Sequel to 'Daddy'. Apparently I lied about it being complete.

Two Drabbles

War's Over

It’s not right that it should hurt so much, not like this. You shouldn’t miss him or suddenly begin caring that he’s gone, not when you went so many years not giving a damn. Because he meant nothing to you from the day you graduated from high school, pretty much right up until his death. You saw him as nothing more than an antagonist, someone who existed just to annoy and torture you, a person with whom you had (and desired) no meaningful connection whatsoever.

But now, in your mind’s eye, he’s alive again. He's young again, smiling, open and real. He still wants you and you still want him. And you're somehow able to return to that point in your life, before he became the enemy, back when you really believed that he could protect you from any and all danger.

Amidst your grief and confusion, you realize what you really want is your daddy. You want him to come back and take charge of your life. You took for granted the idea of someone else being in control, of someone else being responsible for you, of someone else being willing to do battle for you. You took for granted the idea of someone being bigger and stronger than the sum of all your woes. You want him to magically appear and help you to beat your addictions and overcome your pain. You want to be small again, small enough to hold and carry, small enough to hide behind him.

You're not sure how you feel about him really, whether or not this is love. But you finally get what your mother meant, when she said the war was over.

Too Little; Too Late

When the man finally shows up on your doorstep, you feel nothing at all. You're numb perhaps, or maybe it's just been too long and you can no longer bring yourself to care. He makes light of it at first, cracks a few jokes to test the waters, quickly sobering when he sees that you're unamused. He apologizes for all that he missed, for all that you missed, for all the opportunities that are gone. And of course he takes full responsibility, reassuring you of your mother's innocence.

You manage to refrain from rolling your eyes. You allow him speak his mind, say his piece, get it all out and into the open. You know what's coming, some official declaration, some entreaty. He wants to be in your life now, only now, only after the fact. He wants it now because it's easy and convenient. But you can't appease it. Because it's too little and too late. Perhaps in an earlier season of your life it might have mattered. But that time has come and gone. You have nothing left to offer him and there's nothing he could possibly offer you.

Before you close the door on him, you politely say thanks, but no thanks. You already have a daddy, and he's dead now.