This is a story written in the format of Emails, meaning that the Employees are documenting events in the emails they send to each other, both Engines and Tugs are human in this fic meaning its not Engine to human but they are human from the start.

Scandal, quarreling, gossip and weapons in the office this is a strange workplace

first and last Disclaimer: Thomas belongs to Hit Entertainment, Vincent and Indiana belong to KD476 Dannirella belongs to dannichangirl, I used them for this fan fiction with permission from the artist above. TUGS belong to Robert D. Cardona
David Mitton

Enjoy the fic.

To Devious Diesel

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Weaponry in the office.

Someone should tell Indiana not to bring his saw blade into the office, Sir Toppam Hattwill pitch a fit if he sees it. Did you see the coffee stains on the carpet? Salty sure is accident prone. Okay back to the whole Indiana saw blade topic, I swear he is being influenced by Heron Zhu Aden.

Thomas

--

To Ichi Thomas

From Devious Diesel

Subject: Heron

Sir Toppam hatt just walked in to our department. If he finds out about what he stuffed in his drawer Indiana will be in deep slag, incidentally did you see the small explosion in the harbour management office today? I swear Salty’s brother is a bloody pain in the exhaust.

Oh back to the subject, Heron sure is annoying, just this morning he sent me a email with a stupid little animation with a banana in it.

D. Diesel

---

To Devious Diesel

From Ichi Thomas

Subject: Animation

Show me.

Thomas.

----

To Ichi Thomas

From: Devious Diesel:

Subject: show me.

Can't some prat disabled the access, I bet it Was Gordon from the IT Department, the stupid dingbat. Oh no somebody just found the cling film in the bog again. Emily is screaming in the ladies next door.

Please remind James to send his report to the smelters department. It is due in today.

thanks much.

D. Diesel.

----

To: Salty

From: Hatt Toppam

Subject: Explosion

What the hell went off there? I was enjoying my cream Bun then suddenly my office shook and there was a sparkly boom then purple smoke. I swear if Colin blows up the Harbour Department, I will throw him out on his ear.

Sir. T Hatt.

--

To: Hatt Toppam

From: Salty

Subject: Colin

It wasn' his fault the photocopier blew up and it suffocated the whole Department with smoke. We opened the window and the smoke ignited the white sprit. I got a tip off that one of Your employees smuggled in a weapon today.

Salty

--

To: Indiana

From Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Saw Blade staff

Sir. Hatt is getting suspicious Indi, I heard him talking to Emily and Edward about it, if you don't stop bringing it in we are both in for a pile o' trouble. Tomorrow I advise you to leave it at home.

Oh did ya hear the explosion in the Harbour management department this morning?

Heron

--

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Trouble

Ha! look who's talking, I heard about your little Banana phone mass email to everyone in the Department, Sir Fatty hasn't bothered bargin' into my office cubicle yet looking for it.

So what's with the bloody fuss.

Indiana

P.S I heard a very good Joke about Gingers today.

---

To: indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Gingers

No more bloody ginger jokes already!

Heron

--

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Lady

Subject: Farquar quarry Depatment

I swear I can hear Mavis yell at Vickers for some absurd reason, I bet its because he dyed his hair electric green for a bet with Zhu Aden and Roku. Oh dear she just threw him out the window. I guess the Medbay will have a patient today

Lady.

---

To: Staff of Sodor Telegraph

From: Ni Edward

Subject: Car ruined

What in the buffers of Sodoru is BoCo doing embedded in my car? And why is there a crashing noise radiating out of the Quarry department?

Edward

---

To: Ni Edward

Subject: BoCo.

Apparently Vickers died his hair for a bet and Mavis pitched a fit and lobbed him out the window, is the poor git immotal or something? Seriously being thrown out the window could bump off Zhu Aden, Indiana or Ichi, speaking of whom I will invite them into my office. Apparently Indiana has smuggled in something he shouldn't have.

Ni Edward

----

To: Indiana, Zhu Aden Heron, Ichi Thomas

From Ni Edward

Subject: Weaponry

To my office now, I will not have you smuggling dangerous weapons into my Department.

Ni Edward.

---

To: Indiana

From Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: I told you so! Twit!

Your bloody lucky we ain't been fired yet you bloody great dipstick, now Ni is watching us like a bloody hawk.

Git.

From,

Heron

--

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Puff ball Indi

Listen, we got to talk about your 'friendship' with ol' flat funnel. Meet me at Lunch in the Editorial Department at 12 I really mean it Carrot top.

D10

--

To: Diesel 10

From Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Coal head.

Listen, stop being a git to Indiana. Speaking of whom that twit smuggled his weapon into work today I can't tell you the details right now, ol' pony bum is lurking around my computer. Lunch time it is.

Heron

P.S: If you was anyone other than my brother I'd bash your head in at that carrot top insult.

---

To: Colin

From: Salty

Subject: Photocopier

Is it fixed yet Zorran has been bugging me about it for thirty minutes.

Salty.

--

To: Salty

From: Colin

Subject: re: Photocopier

No Salty its not fixed yet. It shot paper at me when I tried repairing it. Its knackered, so it needs replacing.

Colin.

--

From: Vickers BoCo

To: Ni Edward

Subject: article.

Attached: Clay pit cave in article (Dot) docX

You will find the due article enclosed, I got it done soon after I got out of Med bay. Oh hum Mavis is still annoyed. I'll just make my self scarce for the rest of the day

BoCo.

--

---

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Zorran

Subject .....

Attached: Engine pornz trojian

You have mail twerp

ha ha

Zorran

--

To: Diesel 10

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject Forget it

You are the biggest dipstick I ever met brother, honestly sending chain mail to the Harbour management Department, that was soo bloody 'clever'. Oh anyway your choice of sandwitches are to be desired ... you suck at making the sandwitch

Heron

---

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Spellings

Hey now Ginger, you suck at spellings, go google up a dictionary. I swear you are just as bad as Pony Bum Ni.

D10

----

To: Salty

From Zorran

Subject Forking copier!

Why has the forking hankies copier died? What the fork is up with my email why does it change my language into hankies and forks

Zorran

---

To: Zorran

From: Top Hat

Subject: Swearing

Considering that your use of foul language is inappropriate so I took the liberty of installing profanity filters on your computer. By the way I heard Ten Cents is gonna work in the main department under Ni and Roku. Oh no stupid Colin just tipped my tea all over my computer.

That Colin is such a hoodlum

Top Hat.

----

To: Top Hat

From: Zorran

Subject: What? That is so unfair!

Your Dead monocle face!

Zorran

---

To: Indiana

From: Go James

Subject: reprimand

I heard Edward shout from out here, you musta done something bad to piss him off big time. Anyway, I need you to look over a few files for me, just to make sure I got all the hot points to the article on red paint for my Painting the world column.

Just so you know, I can see that --why did i get shanghaied into this job look--- from here, you are in the cubicle opposite to me you know honestly Indi you are just as bad as Zhu Aden sometimes.

James

--

To: Saff members

From: Ni Edward

Subject: Interns

Announcement, wee will have some new interns working in our office block, no more shenanigans from you or else

your fired.

--

To: Go James

From Indiana

Subject: Watch it

Careful now James, Edward is doing his rounds and he is in a bad mood notice he has his --I am pissy-- face on.

Indiana

--

To: Indiana

From: Go James

Subject: Look who's talking

Says the fool who smuggled in your weapon this morning, seriously for the sake of still being employed LEAVE. IT. AT. HOME! I swear, they will be frisking you to check that you didn't sneak it in next time.

Yo can count on that.

James

--

To: Zorran

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Malicious emails to Mr. Ichi

It has come to my attention that you have been sending viruses to Mr. Ichi's computer to show train porn on the screen saver. Your email account has been disabled, report to Mr. Tram's office this afternoon.

Gordon Yon

--

To: Diesel 10

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Report

Have you got yer report done yet it is due in today.

But derailing completely off subject it looks like Zorran's on a warpath, he just threw his computer out the window and onto Tobias's new mini, it looks like Edward is coming over to your cubicle.

Thomas

--

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: About the smuggling escapade

We need to talk, we have a coffee break in five minutes. Meet me in the foyer. And, for the love of the great steam engines don't butcher the receptionists this time.

Better yet keep your saw blade in your filing cabinet for the rest of today, you are lucky that Sir Toppam Hatt didn't see it! Otherwise we will be in heaps o' trouble three times over.

Heron.

---

To: Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Receptionists

They were asking for it, and no Fatty didn't see it.

so quit worrying.

see you in 5.

Indi

---

To: Colin

From: Vincent

Subject: Yer toast

I swear if you spill latte over my shirt again I will throw you out the window head first.

got it.

Vincent

--

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: re: Yer toast

It was an accident, the mug broke and you just was in the way,

Colin

--

To: Tram Tobias

from: Yon Gordon

Subject: Interesting emails

First it was about Indiana sneaking in weapons and then Mavis throwing one of her employees out the window. Just an ordinary day in Sodor Telegraph.

Gordon

--

To: Mavis

From: Vickers BoCo

Subject: Window

Mr. Ni sued you for damage to his car and the Quarry Department.

Oh, the article on the clay pits was handed to the publisher department today.

BoCo

P.S: Throwing people is not a good stress reliever.

--

To: Salty

From: Vincent

Subject: Stupid little twit

Yer retard of a brother ruined yet another shirt.

Vincent

--

To: Vincent

From Salty

Subject: Re: Stupid little twit

Well that explains the great big poo coloured stain down yer shirt matey. I'll get Daisy to send up a new one.

Salty.

---

To: Geen Daisy

From: Salty

Subject: Latte

Daisy, I Wonder if there is a green shirt available.

Accident is Colin related.

Salty

--

To: Salty

From: Green Diasy

Subject: re: Latte

Yes I'll get Bill to send it up to your department.

You got ta do something about him.

Diasy Green.

--

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Diesel 10

Subject: Re: Report

You'll get it when its done puffball.

D10

--

To: Roku Percy

From: Lady

Subject: Window

Looks like Colin wants to fly. Vincent lobbed him out the window into the pond, at least the fish have some company, So hows sorting out our mail coming along?

Lady

--

To: Vincent

From: Salty

Subject: Throwing Colin

Out the window isn't how we solve problems, okay he was askin' fer it but still ... Anyway apparently Sir Toppam Hatt wants all reports in by Lunch.

Get moving!

Salty

---

To: Diesel 10

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Did you see what I saw?

Ginger and Indi at the foyer? I mean the fact that they are talking to each other makes it note worthy to mention. Incidentally did you see Colin make a flying attempt out the Harbour Management department earlier? I mean that Vincent sure put ol' Colin the pain in his place.

L.O.L

So you know I need your article on Sodor iron works by lunch.

Thomas

--

To: Zorran

From Zebedee

Subject: Interview

Hey you heard? Salty is gonna get someone to interview the Prime minister next week. Hopefully its not gonna be Colin or Vincent.

Zeb

P.S: To bad about being Top Hat's intern.

--

To: Salty

From: Vincent

Subject: Trouble

Is it me or is the interns up to something?

Vince

---

To: Vincent

From: Salty

Subject: Mischief

They are Z stacks after all from the TUG evening Sun company. Tell you what I'll see to it you are situated away from them after lunch. For their sakes. Windows are not for throwing people out of.

Salty

------

------

To: Ichi Thomas

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Lunch

I never thought you would blurt out in front of everyone in the canteen that Lady smells of pampers. Boy the sound of your face when she decked you is note worthy ka smack straight on the cheek.

Congrats Ichi, you officially fail at love.

Dweeb.

Heron

:P

--

To Zhu Aden Heron

From: Ichi Thomas

Subject: Pampers

Shut up Carrot top,

Thomas

P.S: I meant to say perfume.

---

To: Zug

From: Zebedee

Subject: Prank

Remember what I said at lunch, when Zorran gives us the signal.

Zeb

--

To: Zebedee

From: Zug

Subject: Re: Prank

What thing?

Zug

--

To: Zug

From: Zebedee

Subject: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER THE FACT I TOLD YOU WE WERE GOING TO RIG ALL THE PRINTERS TO SPIT INK AT EVERYONE! THEN WE BLAME IT ALL ON COLIN!

IDIOT

Zeb

--

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: Flying and Zebby

Why was Zebedee shrieking at his computer for five minutes straight about printers? is it a TUG thing?

Word on the vine o' gossip is that Thomas said that Lady smelt like Pampers.

I'll smell her next time I am down in the main Department, I am sure she doesn't wear nappies.

Now I know one thing we can't fly like super man.

Colin

---

To: Colin

From: Vincent

Subject: Fish

Do you want to join them again?

stop emailing me.

Vince

--

To: Zip

From: Zug

Subject: Shouting

Why Is Zeb yelling at the computer, he can just get up and go through the plan with us and Zorran

Zip.

--

To: Z- Stacks

From: TUG Press

Subject: Employment

You are hereby employed at Sodor Telegraph, The Stars will return to the TUG paper company by the end of the week.

TUG Evening press manager.

--

To: Zebedee

From: Top Hat

Subject: Your Voice

please use your indoor voice!

Top Hat

--

To: Top Hat

From: Zebedee

Subject: Taking a leaf from a book

One of these days monocle face Imma gonna throw you out the window and into the bramble bush.

Zebedee.

--

To: Lady

From: Zak

Subject: Nappies

Do you smell like nappies?

Zak

--

To: Zak

From: Lady

Subject: WHAT!

Why the the hell do you know about that Zak? Does stupidity spread so fast? Anyway I do not smell like, Pampers, Huggies or those cheapo Waterton disposables.

Now stop emailing me about it!

Lady

---

To: Staff

From: Hatt Toppam

Subject: Departments

I am giving out a list of Departments, due to some Interns winding up lost in the building and the head bosses

Harbour Management - Salty

Farquar Quarry - Mavis

Iron works- Devious Diesel

Art Department- kiiro Molly

Editorial Department - Crane Cranky

Main Department - Ni Edward

IT Department: Yon Gordon and Tram Tobias

Oh By the way, tomorrow is a open day tour guide for watertonPrimary School so behave!

Sir. T Hatt

--

To: Zebedee

From: Salty

Subject: Pulling a Vincent

For the love of the sea please stop using the window to lob stuff out from. It was bad enough Vincent lobbing Colin out of it.

And now you!

One of these days Imma going to board that window up.

Salty

---

To: Indiana

From: Zhu Aden Heron

Subject: Huggies

Hey you get lumped with Lady working on the stardust agony aunt column this afternoon. Find out if she does smell like nappies. Coz everyone has been avoiding our department since the incident.

The whole building has caught wind of Thomas's little boo boo at lunch today.

News travels fast.

Heron

--

To Zhu Aden Heron

From: Indiana

Subject: Re: Huggies

Your joking right? I heard Duck snickering about something earlier this afternoon.. I thought it was the Repremand I got. But he told me that Lady wears Eau de Pampers. According to Thomas at lunch

What has nappies got to do with anything?

Indi

---

To: Zhu Aden Heron, Indiana

From: Lady

Subject: Stupid nappy gossiping

Enough with the gossip, jeez

Indiana I can hear and see you Laughing like mad, don't deny it I can see perfectly into your cubicle.

Heron, I am gonna kill you for gossiping!

Lady

--

To: Zebedee

From: Top Hat

Subject: Your little stunt.

How dare you throw me, Top Hat out of that window. Do not give me that smug look. Just wait till we get dispached to WartertonPrimary school for a important job

Revenge!

Top Hat the splendid.

--

To Top Hat

From: Zebedee

Subject: Splendid

The day you become splendid anything is the day Colin stops being annoying.

which is never! long neck

Zebedee.

--

To: Zebedee

From Top Hat

Subject: I beg your pardon

Zebedee you are asking for a head plant into your monitor screen. By the way is that you making snooty faces at me? Oh no its Zak being a nit wit. I say Zebedee that scarf looks .... Dashing.

Top Hat.

--

To: Yon Gordon

From: Salty

Subject: This is why I hate Mondays

Top Hat just shoved Zebedee's head into his computer screen, I need you to email Danni at the Hardware Department to bring up a new computer monitor. This is one of my reasons why I preferred to be the IT Admin, then dealing with these two, Vincent and Colin.

Seriously I wonder about those four.

Salty

---

To: Salty

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Sigh

Again? That is the fourth this week, but its my job to supply software and hardware. Incidentally do you need a log on all the strange emails about nappies? I am sure you'll be amused.

Gordon Yon

---

To: Dannirella

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Computer

Hey, Danni I need you to take a computer monitor up to Harbour Management apparently there was a catastrophe with Zebedee and Top Hat.

On other notes are you free this evening?

Love

Gordie pie.

--

To: Yon Gordon

From Dannirella

Subject: Re: Computer

What? Again, they should start docking their wages every time they trash the equipment. God they behave like children.

Where do you want to go this evening?

Danni

--

To: Dannirella

From: Yon Gordon

Subject: Dinner

I was thinking, Ten Cents cafe, I hear they are THE top notch food chain in Sodoru.

How about I see you at seven

love,

Gordie pie

--

To: Yon Gordon

From: Dannirella

Subject: Seven

Meet me at my place at six fifty, I'll be waiting

Danni

---

To: Yon Gordon

From: Salty

Subject: Nappies?

How in the hell did the subject of nappies crop up?

Salty

--

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: Head plant

Did you see Top Hat smash Zeb's head through his monitor?

Colin

--

To: Colin

From: Vincent

Subject: Re: Head plant

You wanna try it as well you little twerp?

stop emailing me!

Vince

---

To: Dannirella

From: Salty

Subject: Thank you

Thanks for getting the new monitor up here at such short notice. Incidentally have you applied for the Internship at the IT department? I hear that they do 4 year Administration training with Gordon and Toby.

100% chance of employment.

If you want the leaflet I can send it to you.

Salty

--

To: Salty

From Dannirella

Subject: Re: Thank you

OMG!

send it to me!

Danni

P.S: I will apply three times for a chance to see Gordon!

--

To: Dannirella

From: Salty

Subject: Internship

Attached: Intern _ IT Admin (.com) *pub

The leaflet is enclosed.

Salty

--

To: Salty

From: Dannirella

Subject Re: Internship

Thank you so much, I'll apply A.S.A.P!

Danni

--

To: Zebedee

From: Zak

Subject: Epic fail

You got to see the inside of your computer, what now?

Zak

--

To: Zak

From: Zebedee

Subject: Plan

Zorran has rigged the printers in the whole place to spray everyone with ink at two o' clock. I can't tell you the details coz Salty is patrolling our area at the moment.

Zeb

--

To: Colin

From: Vincent

WHAT THE GOD DAMN HELL DID YOU DO TO THE PRINTER! THERE GOES ANOTHER FORKING SHIRT YOU RUINED!

Vincent

---

To: Vincent

From: Colin

Subject: Pitching fits

Hey, hey Vince don't get yer panties in a twist, I haven't touched yer printer. Incidently mine chewed up my report on the Big Micky reconstruction Project. it was due today.

Do Printers eat Humans?

Colin.

---

To: Colin

From: Vincent:

Subject: Its alive

I swear my printer tried biting my hand off just now.

Vince

Reviews are welcome.