Chapter One – Mushroom Samba

Kaname cringed as she looked at her reflection in the changing room mirror, the tight yellow top and daisy duke shorts causing her nerves to fray. Making sure the tall lavender tights were pulled up all the way, Kaname draped the bright red jacket across her arms before trying to calm herself with a deep breath. Squaring her shoulders, and determined to make the best of things, she left the dressing room to report to Manager Kawaguchi. Just as she was about to enter his office, she heard her name called, “Chidori?” Glancing over her shoulder, she found Sousuke dressed in a dark blue suit. Though at first it seemed almost too small for him, it still managed to let him move freely. “Am I wearing this right?”

Kaname tilted her head, giving him a once over, and shook her head, “No, no,” she walked up to him, tugging on his tie until it was resting sloppily over his chest, ruffling his clothes so they looked like he’d slept in them and pushing up his sleeves. “That’s better, but there’s still something…,” she ‘hmm’ed thoughtfully, her chin resting in her hand as she took him in.

Sousuke fidgeted awkwardly, shifting his tie with a frown. He was so used to wearing his clothes to military designated precision, and he was even less comfortable in the tight and restricting clothes now, which he hadn’t thought would be possible when he first donned the outfit! Kaname let out a small shout of triumph, and she turned to run into the back with a short “Stay there!” He watched after her curiously, wondering when she came back with her hand held out with a small pile of some kind of foam on her hand.

“Chidori, what…?”

“Need to fix your hair!” she exclaimed cheerfully, running her hands through his hair and mussing up the locks so harshly that he was amazed he wasn’t getting some kind of motion sickness from the rough treatment his head was suffering. She took a step back and he scowled, not pleased at all with the feeling of whatever it was she had put into his hair.

Mud was more comfortable, and his frown deepened with a shake of his head, “Chidori, just what did you use?”

Giggling, she reached out and fixed a few more strands of his hair so that they fell just so, “Mousse!”

His eye twitched in annoyance, his only familiarity with ‘mousse’ being that of the dessert. “I fail to see what purpose a chocolate dessert might serve being placed on my head.”

Kaname blinked at him, confused by his statement for a moment. When it dawned on her, she sighed, burrowing her face into her hands, “You idiot. I’m talking about styling mousse, it’s made for going in your hair! You don’t eat it!”

“But when you were teaching me about the menu at this place, you said that it was-!”

“Never mind what I said! It’s a different kind of mousse! Would you eat an M67 grenade just ‘cause it’s called an ‘apple’!?” she stared at him for several seconds before the weight of what she had just said sank in. “Argh, now I’m talking like an otaku!!” she cried, pulling her fan out of seeming no where to smack him over the head with it.

Sousuke sat on the ground for just a moment before scrambling to his feet, his hair flattened where the harisen had smacked him, making it into some kind of demented inverse mohawk. Kaname grumbled even more, and she wondered more and more just how it was she had yet to suffer an aneurysm dealing with his idiocy.

As she messed with his hair again, he was forced to bend over, and it was rather difficult for him to keep his eyes from wandering over her mostly exposed figure. “Chidori, are you sure you can go through with this? That outfit is rather…,” he trailed off, and she immediately went on the defensive.

Hands planted firmly on her hips, she stared him down fiercely, “It’s rather what!? Are you saying that I can’t handle my job, Sousuke!?”

“No, that’s not, I mean, I would never doubt your ability, it’s just that… uh,” he swallowed thickly.

“It’s just that what? You think people go blind looking at me or something!?”

“Ah, no! But… uh, it’s just that, well… y-your looks can be, er, distracting at times…”

“So I’m ugly, is that it? So horrible I break mirrors or something? Am I that hideous, Sousuke?”

“Negative, Chidori. In fact many of our classmates enjoy looking at you.”

“D-Do you…enjoy looking at me Sousuke?”

“Uh…,” he always was known for his eloquence.

They stared at each other, cheeks stained pink as Kaname stared expectantly up at him and he stared incredulously down at her, unsure of how to answer. Wasn’t it obvious!? They each near jumped out of their skins when a voice suddenly piped up nearby, “Afternoon Sagara, Chidori. I see my two finest assets are doing well today.”

Sousuke choked on air and Kaname shrugged her shoulders violently to lift up the red jacket and wrap it tightly around herself, chest heaving violently as she tried to calm herself from shock and embarrassment. It took him a moment, but when Sousuke spoke he was able to keep his voice level, if strained, “Sir, I do not think that Chidori’s attire is appropriate.” Kaname glanced up sharply, her heart skipping a beat as her eyes starred over. “In one of the locations I grew up in, only the least desirable harlots would parade themselves around so shamelessly. In fact one of my-!” a fist pounding on top of his skull interrupted his lecture.

“You insensitive jerk!! How dare you say that about me!!!”

“Chidori, you misunder-!”

THWACK!

“You filthy pervert!” Stomping on his head with her bright yellow ankle boots, both forgot that the manager was still present. Finding that they weren’t about to stop on their own, Manager Kawaguchi coughed to get their attention. Kaname instantly blushed as she then realized the view she was giving the young man she trampled on so fiercely.

“If you’re both finished, please report to your posts for the afternoon. Chidori, since you are more familiar with waitressing, you will take over, Sagara will seat the customers. Understood?”

“Ye-yes…” “Roger!” they responded simultaneously. Sousuke picked himself off the ground as though the beating was nothing, and considering how naturally they had fallen into the violent routine, it was probably something he was rather accustomed to. The manager shook his head, wondering if his shop would remain in the one piece it had been restored to for very long, what with these rambunctious teens wreaking nonstop havoc.

Taking him up to the front of the store, Kaname turned to give Sousuke a lecture on how to operate the front and cashier station. “Okay Sousuke, pay attention. All you have to do is ask how many people want to be seated, take them to a table, and when they’re done, you ring them up on the register. Got it?”

“Affirmative, Chidori. Is that the extent of the host’s mission parameters? What are the ROE?”

“ROE, what the hell are you talking about you military freak? No, none of that, just do what I tell you, don’t make it any more complicated than it needs to be, idiot.”

“Understood.”

“Oh, and don’t forget, while in that outfit you need to act like that guy we watched last night.”

“I-I’m not sure I can do that Chidori.”

“Just pretend you’re on a covert operation working on surveillance or something.”

“But aren’t I already-“

“Just…do what you can. Okay?”

“Roger. I will do my best.”

“And NO explosives!”

His mouth tightened into a thin line, but he nodded in agreement, however reluctant he was. She seemed satisfied enough, and she left him to his post so she could prepare everything for a night of waiting tables alone. Making sure that everything was in working order, she groaned as she slipped the jacket back down off her shoulders so that she looked the part. She very much hoped that not all anime characters dressed so promiscuously. Kaname liked to look good as much as the next girl, but this was really going too far! At the very least maybe the next one could adequately cover her butt!

Kaname sighed as she stretched her tired back muscles. Their first day as a ‘Cosplay Café’ was, at long last, almost over. Finally, she would be able to get out of the ridiculous yellow outfit and go home to a nice relaxing dinner and a hot bath. She turned when she heard the ring of the register, watching as Sousuke gave the customer their change. Despite a few hiccups, he had managed not to make too much of a spectacle of himself his first day. Then again, it was only Tuesday. There were never very many customers until Friday afternoon, and even then, nobody ever got too rowdy. ‘Still,’ she thought. ‘Did he really need to seat people based on a cursory glance of their combat ability?’

The act itself had been harmless enough; as the customers had still been seated and tended to anyway. Kaname had started getting suspicious when just over half the customers were being seated on the same side of the café. She had also noted that one lone customer was sat apart from most of the customers, in a wide open area at a four-top. Shaking her head, she groaned as she remembered the ridiculous conversation she’d had with Sousuke about the subject.

~~~Flashback~~~

Kaname had zipped about and took orders, making sure all the food reached their designated tables in record time. Though, because of some of her curious observations the moment she had just a few spare moments, she ran over to speak to Sousuke.

“Sousuke!”

“Chidori?”

“Sousuke, what are you doing? You’re messing up the seating! And what are you doing seating someone who came here alone at a seat made for four people! We have booths for smaller parties, you should seat him there!” she panted, taking her eyes off of him for just a moment to look over the room once more. Satisfied, she turned back up to him, waiting impatiently for an answer.

“I don’t understand what the problem is, Chidori. I have seated those civilians with young children or older or handicapped people in the back, and the young and healthy towards the front in case of terrorist attack. The former would be in the way and difficult to defend, especially if they were scattered about, while the healthy could be given weapons to participate in the battle.” Kaname could feel her eye twitching and a vein in her head throbbing as her anger mounted, and she was about to shout at him when he continued on. “Also, that man is seated there so that I may keep an eye on him. He is very suspicious seeming.”

THWACK!!

“Chidori, that hurt.”

“What the hell, Sousuke!? Seating people by how they would react in a combat situation!?”

“But if the restaurant were ever to fall under attack-”

THWACK!!

“Shut up Sousuke!! Didn’t I tell you during lunch today not to go overboard on anything?!”

“Well yes, but I did not think that-”

She slammed the small clipboard she had to hold the papers she took orders on over his head, the flimsy wood snapping in half from the force. He fell to the ground, staying where he was just a moment before standing up swiftly and muttering something about how it had hurt. “Shut up! That’s enough out of you! No crazy logic! Ahh! I don’t have the time to explain this to you! Just… Look! I’ll make it simple! Keep people that look noisy away from people that look quiet, keep people that look vulgar away from people that look sensitive, or with young kids, you know! This isn’t a battle zone!” With that, she ran off to attend to the guests, having spent far too much time lecturing the thick-skulled moron.

Sousuke stood silently at the register, mulling her words over. It made no sense to him, it seemed horribly illogical, but if that was what she said… His head was aching quite a bit, and he decided that he would do his best to follow her instructions from then on. There was nothing to be done about the people he had sat already; he just placed the next family that came in near other families. So they were still in the back, it was where he had been putting them. He couldn’t do anything about it now.

~~End Flashback~~

Kaname was brought out of her reverie when she heard a loud, if not obnoxious, coughing coming from table seven. She cringed when she realized she was right. It was her new favorite customer. She’d never seem him before, but considering how annoying he was, and, of course, his winning personality, she couldn’t care less if she never saw him again after that night. He was a middle-aged business man, about average height and a little on the heavy side. An observation that was a mystery to her, mainly because he seemed to find fault with everything she brought him. ‘Great. Well, here we go again,’ she thought as she walked over and struck a pose. Secretly, she was glad that she had to remain in character, as Faye Valentine often was not too kind with others she spoke too, though she was quite exceptional when undercover. Taking a moment to stick a candy cigarette in her mouth, she played as if using a lighter before leaning one arm on the table to look haughtily at the man. “What’s up cowboy? Something you want?”

“My coffee is not hot enough.” Kaname was doing everything in her power to refrain from growling. Brief fantasies of beating the living daylights out of the man in front of her danced through her head.

“No sweat, sugar. I can take care of that faster than bringin’ in my next bounty.”

“The more theatrics you use, the colder my coffee is going to be.” Feeling the vein in her head throbbing, Kaname strained to keep the smile on her face. She just might decide to stop by the arcade on the way home so she could shoot something instead of giving over to the urge of asking Sousuke if she could borrow the gun she knew he had on him.

“Of course sir. I’ll be right back.” Kaname spun on her heel to fetch his precious coffee pot, grumbling incoherent curses about nasty old men and people never being satisfied.

Surveying the room, Sousuke stiffened when he saw Kaname at the suspicious man’s table, the man seeming to be very angry about something. He watched as Kaname turned and began stomping her way back to the kitchen, her anger and frustration was evident on her face. Glancing towards the door in a quick check for any newcomers, he left his post and approached the man.

“Sir.”

“What is it? You’re terrible at this, you know that! I can’t believe you would put me in the open like that, as though I were a leper or something! What is wrong with you!?”

“Sir,” he started again, his voice tight. He glared down, reaching for his gun and drawing it enough to make his point, “I recommend you treat the waitress with more courtesy than you’ve shown.”

“Is this the way you treat your customers?”

“It’s the way I treat threats,” he kept his gaze locked on the customer’s, feeling disturbed by the fact that this person seemed to have no nervous reaction to the showing of his firearm. This man was definitely a threat.

Scoffing, the customer ignored his existence, and he moved away after staying for several moments longer. He sat one more party before he heard something slam in the back. Rushing to check on Kaname, he was hit on the head as soon as he entered the room the sound had come from. “Sousuke! What did you do!?”

“I don’t understand…”

“You booby-trapped the stores, didn’t you? You freak! Clean up this mess, dismantle any traps you have set-up! I’ll run the shop while you clean up! Can’t trust you to do anything,” she spun and left, not giving him any time to respond, as usual. Sighing, he got to work, though he just couldn’t bring himself to take apart all the traps.

Putting on a calm front first, Kaname walked back out onto the floor, peeking at the front before checking on all the customers. It was exhausting, manning the café by herself. It was made even more so with a certain military maniac making everything worse. Spotting someone walking in, she finished up with her table before rushing up front, “Hi! Welcome! How can I help you?” she rushed over to the front to greet the new customer, finally getting a better look at him once she arrived at the register. “Oh, hello Ohnuki-san!” Catching her breath and grabbing a menu, she led the elderly janitor over to a corner booth near the window. “So what will it be tonight Ohnuki-san? The usual?”

“No thank you, it’s a rather eventful night, so I’ll have the special.”

“An eventful night, sir?”

“Why yes, you see, today is my birthday.”

“Oh! Then one special, coming up!”

“Thank you dear.”

Sousuke came back out onto the floor and watched over his shoulder as Kaname went to the kitchen to put in Ohnuki-san’s order. Another jingle from the bell on the entrance brought his focus onto a breathless and haggard looking Tsubaki Issei. His uniform was dirty and torn, and his hair was falling out of its normally tightly held pony tail. He also seemed to have one lens on his glasses missing, while the other had a crack and the frames were all but crumpled as they barely stayed on his face.

“SAGARA!! That better be you! I’ve had eight other people correcting me tonight, so don’t think you can hide now!”

“What happened to you Tsubaki?” Sousuke’s face remained blank and oblivious to why the young man’s appearance was so worn. Seeing his reaction, Issei growled as the other lens from his highly abused glasses fell out of the frame.

“Don’t play dumb Sagara! I left another letter of challenge in your locker! When you didn’t show I went looking for you, and tripped a bunch of traps someone rigged on the athletics field!”

“So you ignored the warning signs then?”

“What warning signs!?” Tsubaki shouted as he aimed a punch for Sousuke’s head, spinning quickly when the dodgy bastard ducked and began jogging away. Heading for the backroom, Tsubaki leapt onto the lone man’s table, surely irritating the business man to no end. While chasing after him, shouting all the while about how Sousuke was a coward and needed to face him like a man. Kaname was walking out from the kitchen area, holding a tray with Ohnuki’s order as the two rambunctious boys tore past, throwing her off balance.

A mite dizzy when she recovered, she turned to scream after them, “Fight on your own time, and don’t you dare ruin this café again!”

If they heard, they ignored her. From the backroom came a large clatter, startling the customers. There was the sound of doors slamming and muffled curses, then louder crashes and suddenly things came flying over the serving counter and into the lobby. Pots and pans went scattering and there was a sick wet thud on a young family’s table. Staring into the great yellow eye of the dead tuna that Sousuke had awoken to the day before, the five-year old girl seated there went wide-eyed and shrieked at the top of her lungs.

Gritting her teeth and bearing with it for the moment, Kaname huffed angrily before putting on a pleasant air as she returned to the old man waiting patiently, ignoring the carnage with fierce determination. “Here you are!” she exclaimed, setting down a cupcake with a candle in it, and his order of the special. Oblivious to his distress at the sight of what lay on the plate, she smiled and walked off to do some damage control with a cheerful “Happy birthday!”

And still, Ohnuki stared at his meal. The special that day was a bed of rice with sliced raw salmon, shredded seaweed, and chopped crab, all shaped and layered to be styled as a koi fish. His eyes welled up as they stayed fixed on the dish, remembering his beloved Catherine.

THONK!

The candle on the cupcake was blown out when a knife came flying from the kitchen with great force, piercing through the heart of the koi, through the plate, and embedding itself into the table so firmly that even King Arthur himself could not free it from its resting place. He stared at the ruined dish as grief threatened to overwhelm him. From the source of mayhem came more shouts and sounds of fighting, and then the tell-tale bang of a firearm discharging and a rubber-bullet tore through the cupcake and splattered red frosting all over the distraught janitor’s face.

Suddenly, the light in Ohnuki’s remote corner flickered and buzzed before blowing out and sprinkling glass and fluorescent residue on the table. After a few moments the lights nearest to him went out. Then it spread out to a slightly larger radius. Standing by the station near the register, Kaname looked up at the sound of electricity humming and glass popping. She glanced outside to see a storm brewing and pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s a power surge,” she mumbled.

From behind the serving counter on the kitchen side, Sousuke and Tsubaki lifted their heads and peered around. There seemed to be a cease-fire agreement as they looked nervously about, Tsubaki muttering, “I sense a familiar, terrifying power.”

“Yes, I agree. A danger not even my time in Afghanistan can compete with,” Sousuke spoke so seriously that Issei had to wonder if the boy had some kind of mental defect. As if he was really from the Middle East.

Both went cold with fright when they spotted Ohnuki just as the rest of the lights exploded in a wave from the ominous man’s position. Lightning flashed outside, the only light available to cast the looming shadow of a man possessed and gripping a knife. A Cheshire grin flashed their way and Tsubaki grabbed Sousuke by the collar and shook him roughly. “Where’s the emergency exit!? Quick, before he-!!”

“DIE!!”

A few hours and a destroyed lobby later, the three teenagers stood before the manager’s desk. The flickering light of a candle added a menacing aura to the man as they stood there, prepared to accept their fate. Well, mostly, anyways. Kaname was accustomed to being lumped in with Sousuke, but it didn’t mean she was happy about it. Considering the distance between them, it seemed he was aware.

It may also have had something to do with his arm being in a sling.

The manager folded his hands in front of him in a way that made them feel they were facing the Student Body President, which just increased Kaname’s trepidation. Hayashimizu was known for his bizarre methods of discipline, and finding fault with the wrong people. She swallowed against the lump that had formed in her throat, sparing a glance for Sousuke that spoke volumes. Oh, he was going to get it if she was in trouble.

“Well, it seems my restaurant has suffered considerable damages once again. And another trouble-maker has been added to the mix,” the manager’s voice was kept dangerously low, his eyes narrowed as he looked the three over with a critical eye. He sat up, the light from the candle fading from his face and leaving only his mouth illuminated for them to see. He reached out and grabbed hold of some sheaves of paper, tapping them on the desk to neaten the stack before fanning them out before him and taking hold of a pen. His mouth twisted into a maniacal grin as he began scribbling on a document, and the students felt the cold wash of fear splash over them. “So, I have decided…,” he pulled out his signature stamp, pressing it decisively to the document and handing it out to the fearful group, “…that Tsubaki must earn his keep now, same as Sagara, and work here for the next week as penance.”

“What?” Tsubaki could almost feel relieved, if that was the most his punishment would be. He had worked at a restaurant before.

Kaname took the paper and scanned it over, a consternated smile twisting her lips, and she laughed softly and almost sorrowfully. Holding it up, she waved it at Tsubaki, her head shaking, “Without pay.”

He stared at her for several moments, completely frozen. Then…, “What!? Sagara!” he turned abruptly, pointing an accusatory finger at the other boy, “Sagara, this is all your fault! I’m going to get you!”

“Uh…,” Sousuke figured that if the sentence had been delivered, then it was likely safe to get out of there. Certainly it was safer than staying. He turned tail and booked it out of the manager’s office as fast as his injured body would take him, which, considering his conditioning, was thankfully faster than Tsubaki’s own heavily bruised body would work.

Standing behind in the office, Kaname shook her head, muttering under her breath, “Boys have so much energy…”

The manager chuckled and nodded, opening up a drawer and handing a small pile of things stacked on top of a DVD case to her. Sifting through the materials, Kaname picked up a wrench that had been laying on a glove with an odd glyph on it, turning the heavy metal object around in her hands. “What do I need tools for?”

“You’ll find out,” the manager grinned, leaning back into his chair and fading completely from view.