Summary: Takes place after episode 305. Serena and Dan deal with the reality of RL’s union

Couple: Dan and Serena

When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
it was easy to see that you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns
but who really profits from the dying.

Serena glanced into Dan’s open room and there stood Cedric, still stacked atop his bookshelves. A symbol of their past and all that had gone wrong. Yet there he sat just as he always had. To Serena he was more than just a doll, or sign of Dan’s whimsy. He was a part of her past and for a moment the ache was deeper than ever. She looked over at her mother and Rufus dancing and the pain that she had managed to bury came bubbling to the surface. All her hopes and dreams when it came to Dan and herself were now dust. Like an ancient burial ritual she watched with somber eyes as the last shards of hope disappeared as she glanced across the room. In one corner her new father glided across the floor with her mother, and at the other end her former embraced his newfound brother whom was also hers. How and when did her life go so wrong? Serena tried to pinpoint the exact moment? This summer had quickly transformed from a chance to get away to a search for a man who’d rather have the bubonic plague then have anything to do with her.

Serena settles on a stool in front of the island and watches couples slowly take to the makeshift dance-floor which is really nothing more than the Humphrey kitchen. She pushes a stray hair from her face and notices a familiar hand on her shoulder.

“Hey,” he whispers and quickly occupies the neighboring stool. Two figures, so close yet oceans apart.

Serena merely smiled at him and sighed.

“It’s weird that they’re actually married now.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“I always thought that would be us some day, “he admitted somberly. Serena looked at him, slightly taken aback by his comment. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say so she said nothing in response.

I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you in my arms forever

“Come on, let’s dance, “Dan said as he led her on to the dance floor. A small of her was taken back to years when he’d last guided her to an altogether different dance floor. It was like she was transported back in time; to a time where she was happy, when they were happy. Serena laid her head on his shoulders and gently swayed to the soft music. She closed her eyes and pretended they weren’t at their parents wedding. In her head, this was another day, another time where all the complications did not exist. Where Carter did not disappoint her, where he wasn’t even someone she wanted to believe in. thinking that he could measure up to Dan was a mistake, but it wasn’t like she could be with him. Her mother had broken the only promise she had ever made to her—to not make Dan her stepbrother.

“Hey are you okay? I’m worried about you.”

“I will be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Shh lets just enjoy this moment, Dan.”

Dan happily complied and held her closer. They moved like they belonged together. Their bodies were instantly attuned to the other. Their feet knowing the rhythm without thought. Rufus looked over Lily’s shoulders and saw the pair in their somber embrace, shards of guilt stabbing at him. He knew that those two were still in love, but he didn’t want to think about it. Nobody ever wants to think about how ones’ happiness may cause another pain. He wished fate hadn’t been so cruel as to force him to choose between his own happiness and his sons. He chose selfishly and now he was stuck with the consequence of that choice. He whispered in his wife’s ear and said, “this is killing them.”

“Killing who?”

“Nevermind,”Rufus said dryly. It was obvious that Lily was completely aware of the mess that they had created by fulfilling their hearts desire.

When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
it’s my worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face

The guests had all filtered out one by one and Serena and Dan sat in his room , her head on his shoulder. They were the only ones who could understand the others pain. It was something specific to them, to their story. They were the ones that had to deal with the love that was still very much alive, but that was to remain unfulfilled. A lone tear fell down her face and dan wiped it away with his thumb. “Don’t cry,”he begged.

“I’m sorry I can’t help it.”

He wrapped her up in his arms and held her to him. It was like they had stepped into an alternative universe. What happened to what they once had? How had it slipped so easily from their fingers?

“What happened to us?”Dan asked.

“what do you mean?”

“How did we fall apart? I wanted you like I’ve wanted nothing before, but its like no matter how hard I tried you were always meant to be a vision that just slipped through my fingers.”

Serena looked up at him and she knew exactly what he meant. Dan had never lost faith in them, it was she who had let her mother win, who had given up on them even though she had told him she wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry,”she said.

“Don’t apologize. Maybe, that’s all it ever was. A dream.”

Serena turned and held his face in her hands, “We were not a dream. We were great!”

Dan closed his eyes, her touch searing into his soul. Before she realized it her lips were covering his own and all that suppressed need, all that love came pouring out. In that room, on their parents wedding night, they re-consummated their love; their hungry passion for each other winning out over right and wrong.

Close my eyes and say
Love is a poor man's food
don’t prophesize

Three months had passed since Rufus and Lily’s wedding and every night since then, Serena would sneak out and take cab to Brooklyn. She would jump into his waiting arms and their repressed desire seemed to bubble to the surface. It was like they were starving and the feel of each other was the only thing that could sustain them. Neither of them talked about what they were doing? Was it right? Was it wrong? Those were not questions that they asked. They merely gloried in the feeling of being together again. Serena and Dan were lying in Rufus’s bed, their limbs all tangled up together when they heard a key in the lock.

“Who is that?”

“I don’t know”

They heard Rufus calling out Dan’s name and Serena jumped in panic but she was still clad in only a tshirt when he’d walked in.

“What the hell is going on here?”

Dan said nothing.

“How long has this been going on?”Rufus demanded. Righteous indignation filled him up even though he knew he had no right to it.

“Well is anyone going to answer me?”He yelled.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”Dan said

“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m your father. You will respect me,”Rufus said in a huff

“Oh like you respected me? What a joke.”

Serena stood there frozen. The anger and disdain in Dan’s face threw her off. Apart of her knew what they were doing was wrong another part of her shared her lovers indignation and anger. But, something kept her rooted in the spot, unmovable. The rest of their argument was a blur. All she could make out was the tenor of their voices and their gesturing. This was something she had done. She had managed to tear up a family bond she had once believed to be unshakeable and that cut her like nothing else. Eventually, she had managed to gather her stuff and head into the other room. She quickly dressed and was on the way out the door when Rufus beat her too it.

I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever

“Hey where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

Dan pulled her close and said, “Stay. I need you.” Serena was once again drawn back into his web. It was like a force she could not deny. Her love for him was something that gave her strength. It rejuvenated her and it was as essential as breathing. Dan guided her slowly across the room, feathering her with kisses. He slipped the jacket from her shoulders and and slowly removed her top. Soon they were in his old room, with dan hovering above her kissing her, touching her, loved her. This was all she needed all she ever wanted. Her mother and Rufus could never rob her of this ever again. She wouldn’t let them.

Later she lay in his arms, and said “We need to fight. I’m done letting them win.”

“Me too. I told my father as much.”

“I love you,”she said.

“I love you too. More than life itself.”

So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war
Symptomsof madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear

Dan and Serena debated for well over a week when and how to tell their families. They wanted Eric and Jenny to have been there, to have shared this moment, but they knew that they no longer cared. Some may say they were too young, didn’t know each other well enough. But, Dan and Serena felt like they’d known each other for an eternity and they were sick of the forces of fate conspiring to part them. So, they took fate into their own hands, dressed in their best and headed down to city hall.

It was the crack of dawn, and the sun was shining brightly as they waited for their turn. Serena wore a simple whit e dress that clung to all the right places. Dan wore his best black suit and olive shirt. He fiddled with the tie as the nerves started to rattle away at him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”He asked.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything”

So, on a crisp autumn morning, Serena traded in van der woodsen in for Humphrey and it was like that missing piece, that whole inside her heart finally closed up.

So as man and wife, they went to the penthouse to face the firing squad. The air was tense. Lily and Rufus seemed to be engaging in aonther one of their epic battles that mostly consisted of them freezing the other out. Dan took Serena’s hand and held it up to his lips.

“Promise me that’s not what we’ll become?”he asked.

“I promise,”she said as she kissed his cheek.

Lily looked up and looked at them quizzically. “What’s going on?”

“We have something to tell you.”

“Are you two?”Lily asked.

“Yes.”

Lily marched up to Serena and slapped her across the face, “have you no shame. He is your stepbrother.”

“Have you no shame. You let me fall for him. You didn’t stop us. I have have, we have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Dan held her tighter. “We sat back and let you walk all over us because we wanted you to be happy and because we were afraid to stand up to you guys, but we’re done.”

“What is that on your finger Serena?”Rufus asked hoarsely.

“Its my wedding ring.”

The bounce of Lily’s body on the linoleum was the last sound that Serena remembered before all pandemonium had broken out. Eventually Lily woke and Rufus looked up at them with guilt and shame written all over his face. Dan had not let go of her hand since they had first arrived. They would do this as a team, consequences be damned.

“How could you do this to me, Serena?”Lily said when she finally woke.

“I’d ask you the same question but its obvious you’ve always put your own happiness before mine. I guess mother knows best,”she said before Dan and Serena exited.

They reached the loft and stood outside of the metal door, still grasping each others hands. “Well this is it. Its just me and you, Dan.”

“As it should be,” he said before lifting her into his arms and carrying her over the threshold.