Forgiveness in Unlikely Places

Chapter Seven

Even the thoughts of doing that now still shook her to her core. Shaking her head against his chest, her voice was muffled as she whispered, "They'd have killed me. Or at least made me wish I was dead."

"That's what I thought," Dave sighed, rubbing the tense muscles underneath her hair. "Emily, you made the best decision you could at the time. It's not the same decision you'd make now, I know. But you've had twenty years of living between then and now to learn some of life's lessons."

"It's just," Emily began, wanting to explain, but abruptly stopping as she realized that what she was going to say sounded extremely selfish.

"Just what, Emily. Tell me," Dave urged calmly, drawing a warm hand down her back, rubbing small circles against the heaviness of his own sweatshirt.

Her words slid out slowly, halting on each thought as she whispered, "I look at JJ with Henry…and I think, 'I could have had that. The love, the devotion of an innocent child.'" Her words faded off, and she fought back a broken sob as she barely whispered, the cold invading her again, "'And I killed it.'"

"There is no comparison, Emily," Dave replied softly. "None," he murmured, squeezing her to him as she trembled again. "The child you were twenty years ago wasn't ready for a baby. Hell, the environment you were raised in alone wasn't exactly designed for a fifteen year old teenager, let alone an infant. You would never have been able to have that kind of life with your child then. JJ's thirty-one years old. A grown woman. Financially stable and in a committed relationship. You were a kid. You didn't have any of those benefits. You're trying to see the decisions you made then through the eyes of the thirty-five year old woman that you are now. And the two people are worlds apart. You aren't the same person you were twenty years ago, Emily. And kids…they make bad decisions. But, in this instance, I don't think you did."

His words seemed to reach a part of her soul that she had thought was already dead. Shifting her face against his chest, Emily slowly felt herself begin to relax in his arms, his comfort seeping into her inch by inch. "Do you actually believe that?"

"I don't say things that I don't mean," Dave returned implacably, tightening his grip as he felt her settling deeper against him. "I think you have to learn to forgive yourself. I also think you need to learn to pick up the phone and call me when you feel this overwhelmed. Unless you really do want to get pneumonia."

"You seem less angry now," Emily murmured, wondering if she would ever forget that livid tone she had heard in his voice earlier.

"I was never angry, Emily. But scaring the hell out of me isn't exactly conducive to putting me in a great mood," Dave replied calmly. Shifting her to allow him to stare down into her tired eyes, he added, "And you did scare me. More than I like to admit."

She had never meant to scare him. Shaking her head, she apologized softly as she said, "I'm sorry. I thought about calling you before I came, but my phone's battery had died. It just seemed easier to grab a cab and ask you for forgiveness rather than permission when I got here, you know?"

"I guess I do," he nodded, that very method something he had employed on many occasions. Smiling softly down at her deep black eyes, he said, "I was out looking for you, you know."

Almost sitting up, she stared at him in sheer amazement. "You were?" Emily asked, shocked.

"Got worried when you wouldn't pick up your phone," he shrugged, easily pulling her back down.

In all her years, she'd never had someone readily admit to being concerned for her. Oh, she was sure Matthew had worried, in his own adolescent way…but, this…this was different. And she was grateful. Grateful that he'd cared enough to be concerned. Grateful that the man beside her had been willing to comfort an obviously damaged woman. Grateful that, of all the people in the world, this is the one that had found her tonight.

"I'm really sorry, Dave," Emily whispered. "I never meant to…"

Shaking his head, David hushed her. "It's over, Emily. You're okay. Or you will be in time. You had enough sense to seek out another person tonight. I'm proud of you for that," he told her softly.

Feeling the sting of tears behind her eyes, Emily swallowed as she stared at one of his hands resting on his stomach as the other ran soothingly over her back. Yet another thing she'd not often heard in her life.

"I didn't know where else to go. You were the first person I ever told that didn't automatically label me in their mind," she confided through her thickened throat.

"You don't ever need to fear coming to me, Emily," Dave promised. "I'll help wherever I can. You know that."

"Yeah, you've sort of proven that to me over the past few days," she conceded. "What I want to know is why, Dave?"

"That's another story for another day, Emily," Dave murmured, patting her back. "For now, you've had a long day and need to get some sleep," he said quietly, reaching out an arm to flip off the bedside lamp.

"You'll stay?" she whispered in the darkened room.

"It's my bed," he reminded her with a chuckle, shifting onto his side to curl around her back. Smoothing back her still damp hair, he said softly, "Just sleep, Emily. Tonight is done and tomorrow will take care of itself."

Nodding drowsily, Emily felt him rest a comfortably heavy arm around her narrow waist. Maybe there was hope after all.

FINIS