Sorry for the delay. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. Your thoughts help tremendously, even the ones simply letting me know your level of frustration. My undying gratitude goes to Tiff for pre-reading, acting as my cheering squad and hand-holding. Many thanks to Katie for betaing this and offering words of encouragement.

Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.

BPOV

It was so lovely being in his arms. It provided me with a feeling of comfort, almost like it was where I was meant to be, a home of sorts. The way his lips felt on my neck sent shivers throughout my body. My arms quaked, my knees trembled. I felt trapped in his gaze. His green eyes alight with foreign emotions. I saw him nearing me, and my brain reeled with confusion. None of this made sense. Up until this moment he had given me no indication that he was interested. As a matter of fact he had given me quite the opposite feeling. And now he was going to kiss me. Did I want that? Yes, my body screamed while my mind told me it was a bad idea, that it was too much. So I ran. I told him I had to use the restroom and I hardly gave him a second look as I raced away.

I braced myself against the sink and felt the tension leave my body as the cool water made contact with my skin. Taking several deep breaths I chided myself for my foolish behavior, soon realizing I wasn't being foolish; I was acting out of self-preservation. I needed to pull it together, regain the strength of days past and go out there and deal with the situation with indifference and resiliency.

I shut off the faucet and pushed myself away from the sink, taking a moment to fix a few loose strands of hair and wipe away the residual droplets of water. The sound of the door creaking open and heels on the linoleum floor startled me. I quickly barricaded myself in the nearest stall, not quite as ready to face the outside world as I had previously thought. Pulling my feet up off the ground in an effort to remain inconspicuous, I waited for the sound of Alice's voice.

It never came. Instead what I heard caused me to double over, an uneasiness turning my stomach.

"Did you see what she was wearing? I mean the least she could have done was make the effort. I mean it's not every day you get to go to a dance with Edward Cullen," the first girl spoke in a nasal drawl.

"Uh-huh," the second girl responded as she passed a brush through her mess of curls and frizz.

"Jessica, why aren't you more upset about this? I thought you were head over heels for him. And didn't you ask him to go with you to the dance and he turned you down?" the first girl inquired, firing one question after the other at a rapid pace.

"Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, I'm not worried about the ugly duckling, because I have this," Jessica said as she pulled a scrap of paper from her purse.

"Oh not the letter again; I still don't get it," Lauren said as she reapplied some lip gloss.

"That's because you're jealous no one has ever written such beautiful words for you. I mean listen to this:

In the day, when you are near and your scent surrounds me, my lungs fill with your sweetness and all I can do is think about having you at my side endlessly. I am drawn to you. Every cell in my body ignites when I see you, when I hear you, when I touch you, even for the briefest of moments - there's an electricity that shoots through me and it excites me to no end.

Who wouldn't feel secure when they had that at their disposal? Only a fool wouldn't get that. Edward and I are meant to be, so I'm not worried about Swan, or any other girl for that matter. If they're dumb enough to think they have a shot with him, it's their funeral, got it?" Jessica put her brush away and turned to the door.

Seconds later the door shut behind them and I was left in the stall with the words I had just overheard swirling in my head: "fool", "dumb". Stupid, stupid Bella. Why did you let yourself believe?

I couldn't go back out there. All it would take was one look in his eyes and I would break down. How had I not seen the laughter and deception there? How had I allowed myself to get so wrapped up in the feeling of his skin on mine?

I knew going back was not an option, and I couldn't very well hide out in the bathroom for the rest of the night; that left me with a very easy decision, I needed to go home. But there was a problem; Edward had picked me up so I didn't have any way of getting home on my own.

Digging out my cell phone from my bag, I dialed the one person who I could place my faith in to not let me down.

On the second ring, a gruff voice answered, "Forks Police Department, Chief Swan speaking."

"D…Daddy," I whispered, trying to hold back the tears.

"Bells honey, are you ok? What's the matter?" His voice sounded frantic.

"Dad, can you come and get me, please?" I couldn't muster the strength to tell him what was bothering me and lying seemed inappropriate, so I chose to keep it simple.

"Of course, I'll be there in two."

"Thanks," I mumbled before closing my phone. Climbing down from the seat, I peered through the crack in the door, ensuring that the bathroom was empty.

Without hesitation, I opened the door and made my way into the hall. I walked at a clipped pace toward the main exit, avoiding eye contact with anyone who I may have passed by.

About ten feet from the door, I heard it, the sound of my name echoing off the walls, the velvet voice causing me to miss a step and nearly tumble. I couldn't face him, not now, not with all I now knew.

The cold wind sent a chill through me. In my expedited exit I had forgotten my coat. No time to worry about that. My eyes scanned the lot in desperation. When they landed on the flashing lights of the police cruiser, a whoosh of air left my lungs. I raced toward the car and hurriedly took my place in the passenger side, making sure to secure my seat belt, before muttering my thanks to my dad.

He looked at me inquisitively, seeming to contemplate asking what prompted my sudden call and erratic behavior, before turning the key and softly asking, "Home, then?" to which I simply nodded, turning in my seat to face the window.

The silence continued as we entered the darkened house. Still Charlie did not question but I could see that he was anxious, the fidgeting evident as he looked at me sympathetically.

"It'll be ok, kiddo," was all he said before he placed a kiss on my forehead and walked up the steps to his room. I stood there at the bottom of the stairs bracing myself for the onslaught of emotions that were sure to erupt when I entered my room and I was free to break down.

When I neared the top landing I reached over to switch off the light; as I turned to do so, my body immediately caught sight of something that brought the memories of the night's events to the forefront of my mind.

Wide green eyes, a crooked grin, and the matching one of my own that involuntarily sprung to my face as our eyes met.

How is it that everything had gone so wrong in just a matter of a few hours?

Because you are a fool. Stupid Bella.

At that moment I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They streamed down my cheeks, blurring my vision as I stumbled the rest of the way to my bedroom. Once safely tucked behind the door, the dam truly burst and sobs exploded from my chest as the images assaulted me at a feverish pace.

So stupid.

After stripping and scrubbing away the last reminders of an evening that I had regrettably hoped would go so much better, I cocooned myself underneath the blankets and used my pillows to silence the sounds of my sorrow.

I awoke the next morning at around ten, with a throbbing pain between my temples, the pillow still clutched in my iron grip. The ache in my body and my chest served as unwanted souvenirs.

They say it gets easier with time. I certainly hoped that was the case.

Somewhere between the crying and fighting off images of him, I had come to the conclusion that the only way to resolve this situation permanently was to make a clean break. But first I needed to clean up this pity party.

Showered and changed, I gathered the balled up tissues and made the bed with clean linens, chucking the old ones in the wash. Next on the agenda was food. My stomach grumbled in agreement.

Since it was Sunday, I wasn't surprised to find that there was no one to greet me when I entered the kitchen. A note tacked to the fridge confirmed my suspicions that Charlie had likely gotten up at the crack of dawn to go fishing with Billy. Needing to only prepare food for myself made the decision of what to eat that much easier. No sense in dirtying pots and pans for a meal for one. Digging the cereal from the cupboard, I filled a bowl and made my way to the couch.

As I plopped down into my usual spot for Sunday morning TV viewing, I felt that something was off. Reaching behind me, my fingers landed on the offending object and it felt as if my fingertips were on fire.

Stop overreacting. It's just a coat.

I grabbed the garment, stood and made my way over to the front closet, shoving it inside without so much as a second glance.

Returning to my breakfast, the turning of my stomach told me that nourishment would have to wait a bit.

I cleaned up the dishes and looked over to the living room, having an internal debate as to whether I could handle going back in there and relax. In the end, the side that deemed it an impossibility won out.

The clock on the microwave read just after eleven. Charlie would be home no earlier than five. That left me with six hours to avoid the memories. I could go upstairs and hole myself off for the day, but I'd be doing myself no good by wallowing in my misery.

After rejecting every option I came up with, it struck me that I overlooked the most obvious. Grabbing the rubber gloves, I got to work. There wasn't much to clean as I had used this therapy the night before, but it still managed to provide a much needed distraction. Before I knew it, it was two o'clock. Sinking down on the newly made bed, I let out a sigh that was a mix of exhaustion and relief.

A blinking red light drew my attention to the bedside table. Scrolling through the missed call list, I saw that there were twelve calls, ten of them from Alice starting at about five minutes after Charlie picked me up to about twenty minutes ago. I was about to shut my phone, unable to deal with hearing the worry in her voice as I listened to her voicemails when I saw the last call from the list from about five minutes ago.

Huh?

I hit redial and waited.

A smile spread across my face when the familiar voice answered.

Going back to school was easier knowing that I'd only have to avoid the mess that was my life for a few more days. Spring break was right around the corner, and after Renee had invited me down to see her, I couldn't pass it up. It truly could not have come at a better time.

Trips to the library during lunch and after school helped me evade the possibility of running into the piercing eyes that I fought against in the lab. I considered asking Mr. Banner to switch partners but I knew that doing so at this point in the semester was unrealistic.

Alice and I had talked late Monday afternoon. She picked up on my desire to avoid discussing all things Edward, or dance related, and we came to a silent agreement that our friendship should not be severely altered, though she was insistent that we rotate our weekend schedule a bit.

Charlie was hesitant to let me go off to see Renee, and I couldn't quite understand what was at the root of his worry. Reluctantly he agreed at the last minute and offered to drop me off at the airport the next morning. Placing a kiss on his cheek and giving him a one-armed hug I thanked him, and went up to my room.

My sleep for the past week had been uncomfortable at best. The dreams that plagued me were not ones of yearning, but ones of regret. The face that was once twisted in fire and passion now held a sneer full of contempt and disgust.

But tonight, tonight was different. The green eyes were there, but not full of sexual desire or hatred but of longing. I tossed and turned as the scenes played out. He inched toward me, arms reaching, searching.

"Bella, I need you. Please. Don't leave. Just let me explain." His voice was shaky and his shoulders were hunched in defeat.

My fingers twitched in response. Those words cut me deep. I wanted to believe it, part of me felt it was the right thing to do, to listen, that this was all a big misunderstanding. But I couldn't. Pushing off the cloud of sleep I awoke feeling a hollow pain in my chest. Why couldn't I just try to believe that Edward wasn't like that? Well, for one thing, he hadn't given any indication, other than in your dreams, that he wanted you. Except for the dance. I couldn't bring myself to think of that night. Skipping over the night in question I focused on the events after the dance. Edward seemed to be avoiding me just as much as I was avoiding him. In lab he barely said more than three words to me each day, 'hello' and 'see ya'. The few days when I did go to eat in the cafeteria with Alice, he was nowhere to be found, not that I was looking. All of this further confirmed what that night had taught me, I was nothing more than an obligation that needed to be fulfilled and I was a fool for wishing for anything more.

The clock told me that it was too early to get out of bed, yet I knew that shutting my eyes again and getting some rest was just as unlikely. I lay in bed with my hands covering my eyes until the sound of the alarm blaring drowned out my thoughts.

Several hours and thousands of miles later, I touched down in Jacksonville and was quickly scooped up into my mother's waiting arms. The week passed seamlessly; it was exactly what I needed. Despite my mother's many flaws and airhead moves, there really was nothing like the feeling of going home, even when that home moved every two months or so.

She hugged me and lavished me with much needed attention. When it was time for me to head back to Forks, she extended an invitation to visit during the summer break. I gladly accepted, thinking that the alternative of a probable cold, wet and lonely summer in Washington was not too promising.

The final few weeks of classes flew by as exam prep and prom frenzy filled the school. Alice did not bother to press the subject of my attending junior prom as I had told her and everyone else that I had plans that could not be rescheduled. Yup, plans. Me, a bag of microwave popcorn and a ton of DVDs.

Not attending did not save me from dress and shoe shopping however. Alice insisted that she desperately needed my opinion.

Of course since I have spectacular luck, the day we did decide to go happened to be the same one chosen by half of our class, including a set of bleached blondes who had the ability to induce vomiting at the mere sight of them. They stood by the mirrored dressing room. All frizzy hair and low cut fabric, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. As they adjusted and preened, the words came back to me.

"…only a fool." "Ugly duckling."

I covered my mouth and fled out onto the sidewalk gasping for air.

A frantic looking Alice followed moments later.

"Bella…Oh my god, Bella, what's wrong? Talk to me." She gently rested her hand on my shoulder, urging me to face her.

"Alice, I'm not feeling very well. Would you mind taking me home?"

"Of course. Are you sure there's nothing else bothering you?" she questioned.

I felt terrible for not being honest with her, but I couldn't verbalize what had caused my sudden panic attack. I hadn't been able to be honest with her about anything that had to do with him.

We drove back to my place in silence and before I knew it we had arrived. Climbing out of the car, I thanked her for the ride and apologized for cutting our time short.

When prom night came around, I settled into the armchair and allowed myself to be immersed in the mindless plot of several movies. About half an hour into 'The Hangover', the doorbell rang.

An eerie sense of déjà vu overcame me as I inched my way to the door.

"Wh…Who's there?" I called.

"Bells, open up."

"Jake?" I unlocked the door and peered out to the porch to find a soaking wet Jake standing there.

"What are you doing here? Come inside."

"Thanks," he responded as he shook the droplets of water out of his hair. "Charlie mentioned to Billy how he was worried about you, moping around the house; apparently there's some big event or something at your school and you've decided to sit it out." He hung his coat on the rack and made his way to the couch, settling in the moment he was within reach. I followed after him and resumed my previous position.

"Jake, you really didn't need to come over. I'm fine. I swear." My voice wasn't strong enough even to convince myself. The look that crossed his face told me he wasn't fooled either.

"So, no pretty party dress for you tonight? You know you owe me a rain check still, right?" Jake asked as he grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table.

"Oh Jake, you know me. Two left feet. And besides you stood me up, remember?" I spoke nervously, not wanting to delve deeper into the subject.

Luckily a raucous laugh erupted from Jake's chest; looks like there would be no need to skirt around the issue. We sat there for hours making idle chit chat and watching one movie after another. As the credits rolled on our third movie, I yawned and Jake soon mimicked my motions, stretching his muscles.

"Well looks like I should be shoving off. Don't be such a stranger. You know I'll always be here for you." He placed his hand on my chin, lifting it so that I could stare directly into his eyes. They were so genuine. Not full of doubt; nothing but absolute sincerity. I felt tears starting to fill my eyes and I struggled to hold them at bay. The words trapped in my throat, I nodded and he pulled me into his warm embrace. Placing a kiss on the top of my head, he said goodnight.

Locking up behind him, I went to clean up the mess left over from our movie night.

Things were so easy with Jake. I think it had a large part to do with that he wasn't a threat, wasn't thinking with his hormones. He was sweet and affectionate, but in a best friend/younger brother kind of way. I never felt like his gaze was predatory, his touches obscene. He always knew the right thing to say, and more importantly he knew when to leave things alone.

If I could only find someone who possessed all of these qualities with the added benefit of being physically attracted to me I'd be a happy camper. Sigh. No use dwelling on the would haves, could haves of the world.

Shutting off the lights, I went to bed. The rest of the weekend flew by; Alice stopped over on Sunday to fill me in on her night out, and to have our weekly "treatments". She loved turning my room into a mini spa, insisting on painting my toenails and fingernails brighter and brighter shades of pink. We discussed our plans for summer vacation, and the pout on her face was enough to break my heart. When I had gotten back from spring break, she told me about her family's upcoming vacation and even invited me to go along, to add insult to injury she played the 'mom' card, telling me how much Esme would love for me to join them. Thankfully I didn't need to lie when I told her that I would be out in Florida with my mom. She reluctantly accepted it, only after making me promise that when I came back we would spend some time together before senior year started.

Watching the clock tick down the final minutes of the semester was torture. My knees bounced, my eyes scanned the clock, and the moment the last bell rang I shot out the door along with my anxious classmates. The sun shone bright, well, as bright as was possible in the wettest part of the continental US. Alice twirled and skipped over to her car, pulling me behind her. She embraced me tightly, and bid me farewell, saddened once again by my eminent departure and subsequent absence for the next month and a half. I told her that it would all be ok and that I'd see her when I got back, promising to call and write, and wishing her well.

Walking over to my truck, I caught sight of sparkling green and rich bronze, a timid smile and wave, and then it was gone.

The weeks passed without incident. The distance proving to lessen the ache. The dreams all but disappearing. Returning to Washington at the end of August, I did so with a new outlook on things. I could do this. I could make it through the year. It was just until June. Ten months and then I could put all of this behind me.

Alice and I had a fantastic time before the first bell of the semester rang. I even convinced her to come down to visit Jake with me, and we spent nights on the beach, or in Port Angeles. Sometimes Jasper would come along too, others even Rose and Emmett showed, but he never did. And I was both saddened and relieved.

Senior year started off better than I could have anticipated. The gods had decided I deserved a break because as I went through my first day, I noticed one obvious difference. No Edward. You would think with a class the size of ours, it would be an inevitability that we would have at least one class together, but no, not one. We even had different lunch periods. After school was my next test, and again, I managed to pass without a hitch. Edward spent his afternoons on the field, leaving long after I drove away. This allowed me time to visit with Esme without fear of the tingling feeling on my skin whenever he was near. She seemed to understand the lack of visits over the previous months but was much happier having me around to take care of again.

Weeks turned into months, and before I knew it final exams were around the corner. Edward was always pleasant when he did encounter me, smiling meekly and offering pleasantries, but never extending the conversation beyond trivial subjects. The unease that once overwhelmed me was hardly a buzzing.

This fact alone was enough to minimize the amount of pestering that Alice had to do when she invited me to a post-graduation party at her place. Once the caps were flung, I headed off to a quiet dinner with Charlie and then he dropped me off at the Cullens'.

The twinkling lights that wrapped around the trees lining their driveway illuminated the lawn beautifully. The sight that I encountered when I walked through the front door was breathtaking. Alice sure knew how to go all out. Decorations covered every spare inch, and music pumped soundly from speakers throughout the room. There was a handful of partygoers already moving to the beat, with several more milling around the snacks.

I found Alice quickly, and after having my offers of assistance turned down numerous times by both her and Esme, I went to stand by the front window, facing the center of the room. As I scanned the crowd for someone who could possibly serve as a worthy conversation partner while I waited for Alice to finish up some of her hosting duties, my eyes locked on his.

I was momentarily taken aback as I tried to process all of the emotions streaming through the green.

Sadness. Regret. Acceptance. Longing. Desire.

Neither one of us seemed to want to be the first to look away. He inched toward me, and with every step he took, I felt an electric current fill the air. The intensity heightening as our separation decreased. I stood fixed in my spot, unable to move or speak, only capable of staring. Inch by inch. So close. So far.

I squeaked as I felt my feet leave the floor and arms wrapped around me, warm breath fanning across my face.