|Better Office Sex
Author: Daria234 PM
Better Off Ted humor ficlet. Veronica wants Ted to test out the new sexual performance drug with her. Sexual situations and many Veronica-type comments, Don't read if you don't like.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Ted C. & Veronica P. - Words: 454 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 14 - Published: 10-07-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5427946
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Written for comment_fic on livejournal, a multi-fandom fic prompting community
Prompt was Ted/Veronica, pushing the boundaries of science
"Here, Ted, have some coffee," she said with an unusually pleasant smile.
"Thanks, Veronica. So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"We've developed a drug that allows men to have sex for 12 hours straight."
"Is that um, safe?"
"Adorable as usual, Ted. But really, the grapevine says that we're about to get a government memo that forbids us from testing it. Some bureaucratic rule or something."
"You mean the law about not willfully endangering the lives of others?"
"Yeah. But right now it's just hearsay. So if we get a test in before the memo comes, and the man survives, then we'll have grounds to appeal the decision."
"You can't do that!"
"We believe in pushing the boundaries of science, Ted. Don't you care about helping all those poor pathetic men, some of whom can't have sex for more than 10 or 11 hours?"
Ted chose to ignore that question and told her "I won't be a part of this."
"You are a part of this, Ted."
"It was in your coffee. Thank you for volunteering to be a test subject."
"I didn't -- you can't -- why me?"
"Because nobody else but me was willing to partner with a 12-hour man. As usual, I am burdened with the responsibilities that only the greatest of leaders share. And since we've already done it, I figure you were the best choice to take the drug."
"But you can't just give me a drug that makes me have sex with you!"
"Don't be silly, Ted. The drug just makes you able to have sex for 12 hours. I myself will be the one to make you have sex."
"And how exactly do you intend to do that?"
She looked at him, confused that he would ask such a silly and stupid question, and said, "I'm going to take my clothes off and tell you that you're allowed to have sex with me."
"That's not going to-" Ted trailed off as Veronica stripped, revealing what he could only describe as the greatest lingerie ever made.
After three times - once on her desk and twice on the floor - Ted said, "Enough! I'm sorry, but I don't think the drug works, Veronica. I couldn't possibly go again."
Veronica nodded, business-like, and put her blouse back on. As she buttoned it she looked at his exhausted form and said, "Aw, don't feel bad, Ted. You did extraordinarily well for someone in the placebo group."