|Harry Potter and the Meme
Author: Amilya Eclair Farron PM
This was inspired by Kohakuhime of Konoha. Like the title says, it's a meme of Harry Potter!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Draco M. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,895 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10-13-09 - Published: 10-12-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5439401
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Let me explain how this came to be: you see, a favorite author and friend of mine (Kohakuhime of Konoha) had gone and done a meme for another fandom. She tagged me and I had finished mine yesterday. But I felt the need to do another one. This was challange, since I haven't posted any of my Harry Potter works up so I figured: why not post the meme first? That way you can all give me helpful advice and tell me what I need to work on for writing about the Harry Potter cast.
Oh! And KoK, if you're reading this I can't find your two request oneshots! AHH! *faints* I was planning on posting one of them up instead of this, but my flashdrive doesn't seem to have it. At least not the one I'm using. I checked two other of my flashdrives, but they didn't have it either. I lost one, so I'm wondering if it's in that one. I'm still looking for it, but just know it might be awhile. SORRY!
Oh yes, you also use 500 words or less for each one.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does, not me.
HARRY POTTER'S WRITING MEME
Who are you and which house do you belong in?
"My dear," Professor McGonagall glanced down at the grinning idiot through her spectacles, "no parents would name their child 'Alister's Girlfriend'. What kind of name would that be? Now, please tell me who you really are."
Sighing, the teenager grumbled her answer unhappy with her name.
"Thank you," with that she glanced down at the list, before coming across the name and nodding in approval. Next she stood and took the Sorting Hat from its place, quickly walking over to the seated girl and placing it atop her head.
In response the teenager raised an eyebrow.
"Hmm… interesting," the hat mused causing the girl to jump in her seat. "Not much bravery in you, Gryffindor will do you no good… more on the brainy side, perfect for Ravenclaw—"
"I don't want to be in Ravenclaw though!" The girl protested, slamming her first down on the armrest before mouthing an 'ow' and gaining a disapproving look from the Headmistress.
"I want to be in Slytherin!"
Color drained from poor Professor McGonagall's face nearly making her seem like the living dead at the girl's demand while the Sorting Hat seemed to made a 'tsk-tsk' sound.
"Slytherin would do no good for you, for you lack more than half the traits." The Sorting Hat suddenly gave a loud 'Ah'. "I now see why you wish to join that house, my dear. But it will do you no good for the Malfoy's—"
This time Professor McGonagall made a strangled gagging noise.
"—are all about pureblood status and riches, no it will do you no good to end up in that house at all. No really, perhaps you could befriend him, but nothing more—"
"That's fine by me!"
"Hmm, fine then. I do say you'd fit better in Ravenclaw, my girl." The Sorting Hat gave before shouting the final word that would seal her fate: "SLYTHERIN!"
Who is your favorite HP character(s)? Answer: Draco Malfoy!
Goyle blinked as he watched the blond get squeezed, basically, to death by the new housemate, unsure what to do in this predicament. They had been casually walking back to the dungeons after dinner, from the Great Hall, when suddenly – literally – out of nowhere a madwoman came flying out of the wall and throwing her arms around Malfoy's waist.
"I'm your biggest fan!" She paused, making one of those faces that informed others they were in deep thought. "Well, one of your biggest fans, I shouldn't make it seem like I'm the number one fan because many—"
Malfoy decided right then and there to use the silencing spell on her…
… only to be horrified as she started clapping and jumping up and down.
"Hey Malfoy, look." Goyle pointed at the house emblem on the girl's robes.
"…" Malfoy seemed to pale even more as his stormy gaze set on the girl's emblem, unhappy that she was in his house. His jaw set as he decided on two options: take the silencing spell off of her and question her or shove her in a broom closet and make sure it stayed lock. Removing his wand he removed it, wincing as a scream of joy came past her lips. "Would you shut it?"
Instantly her mouth closed, grinning madly.
"Look, I don't know who you are—"
He frowned, eyebrows furrowing, as she answered it, holding her hand out to shake his.
"—but what I do want to know is why you attacked me like that."
"Attacked…?" One of her eyebrows rose, lips set in a line. "Oh! Well, sorry… I was just coming from Headmistress McGonagall's office and saw you coming so I just had to pounce and introduce myself to you."
"You call that 'introducing'?" Malfoy questioned, left eye twitching as he slowly lost his composure. Suddenly he remembered what she had screamed at him. "What do you mean by, 'biggest fan'?"
"Like I said, I'm one of your biggest fans."
Malfoy shook his head, taking a mental note to avoid this girl as much as possible. She was crazy like Looney Lovegood. Wait a minute… did this mean she was going to start stalking him too? Before she could do anything else, he started down the hall towards the dungeons, hoping she wouldn't follow.
"Hey, can you show me around?"
"No," Malfoy muttered darkly.
Malfoy spun around, glaring darkly at Goyle. "What?"
Before his henchman could reply, the girl turned to him and smiled.
"I wasn't asking you, Mr. Draco Malfoy. That's why I asked your friend. And I insist that he shows me around while still hanging out with his friends. After all, what better way then to know my peers better?"
And who is your least favorite HP character(s)? Answer: Peter Pettigrew
Her housemates through she was the Slytherin Loony Lovegood.
It seemed that everyday she would set out all types of rat traps, somehow talking Goyle and Blaise into helping her out including getting Malfoy to pitch in if it meant she wouldn't act like such a fan girl around him.
No one understood why she would do it, Hogwarts didn't have an rodent problems. Well, not for awhile they hadn't had any.
So why go through with all of it?
Months passed before Blaise and Malfoy finally questioned her one night about why she was so paranoid with rats and why she insisted on setting the traps up.
Her reply was a blank expression as if they had now started to speak in a whole new language she couldn't understand.
"Do you just have a bad fear of them?" Blaise tried again they walked through the library, stopping time and again to set up the traps at every corner that she believed would catch the little rascal. "Why not get a cat then? Hogwarts allow students to have one pet and a cat would help you calm down with the whole 'rat infested' issue."
"Cats still won't be able to stop him."
Malfoy sent a glare at Blaise as if to say 'I told you she was insane'.
Blaise ignored it, keeping his focus on her instead of paying his best friend any mind.
"What do you mean by saying 'him'?"
"They thought Peter Pettigrew was dead, but he wasn't. So how are we positive that he's really dead this time, hmm? We can't take any chances, none whatsoever." The girl stood from her seated position and started down the rows once more causing her two companions to hurry after her.
"You mean Wormtail?" Malfoy's eyebrows rose, his gray irises telling all that the female he was staring at was, indeed, crazy. She really should be locked in St. Mungo's.
"The very one,"
"He really is dead."
"I don't believe it. He could be alive at this moment, hiding away in a cave close by and plotting his revenge." She turned around, staring at them with a serious gaze before smiling. "Thanks again for helping me, it's so much more faster having six more pairs of hands helping instead of two."
Without another word she turned back around and started searching for another spot to set the traps.
Blaise and Malfoy both decided best not to tell any of their housemates, or any of the other houses, the reason why she did this.
After all, there was a slim chance that they could probably see a possibility in that logic.
Even if they had Harry Potter testify that Peter Pettigrew was no more.
Who is your most favorite pairing(s) in the book?
Remus Lupin stared at Nymphadora Tonks, or now known as Nymphadora Lupin.
Their wedding day hadn't been as he had wished it was, but Tonks had insisted everything was fine so long as they were together. He wished the war had ended, that Voldemort would fall as soon as possible, so that he knew his family would be safe from danger. He wished Tonks had stared with their newborn sun, Teddy, instead of coming to the battle.
His vision was getting blurrier by the second and he wished there was some way to go back into time.
He saw her lips part, shouting something, but it fell on deaf ears.
Or was he simply deaf now?
He wasn't entirely sure, but how he wished he could tell her he loved her one more time. That he loved their son.
And who's your least favorite pairing(s) in the book?
I'm sorry to all you fans, but my most least favorite pairing would have to be… Ron/Hermione.
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! –runs away–
Favorite pairing(s) that's not in the books?
"Granger," a voice drawled each syllable in her name, causing her to cringe slightly and turn to come face to face with none other then the infamous Draco Malfoy. "I have a proposal for you."
"Oh? And what might that be Malfoy?" Hermione tucked her treasured book – Hogwarts: A History – underneath her arm and raised her eyebrows, slightly surprised he hadn't taken his wand out yet to hex her. Not like she would let that happen, oh no, but it was still surprising that he wasn't even trying to do anything harmful to her.
"This Saturday is a Hogsmeade trip,"
"I know that, Malfoy. After all, I'm Head Girl. Just because you don't like sharing the Heads common room with me doesn't me I won't know all that's planned."
He ignored her statement, continuing to stare down at her with his silver orbs.
"You and I shall have a drink at the Three Broomsticks."
"From there, we'll go to the place near the Shrieking Shack."
"What?" Hermione asked, her voice slightly in a higher pitch tone as Malfoy continued to stare at her.
"We'll leave from our common room at eight, understood? No sooner, no later. And we'll return to Hogwarts by eight."
"Would you explain you're meaning please? I mean honestly!" The Gryffindor Lioness began to protest, her mouth starting to open again before being silenced by a pair of cold lips. Stunned, chestnut orbs staring up into stormy gray, she brought a hand up to her lips, eyes wide like that of a Doe's caught in headlights.
"You talk too much, Granger." Malfoy said brushing his hand against hers as he made to move past her, only to be halt as she grabbed his sleeve.
"What was that?" She asked, not knowing what to make of the… well… kiss.
"That's not what I meant!"
"Then what do you mean, Granger?"
"I mean… why did you do it!" She shrieked, coming to stand in front of him once more, forgetting the book that was once held underneath her arm which was now on the floor. "You've hated me for years, Malfoy, and now suddenly you set up this… this… thing--!"
"It's a date, Granger, not a thing,"
"—and kiss me!"
"'Brightest witch of our age' should not be your title." Malfoy sighed, pressing a finger to her lips to keep her from blowing up on him. "Look Granger, if you really need me to spell it out for you… it's because I fancy you. Understand?"
When she gave no reply, he was successful in walking past her, heading towards the Heads room before hearing a loud screech from behind him.
"YOU FANCY ME?!"
Now for your least favorite pairing(s) that's not in the book?
Dolores Umbridge giggled--
… Whoa, I just scared myself… OKAY! Moving away…
Who or what do you enjoying writing about the most?
"What are you doing?" Pansy hissed at the girl, watching as she wrote away in her notebook and by the looks of it it obviously was complete and utter… "Wait… Malfoy? Why are you writing about Drakie-poo?!" She hissed.
The other girl didn't bother looking up at her, instead grinning to herself like an idiot and kept writing away. "Would you relax, Pansy? I'm just writing a story is all."
"About my Drakie-poo?"
"… didn't Draco tell you to never ever call him that ridiculous name ever again?"
Pansy rolled her eyes, deciding to stay focused on her paper work, knowing fully well how strange the new kid was. But honestly, who was she to write something that involved Draco? The Slytherin Prince? And not to forget, but he was her Prince to be exact.
A few seconds past before a "Done!" came from the girl beside her and Pansy glanced at her, glancing from her notebook back to the owner.
"How nice," she spat.
"Hey Pansy, mind reading it? I want to make sure I don't have any spelling errors. And besides, I also like getting feedback, so…"
Before the blink of an eye, Pansy had snatched the book from the girl's grasp, eyes taking in the words that were written before her on the page. Slowly, very slowly, the girl started to see red. Turning the page, she was beginning to see an even darker red. And then darker and darker and darker…
"What is the meaning of this!"
The writer smiled, giving a light shrug. "I can't help the fact that I'm a Dramione supporter."
A scream came from Pansy before she fell back in her chair, hitting the floor and fainting instantly from the word the girl had just spoken.
Everyone in the class turned around, staring at where Pansy Parkinson once sat and the Slytherin 'Loony'.
"I think she saw a rat."
Who or what do find difficult to write about the most?
"I hope you're not writing something that will cause Pansy to faint again." Malfoy said, watching as the girl scratched her head in confusion. "Having a hard time with the potions homework? Really, it's not that hard."
"Nope, it's not that."
Malfoy stared at her.
"Then what is it?"
She frowned, sinking into her seat a little more and tapping her pencil on the blank sheet before her. If it wasn't the potions paper work they had to write right now, then why was she having such a hard time it? Her pencil stilled for a brief moment before starting the 'tap, tap' process all over again and the blond grit his teeth in annoyance.
"I can't get their personalities down right."
"What are you talking about? 'Their personalities'? This is a potion's paper about Polyjuice Potion!" Malfoy shouted, slamming his palms down on the table and gaining the everyone's eyes on him. He plopped back down into his seat and picked up his quill.
"And why are you using a pencil?"
"In case I misspell something."
Malfoy shook his head, letting the sigh out through his nose in a 'huff' type of sound before glancing back down at his paper.
"Hey Dra—er, Malfoy."
"What?" He snapped under his breath, not bothering to glance over at her.
"Bellatrix was your aunt, right?"
His hand stilled in mid-writing, head turning to stare at her in question. Why was she asking about his aunt, his deceased aunt? The aunt that had gone nuts in Azkaban and nearly killed Hermione Granger in his very own home, who had killed his own cousin although he never knew her.
"So, you must know how to get her personality down right. And I mean, you also knew Professor Snape as well, since he was the Potions teacher before becoming the Defense Against the Dark Arts and finally Headmaster for awhile."
He continued to stare.
"And I always have trouble writing about the two."
What in Merlin's bread…?
"So you can help me write a story with them and that way I can slowly get better at getting their characteristics down!" She whispered softly, enthusiastic was an understatement if using it about this girl.
"Is that what made Pansy faint?"
She shook her head and he left out a silent sigh of relief.
"No, she fainted because it was a story about you and Hermione." The girl answered and blinked in surprise as Draco Malfoy stood from his spot and towered over her, fists clenched and jaw set in anger. "Okay, that didn't really make her faint… it was when I said Dramione that I think did the trick."
"Bloody h—l!" Ron's voice screamed across the classroom. "Malfoy's gone and fainted like a girl!"
Group Photo! You in the middle, but who else is in it?
"No, Blaise, you need to stand beside Draco—yes, like that!" The girl clapped her hands together, smiling that goofy smile before pulling Draco closer to her. "And you, stand right next to me—there we go! Oh and Pansy, you stand beside Blaise… take a few steps away from him,"
"But then I'll be out of the picture!"
"My point exactly," She said before turning to Goyle and Theo Nott, "Now Theodore come stand on here beside me too, and beside you it shall be Goyle."
Theo shrugged and walked towards the girl, before lining his shoulder to hers and glancing towards the second year student (who happened to be a Gryffindor, taking the place of Colin) and shaking nervously at the group of Slytherins. Goyle soon stood beside him, unsure why he had been – or any one of them for that matter – into this ordeal.
Nodding in approval she took a few steps outward, turning and taking in the group. "You guys do know you have to smile when he takes the picture, right?"
"We know," Blaise, Theo, and Goyle answered, followed by a late 'I know' from Draco as Blaise nudged him in the ribs.
"Hmm… something's missing,"
"Really and what might that be?" Blaise asked, wishing Pansy would stop pushing into him with her shoulder.
"I'm not sure, but…" Was the answer and they watched as she placed a finger on her bottom lip and her brows furrowed in concentration. "We're missing Crabbe."
Goyle swallowed, a lump forming in his throat as was the same happening to Malfoy.
"How do you know about… Crabbe?" Malfoy managed to choke out. The girl had entered in their seventh year, where the war with Voldemort was over and done with. None of them had mentioned to her about their fallen friend, who had basically committed suicide when he had shouted that spell in the room of requirement.
Instantly she frowned, glancing at her feet and shuffling a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean… I just, um, asked Harry Potter about how the war went."
"You asked Potter?" Malfoy spat.
Blaise gave a semi-roll of his eyes before glancing back towards the girl.
"Look, if you wanted to know… you can ask us all that, well, happened." He ignored the glare he was receiving from Pansy and Draco, knowing fully well that they would answer it so long as it meant that a Slytherin didn't go asking a Gryffindor something, even if it was the famous Harry Potter.
"Are you sure?"
"We're sure, right Draco?" Blaise glanced at his friend, who was still sending him a death glare before tearing his gaze away and looking at the girl.
Everything stilled as Malfoy didn't answer for the longest time, but finally gave a nod of the head.
She grinned, dashing back to her spot and standing in between Malfoy and Nott, throwing her arms around their shoulders and smiling at the camera.
"Okay Nicholas, we're ready for our pictures to be taken!"
Now write yourself as if you were Harry Potter!
"What are you doing!?" Malfoy screamed, a few loose strands of his blond hair falling in front of his face as his mouth hung open staring at the girl. "Take that off! Take it off! Take it off now! Before someone sees you in it!"
She tugged at the black wig she wore, pushing the lens-less glasses up her nose and giggling.
"But it's Halloween, Draco. We're supposed to dress up!" She held her arms out, showing off her costume and gave a twirl, the robes billowing out around her before settling back into place. "Come on, it's not that bad. I worked hard on this costume, you know."
"Worked hard my—"
"Language, mate." Blaise patted his friend on the shoulder before taking in the girl's costume in. "Hmm… a female Potter. Wonder how Potter will feel when he sees you like that at the dance."
"She's not going in that! She's changing into something else!" Malfoy growled. "It will embarrasses the Slytherins if she goes like Pothead. Now just because we tolerate him a little better then the past years does not mean we're going to let him think he's better then us."
'Potter' scratched her head, causing the wig to fall over more to the side and revealing her hair. "Aw man, Blaise can you help me with the wig?"
"By taking it off, then yes." Malfoy answered narrowing his eyes as Blaise walked over to her and tried his best to fix it into place. "I will not have you be going out to the Great Hall where all can see that you're dressed up as the most stupidest thing!"
"It's not stupid."
"It is, now change into something else."
They stared at each other before she shrugged, heading back up to the girl's rooms. "Fine, but I won't be changing out of my second costume."
Fifteen minutes later…
"What's taking her so long?"
"I don't know, maybe she's having a hard time removing the scar." Blaise snickered as Malfoy frowned.
"Alright, I'm ready!"
The two male teens turned around, slowly, praying it was something that was acceptable.
"Hey, that looks fine." Blaise complimented.
Malfoy gaped again. "ARE YOU DRESSED UP AS MY AUNT BELLATRIX?!"
If you would be so kind as to write a little oneshot that includes Draco…?
Draco found it odd as their official seventh year begun; only having Goyle follow him around. It was still unbelievable that Crabbe was gone… dead… deceased…
After the war had ended, Harry Potter winning, funerals were made for all those who had fallen, mostly those that had been on the winning side. He was surprised, however, to find most of their classmates (even those in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, and even Gryffindor) attending his funeral.
Goyle and he had prepared a farewell speech to the empty coffin (after all, Crabbe had burned to death) that memory made him wince, the scorching heat licking at his skin as he tried to make sure he and Goyle stayed away from the flames, hoping by some miracle they would be saved.
And of course, the Golden Trio had come to their rescue.
People would whisper behind his back, talking about how he had betrayed them all during their sixth year. Although they knew now he hadn't killed Dumbledore, they still blamed him for all that happened.
It was his fault he had let the Death Eaters inside their school… risked everyone's safety and lives.
He had been given the title of Head Boy, which also surprised him, but what didn't was the fact that Hermione Granger, Brains of the Golden Trio and Lioness of Gryffindor, had been given the title of being Head Girl.
They rarely talked, but rarely did he insult her.
After the first few months had passed on by, like a endless dream, she had shocked him when she had offered a hand of friendship.
And he shocked himself further when he had taken it.
Who do you prefer? Good Guys or Bad Guys?
"Hey Malfoy, do you see yourself as a good guy or a bad guy?" She asked wondering what the blond thought of himself. In answer he raised an eyebrow. "Because, you aren't exactly good, but you're not a hundred percent evil. You have the whole 'bad boy' type of look," he blinked, "but you didn't want to be a Death Eater, so…"
She let out a sigh.
"Then again, you were a Death Eater and that's the bad guys. Plus Barty Crouch Jr. was a Death Eater and so was Professor Snape although he really wasn't on Voldemort's side, but still… and your father was a Death Eater too… and he's sorta cool… he's your father after all."
Draco Malfoy stared at the girl in slight horror and disgust.
"Do you find my father…" he gagged and felt the cold shiver run up his spine, "attractive?"
"Oh no, course not…" The girl replied, waving her hand in the air and staring up at the ceiling, falling back against the vacant sofa and lying still on her back. "I just wonder which I prefer. It's rather hard… I mean those Weasley twins are super cool… well… Fred was cool, before… he went to push up daisies."
"… that's what 'pushing up daisies' means, Draco."
He sneered, "Is that a muggle expression?"
"Yep," she nodded turning her head to the side to look at him. "It means just that. Now," glancing back up the ceiling she sighed, "Fred and George Weasley are cool… and so is Remus Lupin and Tonks,"
"The ex-Defense the Dark Arts teacher from my third year? Who also happens to be the werewolf."
"Yes again, plus Sirius Black was extremely cool too. But the Death Eaters… they have Barty Crouch Jr. and Professor Snape, Bellatrix and your parents, fellow Slytherins' parents, you… it's really hard to pick the side I would have been on."
Malfoy kept silent.
"The downer part was that you had Peter Pettigrew and that werewolf."
"Lupin was a werewolf too."
"Yeah, but Lupin was a very cool man. Greyback was just gross and creepy." She sighed again rolling onto her side to stare at the blond seated across from her, lost in his book once again. "I always end up going for the bad guys though… it always happens! And I don't know why! It's like I fall for the more attractive guys that turn out to be bad."
"So, I guess I would end up on the bad guys team! And I would have been a Death Eater!"
Shaking his head, Malfoy turned back to his book muttering under his breath how the girl would get herself killed by the Dark Lord himself for being so obnoxious.
Now point your wand at someone… IMPERIO!
This time I tag... TripleMelody, Crime Scene Fairy, and... Kohakuhime of Konoha!! And if anyone else wants to do one for Harry Potter, then do so. It really is fun.