A Question of Love-Chapter 1

Love was on Princess Allura’s mind, even as she sat waiting to see Dr. Gorma. It was on her mind when she made decisions that affected her entire planet, when she flew the blue lion, even when she found a tumor in her abdomen that needed to have a biopsy. Free time was undoubtedly a luxury; when she was afforded that luxury, love was what she dreamed about.

Allura had been through more pain than most 23 year olds go through in a lifetime. She had faced the destruction and resurrection of her planet, the loss of her parents, and she had stared death in the face during battle unflinchingly. In spite of all that, or perhaps because of it, she spent her happiest moments dreaming of what it would be like to be in love. She thought about it when she ate, when she was supposed to be studying, and when she lay in bed at night. Allura followed Arusian religion which dictated something akin to karma; if an individual faced enough sorrow and pain, something wonderful would be due. Hence, Allura didn’t feel bad for longing for someone to love her…she knew she was due.

Even while waiting for Dr. Gorma when more serious topics should inevitably be on her mind, she sat, staring ahead, a pleasant smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

“Come in, your majesty,” Dr. Gorma urged, jolting Allura out of her reverie.

Allura followed the doctor wordlessly. When she went in his office, her smile faded when she saw two other doctors standing there facing her. “Your majesty…I’d like you to meet Dr. Thomas and Dr. Brown.”

Allura was alarmed all at once and her mouth became very dry. She licked her lips as the nausea swirled in her throat. Maybe they are just being cautious, she thought, clinging to her optimism. “Am I all right?” she questioned. Her voice came out high and panicky. “Was there a problem with the biopsy?”

Allura gathered the courage to look Dr. Gorma in the eyes, and she didn’t altogether like what she saw there. In his eyes she saw tenderness and pity. Allura knew the doctor cared for her, and would always do what was in her best interest, but the sadness in his eyes made her know without a doubt that the news was not good. Dr. Gorma cleared his throat. “You have cancer, Allura.”

Allura sat frozen, her training as a princess taking over. She sat rigidly, and the only show of emotion on her face was the intense dilation of the black pupils. They kept dilating until the sapphire surrounding the black was almost not visible. She moved her lips, but no words were forthcoming.

Dr. Gorma broke eye contact, no longer able to deal with the terror in the eyes holding his fast. He got up and paced while he talked. “I know it’s a shock, dearest. I’ve consulted the two finest oncologists on planet Arus to take care of you.” Allura looked up at the two men standing behind Dr. Gorma briefly. “They feel your prognosis will be very good if we start the treatments immediately.”

“Treatments?” Allura repeated.

“Chemotherapy treatments,” interjected Dr. Brown. “First thing tomorrow we’ll insert a port-a-cath just below your collar bone for administration of the chemo. We’ll give you a little something to help you relax before we do it. The little device is to save you from being stuck repeatedly for your treatments.” Allura looked at him wide eyed and frightened wondering if she was supposed to be grateful.

Dr. Thomas added, “Of course with any chemo there are some risks involved. You’ll need regular blood work to monitor your blood counts. We’ll need to keep an eye on your liver and kidneys for damage. You may get sores in your mouth, have nausea and vomiting. There’s a good chance you’ll lose some hair.”

By this point, Allura had shut down from information overload. She kept staring at the two doctors, bewildered, seeing their mouths moving, but not getting any of what they were saying. It was all unreal…as though she were dreaming or watching them speak from under water. Allura could hear her heart in her ears. After about 15 minutes of this, Dr. Gorma seemed to understand the shock had prevented her from hearing anything and he patted her hand kindly. “Why don’t you go and try to have supper and a good night’s sleep? This is something we can discuss again tomorrow after you’ve had some time to let the news digest. Does that sound all right, Allura?”

“Yes.” It was an automatic response. The doctors shook her hand, and neither commented on the clamminess of it. Allura turned and drifted like a sleepwalker out of the infirmary part of the castle. She had kept the news of the biopsy very quiet, telling only Nanny and Coran. The members of the Voltron force were told she needed minor surgery and therefore a temporary replacement pilot would be on stand by to fly the blue lion.

Now she had to tell them she had cancer.

Princess Allura slapped a hand over her mouth to try and suppress a cry of pain. She was so scared she was trembling. Yet, for some reason, she went to supper in the dining room with the Voltron force. It was automatic; everyday they had supper together at 5 pm sharp, no exceptions. Coran and Nanny raised their eyebrows at her, but she shook her head at them slightly, warning them not to ask in front of everyone.

The supper did take her mind off the illness to some extent. She watched Pidge break off pieces of his roll and slip them under the table to the space mice that eagerly waited there. Then Pidge would wink at her covertly, his face lit up with childlike joy. Hunk devoured everything in sight, sincerely complimenting the chef’s and Nanny’s efforts to supply a delicious meal. He’s always so grateful, Allura thought. Keith was eating his meal as seriously and meticulously as he did everything. Lance was telling a joke to Hunk, grinning all the while. Sun bounced off his reddish brown hair and made it appear the color of gold fire.

The members of the Voltron force…she loved them so. They had become her best friends and her brothers. How was she going to deliver the bad news?

Allura lingered over her supper. She pushed the creamy potatoes around on her china plate. "Not hungry, Princess?" Coran had been watching the young girl. He had been waiting for her return from Doctor Gorma's office. Allura raised her eyes to meet Coran’s. Her lips curled upwards only slightly as she issued him a smile. She didn’t answer him verbally. Instead she raised her fork to her mouth and nibbled on the fillet steak.

I’ll wait untill after supper. Then I’ll tell them, Allura promised herself. Let them eat and enjoy supper, at the very least. They’ve all been through enough pain.

Allura managed to finish off her plate but couldn’t dream of attempting dessert. After supper, the team headed to the recreation room for some down time. Allura remained seated at the head of the table. "Allura?" Coran pressed again. This time he came to her side. The look of worry in his eyes stung her conscience. Her chest heaved upwards as she took a deep breath.

"Coran, can you get Nanny and meet me in the recreation room with the others?"

"Princess?" His voice was quiet, his eyes searching.

"Please, Coran. Just…meet me with the others." She spared him one quick, sideways glance, which was a gesture of how serious she was. Then her eyes darted towards the door and she quickly left to join her team.

She found the others as she knew she would. Pidge and Hunk were watching a show on the wide screen television that occupied one full wall. They argued in a friendly matter about the fate the show had for its hero. Lance sat on the opposite end of the couch, flipping through a magazine while Keith sat off to the side. He occupied the chair in the corner and had busied himself reading over paper work sent to him from Galaxy Garrison. She hovered by the door, feeling guilty for the news she was going to share with them. It was going to be a bomb larger than any belonging in Lotor's arsenal.

"Coran, what’s going on? Why are you dragging me all the way down here..."
Allura could hear Nanny's harmless banter as she and Coran neared them.

"The Princess orders it," Coran replied, hoping that the quiet tone in his voice would caution her to do the same.

"The Princess?" Nanny didn't say anything else. The doors opened up with a mechanical swoosh and she peered inside. "Princess, you wish to see us?" Allura smiled in spite of herself at the sudden change in her caretaker’s pitch.

"Yes," she answered. "Please. Have a seat." Keith was the first one to realize that her visit with them wasn't casual.

"Allura?" he asked, looking up from the stack of papers in his hand. "Is everything all right?"

The Princess stood firmly, her posture commanding the attention of the others. She locked her eyes with Keith’s and tried to feed off the strength that he always possessed. She felt her heart race and she desperately tried to use her royal etiquette to remain poised. "I have something to tell you all," she began, trying to keep the waver out of her voice. "As you know, I had a biopsy done." Immediately, she gained everyone's attention. Hunk reached for the remote and respectfully put the television on mute. Nobody said anything. All eyes were on her, waiting for her to continue. She pinched her eyelids tightly shut as she felt tears threatening. "I don't know of any other way to say this. Dr. Gorma told me I have cancer."

The dead silence of the room hurt her ears. Finally, she dared to open her eyes and looked into the stunned faces of her teammates. Coran was the first to speak. "They were certain of their findings?" he asked, searching for hope.

Allura nodded her head feebly. "Yes. I start treatments tomorrow." Her voice was firmer now, but weary and resigned.

"Princess," Hunk began, shifting his positions uneasily. He didn’t say anything else; he couldn’t conjure up the proper words to make the news any easier. He looked to Pidge for help.

Pidge shoved his glasses back up on the bridge of his slender up-turned nose. Tears were already sliding down the smooth skin of his cheeks. At such a young age, he already had already lost his home planet, and had a vast appreciation for the frailty of life. He swallowed hard before he spoke. "Princess... I’m sorry," he choked out.
Allura gave him a tiny smile, graciously accepting his condolences.

Lance placed the magazine in his lap and stared straight ahead, avoiding her eyes and everyone else’s as well.

Nanny immediately flew across the room and wrapped her large arms around Allura's waist. "No," she wailed, and her voice had a ring of hysteria. "It can't be true! It just can't be!"

Allura tried to twist herself around to lessen the pain of Nanny's grip. "I'm sorry. But it IS true. You needed to know. My cancer is going to affect us all."

Keith nodded in agreement. "We’ll call for Sven to come to pilot Blue Lion," he announced somberly.

Coran nodded. "We shall make arrangements immediately." He wanted so much to console his beloved Princess. She looked so childlike and innocent as she stood within Nanny's embrace. His heart ached for her sake.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She knew that her illness was going to put a strain not only on her own body, but also on the team and functions of the castle.

"Princess. Don't worry about anything," Keith told her. “You take care of yourself. We will look after everything else." Allura knew this was Keith’s way of caring for her. He always offered what he could.

Allura nodded. "Thank you." From the corner of her eye, she watched as Lance tossed the magazine onto the couch beside him. He rose from his position and went to look out the window. He stuffed his hands into his jeans pocket. Allura also knew that Lance’s pretending not to care was proof that he cared very much. She knew better than to address him. Out of them all, he was the one that was the least willing to express his emotions. She knew he would keep his sorrow to himself.

"Maybe you should go and lay down," Nanny babbled. "Get plenty of rest."

Allura decided to take Nanny's advice. The facts were laid out on the table. There was nothing more she could do for the Voltron force. Besides, she did feel emotionally drained. She longed for the solitude of her quarters.

"Yes, maybe I shall," she replied, faintly.

Nanny leaped into over protective mode. "Please! You all have to leave her alone!” When she raised her head Allura saw her cheeks were damp from the river of tears. "She needs her rest and I don’t want any of you disturbing her!"

Allura followed Nanny meekly to her quarters wondering what tomorrow would bring…