Story 22: Parent teacher conference

“Faith, I SWEAR if this is over anything she did that came about because you taught it to her…” Buffy said in a low but intense voice close to the other woman’s ear as they walked together toward Callie’s kindergarten classroom. The elementary school hallway was brightly lit but empty, the children having all gone now, and Buffy, despite her slight anxiety, found herself to be glancing around, their colorful schoolwork hung on the walls catching her eye.

“She says she didn’t do anything wrong,” Faith shrugged, rolling her eyes as she continued with Buffy down the hall. “They probably call all the parents in for conferences at some point during the year. It’s probably, like, a rule or something.”

“It’s been less than a month that she’s been in school, Faith,” Buffy pointed out. “And as for Callie saying she didn’t do anything bad, she also said she didn’t write her name on the wall in three inch high letters, remember? And even if she thinks she’s being honest, Callie’s idea of bad and kindergarten teacher’s probably don’t exactly match up with each other’s.”

“Whatever,” Faith muttered, rolling her eyes again. “Callie’s not bad. She’s just smarter than everyone else in the place, probably, and they don’t know how to deal with it. They’re such dictators in school anyway, all the rules they have that have nothing to do with real life. ‘Raise your hand to talk,’ ‘be quiet in the halls,’ ‘ask to use the bathroom,’ blah blah blah, stupid. She’s a kid and she’s gonna be a Slayer- what, do they expect her to bend to authority? A kid of OURS? I’d be disappointed.”

“Shh!” Buffy hissed, poking Faith in the side and looking around anxiously to make sure no one had heard. “Stop using the slay word in public, Faith, how many times to I have to tell you?”

Faith rolled her eyes for a third time, and to her own consternation, Buffy felt a very Mom-ish urge to tell her they’d freeze that way if she didn’t watch it. “Whatever, B. I hope they don’t make us sit in the midget chairs again…what do they do if a really fat person comes in? Make them choose between breaking a chair or sitting on the floor?”

But of course, it was indeed midget chairs they were offered. As Mrs. Gellar, Callie’s teacher, came forward with her hand held out, smiling, they noticed that this time around she seemed quite determined to appear not to notice that they were both women. The first time she had ever met Faith and Buffy one on one she had been startled when they both introduced themselves as Callie’s mother. She had looked them both over quickly, then at Callie, seeming to be struggling with the obvious physical similarities Callie shared with both. Buffy had found this somewhat amusing, particularly that someone in California could still be startled by any sort of family or how it had come about, but Faith had surprisingly been defensive over it. Even now as Mrs. Gellar shook her hand she was looking at her with barely veiled wariness, squeezing her hand just a shade harder than she normally would with another woman. Mrs. Gellar winced.

“Ms. Summers, Ms. Lehane, it’s good to see you again,” she began when both were attempting to somewhat comfortably situate themselves in their child-sized chairs, Faith squirming noticeably. “I hope you’re well?”

“We’re fine, thanks,” Buffy smiled, and to her annoyance, Faith exchanged no such pleasantries before jumping to the point.

“So what’s with this conference…what did Callie do? Is she not listening, having problems with something you’re teaching, what?”

“Oh, well, no, nothing like that,” Mrs. Gellar said with the same slightly overdone smile, shaking her head. Buffy gave a pointed look to Faith to indicate for her to be more polite, and Faith, being Faith, either ignored this or didn’t notice. “No, Callie is having no problems at all with schoolwork, she’s a very bright child. Though she does tend to get a bit distracted from her work at times.”

Faith actually looked pleased by this, and Buffy knew what she was thinking. Her child was smart, but not a nerd, exactly the combo Faith had hoped for. Sometimes Buffy swore the woman had a complex with her pride over Callie being so “tough” and “cool.”

“And she’s usually not a problem as far as her behavior goes…although sometimes her words don’t’ quite keep up with her fists in settling disputes, which has in fact been a problem, as you know,” Mrs. Gellar added, looking between them meaningfully. “But I didn’t call you in over Callie’s problem solving skills today. I thought we should talk about…more recent occurrences.”

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked quickly, glancing at Faith again, and Faith shifted, frowning.

“Well,” Mrs. Gellar began, and she looked between the women with her eyes hesitant, her voice very careful. “I’m just a little concerned…I know children often make up stories or imagine things at this age…but with Callie it seems…well, very frequent in comparison to other children. At first I didn’t pay much attention to her talk about monsters and witches and the like…but lately…well, for instance, we read a book to the children about a vampire the other day, since it’s close to Halloween. Not a scary one, of course,” she added quickly, as if afraid Buffy and Faith would be appalled, and the women smirked at each other. “Just a humorous little poem, really. But Callie…she told the class that her uncle was a vampire…a vampire and an angel.”

At that Faith and Buffy couldn’t look at each other. It was hard enough as it was not to burst out laughing. Mistaking their expressions for ones of grave seriousness and distress, Mrs. Gellar nodded, continuing solemnly.

“During the story, Callie also interrupted to correct me several times. She said that vampires don’t’ hate garlic, don’t sleep in coffins, and don’t turn into bats…and also that she knew this because she’s seen vampires before. She said the two of you…well, kill them…and she was quite insistent on talking about it even when I tried to change the subjects.”

DAMMIT, Buffy thought in more embarrassment than horror or dread, lowering her head slightly. Callie always did hate to lose an argument…

Faith was practically openly smirking as she said in an overly interested tone, “She watches a lot of TV…cable, you know.”

“Yes, well…I’m not judging, of course, and it is your business…but perhaps you could monitor more closely what she watches?” Mrs. Gellar suggested hesitantly. She produced from a stack of papers on her desk a child’s colorful picture, handing it to them to scrutinize and still eyeing them seriously. “I thought you should look at this…Callie drew this during art the other day.”

As Buffy and Faith bent their heads over their daughter’s work, their eyes widened. She had clearly put a lot of thought and effort into this… there were two figures, standing, a blonde woman and a brunette, with a blonde smaller figure in between, all holding what looked like sticks in their hands. There was a man with glasses, a man with dark scribbled hair standing next to a blonde woman, and another dark-haired woman with a red-headed woman wearing what looked like a pointy witch’s hat. There was a section in the corner with a black man, two dark-haired men, and two dark haired women drawn…only one of the men had pointy white teeth coming out of his U-shaped mouth. And then there was the green, red-eyed man too…

As Faith and Buffy stared, Mrs. Gellar said gravely, “She says it’s her family portrait.”

At that, Buffy and Faith couldn’t help it; they burst into hysterical laughter.