again with the knife. She tried again, and again. And again. “Argh!! I’m gonna get this open! I mean it!”

A well aimed PAF blew the lid off and half the mayo onto the cupboards.

“Thanks, Jubie.” Bobby said as he wiped mayonaisse out of his eyes.

“No problem, Popsicle.”