Disclaimer: In my dreams.

Title: Insomnia

Pairing: Motoko/Togusa

Chapter: Beauty in Violet

Rating: T

Summary: Post- GITS: SAC SSS. Togusa develops a bout of insomnia, unable to stop thinking about the Major. Needing some fresh air, he decides to take a much needed drive, and finds himself at a shabby pub several blocks away from his own residency. What a surprise it is to find none other than the woman that had been on his mind as of late, and what’s more shocking; she too can’t seem to focus because he’s been on her mind.

Authors Note: I know Motoko is a cyborg and all that. The issue that she has “feelings” always being a case to burst our bubbles. So, I decided to cut all the beating around the bush bull shit out and go on a record, for my fic, she DOES possess human attributes. Flame me all you want about that, but in order for this fic to work out like I want it to, there has to be something mutual going on. As for the rating of this fic, I imagine it will stay at a T. Less it be requested that there be some sexual activity to go on. In that case, I’d bump it up to a M for the third, and final chapter. But seeing as how this anime section seems almost dead when it comes to readers, or the ones that review, I’ll most likely end up omitting the smut and inferring it. We’ll see. Let me know what you think so far.

Also, I know that in most of the incarnations, Togusa only has a daughter. Though, I put “children” in the first chapter because in the incarnation of SAC universe he also has a son. And I do apologize for any grammar mistakes. Word Doc doesn't always capture the errors, and I have no beta. Work with me here.

Read +Review+ Enjoy!

After Batou had left, the violet haired cyborg found her old loft to be less than comfortable. In truth, she hadn’t really ever let the human emotion of loneliness get to her; but when one under went such a tough case, it was to be expected. After all, it wasn’t like she didn’t have some human significance. She’d been born a human, having needed the cyborgization due to an extremely bad accident when she was just a small child. A sour expression over took her face at that. Despite everything; she still didn’t have memories of that incident. With a heartfelt sigh, Motoko took a lingering glance out of her largely window, taking note to the rain before heading on into her closet space for something to wear. Surely she still had some garments lying around.

Several minutes of rummaging later, the Major settled on her old low riding-hip hugging black jeans, and a rather revealing red halter top. Deciding to go down a different route with foot wear; choosing a pair of high-heeled stylish boots. The low rise was hidden by her jeans, the toes of the ‘boots’ cut out. Grabbing a woman’s fitted black jacket that stopped just after her waist, she tied the sash around the coat together and curled the collar up.

‘Now… I wonder if any of the boys went out for a drink tonight… I guess I’ll just have to find out.’

Despite the pouring rain, Motoko had managed to evade traffic (oh, how she hated it!), and make it to a pub she was used to hanging out at. Though, there was one minor thing wrong. The place was completely dead! Save the bartender who greeted her enthusiastically. Even so much as going to offer a free drink for every hour she spent there. The offer was too good to pass up, and seeing as how she didn’t exactly have anything else to do, or any where else to go for that matter…

With a small smile, she nodded to the bartender, and proceeded to remove her jacket. The rain could still be heard pouring outside. This abandoned street having minimal cars; though it added to a peaceful nature. Especially since the lighting in this place was more of an ambiance thing. The lights consisted of a couple top fans; and several candles. The flicker caught her attention as she sat down at the bar.

“Haven’t seen you in a while… The usual?” The man behind the bar gave a smile; his large appearance probably the reason why many decided to give this tavern a miss. Although, while he had a rough exterior, Motoko knew him to be a kind giant. She smiled at the faint memories, nothing but good times, they were.

“I see business is slow… like usual.” The smirk on her face was painfully obvious, but the bartender knew her and her mysterious sense of humor.

“Yes… Not much has been going on since you and your team have stopped dropping by.”

“Stopped, you say?”

“I haven’t seen any of you in almost two years.” The man stated simply, sliding her shot down towards her. With expert reflexes, the Major shot out her hand and caught the drink without so much as a tiny spill.

Motoko became silent a moment as she gazed at the flickering of a candle, which danced upon her drinks reflection. So they hadn’t been back? That was a shocker… Then again, it had been sort of a group thing. A lot must have really changed when she left the Section. Sighing, the Major downed the shot in one gulp. The liquid oozing like fire down her throat before emanating a cool sensation to calm every cyborg nerve in her body. With a lift of her hand, she ordered a few more rounds on the spot.

“Did you have a falling out?” His question went slightly unnoticed, and she gave him a sort of puzzling look. It was almost like she were asking who. “Your team.” He re-stated, sliding a tray with her orders down. Grabbing a plain white cloth, he began to wash already clean surfaces, humming a tune as the Major retreated into her own world of thought.

She never really put much deliberation into what would happen if she left the group. And when she had, she still didn’t think on it too much. Distraction was something she didn’t need in her line of work. Not to say they all didn’t make a great team. Because, really, they were the best. She’d made sure to choose those who could effectively interact with each other, and add their own symbolism. Add their own aurora. It gave them a sort of roomy feeling; like a family. When one had a crisis, it involved them all. Be it personal, or not. Motoko could remember several times when she had done things out of personal interest. Because they involved her team members.

Especially Togusa.

The violet haired woman narrowed her eyes at the thought of the man. Even after two years of separation, she still got that damned feeling when around him. It was the whole reason she couldn’t stand to be at her apartment. The reason she bid Batou a goodnight instead of letting him sleep over. Truth was, even though the brute had feelings for her, Motoko didn’t feel the same way. She didn’t have any mutual attraction towards him. He’d stayed over once before, and the two had sex. Just plain, casual sex. Nothing more, and it wasn’t really even worth the memory. He wasn’t any different than any other men she’d had. Being single for so long often had its disadvantages. Despite the perks of it. She could only take so much of e-sex.

But none of that was the point. Aside from yearning for a married man, she couldn’t really do anything more than fantasize. Not that she cared much about admitting that. It only seemed a bit unfair that she could be so damn good at what she did, and have one hell of a body to boot; but not get the attention of the one she wanted to notice her the most. God, things were seriously fucked up. How could she fall in love with a married man? Who had a family, nonetheless. If anything spelled one sided. Or unrequited. Maybe the whole reason she really left was to avoid this feeling she had for him. Wanting to get as far away from him as possible, seeing as how working with him only made the problem worse. Fate had its cruel intentions, as here she was. Pondering the Chief’s request for her to return to Section 9. Not only that, but Togusa himself had asked her to come back. Meaning he was more than willing to give up his promoted position.

‘Hmph. Probably so he’ll get to spend more time with his family… Not that I blame him. But… still, I…’

“M-major?”

The sudden voice caused a momentary lull. Motoko froze for a moment, before her crimson eyes turned towards the man standing at the entrance of the pub.

“Togusa?”

“Oh? Long time no see, Mr. Togusa.” The bartender greeted with a grin, making his way around the bar and rummaging through his supplies and stock. “What will I be getting you this evening?”

Having been too enthralled to see the Major here, Togusa didn’t reply right away. Instead, he found himself admiring the woman sitting on the barstool. He couldn’t deny the feeling of desire that welled inside him. The thirst of lust that washed over his form at the way her tank top accentuated her lovely curves. How her jeans seemed to give way to her strong, curvy, and lithe physique. How her tank top rode up in the back to reveal her toned back. Her hair hung over her shoulders; giving him a wonderful view of her neck.

“Um.. Ah, I’ll have what she’s having.” Togusa finally mustered, removing his coat. Suddenly, the temperature upped itself twenty fucking degrees.

‘…Now I definitely won’t be able to sleep…’

And to think he worked with this babe. Taking a seat beside her, Togusa leaned his forearms on the bar, the two silent. Who was to begin this conversation? What was to be said? Two years, they could start anywhere. On anything. Although, Togusa had never been sure how to start a conversation with the Major. When she wasn’t commanding them, she was commanding them. While it was easy to spurt up something during work, random babble, or even a joke. It was an entirely different situation when you hadn’t seen someone for a good amount of time. Motoko had been gone for two years. There wasn’t enough time for all the things he wanted to say and ask.

“I really am sorry, you know.” Her voice broke through the silence, causing Togusa to turn his attention over to her. What was she talking about? “For using you to get information on the Solid State Society.”

‘She’s still bothered by that…?’

“Major, its fine, really, I--”

“I put your life at risk, Togusa. When you had your daughter with you, no less. I can’t help but feel as if I owe it to you.” With a soft shrug of her shoulders, she downed another shot, crimson hues focusing on a flame.

“Regardless, we can’t change the past.” He took a shot. “I was in good hands, at least.”

That made her smile. With a soft chuckle, Motoko lifted a shot and held it up for him. A simple toast gesture.

“To?” Togusa asked, raising his glass to her own.

She seemed to think on it a moment. The bar tender having left them to their own privacy to cleanse the tables behind them. Again, they didn’t really need cleansing.

“To…new beginnings.” A smile erupted on both their faces, eyes meeting the others just as they touched glasses, and downed their drinks.

A few minutes of silence passed. Either thinking of what to say now. It usually wasn’t this difficult to devise some conversation. And it wasn’t as if the other presence in the room was a bother to them. Motoko’s soft features were set in a peaceful smile, Togusa noted. A look he had missed all too much. There were times, when they were working a case, that he needed to see this side of her. It was something that his sanity depended on. Hours at a time during a stake out, she was what got him through. One smile from her and he could take on anything. Or so, that’s how he felt.

Turning his eyes down towards his empty shot-glass, dark orbs found the translucent object mesmerizing. Only for the simple fact that he could feel her next to him. Too long, had they been apart.

“A lot has happened… since you left.” His words flooded over her, causing the smile on her face to slim down. Her lips pulled in a firm thin line, eyebrows narrowing. They delayed this conversation enough.

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Well… As you know. I was promoted. The Chief wanted Batou… but he was too busy preoccupied with the fact that you had to come back. I never knew that… being the leader would take so much responsibility.”

“Hum.” Motoko smiled a bit at that, leaning back slightly as she glanced over at him. “What did you expect then? A boring desk job, with more than enough papers to fill out?”

“Hm. No, not at all.” He grinned. “I just thought… I don’t know. You always made it look so easy. I guess, in the end, I realized just why I took the job, and didn’t complain when…” His eyes narrowed. He never talked about this. Not with anyone. It wasn’t something he found joy in discussing. For one, it meant a failure on his part. Even though everyone makes mistakes, Togusa didn’t want to be the one who made this one. Even if the cause was something so precious to him. After a few minutes of silence, Motoko inhaled a deep breath of air before taking a slight risk, and reaching over to place her hand over his own. She could tell just by the look in his eyes that what he was telling her was something very close to his heart. Something he trusted her enough with knowing.

Her firm squeeze seemed to be all he needed, his gaze lifting to her own as he intertwined their fingers. Neither was sure just why this contact was initiated. But both seemed to feel that it felt right.

“Three months after you left, my wife and I got a divorce.”

The words that came from his mouth shocked her.

“But why? Togusa, what happened?” Concern filled her, her body turning towards his own completely. What could have caused such a separation? Motoko knew how tight Togusa’s family was. For a guy who spent most his time working, his wife sure knew how to be understanding. So just what was it that could have caused things to go so badly?

“Well, Major--”

“How many times do I have to tell you? Its Motoko.”

He flushed.

“Right. Motoko…” For Togusa, this was where it counted. Where it began. He needed for her to hear him, for her to stay here with him. Swallowing all his pride and doubts, Togusa’s grip tightened on her hand. This little gesture only caused the growing anxiety within Motoko. “You see. There’s something I never realized until the day you left. Ever since you recruited me into Section 9, I’ve been grateful. You changed my life. I finally got the chance to do things that would be meaningful not just over a short span of time, but for many years to come. It was thanks to you that I was able to finally see just what I really wanted.”

“My life was without excitement. It lacked a very component I needed. My wife, she couldn’t… things had gotten boring. Dull. It became too much of a routine. One that would only grow more distant. The longer I spent at work, the more our relationship faded. We went from being deeply in love, to being best friends again.”

He paused, his eyes focusing on their joined hands. The violet haired woman sat beside him, listening intently. She could feel a sensation burning in the pit of her stomach. Something that made her anxious beyond belief.

“Before we knew it, we were no longer in love and the only thing keeping us together were our kids. But it wasn’t just the job that drew me from her. It was…you.”

His words shot through her. Harder than anything. Her body froze, eyes gazing at him as he turned his brown hues on her.

“I’m not sure when it happened… But, I fell in love with you, Motoko. And when you left, I… I couldn’t seem to go home anymore. I couldn’t think properly. Every thought was filled with you. I couldn’t get you out of my head. And it only took losing you to realize all this.”

Feelings rushed through her as if she were some kind of emotional void. Cyborg’s weren’t supposed to feel this damn conflicted! She was so happy. So damn happy that he felt the same as she did. Though, she was also sad. Sad that his wife had to go through this because of him. Angry that his kids would forever wonder what was wrong with their parents. Wonder why their father was never around. But then, she was overjoyed that now, she could finally move forward with them without feeling like a home wrecker.

Despite these feelings, she tried to pull her hand away, her eyes falling from his own.

But he wouldn’t allow it.

The two stumbled off the barstools, Motoko struggling to get his hand off of her own. Without even realizing what had happened, she found her back pressed against the wall, her hands pinned on either side of her. What was he…

“I’m the one who should be sorry… I should have never let you go!”

“Togusa…” Her voice was a breathy whisper. So husky to his ears that he felt something inside him pull, and then give way. Thanking God for their height difference, Togusa moved in. Using his weight to pin her against the wall, his mouth descended onto hers. Their lips met briefly for a moment, Togusa pulling back to allow Motoko’s shaky breath before he gazed into her eyes for approval. The shining orbs reflected his feelings back, giving him the final push he needed. Undoing their hands, his arms wrapped themselves around her waist, encasing her to his strong chest. Once again, their lips met, longer this time. Her mouth opened, his tongue immediately seeking the entry to connect with her own. Electricity flew through them, lighting up their bodies, and igniting them on fire. Motoko moaned into his mouth, lifting her arms and wrapping them tightly around his neck.

Several minutes later, they pulled apart; panting like rabid animals. Her eyes were lit with a hunger. Something Togusa had never seen before, but liked nonetheless. Their breaths mingled for several minutes before he pulled back a bit more to rest his forehead on her own.

Gods, what a kiss! She didn’t know cyborg’s could get weak in the knees…

“I suppose this is the part where I confess my own undying love for you?” She smirked, earning a grin from him before his lips met her own. And this time she was wholly prepared and accepting. “Mmm, your place or mine?” She muttered upon the small interlude they took to gather air. Togusa could only gaze into her eyes before kissing her again. Oh, they had years and many, many months to make up for.

End Notes: I don’t know if they were a little OOC or not… Wait, actually I guess they would be since they’re together! Ah well, the next chapter is the third and final. Like I said, I might just omit the sex. I could always do a one shot for Togusa/Motoko with the ‘M’ rating. I want to end this fic on a different note than smut. A little suggestive line should do the trick, don’t you think?