|Accidentally in Wham
Author: Mortal Anonymous PM
The Narrator is on vacation, which is causing problems for Word Girl. Meanwhile, The Whammer has let slip something Chuck would rather not have known. Chuck/Whammer slash.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Romance - Chuck & Whammer - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,479 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11-08-11 - Published: 10-26-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5469468
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Carrying Captain Huggyface, Word Girl soared through the sky sporting a wide smile. As they flew, the smile grew smaller and smaller, until it was a slight frown.
"Um, shouldn't the narrator have introduced the show by now?" Word Girl inquired of her sidekick. He chirped in response.
"Vacation?!" Word Girl exclaimed, "Well what's he doing there? We need him for the story..!"
Huggyface just shrugged.
Word Girl sighed. "Oh well. We'll just have to make do without. Although I must say, this really impedes our progress."
Huggy shrugged again, and in a flash Word Girl had flown them to the local prison. In the entrance hallway, the two stood ready as alarms blared around them.
"Word Girl and Captain Huggyface, having heard the prison alarm, stand ready to fight off any evil villain who may be trying to make an escape!" narrated Word Girl.
Huggy raised an eyebrow and squeaked questioningly.
"Well, y'know, I figured somebody had to do it…" was the response.
Just then, a prison guard walked into the room, smiling and holding a hand up in greeting. As he approached, the alarms silenced.
"It's alright Word Girl, everything's fine." he informed, "One of our employees just fell asleep on the alarm button."
Word Girl stood at ease. "Really, that-that's it?" she asked. The man nodded. "Wow, I, kind of expected there to be more to this," Word Girl wondered, "I mean, it's the opening scene." Suddenly, she noticed a shape moving behind the guard.
"Aha!" she exclaimed, drawing attention to the figure, who turned out to be Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy, "Someone is trying to escape!"
"Um, hi Word Girl," waved Chuck timidly, "And actually, I wasn't trying to escape until that alarm went off and my cell door opened up."
"Wait," puzzled Word Girl, "Your cell opened after the alarm went off?"
"Of course!" chipped in the guard, "All of the cells open if the alarm sounds, so our inmates can run to safety! Wouldn't want to put any of them in danger, now would we?"
"Uhh, I guess not," agreed Word Girl, "But still, that's not very smart. What if there was a mass breakout?"
"Oh, there's no danger of that." smiled the guard, "See each cell's got someone posted by it. Chuck here just doesn't get one on account of he's such a good boy." Here he pinched one of Chuck's cheeks. Chuck blushed and shied away.
"Whatever," sighed Word Girl, "Just get Chuck back to his cell, would you?"
"Ohh." groaned Chuck as the guard stepped forward to comply.
Suddenly, the alarm started again and a series of heavy thumps could be heard coming toward the entrance.
"Chuckiiiie!" a loud gravelly voice rang out as the thumps approached. The group looked up in surprise to find The Whammer barreling down the hallway at top speed, flinging the last of the guards that had tried stopping him aside.
"Ahh!" Chuck cried out, "Oh man, I completely forgot he was here too! I gotta get outta here!" He flapped his wrists frantically.
"No no, that's 'I've got to'- ahh!" Word Girl was cut short in her grammar correction as Chuck bolted past her, knocking her to the ground.
"Sorry!" Chuck called over his shoulder as he fled.
Word Girl looked to the guard and Huggy. "Well, aren't you going to do anything?" she demanded.
"Oh no," answered the guard, "If the alarm's goin' off then there must be danger." Huggy squeaked in agreement.
"Ugh, The Whammer is the danger!" Word Girl said forcefully, "Oh never mind, I'll do it myself." She flew up from the floor and at the oncoming villain. "Hold it right there, Whammer!"
"Chuckie Bread Guy!" The Whammer shouted, completely ignoring Word Girl, "Hey, wait up! The Whammer's comin' with you!" He spotted Word Girl.
"Wham." he said simply, slamming his fists together without even slowing. The super heroine fell to the ground as the sonic blast hit her, and The Whammer ran right past all of them and out of the building.
"Thanks a lot guys." Word Girl sarcastically remarked, nursing a couple of new bruises. Huggy and the guard shot her a thumbs-up from where they stood.
Chuck came to a gasping halt in the park and leaned against a tree, attempting to catch his breath. He glanced around.
"Whoo!" he sighed in relief, "I think I lost him."
"Chuckie!" beamed The Whammer, revealed to be on the other side of the tree. He pulled Chuck into a strangling hug before the man had any chance of escape. "The Whammer missed you so much!"
"Wish I could say the same…" grumbled Chuck.
"Whassat, Chuckie Boy?"
"Nothing. Uhh, could let go a' me?"
"No." smiled The Whammer, and gripped Chuck tighter. Chuck's eyes got wider at the constriction and he forced his way out of The Whammer's arms.
"Sheesh, why d'you always have to be so grabby?" he quietly demanded, dusting himself and pulling at his tight sleeves to straighten them, "You really aggravate me, y'know that?"
"Aww, that's sweet." gushed The Whammer. Chuck rolled his eyes. "But seriously boss," Whammer went on, "Now that we're out of jail and back together, what kinda crime should we do?" He bounced excitedly.
Chuck mulled this over. "Hmm, well, I am out of prison. I suppose I might as well do a crime before Word Girl catches me again. Ok, let's rob-!"
"The Museum of Stuff-Breaking Things, yeah!" Whammer interjected.
"What? No, I-" Chuck started, but suddenly found himself hefted over The Whammer's shoulder.
"We could totally whammer some stuff with breakin' things! Wham, yeah!" Whammer spouted as he ran off with Chuck.
"B-but…sandwiches…my head..!" Chuck whined. He sighed and sagged in defeat when The Whammer showed no signs of hearing him.
Word Girl sat atop a tall building, holding and reading over a script. Huggy stood impatiently beside her.
"Let's see, 'meanwhile Becky Botsford is sitting in the living room trying to figure out a plan of action'." Word Girl read, "Oh no! We're supposed to be at the house!" In two flashes she'd flown them to the Botsford residence and seated them on the couch, disguised. 'Becky' continued to read the script.
"Ok, T.J. comes in, makes fun of me for trying to be Word Girl, I comically defend myself, ah! Here we go: 'Hearing another alarm bell, Becky and Bob rush off to the Museum of Stuff-Breaking Things to confront Chuck and The Whammer'!" she announced, "Ahh! We're a whole scene behind! That alarm started fifteen minutes ago!"
In another two flashes she'd changed herself and Huggy back into their superhero outfits and gotten them to the museum. Chuck and The Whammer were leaning against some pillars outside.
"…Yeah, so that's why I think they might have a good chance this year." Chuck was saying, to which The Whammer nodded agreeably. They noticed the panting Word Girl's arrival.
"Ah, there you are Word Girl..!" Chuck noted, "We've been waiting forever for you; we were just about to leave…"
"Yeah, The Whammer wants to wham stuff, yeah!" complained The Whammer.
"Sorry guys," apologized Word Girl, "But the narrator's gone on vacation without telling me, so I have to figure out all of my cues from this script, plus do all of the announcing myself. It's really impeding my timeliness."
Chuck puzzled. "Im…impe…"
"Impede," Word Girl defined, "It means to hinder or obstruct the progress of something, like my ability to be on time for scenes, or like how I'm about to impede you guys' getaway."
"Oooh," nodded Chuck, "Or how The Whammer here keeps impeding my plans for sandwich crimes. He always follows me around and then drags me off to go break things. It's really annoying…"
"Yes, exactly like that!" smiled Word Girl, "Now, if you'll just come with me…"
"Say, I've been meaning to ask you," Chuck addressed The Whammer, "Why do you always follow me around anyway? It's like you're, oh, I know there's a word for it. Uh, it's another 'i' word…infah…infoo…"
"'Infatuated'?" offered Word Girl, "It means having an irrational passion or attraction to something or someone. Now, if you guys would just let me take you to prison…"
"Yeah, that's it..!" nodded Chuck. He looked sternly to The Whammer. "It's like you're infatuated with me! What'd I ever do to you?!"
"The Whammer always thought Chuckie was whammin'," beamed The Whammer, "Besides, you gave The Whammer mustard, yeah!"
Chuck quirked a brow. "Really? That's it? Ugh, but that was such a long time ago..!"
The Whammer sniffed. "I know," he said, tearing, "But that was the only time that somebody did something for The Whammer, instead of The Whammer always doin' stuff for somebody. And I totally wham ya for it!" He threw himself on Chuck again, crying.
Chuck showed confusion at this display. "'Totally…wham'..?" Suddenly he pieced two and two together. He quickly backed away, chuckling nervously, "O-oh…oh my…oh dear…yikes. Um, I suddenly…gotta go." Here he turned and hurriedly fled the premises.
"Hey, no, wait-!" Word Girl called out as one of her perps escaped.
"Chuckie..?" The Whammer questioned, confused, "Chuckiiiie!" he then burst, and flew after the poor sandwich man.
"Ah, no, Whammer-!" Word Girl tried to stop him from leaving too, but she was paid no mind. She slouched and gave an exasperated sigh. "Come on Huggy," she directed to her sidekick, "We'd better at least return the stolen loot."
Huggy sniffed as he turned back from watching the dramatic scene, nodded, and helped Word Girl move the very large sack of museum artifacts back inside.
"Back disguised as Becky and Bob, Word Girl puzzled and stewed over her script, hoping that some part of it might start being useful..!" an irked sounding Becky narrated from a park swing set, nearly crumpling the paper packet in her hands.
Next to her, 'Bob' chirped wonderingly.
"Well, it's just not making sense anymore," she said to him, "I mean, Chuck and The Whammer aren't following it at all..! How can I make my scenes if no one's following the script?!" She flailed her arms and kicked in frustration, causing her to loose balance and fall backwards with a thump.
Bob patted her aloft shin with a sympathetic squeak.
Becky sighed. "I know, you're right," she said, "I'm just really upset at how much I'm being impeded today, y'know?" Bob nodded as Becky righted herself to sit back on the swing.
"What's wrong with those two, anyway?" she asked, "They're supposed to be on a destructive rampage. Why did they run off like that without their loot?"
A questioning squawk from Bob.
"No, I did not notice what was going on between them!" Becky huffed, "I was a little busy concentrating on how they got away, thank you." She paused, and then asked meekly, "Uh, why, what was going on between them..?"
Bob rolled his eyes and then pantomimed smashing his fists together.
"Uh, ok, The Whammer..?" guessed Becky. Bob nodded, and then clasped his hands next to his cheek and rocked back and forth.
"Um, swoon! Gush! Awe? Fawn? Love!" Becky tried. Bob clapped when she got it right. Becky then prompted, "Ok, so, The Whammer loves…"
Bob folded one hand over the other repeatedly.
Bob screeched negatively.
Becky jumped. "Ok, sheesh, sorry." She rolled her eyes.
Bob tried again, tracing around his face in bread shapes.
"Masks?" Becky guessed. Again Bob screeched.
"Well I'm sorry Bob, but I just don't know what you mean..!" Becky groused.
Bob contemplated, tapping his chin with a finger, and then hopped off his swing. Slouching to look as fat as possible, he hopped about and flapped his wrists hectically.
Becky watched curiously. Slowly something dawned on her. "…Chuck..?" she ventured a guess. Bob stopped hopping and cheered.
"The Whammer loves…Chuck?" Becky pieced together, "Oh! Oh. Oooooh…"
Bob nodded at her as if to say 'm-hmmm'.
"Well, that certainly explains why Chuck ran off," Word Girl reasoned, "I probably would too if I found out The Whammer loved me…But that still doesn't tell us where they went. They are escaped criminals, after all, and we still have to capture them."
Bob offered a helpful sort of chirp.
Becky gasped. "That's right..!" she realized, "I'm the narrator for this episode..! I can just narrate us to wherever they are..!" She giggled maniacally as she clutched her now very rumpled script to her chest. She then froze and blinked her eyes open, catching the look Bob was giving her. She cleared her throat embarrassedly.
Meanwhile, Chuck and The Whammer were busy skirting around a large tree.
"Come on, boss, what's wrong?" The Whammer asked, darting to the right.
"You..!" answered Chuck, darting left, "I don't like you like that, ok? In fact, I don't even like you at all, so just, go away, will you? And I'm not your boss..!"
"Sure ya are!" replied The Whammer, seemingly missing the first half of that, "And The Whammer's not goin' anywhere, because he's your sidekick, yeah!" He gave and excited fist pump.
Chuck shook with rage at this. "Enough, enough!" he burst, "Just stop it with the stupid sidekick thing! I can't take it anymore! You are not my sidekick and you never were! I find you annoying, impossible, and all around unpleasant to be with, is that clear? I hate you!"
He gasped as soon as he said it and covered his mouth with both hands, but it was too late.
"Wham..?" The Whammer asked sadly.
"Ah, no, that's not what I meant, uh, I'm sorry," Chuck tried consoling him, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"No. Chuckie…hates The Whammer," moped The Whammer, "The Whammer gets it. He'll…go now." With that he turned and left, looking as morose as could be.
Chuck sagged against the tree with a heavy sigh. "Great," he scolded aloud, "Way to let him down easy there, Chuckie Boy…" His eyes bulged as he realized what he just called himself. "Oh, shut up." he then sulked to himself.
"Expertly, Word Girl was able to predict the exact location of The Whammer and arrive swiftly, once again showing her amazing prowess as a super heroine!" Word Girl glowed proudly as she came in for a landing next to The Whammer. Captain Huggyface folded his arms and gave her a squeak.
"It is not excessive," she defended, putting Huggy down, "It adds…pizzazz..!" Huggy sighed heavily as Word Girl turned to notice The Whammer.
"Uh…Whammer..?" she asked gently, for The Whammer was seated on the ground in one of the daisied areas of the park, where he slumped, the epitome of lachrymose, sending the occasional sonic wave to behead a streak of the flowers.
He turned to look at her. "Oh, hey Word Girl." He greeted glumly.
"Uh, hey," she returned awkwardly, "So…what's wrong?"
"Chuckie hates me."
"Oh. I…see." Word Girl didn't really know how to reply to that. She shared a glance with Huggy.
"Yeah, well, I didn't suppose you'd care about The Whammer's feelings either." sulked The Whammer.
"Now just a minute!" Word Girl said, sounding affronted, "We may be on opposite ends of the law, but that doesn't mean I don't care..! Why does Chuck hate you?" She put a hand on his shoulder as proof of her caring.
The Whammer put his head in his hands. "He thinks The Whammer's annoying."
Word Girl cast her eyes to the side in thought, "Well, you are kind of loud. And rude. And pushy. And destructive."
The Whammer looked at her flatly.
"Sorry," she apologized, "But have you ever tried maybe not being so pushy all the time? Maybe actually let him choose a robbery? You are supposed to be his sidekick after all. Or at the very least you could remember his name…"
"Ohh," groaned The Whammer, "But it's so hard..! The Whammer's not good with long names."
Word Girl groaned too. She was never going to get him back to jail at this rate.
"Look Whammer, are you gonna…be here for a while?" Word Girl questioned.
"Wham." The Whammer nodded sullenly.
"Um, I'll just take that as a yes, so…I'm gonna go after Chuck, ok? I still have to find him." Word Girl said as she started to lift off. The Whammer just moped and whammed some more flowers.
Just then Word Girl felt a tug at her cape. She looked down at Huggy, who chirped a suggestion. Her face shifted sympathetically.
"Tell ya what; I'll even put in a good word for you with him when I find him. How's that?" she offered to The Whammer.
The Whammer's head rose. "You would…do that?" he asked, looking touched.
"Uh…sure!" perked Word Girl, swinging a fist encouragingly, "After all, what're enemies for? And anything to get this story back on track…" she added in an almost silent mumble.
Suddenly she and Huggy were engulfed in a spine crushing hug. "Aw, thank you guys! You're the best enemies a villain could ask for!" He swung them back and forth jovially.
"Guh..! Can't…breathe…choking..!" Word Girl struggled. Huggy quite visibly agreed.
Elsewhere, in the city streets, Chuck was taking a stroll as he sorted his head out to himself, ignoring the strange looks passersby gave him.
"…doesn't matter," he was saying, "So I hurt the guy's feelings; so what? I mean look at the bright side: no more giant bear hugs, no more getting dragged off to do stuff I don't want to, no more 'Charles the Bread Box' or whatever…I'm a lone wolf anyways. Why should I care who I hurt? Real villains don't care who they hurt."
His expression shifted from guilty to resolute. "Yeah, I shouldn't care..! I'm a real villain. I just need to remind myself of that. I need to go on a crime spree that's all Chuckie…I mean, Chuck, and get my ego in check!" He caught sight of the sandwich vendor in front of him, who was blinking confusedly at Chuck.
"Gimme that sandwich!" Chuck demanded, and snatched it from the man's grasp. The man gasped and ran away screaming. Chuck unwrapped the sandwich and bit into it, gloating, "Ha-ha! See? I am Chuck, the Evil Sandwich Making Guy, and I do not feel guilty about being rude to that guy!" He paused. "Well, maybe a little. Maybe I should leave a tip or something…" He sifted through his pocket for change.
Before he could find any though, the voice of Word Girl suddenly cut in from above. It proudly announced, "Continuing her streak of amazing criminal locating, Word Girl divined precisely where Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy was, and swooped in gracefully to apprehend him!
"Y'know, I think I'm really starting to enjoy this narrator job." she told Huggy as they set down. Huggy just shook his head to himself.
"Oh, not you again," groaned Chuck, "I just started my crime spree..!" He held up the half eaten sandwich. "Besides, don't I have enough to worry about without you two right now?"
"Sorry, Chuck," Word Girl said heroically, pressing a hidden button on her belt, "but justice waits for no one! In fact, I've just called the police paddy wagon, so we'd better wrap this up quick. Although, now that you mention it, about The Whammer…" She twiddled her index fingers.
Chuck cringed. "W-what about him?"
"Well, and keep in mind that I'm usually 100% against romance on this show, but you guys make such a good criminal duo anyway. Have you ever thought about maybe…expanding on that?" Word Girl shrugged.
Chuck looked surprised. "No way..!" he groused, folding his arms and turning away, "I can't believe I'm hearing this from you. You know how annoying he is..! Besides, I don't like him. I feel bad I hurt his feelings, but that's all. I don't care what I call myself by accident."
"Eh, fine. I wasn't expecting it to go anywhere anyway." Word Girl passed off, but then she quirked an eyebrow. "Wait, what did you call yourself by accident?"
"None of your beeswax..!" Chuck retorted, "I don't like him. I don't really hate him though. It is kind of nice to have someone to vent with sometimes, even if he does cause most of the problem himself. And at times he can be kind of sweet; downright cute, in fact. And I have to admit, he is pretty good at crime. Oo! And this one time he made me a really nice butter pie. Yum…"
Word Girl was speechless. Huggy was speechless. They gaped at Chuck in silence.
He looked from one to the other. "What..?" he said after a while. At last his words caught up with him and he went, "Ooo…no way." as if discovering an impossible truth.
Here, Captain Huggyface broke the awkward silence by giving his throat a good clearing, raising an index finger, and chirping something indecipherable.
"…I'm not sure what you said, little gerbil, sorry." Chuck responded eventually. Huggy squeaked angrily about the gerbil comment, but it was missed over the series of sudden, ground shaking thumps that vibrated throughout the street. In homage to Jurassic Park, the trio observed a gutter puddle rippling with the vibrations.
The small group then turned to see the arrival of none other than whom else but The Whammer racing heavily over a hill in the road. He appeared to have run all the way from the park, non-stop.
Panting immensely, The Whammer came to a halt beside Word Girl. As Word Girl opened her mouth questioningly, Whammer held up a finger to hold off interrogation while he wheezed. Word Girl held off, crossing her arms with a roll of her eyes, and waited obligingly.
At last The Whammer managed, "The Whammer…just realized…'bout what you said in the park...that you was meanin'…to arrest Chuckie here. And I'm sorry Word Girl…but I can't let you do that, Chuckie hatin' The Whammer…or no Chuckie hatin' The Whammer. Yeah."
Chuck blinked with surprise at the arrival. "Wha? Whammer? R-really? But...but I was so mean to you earlier. I scared you away."
Whammer looked to Chuck, inhaled, and then said, "The Whammer knows. But The Whammer now realizes that his feelings run too deep, to care if Chuckie hates him. The Whammer will always be there to help Chuckie out, even if Chuckie doesn't want him to. After all, The Whammer, no-" Here he clutched a fist to his chest emotionally, looking intently at Chuck, "I, love you...Chuck the Evil Sandwichy Guy."
In the background, Word Girl scoffed, "Ugh, enough with the mushy stuff already..!"
Chuck stared at The Whammer, not hearing Word Girl. "You…you tried to get my name right...and spoke in first person..." He seemed genuinely touched, eyes brimming with tears as he clasped his hands together. "All this over mustard packets?" He asked quietly with disbelief. The Whammer nodded seriously, a smile on his lips.
Chuck laughed at how absurd that was. "I don't believe it! That's so logic-less. You really are infatuated..!" he exclaimed, smiling as well. Wiping more humorous tears away, he sighed and told The Whammer, "Y'know, in all honesty, my head's been a blur since you confessed earlier. But I did a little thinking too, and, well, with Word Girl's help I've come to see that I may've actually gotten used to you. Or even started to like you." He rubbed the back of his head meekly. "So, I'll let you be my partner in crime…if you really want."
Word Girl puzzled aloud, "Wait, when were you guys ever not partners?" She was ignored.
Whammer sniffed, and teared up as well. "Oh, Chuckie! Of course I do!" He exclaimed, and then without warning, he rushed Chuck and kissed him fully on the mouth, pressing as close as he possibly could.
Word Girl and Huggy's jaws dropped in unison. Chuck froze, stunned. The Whammer only grasped tighter. The moment lagged. Time stretched. The Whammer kept kissing Chuck and everyone kept staring.
Amid this scene of complete inaction, the paddy wagon Word Girl had summoned earlier silently rolled up, and two gawking police officers stepped out and awkwardly stuffed the paralyzed Chuck and the amorous Whammer inside. It drove away in an equally awkward silence.
Captain Huggyface nudged Word Girl, who stirred slightly and detachedly closed the show with a vague and dazed, "Uhthuh wuzza? Oh, uh, oonin fer, 'nother exciting episode, blah-blah Word Girl…"