Authors Note: I don't own twilight or the songs I used. This is a story I've had stuck in my head,blocking me from my other stories! Review please! Sorry if it wanders,I just kinda wrote as I thought!

I hated being this lonely. Things within my group of friends and family were getting tense and falling apart,or so it seemed. I hated it. Being the youngest,though not by much,I felt like I would really be left out of the loop.

But I guess before I get into how things are now,I should go back and tell you about us and how things used to be.

It all started ten years ago,here in Forks. My family had just moved in to a house on the edge of the forest. My dad,Dr. Carlisle Cullen,was busy unloading boxes and big stuff out of the truck. My big brothers,Edward and Emmett were trying to help dad the best they could,Em only being eight,and Edward seven. Edward's twin,Alice,was busy opening boxes and trying to find a place for everything. Mom always said Alice was a budding designer. Speaking of my mother,Esme Cullen,she was holding me,Carlee. I was almost five,and was recovering from being ill. I had just gotten out of the hospital a day before,and mom was still doting over her little baby.

I had been adopted as an infant. My mom was a teen drug addict,who,after realizing what doing drugs while pregnant can do to a fetus,left me in the hospital. Esme loved me as her own,and I became a Cullen not long after. I was always in and out of the hospital, undergoing treatments and the like. My heart suffered the most,I had to do a lot to regulate my heartbeat. This latest time before the move,I had gotten too excited and my heart went berserk. She didn't want to put me down until I had a place to rest.

"Mom,my room is ready,she can stay in there. Dad's having a little trouble getting her stuff in her room." Edward and I are very close. He was usually there all night when I would go in for any treatment at the hospital.

Mom nodded,and put me down. I walked over and grabbed Ed's hand as he walked me up to his room. It was very him. The walls were a light blue,and his bed was in the corner. He had asked dad for a loft bed,and I hadn't understood til now. His bed was up in the air,with his computer being set up below.

"I can't climb up there,Eddie." I pointed it out to him. He smiled his crooked smile at me,and shook his head. He lifted me up in the air and put me on the bed himself. Apparently to seven year olds,it wasn't that high.

"Nap time,C." I nodded back at him,I was literally worn out. He pulled his flannel quilt over me and tousled my hair.

"See ya later." He left the door ajar,and I fell asleep quickly.

I woke up two hours later when mom came to get me.

"I was hoping you'd be up. There's some kids downstairs,wanna go play?" I smiled,holding my hands out for her to help me down. I was downstairs in a flash,hoping to meet another girl. Ed and Em were great,but they were boys,which meant they were a pain in the butt.

At the landing,I saw who mom was talking about. Three new kids,two girls and another boy. I tread softly the rest of the way,somehow shy now. One of the new girls saw me,and came over,trying not to scare me.

"I'm Bella. Wanna play catch with me?" I nodded,and she held my hand to help me down the last few steps. I learned Bella's last name was Swan,and she was six and a half years old. Her birthday was in September,and it was only May. The other two kids were brother and sister. Jasper and Rosalie Hale. They were twins just like Alice and Ed,and both seven. Bella lived across the street,and the Hales lived next to her. Sweet! We had friends within a couple of hours. Bella and I were playing catch,and I looked over to the grown ups. Mom and dad were talking with who I guessed were the other parents. I could see a blonde couple,who I guessed were Rose and Jasper's mom and dad,since Rose looked so much like the woman. I saw Bella's dad,but didn't see her mom.

"Bella,where's your mommy?" Bella looked at me,sad,but answered me still.

"In heaven. She was sick and in the hospital a lot." My eyes got wide. I had been in the hospital a lot,and I had been sick. Could I go to heaven too? I didn't want to. I started to cry a little bit,and Edward came over to see why.

"What's the matter,little sister?"

"Am...am..am I going to heaven?" He looked at me confused,and I sighed.

"Bella said her mommy's in heaven because she was sick and in the hospital a lot. I don't wanna go to heaven now! I wanna stay with you!" He scooped me up in his arms to hush me. The parents had come by,and Bella's daddy reached down asking to hold me. I let him,and he held me close to his face. He seemed sweet,smelling of coffee.

"Sweetie pie,Bella's mommy had something called cancer. It made her feel awful,and there was nothing the doctors could do about it. God let her go to heaven so she could feel better and watch over Bella,making sure she stays safe." I nodded,and hugged her daddy.

"Thank you." We smiled at each other as he set me down....

After that day,our families were together all the time. We all went to the same school,Forks Elementary,Spartan Junior High,and now Forks High. Emmett had graduated,and went off to Washington State University. He came home most every weekend,almost begging for mom's cooking. Bella,Alice,Ed,Jasper,and Rosalie were all seniors this year. Edward and Bella were going to Washington State too,Ed for medicine and Bella for Lit. She and Edward had been dating for about three years now. Rose and Emmett started dating not long after,she was going to a mechanics college not too far from State. The only people that were keeping their plans secret,at least from me,were Alice and Jasper. Alice always told me about how she wanted to go to FIDM to study fashion design. Jasper,I thought,wanted to be a history major. I hoped they just stayed close.

Even though they were seniors and I was only a sophomore,we still had lunch together. I blew in from my geometry class,the one I hated the most,and found Alice and Jasper talking at the table. It was about a week til they graduated,and they had become very distant and quiet.

"When can we tell them?" I heard Alice ask. I was about to leave them alone to talk when she saw me and waved.

"How was math,kid?" I put my head down on the table. I didn't want her to know I was almost about to fail the class for the year. I couldn't help it. I was dyslexic in math. The teacher called it dyscalculia.

"I'll help you after school,sweets." Jasper,always there to save the day. I left my head on the table as I heard Bella and Edward come in from their English class.

"Feelin' okay,C?" He ran his hand across the back of my neck feeling for a temperature.

"Geometry." I muttered,and Bella chuckled.

"I know the feeling. You hungry?" I shook my head,but knowing my brother,he'd give her the money to get my usual. I needed to keep my electrolytes up,so it was usually a Gatorade and then something to eat. Sure enough,minutes later the sports bottle appeared next to a slice of pizza. I pulled my Ipod out of my jacket pocket to see what I could listen to. I didn't like to hear them talk about graduating. They'd always been here,with me,and they were leaving. Plus,I needed a song for creative writing. We were supposed to write a story using a song. Song-fic,she called it. I felt overwhelmed. I had a lot of music to choose from. Shuffle....shuffle...shuffle...and then it came on. I knew this would be the perfect song. It was a song by Evan and Jaron. Not only would it work for class,it mirrored my feelings right now.

The name of it was "The Distance."

The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to gray
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you're comin' back

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm callin your name

But I can't take the distance

I still believe my feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm callin your name

I brave fire and I brave rain
To be by your side I'd do anything
I can't take the distance

I will go the distance
I will go the miles
That's how much you mean to me

'Cause I can't take the distance
I can't take these miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take I'm calling your name
I can't take the distance

It's hard to remember
As long as you're away
When I find solace
There's only one way

I sometimes thought the distance would be too much,even though it was just a few hours away. Emmett was almost home all the time.

"Hey guys..." Jasper started,pretty sheepish.

"Tonight,we gotta meet up,all the families. I got an announcement to make." I don't know who else noticed,but Alice's eyes were on the floor. She didn't like this announcement,whatever it was.

We nodded,as the bell rang,and we headed out to our classes. After school,I rode home with Bella and Edward,going upstairs to nap. I couldn't sleep lately,and these little cat naps were the only thing keeping me sane.

It was around seven when Bella and Charlie came in,I could smell Charlie's chili. About fifteen minutes later came Jasper,Rose,and their mom and dad. Emmett was home for once,his finals were over. I came downstairs to find everyone milling around the living room.

"Hey squirt!" Charlie hugged me. He always told me I felt like a daughter to him,like Bella had a little sister. I hugged him as we sat down to dinner.

"So Jasper,why the impromptu dinner?" His mom asked,looking a little tense.

"Well,this isn't exactly easy to say... but I want to join the Army. I wanna go fight." The room fell eerily silent. His parents looked on the verge of tears. When Alice bolted out of the room,Rose followed,and I knew then that dinner had ended. I whispered to mom and dad I was going to band practice,something to clear my head. My friends and I had started the band Secret Heartache about two years back. We didn't have a set genre,just played what came to us.

I was alone in the garage,my mind still whirling about Jasper. I found my notebook and started to write. It came out very angry,very upset at the world.

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited as my times elapsed
Now all I do is live with so much fate

I wished for this, I bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact
You cannot kill what you did not create

I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise

I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it

Put me back together or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the pieces
Then you can leave me alone

Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I've found out the hard way
Nothing is what it seems

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it

All I've got, all I've got is insane
All I've got, all I've got is insane
All I've got, all I've got is insane
All I've got, all I've got is insane

All I've got, all I've got is insane
All I've got, all I've got is insane

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it

All I've got, all I've got is insane
All I've got, all I've got is insane
All I've got, all I've got is insane
All I've got, all I've got is insane

The band never showed that night. I told them not to. I practiced this song a million times in my head before I went home. I noticed the light on in Ed's room.

"Hey,you. Feel better?"

I shrugged. I told him how "practice" went.

"Can I see it?" I shook my head at him.

"Not til it's done. I wanna get the drum beats down." That's who I was. Co-songwriter and drummer.

"I'm gonna miss him,Eddie." He brushed my hair around my ear.

"I know,C." What else could he really say? I laid there next to him and fell asleep. I felt him cover me up and turn out the light.

What was I gonna do without them?

Songs used: Evan and Jaron's "The Distance" and Slipknot's "Duality"